Wrote this while drunk…

Well at least I assume I was drunk when I wrote it because I don’t remember writing in…I just kind of found it on my computer a couple days ago when I opened up word and saw it as one of the previously opened documents…enjoy…oh, and it is kind of long just to warn ya…so um…yeah…

HAHAHAHA
February 01, 2002

I want to die tonight
And I know that it�s the truth
It�s time to end it all
Any way I choose

Life is not worth living
When you are alone
When you have no one to turn to
And you have no home

So again I take a little more
Of my soul away
And to be killed again
Is for what I pray

I do not want to live
Another second today
I will kill myself
I will find a way

Everyone passes me by
Everyone turns on me
Everyone goes away
And leaves me to bleed

From a wound deep within
That no one knows
A wound of the heart
That always grows

Grows larger and deeper
With every passing breath
More controlling and probing
As it becomes greater in depths

Hell is here I fear
And there is nothing to do
I�m alone as always
I see the truth

No one is meant
For a drunken wretch like me
No one will ever
See in me

The person they want
To spend their life with
The person they will
Unrelentingly give

Their very life to protect
And their soul to become
More than mere lovers
But two people in one

This is not meant for me
I�m left here to die
Let the world live around me
As alone I cry

You care not for me
As everyone else
You pretend to care
But it is false

You want nothing from me
But to do what you bid
And your true feelings
You have always hid

You hate me
You loathe who I am
To disguise this lie
You do all you can

But I see through your charade
Your cheep forgery
Of the so called feelings
You have for me

I no longer care
For anyone or anything
So let God rejoice
And let the angles sing

I�ve accepted my fate
And none too soon
For I now know
That no flowers bloom

In my life
Or on this day
I have seen
My very grave

And now I know
Just who I am
And where I fit
In God�s plan

Which is nothing to no one
And nowhere at all
For everything I must beg
And to everywhere I must crawl

Everyone will look down on
Me and who I am
Being led to the slaughter
I am but a mere lamb

So to hell with this world
That makes me its toy
To hell with this life
That has no joy

To hell with everyone
For whom I have cared
Because I am there for them
But to them I am but air

What they need to survive
But what they don�t think about
What they inhale to live
And couldn�t be here without

So alone I will stay
Because I have no choice
No matter how loud I yell
No one hears my voice

I won�t kill myself
No, that�s the easy way out
I need to go through far grater torment
Of that, there is no doubt

So instead I will press on
And be walked upon
Till the day I am finally dead
And in the ground I am gone

That will be my salvation
That will be my rest
That will be what is for me
The very best

But one thought remains
It still lingers on
�Does no one really care?�
�IS there actually a reason to press on?�

If that reason is there
I hope she shows herself soon
Or I will no longer care
And love will be doomed

So if she cares
Let her tell me now
I don�t care what she does
For it matters not how

Just that I know
That someone cares for me
That�s all I ask
THAT is all I need