a few "poems" i made…

forever sorry
all of those times
all slipped
when i could’ve had you
how could i just let you leave
when did i become so slow to catch you
how come i didn’t run to catch you
why didn’t i run?
i think about everyday
i think of those times where you were with me
how could…
how… could i have let such a mistake take place?
forever i will carry this burden
and forever i’ll be sorry

the world
what’s wrong with this world?
all the time it’s drugs and gangs
where did this world go?
these kids grow up selling drugs
they don’t know though
all it is for survival
this world is slowly rotting
with corruption and greed
what has this world come to?
so many questions of the world come to mind…
but none can be answered
this world has gone to hell…

Man that’s some deep stuff. I used to write poems like that, but I haven’t been able to lately, you might call it writers block. I just thought I’d tell you how cool I thought they were. You maybe won’t bother reading this but if you do it might sound corny but I feel your pain. =)

Man that’s some deep stuff. I used to write poems like that, but I haven’t been able to lately, you might call it writers block. I just thought I’d tell you how cool I thought they were. You maybe won’t bother reading this but if you do it might sound corny but I feel your pain. =)
Finally someone replied to this thread (-_-) but thank you for your feedback.

The 2nd one is weird. It seems that you are trying to have a point come across (ie. world has gone to shit), but you just throw in random stuff (ie. kids sell drugs). It just doesn’t seem to connect or flow, or follow any sort of logical pattern.

You’re right the second one doesn’t flow as well, but I thought the point was pretty clear, But you’d lose yourself in the first one. I really like the first one. As for replying to the thread I look at all the new untouched threads (to an extent) =)

The 2nd one is weird. It seems that you are trying to have a point come across (ie. world has gone to shit), but you just throw in random stuff (ie. kids sell drugs). It just doesn’t seem to connect or flow, or follow any sort of logical pattern.
Yeah I know it was just random crap put together to make one huge random crap.

I’ve got bigger random craps at home. More of ’em too.

Man that’s some deep stuff. I used to write poems like that, but I haven’t been able to lately, you might call it writers block. I just thought I’d tell you how cool I thought they were. You maybe won’t bother reading this but if you do it might sound corny but I feel your pain. =)

Man, really, that was good. I have to agree with the one I am quoting here.

MY 600th POST!!!

I really like the first one its really deep. *wipes a tear away*.

"what’s wrong with this world?"

Now that’s scary because when I was about to write a poem, that was the exact same line that I started with. Hmph – you must be a ghost.

Man you see, there are more poems in your head, there have to be post them here, in this forum, I’ll read them.

I might post one or two of mine here someday. Would you read them though, huh.

I would read them. I love poems.

I would read them. I love bad poems.
There, fixed it.

I wouldn’t call my poems bad I’d just call them too random Haha. I’ll post some here when I get the time maybe tomorrow if I remember.

ok um.. your first one hmm it is ok nothing about it that jumps out at me, i think that u should work on the flow and wording a bit, your second one, it is more of your thoughts on something then a poem to me, u dont really use any literary tools, it kinda sounds to like a convo u had with your friend or something, but that is my opinion

forever sorry
all of those times
all slipped
when i could’ve had you
how could i just let you leave
when did i become so slow to catch you
how come i didn’t run to catch you
why didn’t i run?
i think about everyday
i think of those times where you were with me
how could…
how… could i have let such a mistake take place?
forever i will carry this burden
and forever i’ll be sorry

the world
what’s wrong with this world?
all the time it’s drugs and gangs
where did this world go?
these kids grow up selling drugs
they don’t know though
all it is for survival
this world is slowly rotting
with corruption and greed
what has this world come to?
so many questions of the world come to mind…
but none can be answered
this world has gone to hell…
man thats really good, make more =)