Yes, it's that time of year again. The sun is beating down on everything capable of wishing it would fuck off already and the Answer Man is back on the podium to tell you everything you always wanted to know about Final Fantasy, as well as a few things you didn't.

I'm sure most of you probably remember how this works. You ask me all those weird little questions that have been annoying you for God knows how long and I give you the answers.

The rules are simple. One question per day. Don't repeat questions. Don't question my all-knowingness. Break the rules and you will be mocked.

How does the FF XII plot coincide with the current geopolitical conditions we see in our world?

How does the FF XII plot coincide with the current geopolitical conditions we see in our world?

Sometimes a stone is just an ordinary meaningless stone. And a statement of the inherent fascist tendencies of of the fast food industry using metaphors of magic, heroism, and the conquest of entire nations is just an ordinary meaningless statement of the inherent fascist tendencies of of the fast food industry using metaphors of magic, heroism, and the conquest of entire nations.

Once you understand that, you can easily see that the only link is that the game ripped off Star Wars.

What came first. The sky pirate or the judge.

I want to know your interpretations of the Job or Class systems of FF. Do you feel that there is a hierarchy and can be seen as a symbol of the creators' political agenda?

What kind of gel do the FF characters use to make their hair stick up in such funny looking ways?

Sometimes a stone is just an ordinary meaningless stone. And a statement of the inherent fascist tendencies of of the fast food industry using metaphors of magic, heroism, and the conquest of entire nations is just an ordinary meaningless statement of the inherent fascist tendencies of of the fast food industry using metaphors of magic, heroism, and the conquest of entire nations.

Once you understand that, you can easily see that the only link is that the game ripped off Star Wars.
LAWL

What came first. The sky pirate or the judge.

The judge, because the bastard wouldn't give the sky pirate a reach-around.


I want to know your interpretations of the Job or Class systems of FF. Do you feel that there is a hierarchy and can be seen as a symbol of the creators' political agenda?

But of course. It's quite obvious that the creators are a bunch of socialists. Look at the heroes first. They're typically empowered ne'er-do-wells with emotional issues who are easily controlled by manipulative forces, i.e. the party. The poverty and death of Aeris (an independent medical practitioner) is clearly a statement in favor of socialized medicine. Tidus' quick acceptance of the fact that he'll have to sacrifice himself for the sake of the fayth (AKA the party) is a message that loyalty to the government should take priority over all other obligations.

Pretty sinister, eh?


What kind of gel do the FF characters use to make their hair stick up in such funny looking ways?

That question is most easily answered by watching There's Something About Mary.

That question is most easily answered by watching There's Something About Mary.

Brilliance :laugh:

Yay, its this time of year again!:-D

So, why all ff characters (with a few excaptions) have the hobby to wear the same clothes throughtout the game, and why the clothes themselves have the hobby not to get dirty?:eye:

did Tifa get a breast reduction between the events of Meteorfall and Advent Children? because i swear they are smaller in AV

If all the characters from every final fantasy game ever teamed up, would they stand an inkling of a chance against the immaculate combination of Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer?

If every FF protagonist decided to take up paper routes, who would deliver the most papers?

So, why do all ff characters (with a few exceptions) have the hobby to wear the same clothes throughout the game, and why do the clothes themselves have the hobby not to get dirty?:eye:

This is two questions, but I'll be nice and answer the first instead of ridiculing you for it. Also, I fixed your spelling and grammar a bit because it bugged me.

The answer to your question is explained by a simple marketing concept. Most Final fantasy fans are male. Most of them are dirty, unwashed savaged. Having the characters never change clothes makes them more endearing to the pathetic masses through their similarity to them.

The fact that the characters actually change their clothes is the main reason for FFX-2 being called excessively girly.


did Tifa get a breast reduction between the events of Meteorfall and Advent Children? because i swear they are smaller in AV

The answer is no. Everything else was just made bigger. Except her brain. That remains non-existent.


If all the characters from every final fantasy game ever teamed up, would they stand an inkling of a chance against the immaculate combination of Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer?

No contest. Mog wins easily. All the other Final Fantasy characters are killed by the force of his presence alone.


If every FF protagonist decided to take up paper routes, who would deliver the most papers?

Yuna. After all the other odd jobs she pulled off in X-2, she has a huge advantage over the whiny emo heroes who have a hard time dragging themselves out of bed if there isn't a Malboro nearby.

That question is most easily answered by watching There's Something About Mary.

http://www.imdb.com/gallery/ss/0129387/Ss/0129387/024543034230_z_thericau.jpg.html?hint=group

I see...

Also why is it called Final Fantasy? I think they should say "Final Final Final Final Fantasy" for FF4.

I see...

Also why is it called Final Fantasy? I think they should say "Final Final Final Final Fantasy" for FF4.

Looks like someone didn't get the joke.

It is called Final Fantasy because it was named by an obnoxious attention-seeking cunt who wanted to whine about the fact that his company was going under by advertising the fact in the name of a game.

Who would win, a cauctar or a moogle?

Looks like someone didn't get the joke.

It is called Final Fantasy because it was named by an obnoxious attention-seeking cunt who wanted to whine about the fact that his company was going under by advertising the fact in the name of a game.

ur really clever, or im very unobservant
-Captain Obvious

why is Ozma a bitch to beat unless you are very lucky

...

It is called Final Fantasy because it was named by an obnoxious attention-seeking cunt who wanted to whine about the fact that his company was going under by advertising the fact in the name of a game.
So true.

Does a Shoopuf wear shoes? And if so what brand would they be?

So true.


Oh, do you actually know the guy to agree to these claims?

No?


That's what I thought.

If their so strong then why can't the bad guys win for a change?

Lame questions. Bored. Thread over.

which final fantasy charecter would reach the top of stage 4 first

Just for the record, that one was interesting enough that I was almost tempted to answer it anyway. Almost. But thread still over.

On second thought, I'm handing over the reins to someone else. Have fun with it, PC.

Prak is a quitter and a jerk, so he asked me to answer your queries.


If their so strong then why can't the bad guys win for a change?

Lovecrat told tales of Azathoth, the Blind Idiot God, the Nuclear Chaos, that resided in the center of the universe and was served by a pantheon of lesser beings. Such a creature exists, but its name is not Azathoth. It is, in fact, Centurina, the Goddess of Perpetual and Correct Narration.

With every idea given shape, Centurina ensures the so-called bad guys never achieve their complete goals, no matter how strong they appear to be. In return for forfeiting, the villains are given form and are transported to Centurina's pantheon, where they always win and the beer is always cold.


which final fantasy charecter would reach the top of stage 4 first

They wouldn't bother, not when they can attempt to reach stage 6. Reformulate the question if you wish.

no one would go for stage six, you get total victory after stage four... silly

Why didn't Zell just give Squall a bj in the first place?

no one would go for stage six, you get total victory after stage four... silly

That's not a question but I'll answer it anyway.

You are, of course, aware of the saying "No matter how good you are, there will always be someone better." The apparent absence of of a stage higher than four is a test to the conformist gamer.

Look well, questing player.


Why didn't Zell just give Squall a bj in the first place?

Annie Proulx was still a relatively unknown author in the FFVIII world in 1999 and Ang Lee still hadn't made a film about it.

So which came first, the chocobo or the egg?

Another question, if there were a Final Fantasy version of the movie Crank, what the character have to use to jack himself up on a constant basis. And while we're on the subject, which FF character could you most relate to Jason Statham.

*edit* THERE WERE MORE OF THESE!?

Whoa there, Silver that's three questions. I'll answer them all because I am a magnanimous entity.


So which came first, the chocobo or the egg?

The chocobo. It's a mostly unknown fact that in the end of the universe as we know it, there exists a creature so awesome that even the most complete vocabulary, containing thousands and thousands of synonyms for the word awesome, cannot even begin to describe how awesome this creature really is.

It's called the Slim Chocobo and was the first poultry to achieve sentience, through means unknown. Probably evolved from a space trilobite, as we humans evolved from the first sea creatures, or (as a rather amusingly imaginative school of thought would have us believe) from the loins of a woman created from the ribs of a man.


Another question, if there were a Final Fantasy version of the movie Crank, what the character have to use to jack himself up on a constant basis.

Rat's Tail fermented with a smidgen of Potion and mixed in a bowl with Remedy.


And while we're on the subject, which FF character could you most relate to Jason Statham.

Videogames, as we all know, are the bottom of the bottom when it comes to entertainment, with gamers currently ranking between the filth lodged in a rat's teeth and the contents of a dumpster outside of an abortion clinic during "It's Kill your Fetus Day". As such, comparison is impossible.

I'll say this though: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels was a damn good movie.

Why are bagels so deliciously delicious?

Why can't I catch a Darkrai in Final Fantasy V?

Why do I like men?

FF questions only, without any pokemons in it, thanks.

why does sephiroth have silver hair?

Sephiroth's supernova spell destroys Pluto, Saturn, Jupiter, Mercury, venus, and even set off a fission reaction on the sun causing it to swell up and ultimately strikes (Earth?). So how the hell was m.r spikey hair and friends able to survive a blast from the friggin sun,
what are they godlike?

why does sephiroth have silver hair?

Sephiroth was originally red-headed. It would seem Hojo had a thing for ginger because he engineered Seph to be one. A few years after birth though, lil' Seph got lost in the "Shop or Die" market warehouses and wandered into the home cleaning department, specifically the bleach section.


Sephiroth's supernova spell destroys Pluto, Saturn, Jupiter, Mercury, venus, and even set off a fission reaction on the sun causing it to swell up and ultimately strikes (Earth?). So how the hell was m.r spikey hair and friends able to survive a blast from the friggin sun,
what are they godlike?

Hardly. One could enumerate the hundreds of reasons as to why Cloud and co. could have possibly survive the repeated expansion of the sun and consequential explosion. I have already mentioned Centurina, Goddess of Perpetual and Correct Narration. You could also say it was pure luck or just a different way for the law of statistics to work, given FFVII world is not our own, hence it does not follow all the same rules.

As for me, I say a wizard did it.

Why does Adea have a shell on the side of her head.

does barry manilow know that you raid his wardrobe

Why does Adea have a shell on the side of her head.

Matron, AKA Edea Kramer, was not a well-developed character in FFVIII, which explains why so many players are curious about her.

Before marrying Cid and devoting her life to a goal that would most likely get her killed by the very same people she cared for just for the sake of being a martyr, Edea was half-woman, half-fish, or a mermaid. It wouldn't do to be half-bird, I mean, c'mon, feathers are itchy as hell.

Anywho, one day she took a wrong turn at the Mulholland Tide and ended up on the shores of Centra, where she met PuPu, the cute little alien, who helped her breathe the surface air. Unfortunately, being the clumsy oaf that he is, PuPu botched it up and Edea ended up looking like a human, but without our kickass lungs. She had to make do with a shell like ornament on her head.


does barry manilow know that you raid his wardrobe

Oh 1338, 1338, if you can't read, please get out of the thread.

Oh 1338, 1338, if you can't read, please get out of the thread.



1138... thats the pot calling the kettle black... if you cant read get out of the thread....


why did FFIXhave the only thing i dislike about it: why did they have to block access to some of the cooler places of the game w./ roots from the Iifa Tree??(ex: esto gaza, conde petie, oilevert...etc...)

is kind of dumb question, i know....

why did FFIXhave the only thing i dislike about it: why did they have to block access to some of the cooler places of the game w./ roots from the Iifa Tree??(ex: esto gaza, conde petie, oilevert...etc...)


Well, 1338, it's like this: back in '99, '00, Sakaguchi, still hyped up on FFVII's massive success and delusional in thinking VIII had a good plot, realized he had to release yet another installment of the paradoxically-named series "Final Fantasy".

But this time, his wife demanded that vacation they were supposed to have taken years ago, and that her mother wouldn't live forever (which Sakaguchi ensured with the help of a kabuki dancer who takes his job way too seriously) and made him leave IX's development with a secondary team. This team, young and eager, made the best damn game they could, with loving, although not all very well developed, characters and a simple, yet decent story.

Unfortunately, by the time they were finishing, Sakaguchi returned just in time to tell them that, in the 4th disc, several locations the players might have been interested in should be closed off forever, as he had done with VIII and God help him if that didn't kick ass.

The young team, their hopes and dreams slightly crushed, complied and were never heard from again.

Is that actually true??!!!??

Everything I say is true.

Well, 1338, it's like this: back in '99, '00, Sakaguchi, still hyped up on FFVII's massive success and delusional in thinking VIII had a good plot, realized he had to release yet another installment of the paradoxically-named series "Final Fantasy".

But this time, his wife demanded that vacation they were supposed to have taken years ago, and that her mother wouldn't live forever (which Sakaguchi ensured with the help of a kabuki dancer who takes his job way too seriously) and made him leave IX's development with a secondary team. This team, young and eager, made the best damn game they could, with loving, although not all very well developed, characters and a simple, yet decent story.

Unfortunately, by the time they were finishing, Sakaguchi returned just in time to tell them that, in the 4th disc, several locations the players might have been interested in should be closed off forever, as he had done with VIII and God help him if that didn't kick ass.

The young team, their hopes and dreams slightly crushed, complied and were never heard from again.


Portuguese Colossus > Prak at being "The Ever-Amazing Final Fantasy Answer Man"


Why was the suicide rate so high in FF4?

Everything I say is true.

Im impressed of your knowledge!

Portuguese Colossus, you are a true hero. lol

its 1138...fucker...though your expansive knowledge is better than prak's

Im impressed of your knowledge!

Thank you, I work hard for it.


Portuguese Colossus, you are a true hero. lol

I settle for being a damn good sidekick, but thank you for that lovely sentiment.


its 1138...fucker...though your expansive knowledge is better than prak's

Ah dear 1338, your words touch both my hearts.


Portuguese Colossus > Prak at being "The Ever-Amazing Final Fantasy Answer Man"

I loathe Prak with every drop of hate in my body and what you say means a lot to me.


Why was the suicide rate so high in FF4?

Are you aware of the origin of the phrase "jump the shark"? This expression means a long-running tv series, show, videogame series and assorted's entertainment value is decreasing with each new installment. The expression originated after a certain episode of "Happy Days" in which the Fonz jumped over a shark, in a show that was in decline.

After three games, Square was running out of ideas for their trophy title until a certain, bright and lowly accountant suggested (through the manipulation of various tax return forms and threat of bankruptcy if he was not heard) that they kill off 95% of the cast of the then-new FFIV for the sake of shock-value, thus spreading the word about the games and increase sales.

It was accepted but after footage of Rosa being horribly and painfully mangled and disemboweled by a Forest Imp was leaked and reached the hands of a soccer mom, the idea was scratched. CRANKY(Citizens Raging Against Numerous Killings of Youths) was on the case.

To sidestep the CRANKY members, a commission was formed, headed by Sakaguchi who suggested they lower the percentage of people killed in the game and change a plot point that would involve Cecil, a Paladin becoming a Dark Knight, to instead have Cecil, a Dark Knight, become a Paladin.

With that last decision, racist moms and CRANKY members everywhere were appeased and the game was released without any further problems.

Oh this thread might actually have some promise now. PC > Arrogant Jerk.

When the Yevon dudes throw you in the Via Purificio in X, why do they let you have your weapons so you can fight your way out?

What kind of gel do the FF characters use to make their hair stick up in such funny looking ways?

i think they use hair paste and you pull it through your hair while using a hair dryer to dry it in place.

that will make it look shaped and soft as well.

hair spray is pretty good. gel is not so good because it makes your hair look punky and stiff. they don't have that style.

http://www.latest-hairstyles.com/cultural/japanese.html

http://kotaku.com/gaming/notag/yuna-gets-her-hair-done-too-263960.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ea1WsuuArOQ




-

haha

PC, Kakarot thinks I'm an arrogant jerk and you're not. Talk about someone in for a rude awakening. Then again, cunts like him deserve it.

Oh this thread might actually have some promise now. PC > Arrogant Jerk.

To be fair, Mississippian, Kakarot hasn't done anything to upset me but I do agree he ought to know me better before assuming I can't be an asshole like everyone's mother-in-law. That's just rude. By the way, PC is only for friends, Kakarot. If you use it, you're a douche, but I'm ok with that. On to the question.


When the Yevon dudes throw you in the Via Purificio in X, why do they let you have your weapons so you can fight your way out?

Via Purifico is Spiran for "Death Trap". I'll assume you are familiar with the movie "Life of Brian"? If you are not, I advise you to be as soon as possible.

Players never actually see the party arriving at the Via Purifico, do they? No, because they never did. While on their way through the maze that is the Bevelle temple, without an escort I might add, because Mika didn't think they needed one, they arrived at a junction with a single guard. We all know single guards at junctions are never the brightest bulb in the Polack's hand, and so did Yuna.

When asked their destination, Yuna looked up and saw two signs. She then replied with "Via Porfirico", meaning "Way of Cleansing". That is to say, the baths.

The guard allowed them in and Yuna thanked all the lonely nights spent watching Eric Idle saying Romans have no sense of humour.

Ah dear 1338, your words touch both my hearts.




Are you aware of the origin of the phrase "jump the shark"? This expression means a long-running tv series, show, videogame series and assorted's entertainment value is decreasing with each new installment. The expression originated after a certain episode of "Happy Days" in which the Fonz jumped over a shark, in a show that was in decline.

After three games, Square was running out of ideas for their trophy title until a certain, bright and lowly accountant suggested (through the manipulation of various tax return forms and threat of bankruptcy if he was not heard) that they kill off 95% of the cast of the then-new FFIV for the sake of shock-value, thus spreading the word about the games and increase sales.

It was accepted but after footage of Rosa being horribly and painfully mangled and disemboweled by a Forest Imp was leaked and reached the hands of a soccer mom, the idea was scratched. CRANKY(Citizens Raging Against Numerous Killings of Youths) was on the case.

To sidestep the CRANKY members, a commission was formed, headed by Sakaguchi who suggested they lower the percentage of people killed in the game and change a plot point that would involve Cecil, a Paladin becoming a Dark Knight, to instead have Cecil, a Dark Knight, become a Paladin.

With that last decision, racist moms and CRANKY members everywhere were appeased and the game was released without any further problems.


how do you have 2 hearts?

and to quote the moogle in Qu's Marsh in FFIX for the last part:

"Gee, Big Bro. you sure do know a lot!"

haha

PC, Kakarot thinks I'm an arrogant jerk and you're not. Talk about someone in for a rude awakening. Then again, cunts like him deserve it.

I love you too Prak. FYI, I was referring to the manner in which you two took on the role of the answer man. You made it to get a cheap laugh because nobody is as "insightful" and "intelligent" as you, whereas PC has, unlike you, tried to amuse someone other than him/herself.

Oh, you misunderstood then. I originally started doing these to make fun of the idiots we'd get every now and then who would come in, declare themselves to be a great expert on the games, and say that everyone should come to them whenever they need help.

These days, it's more of an obligatory thing, which is why I passed the torch to someone more interested in it than me.

Incidentally, who are you anyway?

Fair enough. I should have worked it out from the "4th Annual" part :-X

Who am I? Just some random.

Oh, you misunderstood then. I originally started doing these to make fun of the idiots we'd get every now and then who would come in, declare themselves to be a great expert on the games, and say that everyone should come to them whenever they need help.

These days, it's more of an obligatory thing, which is why I passed the torch to someone more interested in it than me.

Incidentally, who are you anyway?

I liked your answers better� they just made more sense! Have you thought of Larry King Live? I'm sure you got the memo�

I have to go� "I have to return some video tapes."

Is Vincent Valentine turkish????im guessing that he isnt but i want to be sure

Is Vincent Valentine turkish????im guessing that he isnt but i want to be sure

Skin colour and name notwithstanding, Vincent Valentine is of Babylonian descent. An Iraqi, you might say.

It's a relatively unknown fact Sakaguchi is a History major. When he realized there was no money to be made there, he went into the gaming industry. For Final Fantasy VII, he decided to introduce a character with ties to his favourite historical character: Hammurabi.

Vincent and his amputated hand were the results of Sakaguchi applying Hammurabi's code (an eye for an eye) to VII's setting. Vincent stole from Hojo, he lost his hand.

The game makes no reference to real-life nationalities, but one can deduce them from the small things. Every character is modeled after someone in History.

sorry...it was humorus but that is a lie...

Believe what you will, 1338. I already stated I do not lie and since this thread is not a debate one, I will leave it at that and await further questions, if there are any.

idiots we'd get every now and then who would come in, declare themselves to be a great expert on the games, and say that everyone should come to them whenever they need help.

haha, I remember when i was dumb enough to post a thread like that, it was probably my first thread lol I remember it well "FF8 Master." I learned the valuable lesson that you shouldn't be a dumbass unless you are prepared to take it up the butt.



ok here it is: Thread 22827

lol Prak you where the first one to post on it. I felt pretty dumb, which i should have. Agent was actually really nice about it.

Haha, I remember that thread.

You do? Lol I didn't know it was that memorable. I've looked back at it several times to remind my self how much of a noob i was.

Dude, it inspired a wonderful thread written by Prak. One of the greatest threads ever written.

Skin colour and name notwithstanding, Vincent Valentine is of Babylonian descent. An Iraqi, you might say.

It's a relatively unknown fact Sakaguchi is a History major. When he realized there was no money to be made there, he went into the gaming industry. For Final Fantasy VII, he decided to introduce a character with ties to his favourite historical character: Hammurabi.

Vincent and his amputated hand were the results of Sakaguchi applying Hammurabi's code (an eye for an eye) to VII's setting. Vincent stole from Hojo, he lost his hand.

The game makes no reference to real-life nationalities, but one can deduce them from the small things. Every character is modeled after someone in History.

You know nothing! The truth is all Here! (Thread 44007)

true.