So i decided to post…

Yes, finally i got round to put stuff on here, here goes:

"I admit defeat" was heard afar,
From a voice beyond an imposing tower,
Which stood of might and menacing cause,
So great that eyes did stray.

The morning rain fell like the leaves,
Of trees whose seeds had grown and seen,
The fate of men who hath no haven,
Who’ve shriven, sought and are for taken.

That soul which shyed before the crowds,
Once restive in its loss of doubt,
Languished tame of calming breeze,
And below the skies, fell to it’s knees.

"I’ve faulted not" he eyed the ground,
As fuscous clouds formed thick and proud,
About this man who sorely said:
"This does not end when you hath my head".

____________________________________

Trying to stand, but ending up sitting
Feeling the power, but losing a grip
Wanting it all, but failing to grab it
I just don’t get it
They call me apathetic
Why should I waste my time?

Having a piece but letting it go
Breaking my heart, and letting it shatter
Caring less, and it’s getting worse
I just don’t care
They call me apathetic
Why should I waste your time?

Any crit welcome. 🙂

Not bad. Like mentioned before, I’m not good at constructive critisism (SP?), and I’m usually too nice to give destructive critisism. I’m actually just posting here because I want to. And so I did. I ate cake today.

It sounds pretty cool, but I’m not much of a critic either… until it comes to stories… you want T.K, Prak or MMM to see this if you want criticism

They aren’t too bad although they aren’t classics either. Both poems, especially the second, suffer from the breakdown of flow and momentum at points. It isn’t so much poetry as rhyming stories but there’s nothing wrong with that. One thing I found irritable about thee first poem is that after the first verse the rhyming pattern changes, from 1 and 2 to 3 and 4 for the rest of it. Overall, they’re pretty solid without any major flaws but they just lacked emotion and failed, imo, to capsulate the reader.