Should I work on my hook more?

I’m an aspiring writer, and I run a little series called Summoner Rebirth. It takes a little bit of myth and lore from all mediums, from Final Fantasy, to Norse myth, to the Matrix, but above all, it’s a story that’s me.

After all, I’m the main character.

Anyway, reason I’m here is I have a ‘hook’, and I want to know your opinion of it. Should I work on it more, or does it make you want to read more? Too revealing? Gimme a hand.

Lately, I�ve been thinking these strange thoughts� I know we�ve been trying to get home, but it seems all we are truly doing is running for our lives. That�s not to say our running was unjustified. The weight of four planets has crushed down upon our shoulders, and I do not doubt there will be more.

But when I think about how little we truly know, how small we truly are, it fills me with an uncontrollable fear�

My companions who both have and have not remained by my side�

The dark forces of apocalypse which seem bent on destroying everything, even themselves�

The mysterious heroes that have come to our rescue�

The ethereal place created from my heart�

The pendant that swings from my neck, a dull reminder of destiny�

Who holds the answers? Who has the cards? These questions and more have plagued me since this journey began in earnest. Are we nothing more than pawns in a multiversal game? Why were we chosen?

This tale I shall impart to all that will listen� a tale that spans twelve planets, four universes, and the inner being that I am. The story must be told� It must be heard.

I am Summoner Michael� join me in discovering the meaning of Summoner Rebirth.

If my hooked worked, you can find the link in my profile. If not, tell me why not.

(Edit-I always edit for spelling/grammar after I post. Bad habit of mine.)

It wasn’t so much the hook which made me type this reply, but the actual idea that you have through the link in your profile.

I, too, have written stories with humour contained within so obscure that only I and a handful of others would understand it, and only then if they actually ever bothered to sit down and read through it. I, too, saw one of these ideas suddenly take a life of its own and morph from what was meant to be a simple, comedic tale into an adventure of a life-time. I can understand how you feel writing this work, and how you want other people to share the ideas, feelings and emotion you poured into your work.

The hook puts across the magnitude of the scale of the quest – involving more than one planet’s survival, the possibility of treachery within the ranks of good, a hero being pushed into a scenario he does not wish to be in – all good stuff.

The hook is good – trust me, but the site sells your work a hell of a lot more. As soon as I get the chance, I’ll sit down and read what you have to offer. Because what you’ve written on the front page of that site, and here, has me hooked, so to speak.

I thank you for your kind words and your honest opinion. Actually, I didn’t put the link on the post was because it really didn’t seem ‘appropriate’ within the rules. As a writer, I feel the most important part of a tale is connection: being able to connect with the reader and transmit ideas, thoughts, and emotions. Writers are nothing without readers, and I certainly would like to have more readers, in all honesty.

As for the hook itself, I would welcome any second opinion out there. And if anyone else would like to read the stories themselves, you can find them through the link in my profile; as I stated, I don’t think it’s right for me to just show up and put the link here in the post.