Opinions…

Ok, I know no one really enjoys reading what I write, cause well, I don’t really get a while bunch of replies, but I’m kind of looking for some input on two pieces I recently did… So anyway, here they are…

The Untouched and Unknown

I slowly ebb away
Falling from forgotten days
Seeing a life no longer mine
Pass before my eyes

Wondering always
Where lost time has gone
Pondering over what went wrong
Shrinking back to nothingness

For I am trapped
Held hostage by my soul
Needing what is only unknown
Gripping my freedom tight

It is all I have left
For darkness has taken hold
Cased in shadows only I know
The pain is numb

It touches my being
Like drops on the mirror or water
Rippling and flowing, but never knowing
What lies in the center

For a moment
The drops splash
And are taken within the heart
But soon they whisk away

Carried by waves
Aroused the sea of my mind
And again be removed
From what lies within

So let these
Drops of tears and water
Leave from this place
And forever be forgotten

And be as me

Untouched and unknown

Left Behind

I stand alone
Left to be here in the great unknown
Life is gone
And nowhere is left that can be call home

So I press on
Looking for that light that shined so bright
Its been so long
Since I knew the difference of right and wrong

If I move forward
Will what I�ve done be forgotten again?
And if I fall
Will I be right back where I began?

Well I don�t want to think about
What I�ve left behind
And I don�t want to know about
What I�ve been denied
All I want to see
Is where I�m going to be
And all I want to know
Is that I have somewhere to go

When I feel left behind

So here I am
Feeling less a boy but not a man
And there I look
Counting out my days in the sand

I feel the weight
Of a world that doesn�t even know
Who I am
Or what it is I have to show

But it�s ok
Because one day we will all know
Why it is
That everything is needed was never shown

So on we move
In a world that spins too fast
And we try
To hold onto dreams that never seem to last

But I don�t want to think about
What I�ve left behind
And I don�t want to know about
What I�ve been denied
All I want to see
Is where I�m going to be
And all I want to know
Is that I have somewhere to go

When I feel left behind

Ok, I’m not going to go into detail, just really need people’s opinions on these two, like what parts you like and what ones you think don’t work well, and which one you think is better…

WOW! really! I have no words. 😎

they’re beautiful RM ^^;;

I like the subtle rhyming in ‘Left Behind’ and the way ‘The Untouched and the Unknown’ scans … very emotive and thoughtful … I can’t see anything that doesn’t work well

Wow.. I’m speechless. They’re incredibly moving. Lately I’ve been feeling kinda like that, will I like it were I’m going. Will my dreams come true or will my heart be broken again. Now I’m in the mood for writing poetry, well done you crazy monkey you *throws RM a banana* That’s for your troubles 🙂