need some opinions!!!

My friend is writing a really good book that’s about dragons and magic and normal “human being” problems linked together. Since she wanted some opinions I thought I would post it here for you lot to make comments and stuff. She writes a lot about moral versus duty and she adds quite a bit of humour to make up for the very sad sections of this book (and there’s quite a few)

This is the extract:

A dark memory replayed backwards and forwards in his mind and the more eerie phenomenon was that it felt like something wanted him to remember it. Alarmed and with a jolt, Lynx started to walk away. His swift paces speeded up into a jog and then into a rapid run. Getting faster and faster, swifter and swifter, Lynx’s steps broke uneven; his feet started to forget the earth. He thrust himself up into the air with the wind surging past his skin…He widened his arms to sail through the lonely starlight.
Up through the night, Lynx soared the skies with each swoop and each breath being of pure magic.
He dived down lower and lower till he was only a few meters higher than the metallic metropolitan’s illuminating land. He could nearly touch the frosty pavements as he flew in between people like a gust of wind. People from a flowing haze of traffic shouted and waved in wonder. Lynx curiously smiled back to them in equal yet different unique marvel.
Suddenly picking up speed, like a shooting star he hurdled back into the skies looking like a blazing star with a tail made of midnight rainbows. It disappeared in the time and space of the breath it would have taken away. Like pouring rain, gigantic dove white wings streamed out of Lynx as he glided through the skyscrapers dodging them by millimetres.
And then Lynx realised that he was not flying aimlessly. He realised that he had a destination and that destination was to isolation and remoteness. Lynx realised that he was departing; he was going on a journey for peace and serenity. This is the point when Lynx had left the land where people knew him by his name to sink into the mellow twilight.

This is what she would like to say:

‘The extract you just read comes from a pretty bizzare book, (the 5th in a series, I write backwards) called ‘the Master of Enchantment’, which is a fantasy based on reality. It’s a descriptive bit about flying, (you might have noticed) and any useful comments are welcome on it. Feel free to donate me your own descriptive writing words for me to steal to the I’m-on-a-damn-writer’s-block-again- charity.’

What a totally original thread idea!

whoops didn’t know i had done this twice 🙁
soz for the inconvenience