My ff8 fanfic

Well here it is this only chapter 1 but i’ll update it daily .tell me what you think:) 🙂 🙂

The Rose of Odin

Chapter 1:memories

It was a rainy day as Squall was standing on his Dorms balconey getting drenched and staring far into the horizen.Many thoughts were streaming through his head. �Riona� he said quietly.Suddenly he heard a faint knock on his door.Dripping wet he went to answered it. It was selphie jumping up and down �Comeon comeon squall the party is going to start and I�m even playing your favourite song�. �I�m not going� Squall said coldly. �but but�she answered �I SAID IM NOT GOING�! he said very angrily �*sob* fine I�ll*sob,sob* just cross you off the list,I really wanted you to go� . Feeling guilty squall said �ow don�t cry� �no its my fault I knew that you still had greif from rionas������� �Death� squall repiled �How could I have let it happen HOW� �well im not going to cross you off the list but you can come to the party when your ready�*selphie walks off and squall closes the door and goes and sit on the balconey chairs again.* ���������.what happened that day�������..WHAT HAPPENDDDDDDDDDDD� he shouted to the heavens.

*he starts to remember what happend*

*squall and riona were walking through balamb forest *

�hurry up squall you slow poke were going to miss it�said riona �where are you taking me�said squall�
�well legand has it that in a cave there is the most beautiful flower�said riona
�A flower were going deep into the forest for a flower� replied squall
�ah but not just any flower its called the ROSE OF ODIN it is said that anyone who touches it will learn THE DANCE OF ETERNATIY�
�so your saying that when someone touches this flower they will instaly learn a new dance move whats wrong with the moons waltz�
�Just comeon you�ll know what I mean when we get there�said riona
*so they keep walking until they get to a cave*

�the rose is in that cave�said riona*they walk up to it*
�oh look the enternce is blocked by that big rock I guess we�ll have to go
�give me your gun blade�said riona
����.uh I think you�ll have to be more spacific�said squall
�HAHA very funny just give me it� said riona.
Squall gives his gunblade to riona then BANG BANG WACK WACK and she destroys the rock but she also destroys his gunblade.
�MY gunblade� shouted squall.
�you can get another one�said riona and walks in the cave
�suuurreee I�ll get another one I�ll just go stand in a middle of a storm again and wait for another one to fall out the sky� said squall sarcastily and walks in with her. After a few wrong turns and pitfalls they finally find it.
�THERE IT IS THERE IT IS� said riona excitatly.It was the most beautiful rose in the world . The rose was on a pond emmiting a heavenly aura that lit up the cave.

�shall I touch it� she said
�why not it�s the only thing we came for on this bloody walk�said squall
As rionas hand slowly went to touch the rose squall got a funny feeling that told him not to let riona touch the rose but he ignored it. Riona picked up the rose and the aura surronding her.But then the aura started to go red. The ground started to shake.
�Whats happening� said riona.Squall and riona started to lose their balance.The ground opened up and riona fell but clinged on to the edge of the cliff{familer isn�t it} �HELP�Shouted riona. Squall reached his hand to rionas.Riona grabed squalls hand but his glove started to slip and Riona fell.
�NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!� shouted squall.

*the flash back ended*

�I could have saved her� he said quitely looked up at the clouds closed his eyes and let the rain splash on his face. �If only�����������

Nice story, but your poor grammar, spelling, and lack of detail kind of makes it…boring. Not trying to be mean, just speaking my opinion. It’s a great story so far, but, please, atleast include more detail, rather than "He grabbed her hand but it slipped out of his glove and she fell". For example, something like, "With all of his might, Squall grasped Rinoa’s hand firmly, but slowly, she was slipping away. Squall began to lose hope." Something a little like that.

Also, fix up all those Riona’s…her name is "Rinoa"

Originally posted by Garnets Lover
Nice story, but your poor grammar, spelling, and lack of detail kind of makes it…boring. Not trying to be mean, just speaking my opinion. It’s a great story so far, but, please, atleast include more detail, rather than "He grabbed her hand but it slipped out of his glove and she fell". For example, something like, "With all of his might, Squall grasped Rinoa’s hand firmly, but slowly, she was slipping away. Squall began to lose hope." Something a little like that.

Also, fix up all those Riona’s…her name is "Rinoa" hey thanks for the tips i must have been half asleep when i wrote this fanfic.Most of my fanfics are quite good.But anyway i knew it lacked something when i read it for the 10th time.I’ll make sure the next chapters will be WAY better or maybe i’ll rewrite the whole thing. 😀