hi from Tasmania, Australia

I was googling Aron Toman after seeing a mention of his Doctor Who fan audios and he was mentioned in a post on your forums.

I live in Tasmania (the "Apple Isle"), the island state of Australia and i live in a small town in the more rural north of the state.

I have medical difficulties stemming from genetic defects and medical incompetence at my birth. Principally epileptic seizures, but also a nasty genetic defect that causes a boy to strongly resemble a female.

It’s hard to keep a smile on your face in my situation, but i hope to make friendships on your forums

Dear Website Admin,

I’m writing to you today in exuberant response to your recent posting of a job offer for forum moderator. This excites me in places even my significant other usually doesn’t touch. You may experience similar such bodily resonance in accordance with the following information.

For many years, I hung my head low as the quiet kid, the shy kid. You may even say I was weak, or shrimpy. To this, I may just have to agree. You may say it was due to my frail bone structure, my below-average physical fitness, my inability to distinguish basic humour from genuine foolishness, or even my brief stint in fat camp. Once again, it’s difficult for me to successfully lie and say you’re wrong. But my lack of social acceptance and overall verbal inhibitions later went on to blend into a bubbling brew which produced a savage logician and introverted bookworm who is well-versed in classics such as, "Dragonball Z: Volume 5", "The Making of Star Wars: Return of the Jedi", and.. my 2014 school yearbook. I own some more books, too, but I’m saving up my energy to read them just as soon as I catch that damn Mewtwo. I was the first kid in my school to listen to Depeche Mode. I was the first to go to Disney.com–without asking my parents’ permission, at that. I can quote a line or two from obscure books that, when prodded further, turn out to have been required reads for English Lit. I’m also a closeted brony, but this is just between you and me, right admin?

Now, I’ll have you know, I am not "living with my mother". She just happens to spend almost all her time here. I pay all my own bills, own my own car, and as previously stated, have a fianc�. Yeah, we met on a dating site, and she lives 8 towns away from me, and I haven’t told mum yet, but that isn’t important. What matters is, my time spent on the amazing world of the interwebs has led me to an epiphanic discovery that matches the passions I already entertain in my spare time. My father always said, "If you don’t shut your fucking mouth and eat your soup, I swear I’m going to backhand you into next week." I apologise, that was the wrong quote. My gram always said, "Find a job you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life." Yeah, that’s it. I seep with keen interest in taking up the mantel as the interweb’s No. 1 doer of justice when order is swayed. My most recent endeavours to smite internet tomfoolery include ventures such as:

• getting hostile when someone expresses a different opinion than my own
• making vague threats to reinstate my higher power
• blatantly stroking my own ego by turning into a royal douche hole whose keyboard is now his weapon
• banning users when I’m wrong and they’re right and I can no longer save face
• restricting free speech when a great percentage of the site populous are spoiled living in a country that claims to serve up free speech on a silver platter
• kissing ass to get ahead

If any of these sound like the qualities of your ideal forum moderator, then you’ve found your man. Don’t worry about payment up front; I already get allowance from my.. my best friend. You only need to pay me in reputation points, badges and other flashy things that lend themselves to my superior status as a forum moderator. I earnestly look forward to your timely response, and await with gusto my new career soiling my johns and sopping up my own perspiration with a ratty old hanky from the comfort of my unaltered childhood room, now complete with an overpriced Mac computer I begged for so I could create shitty animations for my booming webcomic no one’s ever going to see because it’s just too epic to ever release, so in the meantime I’ll get one foot in the door using a forum for the series my ‘original’ idea stemmed from a fanfic of.

Insincerely,

Scrotumbosom McChucklepants
(+44-1633-555555)