Glory reborn

I created the TBRPG ‘Wrath of the Spirit Kings’ a long time ago, but due to one of the major movers behind it leaving, it kind of died an ignoble death. (A moment of silence in fond remembrance of Susan) I’m not one to let a good story go to waste, so I’ve decided that since it died as a TBRPG, that it will live on as a story. I’m going to try and fit in as many of the characters that were created by other people into the story as I go, but the main point of view will be that of my character. If this goes well, then I may do the same thing with Fahriel.

Anyway, I’m going to just start off with my first post from the TBRPG for now, while I work on later segments of the story.

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Marcus held his hands above his head in exasperation. His master was so disorganized! He rifled through pile upon pile of loose papers on his masters desk. He couldn’t tell what was recent and what wasn’t! His eyes drifted to a particular paper that caught his eye. He shook as he read it. It was a summon from one of the Seven! And it was sent hours ago! Marcus scrambled to his feet from behind the desk, and stumbled to his master’s room. Swinging the door open, he ran to Bolcyn’s bed and grabbed his arm. A few minutes of vigorous shaking brought Bolcyn to a semi-conscious state. Grumbling, he waved his arm in Marcus’ general direction and Marcus shoved the paper into his hand. Struggling to reach something resembling an upright position, he read the paper. The color drained from his face.

"Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner! I’ll be in such trouble!" Bolcyn scurried from his bed and past the antechamber into the hall. Hurriedly rushing through the maze of corridors and up several flights of stairs, they came to the chamber of Galdir, the senior member of the Seven, and residing ruler of the Grey Spire. "Wait here, Marcus, and don’t cause trouble!" Bolcyn laughingly chided as he slipped through the door. A heated conversation ensued, and Marcus couldn’t understand much of what was said, due to the speed and hushed tone of the conversation. Almost an hour later, Bolcyn emerged from the room, his face ashen, and he was gasping for breath.

"Marcus…go to the stables and get two horses ready…we set out as soon as possible…one of the Seven has fallen" Marcus was stunned, but after a sharp look from his master, he was practically a blur as he sped to the stable. They set out quickly, and a terse silence filled the air as they rode, his master not telling him where they went or why, but only leading him at a quick pace. Something enormous loomed in the near future, Marcus could feel it…

This is fantastic! Can’t wait to read more ^___^

It’s really good Nick. Good vocab, which makes it really interesting.

I hope you don’t mind me saying but I think you need to look at the punctuation a bit. The beginning seems a bit stunted, with all its short sentences and then towards the end the sentences are a bit long and convoluted. It just makes it flow a bit funny as I read it.

Looking forward to the rest of the story ^^~~