Comradery [MA15+ Explicit Violence]

There was little hope for the men of the fleet, we’d been hit and were sinking fast. The gurgles of brave men drowning could be heard from the below quarters as the water rose upwards, towards us. There was nothing I could do to resist my immenent death for Pearl Harbor had been struck… But hope came in the form of what should have been an enemy, an explosion rocked the quarters and sunlight shone before us, welcoming us onto the deck. We however weren’t given the warmest welcome as I stared out onto the mass of smoke and fire throughout the harbor. Below us, the quarters we just dwelled in had flooded and we were stranded on the deck, fighters above and the cold, unwelcoming ocean below. Many jumped, only to be shot down in the water by a mass of bullets, tearing through their skin, as blood spray out the wound, turning the bay into a clean red colour. I ran quickly across the hard, wet deck, my fellow crewmen behind me, the screams of our friends echoing through our minds on an eternal loop to which their was no escape and trying to find one was utterly futile. The sound of bullets pierced my thoughts as I swung around to face one of my friends, on the ground with his arm out, blood dripping down his chin. I cleched my teeth and forced my head away, running towards the gun turret ahead. Many fell behind me, only to be riddled with lead, another explosion rocked the ship, but it was too close. Fire engulfed the men behind me as they ran and rolled around trying to wear down the relentless flames and the burning sensation of death. I turned around to see them, screaming, their hands outstretched, calling my name for help. Once again however I had to leave them be, they were already dead. Two others ran next to me, smiling, a fake smile, but a heartwarming smile none the less. I jumped onto the seat of the turret and grabbed the cold steel firing mechanism, aiming for the nearest brid of death and holding the trigger down with all my might, with the hope that I may just make a difference. The others grabbed the closest firearms and shot into the sky. The planes soon moved on, to their next target, but for now we were safe. I turned to the men, I knew them… a cook and an enigeneer. I smiled at them and muttered… "Let’s go get our buddies out of there…" they returned with a glance and smile…

the theme isn’t my type of thing … but I think it’s really well done ^^;;

it’s really tense and has a good atmosphere, the description really helped me visualise the scene and there’s several good metaphors …

one thing, I think it needs some paragraphs, just to break it up a bit, makes it easier to read.