Wow, what a turnout. Thanks for reading, guys :D

Ignore that rezo fellow. He did not, I repeat, not read the next two chapters that were not posted. Uh uh.



ANYWAY. Thought I'd mention, Kilo is girl, which is why she's referred to as "she" all the time ^_^;;


Kenjii: I think that everything I do, ever, to the end of my days, that is artistic in any way, will be influenced by FLCL in some way, shape, or form. So, I probably did think of the baseball bat thing because of the one Naota is always carrying around. Way to catch me on it :D

ANYWAY...

<font face="courier new" size=10>2</font><font face="courier new" size=5>Lucifer</font>

<font face="courier new">Two Little Devils were running through the dimly lit passage that led to Satan's bedroom.

"Fuck, fuck, motherfucker, fuck fuck, motherfucker, fuck, fuck, motherfucker, fuck, fuck motherfucker!" sang the first Little Devil. He was in a very good mood.

"Shit, shit, goddamn fucking shit, shit! Shit, shit, goddamn fucking shit, shit!" the other sang. He was also in a very good mood.

Finally, they reached the door to Satan's bedroom. The one who'd been singing the "fuck" song knocked on the door. "Saaaaaaaaaaatan!" he called. "We've got good news!"

Satan opened the door. "Hi!" he said. "Come on in!"

The two Little Devils ran inside Satan's bedroom. "Sit down and have some tea, why don't you," said Satan.

"Oh, thank you, Satan!" said the one who'd been singing the "shit" song. They sat down at the table and Satan poured them some tea. It was very good tea. Honestly, I really wish I could have had this tea, because it was really good. Satan has quite a reputation in hell for making the best tea around. Needless to say, the two Little Devils starting drinking up the tea really fast. "This is the best fucking tea I've ever had!" exclaimed the Little Devil who'd been singing the "fuck" song.

"Good shit," agreed the Little Devil who'd been singing the "shit" song.

"So, what is this great news?" asked Satan.

"Well," said the Little Devil who'd been singing the "shit" song, "we just thought we'd let you know that today, we caused Mrs. Lupert's flowers to wilt!"

Satan leapt up onto the table, jumping up and down gleefully. "You Little Devils are the best devils in all of hell!" he exclaimed. He was so happy that he started jumping around and dancing on the table, and some really happy and upbeat music started playing, and some really pretty girls starting coming out of nowhere and dancing to it in a very provocative way that would have made your mother faint. Your mother is not too fond of provocative things.

Plus, the lights starting flashing on and off really really fast, and so they were basically strobe lights now. It was really pretty intense, and you really wish you'd been there, because this was about the best party in hell, or in heaven for that matter. But they never had parties in heaven anyway, so I suppose it didn't actually matter.

Finally, Satan and the Little Devils got really tired of dancing, and the lights turned back to normal lights and the dancing girls disappeared just as suddenly and inexplicably as they had appeared, and Satan got off the table and sat down again and they all had a nice break.

"That party was fucking awesome!" exclaimed the Little Devil who'd been singing the "fuck" song.

"That party was some good shit," agreed the Little Devil who'd been singing the "shit" song.

"I guess we better go now," said the Little Devil who'd been singing the "fuck" song.

"Yeah," said the Little Devil who'd been singing the "shit" song.

"I'll see you later," Satan said, but he said it in short bursts of breath, because he was really tired from that dancing. Satan can really dance like crazy when he wants to.

The two Little Devils hopped up and ran out the door and through the dimly lit hallway again.

"Fuck, fuck, motherfucker, fuck, fuck, motherfucker, fuck, fuck, motherfucker, fuck, fuck, motherfucker!"

"Shit, shit, goddamn fucking shit, shit! Shit, shit, goddamn fucking shit, shit!"

I don't even like tea and I want some of that tea. That must be some good tea.

You're god damn right it is! The only thing Satan does better than making tea is partying.

Question for everybody reading this: Is it good at one chapter a week, or is that too slow, since the chapters are so incredibly short? Should I post two at once every Monday instead of one per Monday, or should I make it like, one on every Monday and one on every Thursday or something, or should I just keep it one every Monday? Any ideas/suggestions welcome. Two a week wouldn't be at all stressful, btw. This is quite easy to write.

<font face="lucida calligraphy" size="2">Interesting change in pace... whereas the first part was emotionally gutting, the second was somewhat humorous.

Hmm... I kept wondering if Rezo had picked up on something I wasn't seeing... damn him and his reading ahead!

As far as the pace, quicker is good, but the slower pace gives everyone time to read it I suppose. Whichever is easy on you works...

FASTER! ^_~

I wouldn't want you to rush your work (which is excellent Btw), keep it at one good story a week.

Your last one was very humorous! I bursted out laughing at parts like

"This is the best fucking tea I've ever had!" exclaimed the Little Devil who'd been singing the "fuck" song.

"Good shit," agreed the Little Devil who'd been singing the "shit" song.

Hahaha, now that's some funny stuff. Damn that must be some good tea. :D

But if your comfortable making more, hell I know I would like to read em.

*has flashbacks to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy*

Which I fucking loved by the way, and what a goddamn party. I wish I was there.

I'd like to see two every monday cause I'm loving this shit

Well, it's that time of the week again.

I'm writing this really fast and there isn't much point in only putting up one a week. I think I'm going to stick with 2 at a time, unless it's a longer one.


<font size=10 face="courier new">3</font><font size=5 face="courier new">Smoking</font>

<font face="courier new">Roy just kept plucking the strings on his guitar and turning the knobs on the end of it, but it never sounded good.

"You've been there for an hour," said Veronica.

"If I don't learn how to tune by ear, I can't play in a band," said Roy.

"You can get a guitar tuner," said Veronica.

"I don't have any money, Ronnie."

"Steal one. That's how you got the guitar."

"Oh yeah!" Roy's eyes totally lit up. "I'd have to find some fucker stupid enough to let me do it who actually has a guitar tuner, but maybe I could," he said. He threw his guitar, to which he had given the name Pregnant Assault Rat of Ultimate Destruction and Eternal Chaos, off to the side, and it clunked against a rock. He leaned back against the tree and pulled out a cigarette.

"Where the fuck did you get cigarettes from?" asked Veronica.

"I stole them," said Roy.

"Figures."

Roy lit the cigarette and started puffing. Veronica shut her notebook, put her things back in her backpack, and closed it up. She stood up. "Bye," she said.

"Where the fuck are you going?" asked Roy, who hadn't noticed that she was leaving until she'd said so.

"I'm going as far away from your fucking cigarette smoke as I can," said Veronica. "You know I hate that shit."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'll put it out, okay? Sit down again."

Veronica shook her head. "I'm sorry, I'm in a really fucked up mood, I just want to go."

"Okay. I'll see you tonight."

"What's tonight?"

"Show, remember?"

"Oh, I said I'd go?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"You don't have to if you don't want to."

"No, I do. Bye."

"Ronnie."

"Yeah?"

"Why the fuck are you straight edge?"

"Because I have Xs tatooed on the backs of my hands." Veronica turned around and walked away. Roy sighed heavily and smoked some more.</font>


<font size=10 face="courier new">4</font><font size=5 face="courier new">Apprenticeship</font>

<font face="courier new"> "I don't understand her," said Roy. "She's so smart, and she's so depressed, but she won't just reject everything." Jehoshaphat was tuning Pregnant Assault Rat of Ultimate Destruction and Eternal Chaos for him, and he was ranting while he waited. "She holds onto herself and her life so tightly. She needs to loosen up. I mean, she hates her family and her house. So why doesn't she leave?"

"It's all she has to hold onto," said Jehoshaphat.

"I know, but what the fuck for? It's not like it's doing her any good. She could at least not run away when I have a cigarette."

"Where did you get a cigarette from?"

"I stole it."

"Figures."

Roy scratched his head. It was always itchy because he was bald, and his hair kept trying to grow back and sprouting up in itchy little fuzz. "I just don't see what she has to lose."

"I don't see why it bothers you."

Roy had never really thought about that before. He scratched his head again.

"Here," said Jehoshaphat. He was done tuning Pregnant Assault Rat of Ultimate Destruction and Eternal Chaos. "Sounds as good as it ever will now."

Roy took it and strummed it. "Thanks," he said. "Can you teach me how to play now?"

Jehoshaphat laughed. "That would take a pretty long time."

"Time doesn't mean shit to me," said Roy.

"Well, what do you want to play?"

"Anything."

"Well, here," said Jehoshaphat, moving Pregnant Assault Rat of Ultimate Destruction and Eternal Chaos into a position where Roy could easily see what he was doing. "This is an E major barre chord. You put your first finger across all six strings, then put your other three here, like so, and you can move it anywhere on the fretboard and play a different note. That should be about all you need for whatever you are going to think up."

"Thanks!" said Roy, taking Pregnant Assault Rat of Ultimate Destruction and Eternal Chaos and trying out the chord. He had a hard time getting his fingers to stay in position.

"You'll get used to it," said Jehoshaphat.

"I hope so," said Roy.

"Listen," said Jehoshaphat, "I want to say one more thing about Ronnie. Just because you go about it in a different way doesn't mean you're any different from her. You dealt with your problems by leaving home and living on the street. You ran away physically. She deals with her problems by keeping her thoughts to herself and never listening to anyone else's. She ran away emotionally. It doesn't really make a difference either way. Both of you should shit or get off the pot, to quote Randal."

"Who's Randal?" asked Roy.

"He's a character in Clerks."

"What?"

"A movie."

"Oh." Roy stood up. "I'm going to go practice," he said. "Bye."

"Bye," said Jehoshaphat.</font>

*Claps for TK

Those last two installments were excellent. The thing is, I was currently thinking about starting to play a guitar. Just to let you know, your story was a bit of a inspiration. I think I might actually pick up a guitar now hehe ;)

Well, the characters in your story are what truly shine...they range from being serious to humourous to just plain confused.

Anyways, keep up the great work man...hope to see more soon!

"Why the fuck are you straight edge?"

"Because I have Xs tatooed on the backs of my hands."

That is quite possibly the greatest thing I have ever heard.

Or read, if you want to nitpick.

As promised, two more chapters.

<font face="courier new" size=10>5</font><font face="courier new" size=5>Poigniance</font>

<font face="courier new"> Jehoshaphat was playing a gig at a small bar that evening, just him and a keyboard, set to sound just like a normal piano. This was really Jehoshaphat's favorite kind of gig to play. He had a power pop band that he played lead guitar and sang for, but it was never quite as good as his keyboard. The piano, in Jehoshaphat's opinion, was the most emotionally charged instrument in the world, and honestly I tend to agree with him. Guitars "sing" a little bit more, but there is a certain plunking to the piano which really evokes an emotional response on a level no other sound can match. When you sing your own songs along with it - honest songs that you wrote when you were feeling the way the song sounds - it can be truly heartbreaking. I would know - I've heard people sing their own songs along with it - honest songs that they wrote when they were feeling the way the song sounds - and it was truly heartbreaking.

However, this gig was being played at a bar which was normally frequented by a lot of punks, and most of them only wanted to hear something they could mosh to. Jehoshaphat also brought a following with him everywhere he went, and thus, there was a very split crowd tonight.

"Get the fuck off the stage!" shouted one of the punks after Jehoshaphat finished a song.

Roy, who happened to be sitting and listening very close to where the punk who'd shouted it was standing, leapt up. "Watch your mouth, asshole, that's my friend playing," he said.

"Fuck you!" said the punk, and he punched Roy in the face. Ronnie jumped up, pulled back, and hit the punk in the face with Motherfucker. She knocked out a few of his teeth, and he fell over backward and didn't get up.

Now everyone started screaming and yelling all over the place, and throwing fists, hitting each other over the head with chairs, and running away from Veronica, who was swinging Motherfucker every which way as fast as she could. The owner of the bar was standing on a table screaming for everyone to break it up, but no one did. Nobody could even hear him.

In the midst of all this, Roy pulled himself back up from the blow, and when he saw that there was a huge fight going on around him, he started swinging. He had no idea what was going on or why the guy hadn't kept hitting him, but he was always up for a good fight. He got hit in the face a couple more times and was dripping blood everywhere. Then he noticed, while reeling back from a blow, that Veronica had finally been stopped, and was being shoved against a wall and punched in the stomach. He turned and shoved his way through two people who were trying to strangle each other, picked up a chair, and smashed it over the head of the guy hitting Veronica in the stomach. The guy who had been holding her turned around, but Roy had already hit him in the face before he could do anything.

"Ronnie!" he shouted. "Ronnie, talk!" She was unconcious, but she was breathing. He picked her up and started to push through the fights. They were finally starting to break up, and he managed to get out the door and into the parking lot.

"Ohmygod!" screamed Kilo, running over to them. "Is she alive?"

"Yeah," said Roy. "And I beat the shit out of the assholes who hit her."

"We better take her to a hospital," said Kilo.

"Go for it," said Roy. "I have to go back in there and make sure Hoshy is okay."

"Okay."

Kilo opened up the door to her car, and Roy helped her lift Veronica into the back. "Good luck," said Kilo, getting inside. Roy was already running back into the bar.

When he got in, he saw that the fight was finally broken up, and there were a couple of cops inside yelling at people. Jehoshaphat had just gone right on playing the whole time, and was still doing so, putting his entire heart into every single note.</font>


<font face="courier new" size=10>6</font><font face="courier new" size=5>School</font>

<font face="courier new"> Eleven Years Ago.

Veronica stepped up to the front of the class. "Little Bunny Fu Fu's Adventure," she said. "By Veronica McColos." The teacher chuckled good naturedly at the title. Veronica started reading her composition to the class.

"One fine summer day, Little Bunny Fu Fu was romping and frolicking through the forest. It was the nicest day ever, with the sun shining through the trees and the flowers blooming and the forest birds singing lovely songs, and Little Bunny Fu Fu was in the best mood of his life.

"But then, all of a sudden, Little Bunny Fu Fu came to a terrible realization. He was extremely late! Very late indeed, for a very, very important date. He started panicking, right there on the forest floor. You see, Little Bunny Fu Fu had a very good reputation to maintain. He was supposed to meet his good friend Mr. Racoon for tea at exactly three o'clock, and if he didn't get there in five minutes, Mr. Racoon was sure to tell everyone about it!

"So he started bolting as fast as he could, but Mr. Racoon lived on the other side of the forest, and there was simply no way he could have gotten there in time. By the time he arrived, he was already twelve minutes late.

"So he started thinking to himself, 'This can't be happening! What am I going to do? It's not my fault I'm late. Everyone screws up sometimes. I should be allowed to make one little mistake every now and then without having to lose my entire reputation!'

"So Little Bunny Fu Fu came to a conclusion: Mr. Racoon had got to go. He crept up to the door of Mr. Racoon's house and knocked. Mr. Racoon answered the door and exclaimed, 'Oh, Little Bunny Fu Fu! I'm ever so glad to see you. I must admit, I'd forgotten about our tea engagement! I do feel ever so terrible about it, but come in, come right in and I will get everything ready as quickly as possible!'

"'Oh, that sounds lovely,' said Little Bunny Fu Fu, and he came right in. As soon as Mr. Racoon had turned his back, he pulled out his butcher knife, and leapt at Mr. Racoon, slashing, stabbing, spraying blood everywhere! It was easily the most violent thing that had ever happened in the forest, and when it was done, Little Bunny Fu Fu emerged, breathing heavily, perspiring like a waterfall, but victorious, and with a wild, insane look in his eyes. And he realized in that moment that this was what life was all about - killing, maiming, spilling blood! And he ran out of Mr. Racoon's house laughing insanely, 'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!' He started scampering through the forest, looking for someone else to kill.

"Well, it just so happened that he ran by the house of Mr. Fox, who thought it was very suspicious that Little Bunny Fu Fu was running by his house covered in blood and swinging a butcher knife all over the place while laughing in a sort of insane way. So he ran out of his house and jumped in front of Little Bunny Fu Fu, and said, 'Little Bunny Fu Fu, where are you going, and what in the world do you think you are doing?'

"'Well, Mr. Fox, it's very simple,' said Little Bunny Fu Fu. 'TIME TO DIE!'

"So he leapt forward again, and there was slashing and stabbing and clawing and biting and ripping and maiming and mawling and thrashing and bashing and craching and so much blood, and boy oh boy do you wish you were there because it was so violent, violent, violent, VIOLENT!!

"And then, when it was all over... well, obviously, Mr. Fox won the fight and he ate Little Bunny Fu Fu. I mean, come on, who were you expecting to win, anyway? Foxes are natural predators of rabbits. Little Bunny Fu Fu never stood a chance, even with a butcher knife."

Veronica finished her story and looked up at the class and the teacher for a few seconds. Nobody was saying anything or clapping like they had for the other compositions. They were all just looking at her.

"Uh..." said the teacher. "Veronica..."

Veronica wasn't going to hear it. "Stop staring at me!" she screamed, and charged out the door in tears, vowing she would never come back to school again.</font>

Subject matter that is offensive, apalling, obscene, and absoulutlely revolting.........I love it.

Well written and entertaining.

Those last two chapters were so freaking funny I seriously laughed my ass off at many parts. You got so much talent TK, you writing is so creative and has a certain style to it that makes it very enjoyable to read. I hope to see my work like this in the future, I love having good things to look forward to and your stories are one of them.

Keep up the good work!

"And then, when it was all over... well, obviously, Mr. Fox won the fight and he ate Little Bunny Fu Fu. I mean, come on, who were you expecting to win, anyway? Foxes are natural predators of rabbits. Little Bunny Fu Fu never stood a chance, even with a butcher knife."

<font face="lucida calligraphy" size="2">I thought this bit inparticular was funny... XP

School, a demon? =O

Never!

did you get a copy of TK's "album"? He recites the little bunny fufu story with a funny voice and random guitar riffs. No? No worries! I'll just record the "song" and put an mp3 of it online!

here! (http://www.ribaldyouth.com/mp3/fufu.mp3)

As an aside, I think the real moral is to kill things smaller than you, and be nice to things larger.

He also makes fun of some very nice Biomotor Unitron music with a funny voice which was entirely uncalled for.



Subject matter that is offensive, apalling, obscene, and absoulutlely revolting

I never saw any of this in it, interesting enough. I must be terribly desensitized about what is offensive apalling etc.

<font size=10>!</font>

rezo, I love you for putting that online.

<font face="lucida calligraphy" size="2">I tried listening to it eariler, but it was very quiet with my volume turned pretty high, so I gave up. ><

I just played it with the windows, winamp and speaker volumes turned all the way up. most of it was audible. TK decided to whisper half of the story, so some parts are hard to make out if I play it loud on the stereo.



*sounds funny when you yell "time to die" near the end~

I know, I was proud of that "time to die" ^_^;;

It's mostly because it's a tape that was recorded on a boom box. There's tons of fuzz in the background, so it's hard to hear. Someday, maybe I'll make a high quality recording of it, if the means are ever at my disposal.

Before I post the next two, a couple of notices.

1 - I didn't quite like the dialogue in the first chapter, so I changed it and posted the revised version. It's barely any different.

2 - I decided to insert of a bold thingie that tells you how many days have elapsed at the beginning of each segment.





<font size=10 face="courier new">7</font><font size=5 face="courier new">Empty</font>
<font face="courier new">


Day Two

Veronica woke up. She was in a hospital bed. Her whole body was aching and her head felt like a cinderblock. Kilo was sitting in a chair next to her.

"Thank god," said Kilo. "Are you okay?"

"No," said Veronica. "I wish they'd killed me."

"No you don't."

"Is Roy okay?"

"Roy's fine. You were really awesome, hitting that guy."

"Whatever."

Kilo adjusted her glasses. She usually did that when she couldn't really think of anything to say.

"I want to go," said Veronica.

"The doctor said you're not supposed to until tomorrow."

"Fuck," said Veronica, tears pouring down her cheeks. "What the fuck."

"What's got you so upset?" Kilo asked. "Come on, it's not that bad to stay in a hospital for one day."

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know."

Kilo stood up. "Ronnie," she said, "you have to get over these pointless fits of rage. They're not helping anything."

"So something's wrong with me."

"Yes." Kilo turned around and stood at the end of her bed, staring straight down at her. "There is definately something wrong with you - you won't let anybody help you. Here you are and you wish you were dead, and you won't talk to me about it. If I ask you, you'll just bitch about your dad or whatever."

"Fuck." It was squeaked out.

"See? You're doing it again. It's in your head, Ronnie. If you'd just get the fuck up and try to do something about your place in life, you could change it."

"Fuck you."

Kilo shook her head. "I don't know why I bother," she said, and sat down in the chair again.

"Do my parents know I'm here?" asked Veronica.

"Yeah. I called them."

"Were they worried about me?"

"Your mom wanted to know if you were okay. I told her you'd be fine, and she sounded relieved."

"I'm sorry, Kilo. I really am. I don't mean to make you mad. I just don't want to talk. Thanks, though. For being here, and everything."

Kilo sighed. "That's what friends are for, Ronnie."

"Why are you friends with me?"

"Because you're intelligent and interesting when you're not being ridiculous."

"Then do you wish that I was stupid and boring, and never ridiculous?"

"No."

"So why do you keep telling me not to be ridiculous? It could be worse."

"Because you're the one who's upset with your life. I'm trying to help."

"It hasn't worked very well so far, has it?"

"No."

"So why do you keep trying?"

Kilo adjusted her glasses.</font>


<font size=10 face="courier new">8</font><font size=5 face="courier new">Theory</font>

<font face="courier new">

Day Two

"Man, that was one of the best fights I'd ever been in until those assholes started beating up Ronnie," said Roy. He took another big swig of beer, and it was gone.

"You'd think that when you get the opportunity to have a beer, you'd savor it," said Jehoshaphat.

"It's more enjoyable if you blitz it," Roy replied. "Besides, I'm too pissed off for patience right now."

"You might want to work on that."

"What?"

"Patience."

"Patience is nothing worth holding onto."

"Good song, but that's not true. If you'd had patience, that fight tonight probably would have been avoided."

"How so?"

"Well, if you'd had the patience to ignore the guy making fun of me, like I was, then he never would have felt the need to hit you."

"I don't care. That guy needed someone to straighten him out."

"You don't care that Ronnie got the crap kicked out of her?"

"Of course I do. But that's a completely separate issue."

"But it was an effect of the previous issue."

"Fuck that. You still judge actual events separately."

"Yes, but if you can avoid a bad one, you should, regardless of how you judge the one that preceded it."

"No, no, you're missing the point, dude. Because it was wrong for those assholes to try to beat up Ronnie, I should'n've have had to refrain from yelling at the other asshole just to prevent it - they should'n've done it in the first place."

"That doesn't change the fact that they did, and you could have avoided it. Look, Roy, I see where you're coming from, and I agree with you, but don't you think something is better than nothing?"

"I just think those guys needed a bad bruising."

"You want another beer?"

"Fuck yes."

"You really ought to get a job so you can buy your own beer."

"Then I'd be a fucking drunk."

"I suppose deprivation is better than discipline."

"Fuck yes."</font>

Good job TK, 2 more great chapters.

I found them to be a bit shorter but that's alright. I really like how this characters interact with each other...They like to fight and swear :D

Anyways, I look foward to more chapters.

Hilarious mp3 wav you posted rezo :) You are a good story teller TK hehe.

Wee! Monday comes and so does another couple of GHU chapters. I need to get back to writing these at a fast pace, but I've been really busy.

And yeah, those were pretty short. They vary a lot in length, from like half a page to sometimes more than two I expect (though I don't think I've done any 2+ pagers yet. But I'm sure there'll be at least a couple.) That's part of why I opted to post 2 a week instead of 1, so there is at least some SLIGHTLY meaty content even when the chapters are uber short. But anyway, this is really meant to be sort of a novel version of a web comic - you drop by at a set interval and get a little short dose of the story, and it doesn't take long. Some people don't like it that way but I really enjoy it - it's not time consuming, and it makes it easier on the person creating it.

Also, everyone who's reading this, go read/comment on the story I'm writing with Serienne, dammit! We need more posts in there to keep it near the top.

Anyway.


<font face="courier new" size=10>9</font><font face="courier new" size=5>Challenge</font>

<font face="courier new">

The Afterlife

"We are easily the best Little Devils in hell!" exclaimed the Little Devil who'd been singing the "fuck" song.

"Of course we are," agreed the Little Devil who'd been singing the "shit" song. "I think Satan likes us better than anyone else at all. Ever."

"That's quite a responsibility, though," the Little Devil who'd been singing the "fuck" song pointed out. "Being Satan's favorite Little Devils, I mean. We've got to live up to that position by continuing to make terrible trouble all over the world."

"Yes," said the Little Devil who'd been singing the "shit" song. "Perhaps we could make someone roll out of bed and hit their bottom tonight?"

"Or maybe we could make some person's pen run out of ink!"

"Or make someone lose their calculator before a math test!"

"Or make someone's cat throw up on their pillow!"

"Or make someone's CD skip on their favorite song!"

"Oh, wow," said the Little Devil who'd been singing the "fuck" song. "So many ideas, I just don't know where to start."

"Me niether," said the Little Devil who'd been singing the "shit" song.

Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, a cloud came floating down into hell, on which two Little Angels were sitting and playing harps. They both looked rather angry. One was playing "Three Blind Mice" on his harp; the other was playing "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. Can you imagine that? I mean, I respect angels and all, obviously, seeing as how they're the servants of God, and I'd rather not have Him smite me or some shit, but I sure do wish that they could at least play the same tune at once. And not crappy ones like "Three Blind Mice" or "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. Jesus.

"You two!" exclaimed the Little Angel who'd been playing "Three Blind Mice." "You two Little Devils are really in for it!"

"You certainly are," said the Little Angel who'd been playing "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. "It has come to our attention that you have been causing more trouble on earth than any other Little Devils in the history of hell. We demand that you cease this foolishness at once!"

"Fuck you," said the Little Devil who'd been singing the "fuck" song. "You can't tell us what to do. Go back to heaven and play your harps, or whatever you guys do."

"Yeah," said the Little Devil who'd been singing the "shit" song. "You can't do shit to us if you don't have a warrant from You-Know-Who."

"Just say God," said the Little Angel who'd been playing "Three Blind Mice."

"Yeah," said the Little Angel who'd been playing "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion.

"Don't say that here!" shrieked both the Little Devils, jumping up in panic. But it was too late - the wrath of Satan had already been incurred!

Satan came blazing up out of the nearest fire pit, his forked tail flailing about everywhere, flame billowing forth from his nostrils, his pitchfork held aloft. "Do not ever say that name in my domain!" he shouted, his voice like thunder. The Little Devils and the Little Angels cowered in fear.

"Thank you," Satan finished, and retracted into the fire pit.

"See what happens when you say the name of You-Know-Who in hell?" said the Little Devil who'd been singing the "fuck" song.

"Yeah," said the Little Devil who'd been singing the "shit" song. "Way to go, dipshits. I swear to You-Know-Who, angels don't know shit about anything..."

"All right, that is it!" exclaimed the Little Angel who'd been playing "Three Blind Mice." "You two need to be taught a lesson in humility!"

"Most definately," said the Little Angel who'd been playing "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. "You two Little Devils are getting too big for your britches."

"Hah!" shouted both the Little Devils. Then the one who'd been singing the "fuck" song stepped forward. "We're the toughest Little Devils in the history of hell. You said so yourself. There's nothing that can touch us, not in hell, not in heaven, and not on earth!"

"Yeah," agreed the Little Devil who'd been singing the "shit" song. "Except You-Know-Who and Satan. But that's different."

"That's ridiculous," said the Little Angel who'd been playing "Three Blind Mice." "You know perfectly well that you are absolutely no match for the forces of Heaven."

"Yeah," said the Little Angel who'd been playing "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. "There's one thing that no Little Devil has ever managed to do before - infiltrating heaven all the way to God's palace. You're not worth crap until you've done that!"

"Well, maybe we will then!" said the Little Devil who'd been singing the "fuck" song.

"Yeah!" said the Little Devil who'd been singing the "shit" song. "Maybe we will!"

The Little Angels laughed. "Hah! You go ahead and try," said the one who'd been playing "Thee Blind Mice."

"Yeah," said the one who'd been playing "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. "Good luck with that one."

Then the Little Angels floated away on their cloud, heading back towards heaven.

"Uh... are we actually going to do it?" asked the Little Devil who'd been singing the "fuck" song when the Little Angels were gone.

"It's probably very hard to do..." mused the Little Devil who'd been singing the "shit" song.

They thought about it for a few more minutes, and then simultaneously exclaimed, "Yeah!" Then they scampered off to begin making plans for the infiltration of heaven.



</font>


<font face="courier new" size=10>10</font><font face="courier new" size=5>Ambition</font>

<font face="courier new">

Day Three


Roy stood leaning against a tree outside the entrance to Brisk Woods High. Veronica had given him a watch with its alarm set to go ten minutes before she got out of school, so he could be there to meet her if he wanted.

Finally a bell rang, and kids started coming out of the entrance a minute later. Roy watched all their faces pass by, glancing at him occaisionally, but mostly just chattering to whoever they were walking with, or staring at the ground or straight ahead if they were alone, or skateboarding if they were skateboarding. It was a long time before Veronica came out, though, and when she did, she didn't even look up at him, she just stopped in front of him, still staring at the ground like she had been the whole time.

"Hey," said Roy.

"Hi," she replied.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," she answered. "Howabout you?"

"I'm fine."

"What do you want to do?"

"What we always do."

Veronica shook her head. "I can't just sit around today," she said. "I feel really fucked up and I don't want to keep feeling this way. Let's go somewhere or do something."

"Like what?"

Veronica didn't say anything. "I don't know," she said. "I have no idea what I want. I just know I want something."

"Well don't expect me to know what it is."

Niether of them spoke for a few minutes.

"Have you gotten any better with that guitar?" asked Veronica.

"No," said Roy. "I decided music isn't for me. I sold the guitar at a pawn shop."

Veronica looked up when he said that. "You? Money?"

Roy shrugged. "I gave it to a bum."

"He'll probably just buy beer with it."

"So what? Let him enjoy himself."

"I guess bums know how to act to each other."

"Hey. I am not a bum."

"Yes you are. You're homeless, you don't own anything more than a set of clothes and that shitty watch I gave you and a few things you steal from rich kids every now and then, and you never clean yourself in any way. You don't even keep track of what time it is. You are a bum."

"Bums sit on curbs and beg for money and have no ambition," said Roy. "I'm alive. I hardly ever sit, I don't give a fuck about money and I want to create something awesome someday. I'm not a bum."

"Sorry," said Veronica. "I wasn't aware we were using the Roy-world definition of 'bum.'"

"Well of course we are."

They were silent for a few more minutes. "What do you want to create, anyway?" asked Veronica.

"I don't know," said Roy. "If I knew, I'd have created it already. I thought I wanted to do a band, but that's not for me."

"Too much work?"

"Well, yeah. It shouldn't be work to create something - it should be fun."

"It's not always going to be. Sometimes when I'm working on a really long poem or story, I make myself do it when I don't feel like it, or else I'll never finish it at all."

"But then it sucks. It's only good if you enjoy writing every word of it."

"Doesn't work that way."

"Well, whatever. We're still in Roy-world, so it works however I want."

"Let's just do something."

"Like what?"

"I don't know."

"Then stop suggesting we do something."

"Can't you think of anything?"

"We could just sit and talk about shit like usual."

"Okay. Fine, let's do that."

So they sat and talked about shit. Like usual.


</font>



Also, I want to do something a little fun here. So, READER POLL! (and you all better answer!!)

Question: Who is your favorite GHU character? And WHY? No "I can't decide between bla and bla" answers either, it has to be one of them! The only case where that's acceptable is the Little Devils, since one without the other is like half a character.

Originally posted by TK
<font face="courier new">
Question: Who is your favorite GHU character? And WHY?

My favorite character is the little devil who'd been singing the shit song. He is infinitely superior to the little devil who'd been singing the fuck song, and anyone who disagrees with that statement should be kicked in the eye by someone with large and unpleasant feet.

I mean, COME ON.

Okay, listen up, peeps. Change of plans. I have no more reason to post here, because it's gotten to the point where there are about four or five people tops whose posts I actually enjoy reading who still post here (be assured that my most loyal readers, Chii and Kenjii, are among them!!) so I'm callin' it quits after what I think of as a pretty damn good run.

If you would like to continue reading god hates us (which would just be totally rockin' of you) please give the link in my sig a clicky. Things will continue just as they did in this thread.

And many thanks to you guys!

:(

NOOOOO!!!!!!!!WHY?!!!!!!GOD REALLY HATES US DOESN'T HE?

Ah well, atleast I can still read your story else where...Damn, I'm gonna miss opening up this thread tho.

A great story TK, I really loved it so far. Last two chapters were awesome.