Well I thought that after starting with writing novels, then moving onto songwriting I should now step up to poetry. Now I'm completely new to this whole poetry scene, so cut me some slack, but not too much I want constructive critiscm. kthx.


The Darkness Around Me

I stand alone,
Hiding in the darkness
From the outside world,
a world of terror and fear.
The rain drips through my ears
a quiet serenade,
a break from the norm;
screams and gunshots
I fear not death,
but I fear losing the ones I love
The darkness surrounds me,
the rain picks up strength
And I am taken from the mortal realm,
the darkness consumes me...
I stand alone,
Hiding from the darkness...</center>

Comments, critiscm? plzkthxbye!

first poem you say? I think you did very good on writing it :) I think you could do better on making it flow, cuz when I read through it, it feels like I have to stop here and then cuz of the slight jumpiness. But, I think it's very good :D

*huggles* wayta go~

That poem is better than the first, and I like it more because it isnt as depressing, and very pretty. If you keep up writing for a long time you'll get supa` good :)

Great poems Kaspar~ They are pretty good for first poems. Much more better than my (failed) attempts at poetry =_=

I like the way your poems are short so they make for an easy read and the topic in your poems is very interesting and frank. Keep it up! *Claps* =^.^=

Hey, i actually read a poem. *pats self on shoulder* Hey, this is actually good stuff. I thought it would be boring :P. Keep it up mate.

I really liked that last poem RS. The words portray the meaning very well, and remind me of certain periods of my life where I have wished the same thing (well, bar the suicide, but wanting to be with someone, seeing light when she was there, etc.)

The other poems are also good, but the last one is my particular fave. Good job. Keep it up.

Hey not bad for a first attempt Kasper. I like your last poem best so far. Keep up the good work, and I'll keep up the reading.

Prettiful poems Kaspar~ They are a bit depressing though but it makes for better, realistic and emotional poems which is always good. Keep it up! =D

"You are a dark writer. A fierce and loyal follower
of Poe and the other gothic authors, you LOVE
to instill a sense of revulsion and somewhat
fear in your readers. You love to poke their
brains with logic dealing with the darker side
of the human mind and character. Truly
surprising and a true individual, you'll do
ANYTHING to create a scene. :)"

My somewhat hurtful past reflects on my writing. I feel it's good to show people the truth about yourself instead of giving them the misconception that my life is all happiness. I could write a book on what I went through, and it would be one of the most depressing reads... I'm glad people like my work for what it is; the hard truth.

Loser

I can't believe it,
You're closer then ever,
but you're driving me insane.
Your getting closer to making me crack.
I guess I'm just a loser.
Your tugging my string,
and pulling me along.
I hurt inside,
and the love 'aint there.
Life is shit,
a bungee jump of ups and downs.
I can't think or feel,
I guess I'm just a loser.
You probably don't care,
I'll be dead soon,
'cause I'm just a loser...

it puts me in the serious mood where i switch off to the outside world and just focus on what i am reading....i love poetry that can do that to me. excellent work...i write poetry and music myself and i know what i like when i read it.

Great poem Kaspar~ As always it's very realistic and emotional. Keep up the good work! ^_^

That quiz you took was pretty accurate too for you. I shouldv get Sander to take the quiz sometime even though I'm sure I know what he will get :X

Wow...I'm just stunned after reading those poems...so much to relate too...espiecally The Darkness Around Me and Dreams.

Thanks a lot for posting such personal poems...I always enjoy reading good poetry....behind the wonderful poetry lies a wonderful person I always say.

Keep them coming...Excellent job thus far.

Thank-you so much for the comments and mainly just for reading these. I am very grateful

If Only...

I stop and stare at the night sky,
stars above me,
all around.
They can do anything,
the brightness,
the glamour,
the sparkle.
If only I could be like them,
I'd do just about anything,
to have one day of their life.
If only I could be like them,
up on cloud 9 in the skies,
Instead of hopeless old me.
To them I am inferior,
just a failure,
if only I could be like them.
I would do just about anything,
...To live one day of their life...</center>

That's really awsome RS! you inspire me!:)

3 other greats poems to read...Nicely done at that...So much of yourself reflects on this poems...it's so easy to understand your feeling because I have felt bad just as you have.

You have some real talent. keep up the good work.:) :) :) :D ;)

Amazing poems Kaspar~ You sure kept up the writing while I was too busy to read them. I really like the way your poems are so realistic and emotional ^_^

I'm sure you're writing on your own experiences in life and that's really good as most writers are too shy to do so. Great job Kaspar~ =D

Words couldn't express how beautiful and true these poems are...I can relate to them in almost every way (especially "Loser").....and so could...a lot of other people....you're amazing...your choice of words, the things you write about...it's all so amazing....keep it up, please...I can't tell you through words how marvelous these are...

I'm glad you like and can relate to these Enma ^^ Thanks for reading these and giving your comments Amel~! Another is in the works.

I'm Just Me

You hold me in your arms,
keeping me in good spirit,
but then your embrace is gone,
and I stand alone.
You shout and scream,
"Why Can't You Be Like That Guy!?"
I'm just me,
not you,
not your hero,
no knight in armour,
I'm just me.
You keep yelling,
"You're such a loser!"
What self-respect I had left is gone now,
my confidence at nil.
You tear through my heart,
my soul.
You expect me to fight back,
"Why are you just standing there!?"
Probably so you can make me look like a loose cannon,
because I'm just me,
not you,
not your hero,
no knight in armour.
Just me...</center>

That's a really nice poem. lots of emotion and feeling in it. it flows along very nicely.

Beautiful poem Kaspar~ It's very easy to relate to and as always very realistic. Keep it up! ^_^

laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (good poems RS!!!! ^-^)

Awsome as per usual ;) loaded with deep emotions. You can really see the level of feeling put into it. I love it.

Weird.. I thought I had already commented on your poems Kaspar. Nevertheless..

Great poems Kaspar as always. The poems are easy to relate to and full of good emotions. Keep up the good work! ^_^

Once again, great poem, RS. :)

Amazing......

I was listening to some mellow music from Beck while reading your poems and it was exhilrating. I got goose bumps.

Go and Filter are masterpiece's. I can relate to them, so I know the pain. These seem like personal poems, I thank you for sharing such wonderful work.

Keep up the great work.

Awsome stuff as usual :)

whee~ Lots of poems to read (or at least it seems so since I last read this thread) but they're all very good. Easy to relate to, emotional and so forth ^_^

Keep on writing Kaspar! =D

The more you write the better you get at it. I like your newest poem so far best. Very strong feelings/emotions. Just keep up the good work and keep getting better at writing.

Another great one. Keep 'em comin! ^_^

Hm, Kaspar your latest poem seems more like a rap than a poem but it still makes for a great read either way. Oh, and to answer your question that you asked in your poem: Yes, I do understand what you're saying because you said it so well.

Not sure about rap, I choose to completely ignore the rap genre myself. I don't watch any music shows either, I guess I tried more to make it rhyme and it was a bit of a sidetrack from the norm. Anyway I'll probably have another normal one up soon.

I love them!! it's really amazing that you can write so many poems and each one be as good as they are. You make alot, and that's kool cuz it's good to write alot :D Adds talent with each poem, and you've got alot of that talent.

oooo it's awesome that other people like poetry ^-^! makes me all happy and shtuff. great job kasper ;)

More of the usual great work RS.

Your poem "Life" pretty defines who I am. If I made a poem about life, it would sound similar.

You work is so powerful and emotional. I could read 100 hours of it if I could.

Keep up the good work!

Beautifully witten, RS. You really put all your heart and soul into your poems.

Prettiful poem Kaspar even though it's probably quite insensitive for me to say that seeing as the theme of the poem is quite dark. The poem is very realistic and emotional so it makes for a great read.

Great job, I like your latest poem.

It's very dark and gloomy but has so much realism in it. You make good poems that people can relate to. Although, I found it very hard to read because someone in my family comited suicide recently.

I sure hope your not feeling that bad. That would be bad :(

Anyways, keep up the good work man.

Good poem Kaspar. I have to admit the poem is depressing but it makes it even more interesting to read. Don't give up on writing Kaspar because you do it so well.

There's a party if you want to go,
maybe there you can meet someone that loves you,
so you go,
you stand on your own,
you leave on your own,
you go home you cry and you want to die.

That sounds like part of this song I've heard, only with a slight twist to it.

The Light is great poem, and I love it. It's one of the best I've read of yours, and it reminds me so much of how I felt during this one inncident. (sp?). It's good that you can write poems that relate to others. I love'em Kasper :)

Great as usual, RS. The first poem I've seen you use course language, I think, too. O_O Very nicelt written.

Great poem Kaspar. Very easy to relate to and full of emotion especially with the swearing here and there.

Great poem Kaspar. As you might know I can relate to it very well and it's full of all the perfect emotions for a poem. That includes swearing ;)

Keep up the good work Kaspar..

Ah nothing like catching up on RS's poem's.

I really related to your poem Loved, it was a experience i've dealth with previously.

I Just Don't Care was my favourite. I espiecally loved this part...


It's like a storm brewing in my brain,
ready to unleash the winds,
no mercy on my behalf

Now that's poetry. Excellent wording and well written.

Breathe was very well said too. You pretty much got your point across even more with the vulger language. Nice poem.

You seriously have great talent. I incourage you to keep writing.

And btw, thanks for the heartfelt message you left for me. It's truly sad to experience such pain but i'll be ok eventually.

I feel a little guilty that I have neglected this thread for such a long time since I last posted, but I went back through and read each of your poems RS. And I must agree with everyone else that it's outstanding work.

I was moved by "It's Just Me" because I was able to relate with the character in the poem, and how sometimes the individual just can't be the knight in shining armour his partner needs. Poems I relate to often become my favourites...

The last poem, too, was awesome. Very well written and very moving... Keep up the work, my friend. And slap me the next time I go this long without reading them...

Kaspar, your last poem was a bit depressing but it was great either way. Enough said.. Keep up the good work.

Once again you continue to amaze. I know I must sound like a broken record but that is brilliant writing. :)

I think sounding like a broken record is the best way to go Phill because nothing we can say can meet Kaspar's great writing skills. As always Kaspar, another really good poem. Emotional and realistic.

Well done..

Good poem Kaspar. I don't think I will ever stop being a fan of your work. Keep it up..

I managed to get some time to read your poems and think over em...Are they good poems? No, they are amazing poems.

A little bit of Heroin and The Darkness are instant classic's and my new fav's. Your poetry is so deep, I have to take a minute to dwell on them. They are so full of emotions and I can easily relate (How many time have you heard that from me :D)

Continue to write poetry, you have a big fan here!

Seriously, you got some courage for sharing such personal poems (from what it seems). Thanks for sharing it with us, we all have rough time's to deal with too...your work helps me cope with life.

Thanks Kenji, this is why I'm writing this kind of stuff, it's for personal release somewhat but also so others can relate to it and hopefully it can help them. I came into this with no experience in poetry at all, but all the stuff you guys said kept me going, I'm thankful for that. This gives me the oppurtunity to voice my feelings to others, and not keep them boiling inside of me. Thanks so much.

Good poem Kaspar. It lacks the aura the rest of your poems posessed but I can't really lay my finger on it. Nevertheless, well done..

Very good poem RS.

It showed a lot of inner conflict with ones self which I thought was well done. It reminds me of a person that can only take so much but continues to stay strong.

Anyways, keep up the great work, I can't wait for more poems!

"If I could change,
I would,
Take back the pain,
I would,
Retrace every wrong move that I made,
I would,
Stand up and take the blame,
I would,
If I could take all the shame to the grave,
I would..."

Digging

I'm digging to the center,
my only salvation is there,
beneath the hurt.
I don't know why I'm doing this,
but I have to break this habit.
The pain won't go away 'till I've reached the center,
So I keep digging through the darkness,
Towards the light...
I can't change,
I tried to warn you all,
Now I'm just about ready to paint these words,
on the walls with my very own blood.
Not that you'd care anyway,
How come no one can see these scars?
Everyone's turned on me so now I turn to this.

That's really abstract, I guess you could all try to analyze it and find out what it really means, but it's supposed to give off the feeling, without giving out a nasty and depressing picture...

Good stuff Kasper. (Just been back and read what I've missed, damn my laziness...)



If I could change,
I would,
Take back the pain,
I would,
Retrace every wrong move that I made,
I would,
Stand up and take the blame,
I would,


I especially like this part of your last post... Not sure if it was part of the main poem or not, or just you brainstorming, but it portrayed strong emotion.

Keep up the good work.

Good poem Kaspar but all your poems sound the same to me. Try writing on a different subject (maybe something more uplifting) and see how it goes. Nevertheless, keep up the great work!

Great poem Kaspar...It really made my day after having a messed up week.

It think you should continue writing poems on the topic of your past and other dark theme's. I mean I couldn't picture you writing about flowers and big wide open fields :D

I think the things you went through make you who you are and show how strong you are. You should write about it to tell how you feel.

Keep up the amazing work!

Unfortunately, Amel, I have to agree with Kenji; I can't picture myself writing about bright green valleys and happiness, because I'm not a happy person...

End Of It All

If the world were to end tonight,
the apocalypse as prophesised,
I probably wouldn't care,
because my world has already crumbled,
at least I won't be here to see the end of it all.

The world I once knew is in an emotional rubble,
the barriers are broken,
and corruption has spread,
like a virus in my heart,
you're calling all the shots.
I'll take you on an emotional odyssey,
now.

There's no trust between us,
my world is no longer standing,
my energy is drained and now,
only my physical avatar remains present,
in this place called reality.
Tonight,
I'm destroying it too.

At the start I was scared of it all,
scared to end it all,
now that I've seen it all,
I couldn't be scared at all.</center>

Originally posted by Reanimated Spirit
[size=1]Unfortunately, Amel, I have to agree with Kenji; I can't picture myself writing about bright green valleys and happiness, because I'm not a happy person...


True, true.. Fair enough. Anyway..

Good poem. Very emotional and heartfelt. Enough said~

Nice poem Kaspar...it really reflects you and the the current state of the world...It was really nicely put together.

I felt similar to your poem before but fortunately, i've overcome the darkness quite a few times.

Great work man...Keep it up!!!

Very good poem Kaspar. I really felt the strong emotion from this one.

I really relate to this poem a lot so I really enjoyed it. Another great poem in your growing list.

Keep up the great work :D

To put it simply, that was a great poem Kaspar. It was probably one of your best but it's hard to tell. Keep up the good work..

Well I've run out of original comments. A very deep and dark poem there. Sounds a bit like the Evanescence song, Going Under with the theme of falling and not being able to get out of a situation so desperate. Well done :)

I like how you evoke your feelings in this one, it's quite a creative style... Nice to see someone not use that typical AB/AB rhyme scheme... Very nice.

Kaspar: Actually, Phill is right when he says your latest poem has a similar theme as the song 'Going Under' by Evanescence. That fact makes me see that poem in a new light, a good one at that.

Yeah, the poem is well written especially as Anima Relic said you don't follow the classic rhyming method and it's still good. Well done Kaspar..

EDIT: Kaspar, the poem you just posted up is good as well and I can relate to it in parts. Keep up the great work.

Great poems Kaspar.

I really liked Dying. It is a lot different than you other poem's. As Phill said, it is very deep and dark poem. Possibly my favorite i've read.

Talk To Me was also a very great poem. I really like the theme of it and the feeling I get while I read it.

Goob job and keep up the great work.

your piece dreams is interesting to me i dunno if it was mentioned but you sampled from a rap by tupac a lot in that rhyme either way u didnt take the whole thing so its cool

Originally posted by spran-g
your piece dreams is interesting to me i dunno if it was mentioned but you sampled from a rap by tupac a lot in that rhyme either way u didnt take the whole thing so its cool

^^ I didn't know that, might have stuck in my brain, at the time I was doing that poem I was reading up on heaps of his poetry due to recommendation from a friend of mine. Haven't listened to any of his music though, he's quite talented with poetry though.