Whatever wacky or interesting phrases, lines, snatches of song, etc., come to your mind. I'll start:


"Cliff Hanger, hanging from a cliff! And that's why he's called Cliff Hanger! (Can't. hold. on. much. longer.)"

"Lister: Lister RD52169!
Vending Machine: Yes, can I help you?
Lister: You've got a lisp?
Vending Machine: Yes, the lisp malfunction has been reported to the skutters.
Lister: Can I get a bacon sandwich with french mustard and black coffee?
(a boot comes out of the machine)
Lister: Your vocabulary unit's not working either?
Vending Machine: Yes, I know
Lister: Can you just try to get me a black coffee?
VM: I'll certainly try.
(a bucket comes out)
Lister: That's a bucket.
VM: Sorry

Rimmer: Bp bp bp bp! Good morning Lister! How's life in hippy heaven, you pregnant baboon-bellied spaceman? Bp bp bp bp bp.
Lister: Good morning Rimmer.
------------------

That's pretty much what I can remember off the top of my head.

:) Ah, Red Dwarf. Good times. I've recently been reading Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers.

"White sin in a big tall cup, half a pound of shrimp, and we got ourselves a party."

My favorite quote. It's so amazing, and an amazing episode:

"It begins where it ends, in nothingness. A nightmare born from deepest fears, coming home unguarded. Whispering images from time and distance. A soul unbound, touched by others, but never held, on a course chartered by some unseen hand, the journey ahead promising no more than the past reflected back upon me, until at last I reach the end, facing a truth I can no longer deny. Alone, as ever." - Dana Scully

Here's another one from The X-Files:

We work in the dark. We do what we can to battle the evil that would otherwise destroy us, but if a man's character is not his fate, this fight is not a choice but a calling. A perilous journey we can neither question nor refuse. Yet, sometimes the weight of this burden causes us to falter, breaching the fragile fortress of our mind, allowing the monsters without to turn within, and we are left alone staring into the abyss, into the laughing face of madness. - Fox Mulder

Yes, the show had so many amazing quotes. Another favorite of mine:

"They said the birds refused to sing and the thermostat fell suddenly. As if God himself had his breath stolen away. No one there dared speak aloud, as much in shame as in sorrow. They uncovered the bodies one by one. The eyes of the dead were closed, as if waiting for permission to open them. Were they still dreaming of ice cream and monkey bars? Of birthday cake and no future but the afternoon? Or had their innocence been taken along with their lives, buried in the cold earth so long ago? These fates seemed too cruel even for God to allow. Or are the tragic young born again when the world's not looking? I want to believe so badly, in a truth beyond our own, hidden and obscured from all but the most sensitive eyes. In the endless procession of souls, in what cannot and will not be destroyed. I want to believe we are unaware of God's eternal recompense and sadness. That we cannot see his truth. That that which is born still lives and cannot be buried in the cold earth, but only waits to be born again at God's behest. Where in ancient starlight we lay in repose."

i often yell at homeless people, "how's that homelessness working out for you? give not being homeless a try, huh?"

Men can never be free because they are weak, corrupt, worthless, and restless. The people believe in authority. They've grown tired of waiting for miracle and mystery. Science is their religion. No greater explanation exists for them. - Cigarette Smoking Man

Ah! That dialogue between Cancer Man and Jeremiah Smith, is one of my all-time favorites.

We bury our dead alive, don't we? We hear them every day. They talk to us. They haunt us. They beg us for meaning. Conscience, it's just the voices of the dead trying to save us from our own damnation.
- The X-Files

might as well change the title of the thread to quote the x-files.

Well, as Zulu says, there are so many amazing quotes from the show. But if you desire something different, anyname...

Through the dark of futures past, the magician longs to see. One chants between two worlds. Fire walk with me.

-Twin Peaks

"Here's my counter-offer to your counter-offer: go fuck yourself." - Al Swearengen, Deadwood

Sorry, I was absolutely crazy about that show.

Here's a long one:

The name is from the French, Gargouille - the name of a medieval dragon which prowled the river Seine whose horrible image became the symbol of the souls of the condemned turned to stone or of the devils and demons of the underworld spared eternal damnation. The embodiment of the lesser forces of the universe who inspired dread and the threat of our own damnation. Ushers into Hell or into the realm of our own dark fears and imagination. For over 1,200 years the grotesque image has found its expression in stone, clay, wood, oil, and charcoal; born again and again as if resurrecting itself by its own will through tortured human expression, almost as if it existed, haunting men inwardly so that it might haunt mankind for eternity as it must have haunted John Mostow. But what impulses moved him to kill? Could this be the same dark force at work? Its ultimate expression the destruction of the flesh of the very hand that creates it? Is this evil something born in each of us, crouching in the shadow of every human soul waiting to emerge? A monster that violates our bodies and twists our will to do its bidding? Is this the monster called madness?
-Mulder

From the sci-fi thriller, Split Second.

Police Chief "Do you know what this is? It's a medical report on you. The Doctors say you have anxiety neurosis to the point of being paranoid."

Detective Harley Stone "Doctors don't know shit."

Chief "How many weapons you carrying besides this cannon?"

Stone "An MP-15."

Chief "What else?"

Stone "A Glock 50."

Chief "And?"

Stone "An A-3 Assault Shotgun."

Chief "If that's not paranoid, I don't know what the fuck is. I'm surprised you don't have a grenade launcher."

Stone "I couldn't get a permit."


***

Detective Dick Durkin "I don't think this thing thinks it's Satan, I think it is Satan"

Stone "Yeah," loads and chambers his weapon "Well Satan, is in deep shit!"

***

Durkin watches Stone pull a power cable off of a wall and charge back into the room with it.

Durking "What are you going to do with that?'

Stone "I'm gonna fry the fucker!"

***

There are more, but I won't put them here yet. Suffice to say Split Second is one of my favs. Rutger Hauer is one of my favorite actors.

From the sci-fi thriller, Split Second.


This is great and all but the title of the thread is Quote anything from a TV Show, and Split Second is a film.

---------------------------

Every forest has its shadow.
-Twin Peaks

Ok, I misread the thread title. My bad.

How's these... (taken from Star Trek Voyager Episode 'In the Flesh')

"Don�t get sassy with me, young lady! This re-creation may be Starfleet but our weapons are far more sophisticated. I can destroy your vessel with a single command. Run along, now."

- Boothby

" Targ manure! 'United Federation of Planets'...'tolerance for all species'...the 'Prime Directive'...targ manure, every word of it!"

- Boothby

"Humans! You've got a flair for the dramatic, I'll give you that. You want to keep talking? Fine by me. But no more beating around the bush! Now what do you want from us? The truth, Captain!"

- Boothby, to Captain Janeway

"First of all, I want to take a look at that nanoprobe technology - it scares the hell out of me!""

- 'Boothby' Replicant to Janeway, laying some 'ground rules'.

Taken from Star Trek The Next Generation 'All Good Things...'

"The Continuum didn't think you had it in you, Jean-Luc, but I knew you did."
"Are you saying that it worked? We collapsed the anomaly?"
"Is that all this meant to you? Just another spatial anomaly? Just another day at the office?"
"Did it work?"
"Well, you're here, aren't you? You're talking to me, aren't you?"
"What about my crew?"
""The anomaly...my ship...my crew..." I suppose you're worried about your fish, too. Well, if it puts your mind at ease, you've saved humanity...once again."
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"You had a hand in helping me get out of this."
"I was the one who got you into it--a directive from the Continuum. The part about the helping hand, though...was my idea."
"I sincerely hope that this is the last time that I find myself here."
"You just don't get it, do you, Jean-Luc? The trial never ends. We wanted to see if you had the ability to expand your mind and your horizons. And for one brief moment, you did."
"When I realized the paradox."
"Exactly. For that one fraction of a second, you were open to options you had never considered. That is the exploration that awaits you. Not mapping stars and studying nebulae, but charting the unknown possibilities of existence."
"Q, what is it that you're trying to tell me?"
"You'll find out. In any case, I'll be watching. And if you're very lucky, I'll drop by to say hello from time to time. See you...out there."

- Q and Picard, their last conversation

Sean: 600 bucks to fix a broken cat's leg.
Eddie: What a rip. For 600 bucks I could get you a black market eagle.

----------
And probably my most favorite line from Grounded for Life

Eddie: I'm just a man with a box, that's all you need to know.

"Are you, are you saying she's a witch?"
"Yes Jayne. She's a witch. She has had congress with the Beast."
"She's in congress?"
"How did your brain even learn human speech?"

Alright this is a stick up don't anybody move.
Now empty that safe.
Woo Hoo Hoo money moneymoney xxx
Stop it Stop it you mean old potato!
Quit Bo-peep or your sheep get run over!
Ba help BA help us.
Oh No not my sheep, somebody do something.
Reach for the sky.
Oh No sheriff Woody!
I'm here to stop you 1-eyed Bart.
D'oh, how'd you know it was me?
Ya gonna come quilty?
You can't touch me sheriff I brought my attack dog with a build in force field.
Well I brought my dinosaur who eats forcefield dogs.
YIyiyi!
Your going to jail Bart, say goodbye to the wife and tater tots.
You my favorite deputy!

You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
When the road looks rough ahead
And you're miles and miles
From your nice warm bed
Just remember what your old pal said
Boy, you've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
You've got troubles, well I've got 'em too
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you
We stick together and we see it through
You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me

Some other folks might be
A little bit smarter than I am
Bigger and stronger too
Maybe
But none of them will ever love you the way I do
It's me and you
And as the years go by
Boys, our friendship will never die
You're gonna see
It's our destiny
You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me

You can sleep when you're hurt; you can't sleep when you've hurt somebody.

"I have many skills." - Xena, 'Xena: Warrior Princess

"Shut up Wesley!" - Everyone, Star Trek: The Next Generation

Another Xena quote:

Aeris: "Who's the father?"

Xena: "Gabrielle."

I giggled a lot the first time I saw that episode.

"Look Edward, it's a freakshow. Should we take David with us?"
"No Tubbs, we wouldn't want to scare the people."

Yes, League Of Gentlemen.

"Tuvok, I understand, you are a Vulcan man. You have just gone without, for seven years about. Paris please find a way, to load a hypospray. I'll give you the sign, just aim for his behind. Hormone are raising, synapses blazing, it's all verrrrrry illogical. Illogical!"

Scrubs

Janitor: Ah, hey everyone. I've been looking for a new roleplaying game ever since my Lord Of The Rings-club booted me for using an actual warhammer, so would anyone mind if I pretended to be Chief of Medicine while Kelso is out of town?
Everyone: *Unison approval*
Janitor: Fantastic! Let's make cancer feel foolish!

J.D.: Were you ever planning on telling me?
Kim: Yes, But I didn't know what to say.
J.D.: How about "J.D., I think there might be something living inside my uterus."

Dr. Kelso:: What the hell's with her?
Dr. Cox:: She's mad, but she can't give me the "silent treatment", because she knows I'd actually love that. So she's giving me the "talk until I commit suicide treatment".
Dr. Kelso:: Sucks to be you.
Dr. Cox:: You have no idea. [Starts eating his newspaper]

Turk: How the hell am I supposed to cry?
Janitor: You need to cry, let's brainstorm. I could hit you over the head with a wrench, or... [turns wrench around to reveal a knife on the other end] I could stab you in the gut with a knife. [sings] Knife-Wrench! Practical and safe. {tries to slip the knife-wrench in his pocket, but stabs his leg.)

Candy. Tastes like chicken if chicken was a candy.

"If you go to Z'Ha'Dum you will die." :Kosh
"Then I die, but I will not go alone and I won't go quietly." :Sheridan
Babylon 5

Quotes from NCIS

Tony: What's with the sushi bar?
Ducky: Staff Sargeant Cryer's body was not alone on its considerable time adrift.
Tony: Yum.
Ducky: That's probably what they said when they were feeding on his flesh.

Gibbs: You're superstitious?
Vance: I'm a little stitious.

Tony: [points to casket] Hop in.
McGee: Why would I do that?
Tony: We take a picture, pretend that you're dead, and you don't have to retake the polygraph!
McGee: Tony that is not funny.
Tony: They already think you're ducking them. It's only going to get worse.

Ziva: Hello, Abby.
Abby: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? How could you have doubted Tony, after everything you've been through together? You really think Tony killed Rivkin because he was jealous?! You weren't thinking. That's right, you weren't thinking. Although I supposed I can understand your initial reaction. You were at an emotional time for you, when people act rashly. But to tell Gibbs that you didn't trust Tony?! Which again, I can understand, I mean, he did just shoot your boyfriend... in your living room... to death. Alright, I'll give you that.

McGee: What are you doing? I'm not the sidekick.
Tony: I'm the boss when Gibbs isn't here.
Gibbs: Gibbs is here.

Abby: It's weird Ziva hasn't contacted me. I mean it would be one thing if she simply hadn't picked up the phone and called me, but I've tried to contact her several different ways.
McGee: Psychics, crystals or telepathy?

Tony: It's all about chemistry. The zing, the pahh!
McGee: What do you mean, 'pahh'?
Tony: You know ... pahh.

Babylon 5
"When I look at you I see a great hand reaching out of the stars. I hear the voices of millions of people crying out your name." -Technomage
"My followers?" -Londo Mollari
"Your victims." -Technomage

"No dictator, no invader, can hold an imprisoned population by force of arms forever. There is no greater power in the universe than the need for freedom. Against that power, governments and tyrants and armies cannot stand. The Centauri learned this lesson once. We will teach it to them again. Though it take a thousand years, we will be free." -G'Kar

"Are we on? This is... this is the President. I have just been informed that the midrange military bases at Beta Durani and Proxima 3 have fallen to the Minbari advance. We've lost contact with Io and must conclude that they too have fallen to an advance force. Our Military Intelligence believes that the Minbari intend to bypass Mars and hit Earth directly and the attack could come at any time. We have continued to broadcast our surrender and a plea for mercy and they have not responded. Therefore we can only conclude that we stand at the twilight of the human race. In order to buy time for our evacuation transports to leave Earth, we ask for the support of every ship capable of fighting to take part in a last defense of our home world. We will not lie to you, we do not believe that survival is a possibility. We believe that anyone who joins this battle will never come home. But for every ten minutes we can delay the Minbari advance, several hundred more civilians may have a chance to escape to neutral territory. Though Earth may fall, the human race must have a chance to continue elsewhere. No greater sacrifice has ever been asked of a people. But I ask you now to step forward one last time, one last battle to hold the line against the night. May God go with you all. " -Earth President

people are dead if they are killed (c) some anime =)

"There is nothing more dangerous than a man taking pride in the wrong thing." - Della Reese as Tess, Touched by an Angel.

Fistrly, some oldies from The X Files (I used to love that show):

Frohike: "So Mulder, where's your little partner?"
Mulder: "She wouldn't come. She's afraid of her love for you."
Frohike: "She's tasty."
Mulder: "You know Frohike, it's guys like you who give perversion a bad name."

And, again featuring The Lone Gunmen:

Langley: "Hey Mulder, what are you doing on Saturday? If you want, you're welcome to come over. We're all hoppin' on the Internet to nitpick the scientific inaccuracies of Earth 2."
Mulder (dryly): "..... Doing my laundry."

Damn that show had some classic quotes.

And, from NCIS

Ziva: "Tony, she's not your type."
Tony: "She's hot. She's Asian. And she's in a maid's uniform. They don't get any more my type."

Gibbs: "You know Tobias, every time I see you you look like the whole world's on your shoulders."
Fornell: "Yeah, a world made of paper."

Tony: "And for you boss. A copy of the latest MMORPG."
Gibbs: "It's in Spanish."
Tony: "There's just no pleasing you is there."

Babylon 5
"Who are you? What do you want? Do you have anything worth living for?" -Lorian

"You are the one you was, you are the one who is. And you are the one who will be." -Zathrus

"Captain, we're sorry we thought you were dead" -Drazi Ambassador
"I was, I'm better now. The Ambassador is right, I went to Z'Ha'Dum. I have seen the face of the enemy, they're not Gods and they're not indestructible. I've fought them and killed many of them, and I have survived. There is a way out of this and stop this insanity once and for all. Now Delenn's fleet is a start, now we have to build on that. Together we will build the largest fleet in history, not just for a battle but to change the shape of the galaxy. Not just for ourselves but for our children, and our children's children. Tell your governments that the only man to survive Z'Ha'Dum sends this message. We can end this, not just for now, not for just the next thousand years but forever. I stand before you as proof that it can be done. We can fight and we can win, but only if we do it together. Can I count on you? Can I count on you? Will you stand together?!" - Captain John Sheridan
*and the crowd goes cheering in agreement* that was a hell yeah moment.

Legend of Galactic Heroes
"If this were a 3rd rate anime series, a dead protagonist could come back to life at producer's whim." -Oliver Poplan

Here's some more:

The X Files

Byers: "Good work sneaking out these medical charts."
Frohike: "Thanks. I stuffed them in my pants."
Mulder: "Plenty of room down there."

Mulder: "I appreciate you coming to see me at such short notice. How was the opera?"
Mr X: "Great. Wonderful, I've never slept so well. I don't have time for these hasty public meetings Agent Mulder."
Mulder: "I'm sorry. But I need your help."
Mr X: "It's over. The fat lady is singing."

The Simpsons

"NO Principal Skinner!! I created the universe! Give ME the gift certificate!!! - Lisa Simpson

"Well, that's it. We've been canceled. At least we can take pride in knowing that we never once made a bad show. Well, except for the week that Ray J. Johnson was my co-host. 'You can call me Ray, and you can call me 'Jay'. Uuuugghhhh... that was funny for about three seconds." - Krusty the Clown.

"By all medical logic, steam should be shooting out of his ears." - Doctor Hibert.

"AARRGHHH!!! It's out of it's wrapping!! It's no longer a 'collectible'!!!" - Comic-book guy, as 'The Collector'.

"You'll have lots of special people come and go in your life all the time. Heh, I bet there's a special place where they all meet up and the food is really good and guys like me are serving drinks." - Homer Simpson.

"On some days, we don't let the line move at all. Uh huh, we call those days 'weekdays'." - Patty and Selma at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

"As for 'Science vs Religion', I'm hereby issuing a Restraining Order. Religion must stay 500 yards away from Science at all times." - Judge Schnieder.

"Will you leave me alone!! It's bad enough you're making me go to your stupid Judgement Day!" - Lisa Simpson.

"Ahah! Take that Science! And that..ARRGHHHH!! Oh God! I'm paralyzed! I just hope medical science can cure me!!" - Moe Syzlack

"There there. Shut up boy. People die all the time. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Wel, Goodnight!" - Homer Simpson

Supernatural

Dean: What's a slash fan?
Sam: ..As in Sam slash Dean....together.
Dean: Like...together together?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: They do know we're brothers right?
Sam: It doesn't seem to matter.
Dean: Ah c'mon. That's..That's just sick.

Supernatural

Dean: What's a slash fan?
Sam: ..As in Sam slash Dean....together.
Dean: Like...together together?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: They do know we're brothers right?
Sam: It doesn't seem to matter.
Dean: Ah c'mon. That's..That's just sick.
<3 Slash fans. Winchest forever.

Bender: "Kiss my shiny metal ass!"

Bender "Kiss my glorious golden ass!"
both from Futurama

"Stick with what you know, untill something better comes along." - Commander Adama, Battlestar Galactica

"Why would a banana want to grab another banana?" from Arrested Development.

There are also some others I can think of from Arrested Development but they are quite questionable in nature.

From 24, first season...

<strong>Kim</strong>: <em>(regarding Rick, who is supposed to be waiting in the shed)</em> Dad said he'd be in here.
<strong>Teri</strong>: I know.
<strong>Kim</strong>: Well, then where is he?
<strong>Teri</strong>: Wherever he is, they'll find him.
<strong>Kim</strong>: What if Gaines's men found him first?
<strong>Teri</strong>: Well, then he'd be dead and-- and they'd be carrying him out of here in a body bag.

Yet more Babylon 5
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry we had to defend ourselves against an unwarranted attack. I'm sorry your crew was stupid enough to fire upon a station with a quarter of a million civilians including your own people. And I'm sorry I waited as long as I did before I sent them all straight to hell." -Captain John Sheridan

"We are made out of star stuff. We are the Universe made manifest trying to figure itself out. For from the stars we came and to the stars we shall return." Delenn

"Who am I? I am Commander Susan Ivanova, daughter of Andrei Ivanova. And I am the foot that is going to kick your sorry butt back to Earth. God sent me." -Susan Ivanova

"If I live through this without completely losing my mind, it will be a miracle of Biblical proportions." -Susan Ivanova
"Well there goes my faith in the Almighty." -Lt. Corwin

"Well, with everyone now on the same side, perhaps you're planning to invade yourselves for a change. I find the idea curiously appealing. Once you've finished killing each other, we can plow under all the buildings and plant rows of flowers that spell out the words, "Too annoying to live" in letters big enough to be seen from space." -G'Kar

"Only an idiot would fight a war on two fronts. Only the heir to the throne of the Kingdom of Idiots would fight a war on twelve fronts." -Mollari

"I can add, but I can't subtract! Numbers...they scare me like spiders! Uugghh..."

Arnold's Bedtime from Mad TV :D

Yeah, Babylon 5 again.

"God be between you and harm in all the empty places where you must walk" -Sheridan

"To live on as we have is to leave behind joy, and love, and companionship, because we know it to be transitory, of the moment. We know it will turn to ash. Only those, whose lives are brief can imagine that love .. is eternal. .. You should embrace that remarkable illusion. It may be the greatest gift your race has ever received." - Lorien

"Then there is no hope?" -Delenn
"There is only chaos and evolution." -Shadows
"There is only order and obedience." -Vorlons
"You will fight for us when we tell you to fight for us." -Shadows
"You will die for us when we tell you to die for us, because the others know no other way." -Vorlons

"Make sure this is found on his body. Leave his face and head intact. They will be needed later for identification. The rest is yours." -G'Kar

"Thin air? Why is it always thin air? Never fat air, chubby air, mostly-fit-could-stand-lose-a-few-pounds air?" -Garabaldi

Some more from NCIS (which is clearly my favourite show ;)):

Tony (manically): "Bloood, blood, BLOOOODDD!!"
Ziva (with a scornful look): "Psycho."
Gibbs: "Hmmm, he has his moments."

Tony: "You know boss, I'm thinking maybe we should have just stayed in the car."
Gibbs: "Will you shut up Dinozo, or I'll shoot you myself."

Tony (opens shotgun muzzle and snirks at suspect): "Nice shotgun. Shoot any naval petty officers with it lately?"

Mcgee (rushing into Abby's lab): "Abby! It's okay the coast is.. OMMPHH!!" (falls flat on his face and glances back to see his shoes stuck to the floor)
Abby (cowering under a bench): "Ahh.. sorry!"
Mcgee: "Crazy glue again?"
Abby: "You're lucky Mcgee! It was either that or hydrochloric acid!"

Another X-Files:

Scully: "...Spontaneous human combustion."

Mulder: "Scully! *Blushes* Dear Diary, today my heart leapt when Agent Scully suggested spontaneous human combustion".

I saw God the other day, by the river on a rainy afternoon. He helped a kitten that was left all alone. It's a God that only I can see. A black winged angel that came down from the heavens just for me.
-Mamimi, FLCL

"Once more into the breach, meatbags" Bender from Futurama: Into The Wild Green Yonder

Did you set it to wumbo?

These are a couple of my faves from the second series of "Torchwood":

Gwen: Have you ever eaten alien meat?
Jack: Yeah.
Gwen: What was it like?
Jack: Well, he seemed to enjoy it.

Rhys: Hey, you alright?
Gwen: I'm running around in a wedding dress... with what feels like a keg of lager stuck up my skirt. What d'you think, Rhys?
Rhys: (beat) Come on!

Adelaide- "State your name, rank and intention"
Doctor- "um... well The Doctor, Doctor, fun"

Adelaide- "State your name, rank and intention"
Doctor- "um... well The Doctor, Doctor, fun"

Yeah, I liked that one, too... :D

Two memorable quotes from a old tv show, called Monkey (Or Monkey Magic) from 1978/79.

(Monkey is fighting a demon, who retreats into his lair, sealing the entrance. Monkey is outside banging on the door with his Magic Wishing Staff)
Monkey - Open up sissy! Swine! Poofter!!

Monkey - I am Monkey, Great Sage and Equal of Heaven (twirls his Staff in the air) AND I LOVE TO FIGHT!!!

We're not going to Guam, are we.

FIGHT ME, OR I DESTROY THE EARTH

Blade with whom I have lived, blade with whom I now die, serve right and justice one last time, seek one last heart of evil, still one last life of pain, cut well old friend, and then farewell

Jake (reading from a text book) - Wow, it says here that in ancient Rome they had a place called the Vomitorium where you could eat til you threw up, then eat some more.

Berta - Funny, we call that the Sizzler.

Save The Cheerleader, Save The World.

"Oh gravity, thou art a heartless bitch." - Sheldon, Big Bang Theory :D

Quotes from Kingswood Country, a show on Australian television in the 1980's.

(Quotes mainly from the main character, Edward Melba "Ted" Bullpit)

* "Pickle me grandmother!"
* [when surprised from behind] "Give a man a heart attack!"
* [when someone asks to drink his beer] "Money on the fridge!"
* "Somebody/someone should blow [current object of annoyance] up!"
* "The Kingswood! You're not taking the Kingswood!..." [insert far-fetched excuse] e.g. "I've just ducoed the tyres" or "I've just glad-wrapped the aerial!" or "I've just polished the number-plate!"
* "When I was a boy... " [insert long-winded, far-fetched story] Always responded to with "Yeah, yeah sure Ted/Dad."
* [when asked how his day went] "Bloody shambles, of course!"
* [the universal insult for a miserable, miserly old man] "Grumblebum!"
* This is Ted Bullpit...No! Bull-PIT...yeah, everyone says that

From House:

House: "It turns out you're just hormonally challenged"

girl: "So I'm not really a dwarf?"

house: "No, you're just a tiny little poser"

girl: "What about my mom?"

house: "Yep, she's the real deal"

Here are a list of mine:

"Welcome to the OC Bitch! And this is how it's done in Orange County."-Luke Ward, the OC.

"I was like Nemo and I wanted to get out."-Seth Cohen, the OC
"Hellooo!"-Seinfeld
"If relationship George walks into this door, then George Costanza as you know him, ceases to exist! A George divided amongst himself cannot stand!"-George Costanza, Seinfeld.

"Timmay"-Timmy from South Park.
"Mr. Burns, I think we can trust the president of Cuba."-Homer Simpson
"On Second though I'll just have a glass of milk from that Cow!"-Mr.Burns

"Holy crip, he's a crapple!"

Dr. Cox [to an annoying patient]: Okay, think of what little patience I have as, oh, I don't know, your virginity. You always thought it would be there, until that night Junior Year when you were feeling a little down about yourself and your pal Kevin, who just wanted to be friends, well, he dropped by and he brought a copy of About Last Night and a four-pack of Bartels & James and woo hoo hoo, it was gone forever -- just like my patience is now!
Jill Tracy: So you do scary little speeches. How adorable!


Carla [about Dr. Cox and Jordan]: Why does he keep going back to her?
Turk: I don't know. Why do people keep marrying Larry King? The man looks like a frog.


Dr. Cox: The key to my exercise program is this one simple truth: I hate my body.
Turk: What?
Dr. Cox: Do you understand the second you look in the mirror and you're happy with what you see, baby, you just lost the battle.
Turk: You should give speeches to teenage girls.

Babylon 5

"No boom today. Tomorrow, BOOM! There's always a boom tomorrow." -Susan Ivanova

"I'm waiting. For an apology." -Sinclair
"You better check the temperature in Hell first." - Dr. Franklin

"Mollari. What did he say, really?" -Refa
"He said .. that we are both damned." -Londo
"Well. It's a small enough price to pay for immortality." -Refa

"It is said that the future is always born in pain. The history of war is the history of pain. If we are wise, what is born of that pain matures into the promise of a better world, because we learn that we can no longer afford the mistakes of the past." G'Kar

"On my world, we have learned that an inauguration is simply a signal to assassins that a new target has been set up on the firing range." -Londo

"There comes a time when you look into the mirror and realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. Then you accept it, or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking into mirrors." -Londo

Buffy: I'm Buffy. I'm new.
Xander: Xander. Is - is me. Hi.
Buffy: Um, thanks.
Xander: Well, uh, maybe I'll see you around... maybe at school... since we... both... go there.
Buffy: Great! It was nice to meet you. [walks away]
Xander: We both go to school. Very suave. Very not pathetic.
--------
Willow: Xander, this is Buffy
Xander: Oh, Me and Buffy go way back - old friends. Very close. Then there was that period of estrangement, where I think we were both growing as people. But now here we are, like old times. I'm quite moved.
Jesse: Is it me are you turning into a babbling idiot?
Xander: No, it's not you.
--------
Cordelia: I don't mean to interrupt your downward mobility, but I just wanted to tell you that you won't be meeting Coach Foster, the woman with the chest hair, because gym was cancelled due to the extreme dead guy in the locker.
Buffy: What?!
Willow: What are you talking about?
Cordelia: Some guy was stuffed in Aura's locker.
Buffy: Dead?
Cordelia: Totally dead. Way dead.
Xander: It's not just a little dead, dead?
Cordelia: Don't you have an elsewhere to be?
--------
Giles: There's a reason why you're here, and a reason why it's now!
Buffy: Because now is the time my mom moved here.
Giles: Something's coming, something, something, something is - is gonna happen here. Soon!
Buffy: Gee, can you vague that up for me?
--------
Willow: Well... when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty. Or at all. I - I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
Buffy: It's not that bad.
Willow: I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk.
Buffy: You really haven't been dating lately.

WE LANDED ON THE MOON!
- said by Lloyd Christmas in Dumb And Dumber




DVDBESTONLINE (http://www.dvdbestonline.com)

Babylon 5

Londo: "Any invasion force on Narn will be up to it's neck in blood, their own."
Refa: "We're not going to invade Narn, flatten yes, but invade. No. We will be using mass drivers and bombing them from a safe orbit."
Londo: "Mass drivers? Are you mad? They have been outlawed by every civilized government."
Refa: "These are uncivilized times."
Londo: "We have treaties..."
Refa: "Ink on a page."

something a little different.

"Don't you think you should go make peace with your maker first colonel?" -ship's chaplain
"My maker was some geek in a lab coat, an eye dropper and a petre dish. what do I need to make my peace with him for?" -Colonel McQueen
"At these times we should all make peace with our maker." -Chaplain
"With all due respect Chaplain I don't think our maker wants to hear from me right now, because he knows I am going to go out in that sky in this plane and remove one of his creations from his universe. And when I return I'm going drink a bottle of scotch as though it were Chiggy Von Richtoven's blood and celebrate his death." -Colonel McQueen former Angry Angels "aka the Angriest Angel
"Amen." -Chaplain
Space: Above and Beyond.

Strangers with Candy

Noblet: "Come on Jerri, now's our chance."
Jerri: "Where are we going?"
Noblet: "Up through the furnace and back to the cult."
Jerri: "But we'll be burned alive!"
Noblet: "Father will save us! Where's your faith, woman!"

Jellineck: "I was a complete zero, Jerri."
Jerri: "And now?"
Jellineck: "Well, now you could multiply that zero by one hundred."
Jerri: "Wow! That must be a lot."

The King of Queens

Arthur Spooner: You gotta hand it to those Japanese, though, clever people. Still a mystery to me how we ever got them to surrender in the Second World War.
Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Well, we did annihilate two of their cities.
Arthur Spooner: True enough. Mystery solved.

[Doug answers the phone]
Doug Heffernan: Hello... Mhm?... Oh, hold on a second, let me get him... Arthur! Phone!
Arthur Spooner: Who is it?
Doug Heffernan: It's Louis Di Robertis from some law firm.
Arthur Spooner: Tell him to drop dead!
Doug Heffernan: Okay, I am not going to tell him to drop dead.
Arthur Spooner: Then tell him to go to hell!
Doug Heffernan: Not telling him that either.
Arthur Spooner: Then you go to hell!
Doug Heffernan: You go to hell!
Arthur Spooner: Drop dead!
[Doug lifts up the phone]
Doug Heffernan: Sorry, wrong number.

Carrie: Doug, tell me what the hell is going on or, so help me, I will kill you. And I don't mean that funny "Oh my God, I'm going to kill you." I mean, I will stop your heart!

Doug: Good luck, Arthur.
Arthur: Thanks. What can I say except "I hope you die, you fat pig!"

Arthur: These past few days have been some of the best of my life. I won't go back to the way it was before...I'll die first.

Arthur: Your song gave me the will to go on.
Ava St. Clair: My song saved your life?
Arthur: Yes. And I also realized I couldn't off my self if wanted to...I'm very much a coward.

Carrie: What's the story here?
Arthur: Story? No story. I was just standing here casually scratching my head.
Carrie: You were going through my purse.
Arthur: That's only because I was looking for a tic tac. Here it is.
Carrie: Those are my birth control pills dad.
Arthur: What do you need birth control pills for?! Does he touch you?!

Arthur: Darling, question for you. Do you find me sexually attractive?
Carrie: Well...Dad.
Arthur: Yes I know you're my daughter. Can't you put that aside for one moment and answer a simple question? Am I sexy?!
-----------------------
I love that crazy old man or as Doug would call him "a demented old circus monkey".

I'll take jap anus relations for 200 Alex.

(Singing)
"Let me give you one more round,
drink it down,
you stupid clown,
let me give you one more round,
and your out on your ass!"

Dee: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm a lil preocupied with worrying about being killed by the mob because a homeless priest ran off with all of our drugs!

Full House :D

How Very Rude (Stephanie Tanner in bed with Teddy bear)

Nelson: Your old man has an awesome nose.
Bart: Oh, that's nothing, he can hear pudding!

Hal: I told the doctor I was having trouble sleeping, problems with the wife, can't pay the bills, we're about to lose the house...But don't worry son, those were just lies I told to get prescription drugs.

Don't be a negative Nilly, be a positive Pete.

Charlie: Dude, it's amazing. Look at this. Bro, you could chop a camel right in the hump and drink all of its milk right off the tip of this thing.

Laughing gas comes out of my button hole.

Dennis: By the way you guys, can I just say as a side note, I am loving this can-wine thing, I think it's brilliant. I mean I'm active, I'm gesturing with my hands, and I don't feel restricted. If I was holding a wine glass right now I'd be spilling wine all over the god damn place.

Q: Ah, the redoubtable Commander Riker. (turns to Worf) And Micro-brain! Growl for me, let me know you still care.

Karen Walker: "Oh no! This is the end of me!"
*Goes out the window so it seems as if she's about to jump to her death*
Grace Adler: "No! What are you doing?!"
*Karen reaches far and grabs a bottle of alcohol she's left in the snow to cool*
*Audience laughs*

Will & Grace

I, Dominus Tusk, victor of 10,00 battles… and loser of one where I got stuck in a wall… hereby challenge You!

Blade with whom I have lived, blade with whom I now die, serve right and justice one last time, seek one last heart of evil, still one last life of pain, cut well old friend, and then farewell

I need to find this movie again. Awesome as it was.

Firefly

Wash playing with dinosaurs: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

Jubel Early: You ever been shot?
Simon: No.
Jubel Early: You oughta be shot. Or stabbed, lose a leg. To be a surgeon, you know? Know what kind of pain you're dealing with. They make psychiatrists get psychoanalyzed before they can get certified, but they don't make a surgeon get cut on. That seem right to you?

Wash: We need to go to the crappy town where I'm a hero.

I need to find this movie again. Awesome as it was.

Firefly

Wash playing with dinosaurs: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

Jubel Early: You ever been shot?
Simon: No.
Jubel Early: You oughta be shot. Or stabbed, lose a leg. To be a surgeon, you know? Know what kind of pain you're dealing with. They make psychiatrists get psychoanalyzed before they can get certified, but they don't make a surgeon get cut on. That seem right to you?

Wash: We need to go to the crappy town where I'm a hero.

Sadly it has yet to be released on DVD. I have it in my horde of recorded VHS tapes. Sas thing is I still use those from time to time.

trust me....im the doctor.

trust me....im the doctor.

DOCTA!

Some hilarious lines from NCIS:

Tony (not adjusting to Arizona's weather): "Damn, you must be hot."
Ziva: "Thank you Tony, I'm told that a lot."
Tony: "Not you, I mean, hot, as in, heat."
Ziva: "Will you stop complaining! This is like winter in Israel!"

and

Gibbs (walking into the Autopsy Bay and encountering Palmer's strong cologne) "Pew, it's like a French whorehouse in here! What are you trying to do Palmer? Raise the dead?!"

"Gary the No-trash Cougar says Give a larbage, throw out your garbage."

Blackadder: I have erred and strayed like a lost ox... I have coveted my father's adultery... I have not always honoured my neighbours ass.

Sadly it has yet to be released on DVD. I have it in my horde of recorded VHS tapes. Sas thing is I still use those from time to time.

http://www.amazon.com/Flight-Dragons-Victor-Buono/dp/B002VA5A0C

inside cinema on Sonny in the Middle episode (Disney's Sonny with a chance)

movie voice : Its not just a tiara, its a key to unlock the secret unicorn stables
Nico : I don't know any of those words mean

Carla: Turk, honey, why is there a waffle in the utensil drawer?
Turk: Baby, what I wanna know is why are there utensils in the waffle drawer? *High-fives J.D.*

Then spin the wheel raggedy man!

Stewie: We're playing house...
Lois: But that kid is all tied up!
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house.

Hurley (Lost): "Dude...You got some Arzt on you" (after Dr. Arzt has just blown himself to pieces with some unstable dynamite)

*raspy voice* "You don't know who I am. But I know where you live, Sex Ed teacher. And you better cut it out if you know what's good for you" - Dale Gribble King Of The Hill

When I was a baby I made boom boom on a leaf, (BOOM) (BOOM)
But then I fell backwards and landed in my own boom boom.
I laid there and cried for a whole day.
And that's why I vowed to help anyone in need, no matter how small their problem.

Holly: We're a bit short on a few supplies.
Lister: Like what?
Holly: Cow's milk. Ran out of that yonks ago. Fresh and dehydrated.
Lister: What kind of milk are we using now?
Holly: Emergency backup supply. We're on the dog's milk.
Lister: Dog's milk!?
Holly: Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness. Full of vitamins. Full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other type of milk, dog's milk.
Lister: (staring at his cup) Why?
Holly: No bugger'll drink it. Plus, the advantage of dog's milk is when it goes off, it tastes exactly the same as when it's fresh.
Lister: Why didn't you tell me, Holly?
Holly: What, and spoil your tea?

Red Dwarf Series II - "Kryten"

Al Swearengen: God rest the souls of that poor family... and pussy's half price for the next 15 minutes.

one of the many funny jokes that Junior told on The Sopranos:

"What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market?
Good morning ladies."

No.2: “Are you going to run?”
No.6: “Like blazes. First chance I get.”
No.2: “I meant -- run for office?”

"Aw, yeah! There's just something so "sci-fi" about pissin' off into space!"

Yes, I have a lot of locks that need smithin. from Drake and Josh

"Well, he works in mysterious ways."
"Who?! The spider?!"
"Ya... Uh... Can I, Can I see that again. Oh my goodness."

I subtracted the plus which tried to divide us so our friendship could multiply.

You killed Captain Clown :( ............................... YOU KILLED CAPTAIN CLOWN!!!!!!! :mad:

Dexter: No blood. No sticky, hot, messy, awful blood; no blood at all. Why hadn't I thought of that? No blood. What a beautiful idea!

been awhile since there's a post

:)

"Book em' Danno!" - Hawaii Five-0 & Original Hawaii Five-O

"There is a hole in your mind." -Minbari assassin/ Babylon 5

"I always thought the word on the street said Ped-X-ing..." Gunther from Kick Buttowski

Some Dr. Gregory House quotes

"You want to know how two chemicals interact, do you ask them? No, they're going to lie through their lying little chemical teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat."
◦"It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what."
"I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone that someone is probably the last person you should ask."
"...like the philosopher Jagger once said, 'You can't always get what you want.'"
"Saying there appears to be some clotting is like saying there's a traffic jam ahead. Is it a ten-car pile up, or just a really slow bus in the center lane? And if it is a bus, is that bus thrombotic or embolic? I think I pushed the metaphor too far."

"...and this are my compatriots Ernesto Agapito Garces Cor Y' de Avellar, and Juan Priestley" - Psych

"It's a swirling, world of sparkling white pleasure. Let it fill your senses with cascading fluffy pillows of excitement and comfort, as you've never felt them before." - Patrick Star from Spongebob

Dr. Gregory House: Relax, I have just the thing to cheer you up... we're being sued!

"Used your Mutant powers, just talk people to death" ... Bones (Agent Booth talking to Dr. Brennan/Bones

"My timing is digital" -Data from Star Trek The Next Generation

Battlestar Galactica (Reimagined)

Roslin: "I have cancer."
Billy: "I know.."
(Roslin looks at him inquisitively as if to say 'How did you know?')
Billy: "The little things. It's alright.."
Roslin (shaking her head): "The world is coming to an end... and all I can think about, is that I am dying of cancer. How selfish is that?"
Billy: "It's not selfish. It's human."

Caprica Six (looking at a baby in a pram): "It's amazing that the neck can support so much weight." (then reaches in and with her fingers, snaps the baby's neck, then calmly walks away leaving the dead baby for it's mother to find.)

(The Galactica has just been officially decommissioned, when suddenly klaxons start blaring)
Tigh (walking into the CIC casually while everyone else around him is in pandemonium): "What have we got? A shipping accident?"
(Adama says nothing but glumly hands him a dispatch. Tigh just scoffs and chuckles)
Tigh: "This is a joke! It's a joke! The Fleet is playing a joke on you as a retirement prank!"
(Adama gives Tigh a look that could melt steel)
Adama: "I don't think so."
(The smile slowly disappears from Tigh's mouth and his face goes pale as the horrid realization sinks in. Adama takes the microphone and addresses the ship)
Adama: "This is the commander. Moments ago, this ship received word of a Cylon attack against our home worlds is underway. We do not know the size or the disposition or the strength of the enemy forces. But all indications point... to a massive assault against Colonial defenses. Admiral Nagala has taken personal command of the fleet aboard the battlestar Atlantia, following the complete destruction of Picon Fleet Headquarters in the first wave of the attacks. How, why ... doesn't really matter now. What does matter, is that, as of this moment, we are at war. You've trained for this! You're ready for this! Stand to your duties, trust your fellow shipmates, and we'll all get through this. Further updates as we get them. Thank you."

"The world needs bad men. We keep the other bad men from the door." (True Detective)

“Every fairy tale needs a good old-fashioned villain”

�I wanna know who cut the cheese.....I�ll tell you this for openers: we are gonna set off an area on the balcony....And God help whoever doesn�t use it, because the next stink I have to smell in this office, and whoever doesn�t admit to it is going out the window, into the muck, onto their fucking heads, and we�ll see how they like farting from that position, okay?�

- Al Swearengen (Ian McShane) in Deadwood

(Dark Angel)
Max: Got word from this fence I know. There's a collector willing to pay top dollar for Star Wars: Episode VII. After the Pulse, they shut down production. Apparently this is the only footage that exists.
Alec: Is that the one where Captain Kirk dies?

"It squeaks when you bang it. That's what she said "

"That look like it hurt. Did it hurt? Or did it just look like it hurt?"

Rumplestiltskin: [to Jones] We didn't get a chance to finish our duel. Not now. Tomorrow at dawn. I am not a cruel man. Get your affairs in order. Also, you can spend tonight knowing... it'll be your last.
[giggles]
Rumplestiltskin: Maybe I *am* cruel.

"You take, Zathras dies. Zathras stay, Zathras dies. Either way not good for Zathras."

"When your time comes, you must lead with your head, not with your heart." [ Ragnar to Bjorn - Vikings]

More Battlestar Galactica (Reimagined)

Head-Six (threateningly): "Don't make me angry Gaius. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!" (Then to drive home the threat, she grabs Baltar by the hair and smashes his head against a bathroom mirror).

From Battlestar Galactica: The Plan

(Caprica-Cavil and the Caprica Buccaneers' version of Simon are sitting at Anders' resistance camp on Caprica discussing the Cylon plan and bemusedly overhearing the sounds of Anders and Kara having sex in the next room)
Cavil: "What are they doing in there?"
Simon (smirking): "You need a doctor to tell you that?"
Cavil (realizing and visibly disgusted): "Oh for Godsake why?!"
Simon: (his smirk wider): "Why? He loves her."
Cavil (sarcastically): "He, 'loves' her?"
Simon: "Vigorously."
Cavil: "But she's beneath him!"
Simon (hearing Kara moan with pleasure particularly loudly and his smirk grows even larger): "... Not necessarily." :p

That little scene was probably my favourite in the whole show. ;)

(During the Fall of the Colonies, the battlestar Yashuman and two other ships and their Viper squadrons scramble to intercept the Cylon fleet in orbit over the planet of Caprica, while the Yashuman's wireless operator becomes increasingly desperate to convince the ground command of the imminent threat):
Yashuman radio operator: "Caprica Control, Yashuman. Heavy bogeys, six plus, lower orbit, over grid 15-2."
Caprica Ground Control: "No joy, Yashuman."
Yashuman RO: "Then go to your window and look up! They�re big as frakking asteroids!"
Caprica Control: "Copy, Yashuman. Still blind. Got some kind of system-wide crash in the defense grid."
Yashuman: "Try to unfrak yourself right godsdamned now, �cause we got multiple inbound, and they�re not carrying flowers!!"
Caprica Control: "Wait one, Yashuman!"
Yashuman: "We don�t have one left!!"
(Radio contact between The Yashuman and Caprica Control goes silent, as the ship and it's fighters are shut down remotely by the Cylon fleet infiltrating the Colonial defense computer system and are accordingly obliterated)

"If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross, but it's not for the timid." ~ Q STTNG Q-WHO?

Morden: What do you want?
Vir: I'd like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I'd look up at your lifeless eyes and wave like this. Can you and your associates arrange it for me, Mr. Morden?

Babylon 5 / In the Shadow of Z'ha'dum

Stephen Franklin: Can God make a rock so big, that even he can't lift it?
G'Kar: Yes, I've heard it, but ...
Franklin: What if that is the wrong question? I wonder if the right question is, can God create a puzzle so difficult, a riddle so complex, that even he can't solve it? What if that's us? Maybe a problem like this is God's way of doing to us a little of what we do to him?

Babylon 5 / Wheel of Fire

"I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone that someone is probably the last person you should ask."

and "Everybody Lies"

House, MD

"Welcome... to the Federation Starship S.S. Buttcrack!" ~ John Crichton, Farscape

"Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed - that's the American way." - Homer Simpson

"We've never discussed this before, because I thought it went without saying. But when I catch him, I'm going to cut him open and then watch him die slowly, like he did with my wife and child. And if you have a problem with that, we should talk."

"Virtually every American born since 1945. Every immigrant, every indigenous person who's ever given blood or tissue to a government donor. This is what I was telling you. This is the hoax into which you've been drawn. The roots go back 50 years to the end of World War II. Playing on a virulent national appetite for bogus revelation and a public newly fearful of the atomic bomb... the U.S. Military Command began to fan the flames of what were being called flying saucer stories. There are truths that can kill a nation, Agent Mulder. The military needed something to deflect attention away from its arms strategy - global domination from the capability of total enemy annihilation.

The nuclear card was fine as long as we alone could play it. But the Generals and Politicos knew they could not win a public relations war. Those photographs from Nagasaki and Hiroshima were not faces Americans wanted to see in the mirror. Oppenheimer knew it, of course, but we silenced him. When the Russians developed the bomb, the fear in the military was not for safety at home, but for armistice and treaty. The business of America isn't business, Agent Mulder, it's war. Since Antitam, nothing has driven the economy faster. We needed a reason to keep spending money, and when there wasn't a war to justify it, we called it a war anyway. The Cold War was essentially a fifty year public relations battle... a pitched game of chicken against an enemy we not much more than called names. The Communists called us a few names, too. "We will bury you," Kruschev said, and the public believed it. And after what McCarthy had done, they ate it with a big spoon. We faced off a few times in Cuba, Korea, Vietnam, but nobody dropped the bomb - nobody dared."

- KRITSCHGAU

At some level, food knows it's food.
-- V.M. Varga, Fargo

Yay, grass!

Don't have a quote on hand but I think Frank Gallagher (played by William H. Macy) from "Shameless" says something sharp and funny pretty much every single episode.

Two of my favorites from Psych.

From Disco Didn't Die. It Was Murdered!
Shawn: I'm Shawn Spencer and that's my partner -
Henry: Yeah, yeah, that's his partner, Methuselah Honeysuckle, which makes me Old Scratch Johnson.


And another one from Earth, Wind and... Wait for It

Henry: And all you got is your bird chirping?
Shawn: Wait a minute. What about Miss Mugglesworth?
Gus: My cockatoo when I was eight?
Shawn: Yeah.
Gus: Wow, I haven't thought about her in years.
Shawn: Remember when she died, your parents fed you some story about taking her somewhere.
Gus: The Bird Sanctuary. But she's not dead. She's still there, living amongst other relinquished avians.
Henry: Gus, have you seen her since your parents took her there?
Gus: Of course not. She had a rare bird disease where she would lose her feathers if anyone ever looked at her, so she has to be kept in a special mirrored cage. What?
Henry: Gus, your parents lied to you. We do it sometimes to protect our kids. Your bird bit the big one. Sorry, pal.
Shawn: Yeah. Not all pets get to go live on a special wheat farm like my rabbits.
Henry: That's right, son. (turns to Gus, gives 😬 face)

"As god as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!"