Here's a poem a wrote a while back. I'd be happy to post more of my poetry if there's an interest. And constructive critiscm is most appreciated.

She walks alone.

No one to greet her,

No one to direct her,

No one to stop her.

A fallen angel has been canned.

Eyes bright but seeing nothing;

They only deceive her.

Fools have played this game

Too many times.

And yet, they win.

Every time.

She won't take that.

Her heart can't stretch anymore.

It's not made to feel so much.

She stumbles,

Memory blocking her way.

If only, if only.

Why do you grow so cold?

So cold.

And yet, wrapped in this confusion,

This aching, wanting, needing,

Paralyzing her from going any farther.

A fallen angel has been canned.

We can't take back the thoughts we've had,

She owns her life, but no one knows.

Her secrets are her own as well.

If she can't tell them, she can't live.

But who does she tell?

If she's blind already, who can see her?

Ears deafened by the shrieking sirens

Cannot hear those painful cries.

Arms burdened by responsibility

Cannot support the weak.

Laughter peeks around the corner of her mind,

But frightened by the torment of her thoughts,

It runs away.

A fallen angel has been canned.

It takes a lot of energy to live a lie.

But somehow she finds some remaining strength,

And her pace quickens along the narrow, winding street.

She's running to a place where no one goes.

Her feet, the petals of a flower,

Do not make a sound.

She can't turn back now.

Too many wasted times were caught in her hand,

And thrown away.

Chances that would never show themselves again.

Forgotten by everyone

But her.

Too many times.

If only, if only.

Why do you grow so cold?

So cold.

She falls to the ground,

And the pain of memory grips her swollen heart.

Why can't they see, she cries.

They know what to look for.

But they'll never know

What to find.

A fallen angel has been canned.

Pillows of forgiveness seem so far away.

To search for anything truthful..

No, that couldn't be right.

It's too hard.

So how do you find the truth in a haystack of lies?

Too many answers to so few questions.

How can we find the time?

She doesn't have it anymore.

They take too much of her.

And now, pain isn't enough.

They want something else.

Where does the day go?

If only, if only.

Why do you grow so cold?

So cold.

And yet, they will never find what they're looking for.

And so she falls to her knees in the darkened street,

Wishing that everything would change,

And that everything was the same.

And with her head in her hands,

She quietly begins to cry.

A fallen angel has been canned.

It's me they want.

Ohhhh. . . a new addition to Fiction and Poetry.


I'd be happy to post more of my poetry if there's an interest.

Of course there's an interest. I love reading new peoples additions to this Forum. :D

Anywayse, on to my comment:

I like the piece. It is very well written and I like the rythum and the build-up that you create with each line. Makes me think. . . it's a very sad and emotional piece. Keep it up. ^^. I hope to see you post more works here.



P.S: As a side note, you do know that you have to post your own little poetry section right?

Ahh! I love it! I think it's great to see a new writer here at F&P...the poem so reflects who I am. Great work.

Originally posted by tifa lockheart
P.S: As a side note, you do know that you have to post your own little poetry section right?

No, I didn't know. But I changed the subject, Thank you very much! And thank you so much to both of you for the comments, it really means a lot to me.

Here is the most recent poem that I've done. I am really proud of this one, so I hope you like it.

Savior

Only time can save us now

We've forgotten all the better days

To reach a certain point and stop

We can't just make it go away

Memories can destroy a soul

But time can heal any wound

Could I take a breath to fill my mind-

A dream can never be assumed

Pictures begin to fade away

I almost forget the way you looked

This can be taken in different ways

It means you no longer have me hooked

Upon a moment of pure delight

The rays of happiness shooting through

You seemed so distant, so unreal

I almost could have never known you

But did I ever really know you?

You never even knew my name

You never could have guessed about me

And still the unwanted feelings came

I couldn't begin to understand

The way you held me in your time

Passing by, I'll remember

What was yours and what was mine

A stone could block our way, indeed

But always we can rise above

All we need is countless guidance

And just a little bit of love

Breath upon my fingertips

I never knew; I never tried

Knowing what was haunting me

I could sit there as it cried

Your voice could never speak to me

And any kind of familiarity-

Just a little recognition

Could ruin all our informality

I tried to be good; I really did

To follow a list of rights and wrongs

But temptation can lead to so many things

And it just carried me along

I saw too many awful things

In a year that lost too many lives

I can't help that very much right now

But I strongly hope that peace revives

I placidly watch the leaves fall for a while

And fill my head with bittersweet thoughts

I try to forget, but I can't stop seeing you

Or remembering the feeling of my heart tied in knots

I wish the wind could fly me away

To a place where you had never been

Maybe then I could find another

Way to focus my attention

Bright lights and flickering flames

Could light my way for a while

But nothing shows a path for me

Like your eyes, your voice, or your smile

My lies to myself and everyone else

Are beginning to be forgotten

And it's easier now to find a place

That you and my nightmare are not in

Continuing on seems possible

And much more than just a fallacy

And maybe I can overcome

This inane and childish fantasy.

Heh,those poems are both way ruley,but could you cut them down a bit? I don't like reading long poems but I luv the themes in both of them so keep it up! *Hugs.*:)