c'mon, bring on the poem-bashing ^^

Nocturna Obscura

Het was bij nachte, in het duister.
De stilte enkel doorbroken door de melancholische noten uit de twee kleine luidsprekers.
Bloedige sterren vergezellen de verduisterde maan.
Een nacht waar enkel waanzinnigen zich buiten wagen.
Waar moordenaars en dieven loeren, of nog ziekere geesten op de bevroren aardkluit.
Het was een prachtige nacht voor de duistere zielen.
Verstoten door hun gelijken.
Verafschuwd door de zogenaamde �superieuren�.

Toen, in de eindeloze stoet gelijkgestemde verdoemden�
Stond ze daar�

Mysterieuzer dan de sterren in de barkoude hemel.
Donkerder dan het zwart er rond.
Ogen, groot en smaragdgroen kijken rond in wanhoop.
Zo alleen op de wereld.
En de duisternis in haar hart is te zien door de weinigen die haar begrijpen.

Zij wandelt door de schaduwen en het stof.
Waar zelfs gekken niet durven komen.
Dansend in de verwaterde sneeuw en de koude regen.
Zelfs de verre stormwind die door haar haren blies kan haar niet schaden.

Nocturna Obscura, in jouw duistere pracht;
Dansend in de sneeuw onder de sterrennacht
Onheilige schoonheid; verboden vrucht;
Voor haar zouden duizend stervelingen bloeden;
Voor het laatste eind van een verveelde zucht�

Dans in de storm, in de donkere nacht;
Nocturna Obscura, smaragden ogen van kracht;
Moord uit de ongelovigen, de onreine en het licht;
Waar wolven huilen zien we jouw gezicht.

Vergeet je pijn en je smart wanneer zij het waardig vind om zich aan je te openbaren.
Alleen maar om ze te hervatten wanneer zij zich wegtrekt.
Nocturna Obscura, zo ver weg en toch dichtbij.
Elke keer dat een verdoemde zijn ogen sluit;
Elke keer waar uit wanhoop wordt gehuild�
Word jouw naam geroepen.

Ik riep jouw naam en daar was jij.
Twee duistere zielen verbonden in wanhoop.
Naar duistere oorden trekken wij.
Met een stoet van verdoemden, naar vergeten steden in vergeten werelden;
Om daar te slapen.

En de oneindigheid te omarmen�


TRY...I DARE YOU ^^

so you mean all people here are from belgium?...

walaupun angin puting beliung bertiup
rumah yang bercat nippon mesti kukuh
panas terik pun tidak boleh menggugat
dan samy vellu tidak akan berteriak

Wow. Your spelling is so horrible that I couldn't understand more than a couple words of that. Go back to English class and learn to spell individual words before you try to arrange them into verse.

i'm sorry you can't have everything your way...I speak dutch, so i write dutch...i can't be bothered to translate it all

i would sound like shit in English anyway

That was actually a joke. It was sarcastic. It was not serious.

If you were going to reply to it, you were expected to do so in a humorous way. Fail for not doing so.

it was intended sarcastically...Fail for not noticing that

nice try razorbunny...

why don't you make a short poem, which is easier for you to translate it to english...

oh i have an english version allright...but the verses and structure are shot to shit in that one...English just doesn't cut it for me in terms of personal style and poem structure

then how should i understand?...

you can't...that's the point...it's not fair to bash on people trying their best to expose their souls through the internet...creating literature is hard work, and instantly bashing on ppl because the writing is (well lets be honest) mediocre to say the least isn't very nice...you can't compare ones ability to write at 16 years of age to a 30 or even 20-year-old

so here's a poem i wrote...
not because i doubt my ability as a writer (it gets food on the table for me, anyway, so i know im not THAT bad) but as a sort of protest

call me sappy or a hippie, i couldn't care less
that's the way I feel about it

But there's something you fail to understand. Praise and indifference are useless to a writer of any sort. Only criticism can help a person find the faults in their work and improve their abilities.

what?...yo razorbunny, i'm not bashing you dude...

i wanna see your poem, no matter it is good or bad...

it's just that you have to type in english so that i can understand and then we can discuss it together...

i'm not saying anything bad about you...i'm not that kind of person...

it'd probably be nice in english but i'm not a fan of poetry

But there's something you fail to understand. Praise and indifference are useless to a writer of any sort. Only criticism can help a person find the faults in their work and improve their abilities.

true, very true

I'm only looking out for those who are of lesser talent...

...and those who can't stand to be critisized (wow I really don't know how to spell that in english, do I). Also, criticism should be constructive, all the 'wow this really is shit' or 'ieuw' comments hardly point out faults, do they

ekinserge, this wasn't adressed to you but i have found many generally rude comments on poetry across this perticular board...

Also, I deem blunt criticism in the genre of the american idol judges simply 'not done'

rude comments

well, rude comments come from people who think they're SARUMAN, which is physically wise, innerly idle...

well, rude comments come from people who think they're SARUMAN, which is physically wise, innerly idle...


nice one i'll remember that one ^^

I'm only looking out for those who are of lesser talent...

Of course, those of lesser talent still choose to post their work here. Frankly, it's utterly pointless to post poetry or short stories on a forum unless you're looking for criticism.


...and those who can't stand to be critisized (wow I really don't know how to spell that in english, do I). Also, criticism should be constructive, all the 'wow this really is shit' or 'ieuw' comments hardly point out faults, do they

As before, people should not post their work in public view if they don't like being criticized.

There are naturally going to be unconstructive criticisms made, but they generally reflect the views of those people who label the faults in a given work.


ekinserge, this wasn't adressed to you but i have found many generally rude comments on poetry across this perticular board...

It happens. People risk that every time they post poetry here, as well as anywhere else.


Also, I deem blunt criticism in the genre of the american idol judges simply 'not done'

A bit overly sensitive, aren't you?

[QUOTE=Prak]One word:

Ugh.
QUOTE]


[QUOTE=Prak]A bit overly sensitive, aren't you?
QUOTE]

A bit overly rude, aren't you

Call me sensitive, i just can't stand rude people

No offense, you seem like a good discussion partner though :)

yeah, prak is a good discussion partner...

but i don't know whether he's good in poetry or not...

I wouldn't know. I've never tried to write any. I can recognize bad poetry though.

I understand Dutch, and i quite like it. :) Although it's got more the feeling of a poetic short-story (like Edgar Allen Poe), rather than an actual poem. ;)

And yeah, i understand it: if you'ld translate it literally into English, it'll lose most of its original feeling; although i could give it a try adapting it into English, just for the heck of it. ^^;