Hayo I dont write poetry too much but heres one I managed to dig out at the back of my school bag. I did it in class and was quite bored, not sure whether to scrap it or keep it. Any comments and suggestions much appeiciated:

Generation suicide:

It�s great being a teenager
Gambling your life on a profitless wager
'How old were you when you started smoking?'
My 14 year old friends asked and I thought they were joking

'I don�t smoke,' I replied
Now at 15 if I say that you know I�ve lied
At 14 you just say, I�m young what the heck?
At 15 you ask your doctor, �what�s this lump on my neck?�

It�s all part of fitting in,
A new craze to throw your life in the bin.
But I�m young and I�ll got a life ahead of me
I�m not my dad, don�t you see?

�Go on try it, what have you got to loose?�
My 16 year old mates say slipping me some booze
It tastes revolting
But I�ll do what I have to to join this whole cult thing

The world is spinning,
The only thing to do is to just keep drinking,
After a while it starts to taste nice
The headaches become a part of life.

I�m not a stupid croydon thug,
I�m just trying to fit in when I take the drugs
The booze and cigarettes weren�t enough
Man being popular sure is tough.

Happy new year everyone,
Anyone got any nicotine gum?
No? Fine give me a cigarette instead
It�s not like next year I�ll be dead

The world is turning once again
I�m sure this fad will end by then
So give me your nicotine, drugs and alcohol
I�m your average, popular, merry old soul

I�m going to try to get some sleep,
And by the way dad,
Rest in peace......

Ohoh, let me get a hot drink, this is going to be fun.

Where to begin...oh, yes, the beginning.


It�s great being a teenager
Gambling your life on a profitless wager
Uh oh!


'How old were you when you started smoking?'
My 14 year old friends asked and I thought they were joking
UH OH!

I predict a rhyme involving drugs and thugs-


I�m not a stupid croydon thug,
I�m just trying to fit in when I take the drugs
The booze and cigarettes weren�t enough
Man being popular sure is tough.

AND THERE IT IS.

Rhyme. RHYME. Rhyme. RHYME. Lord almighty, it's like this is torn straight from the anals of the weakest parts of The OC, mixed in with Happy Days for a bit of the old lame-one-two. GUHH. It's like rhyming by numbers with no sense of actual poetry. You're basically saying "GOD I GOT INTO DRUGS AND SMOKES TO BE POPULAR OH NO :( :( :(" and ending with something about your dad being dead.

I'm wondering where the mood: about to break part is.

Lol well it's not based on me personally (dads still alive, not a croydon thug etc). Hmm so I need to cut the ryming and stuff?

Improved version of your poem:
Hello I am a yobbo
But I didn't intend to be
Feel sorry for me
Also my dad is dead

Four- line summary np.

Hmm so I need to cut the ryming and stuff?

Yeah. I think that was what mrmonkeyman wrote in bold for a paragraph.

I think that we should cut this guy some slack, at leased he tryed....
i know a poem doesnt need to rhym, but it can if it wants to.....

Improved version of your poem:
Hello I am a yobbo
But I didn't intend to be
Feel sorry for me
Also my dad is dead

Four- line summary np.

hahaha

Improved version of your poem:
Hello I am a yobbo
But I didn't intend to be
Feel sorry for me
Also my dad is dead

Four- line summary np.

OR...

Yo, i`m a chav
Happy slappin is "da rocks"
luv me crazy bitch
me dads dead too..........

:)

DENNY IN UNFUNNY SHOCKER

DENNY IN UNFUNNY SHOCKER

Who`s Denny?

if there's a generation of suicide then it won't be a generation anymore duh

I actually like it. Yeah.

I think that we should cut this guy some slack, at leased he tryed....
i know a poem doesnt need to rhym, but it can if it wants to.....

Shut the fuck up n00b!!!! The idea of a poem is to have rhythm you sloppy basterd.

Shut the fuck up n00b!!!! The idea of a poem is to have rythem you sloppy basterd.
Holy irony, Batman!

I think that we should cut this guy some slack, at leased he tryed....
i know a poem doesnt need to rhym, but it can if it wants to.....

Oh and by the way, "tryed" is actaully spelled T R I E D. And you need to capitalize I, and "rhym" is spelled R H Y M E. If you wanna argue LEARN TO FUCKING SPELL COCK SUCKER!!!!

Dude, I know PMS sucks, but come on!

Dude, I know PMS sucks, but come on!

Dude, I know PMS sucks, but come on!

Oh wow, I'm so insulted. It's hard to have a period when you're a guy you dumbass.

I'm not even gonna explain.

Thank god

Ok let me break this up and mention what i like...:

Generation suicide:

I have to say that's a cool title, it makes so much sense, we have on our hands a generation of people who foolishly kill themselves, slowly or quickly through smoking, drugs, sexually transmitted diseases and such.

It�s great being a teenager
Gambling your life on a profitless wager

Here we see "great being a teenager" as being a sarcastic comment, and I love the way you used "profitless wager" to rhyme "teenager", because it's easy to rhyme things, just hard to make sense and rhyme at the same time.

'How old were you when you started smoking?'
My 14 year old friends asked and I thought they were joking

This shows how ridiculous you thought it was, to have been asked such a question, like inside you're not really into it anyways.

'I don�t smoke,' I replied
Now at 15 if I say that you know I�ve lied
At 14 you just say, I�m young what the heck?
At 15 you ask your doctor, �what�s this lump on my neck?�

That's just plain scary... *lump on the neck* *shudders* but true.

It�s all part of fitting in,
A new craze to throw your life in the bin.
But I�m young and I�ll got a life ahead of me
I�m not my dad, don�t you see?

�Go on try it, what have you got to loose?�
My 16 year old mates say slipping me some booze
It tastes revolting
But I�ll do what I have to to join this whole cult thing

The world is spinning,
The only thing to do is to just keep drinking,
After a while it starts to taste nice
The headaches become a part of life.

That's so sad...doing all that just for companionship. I'd rather be alone and healthy then disease ridden and surrounded by friends.

I�m not a stupid croydon thug,
I�m just trying to fit in when I take the drugs
The booze and cigarettes weren�t enough
Man being popular sure is tough.

awwww...

Happy new year everyone,
Anyone got any nicotine gum?

*laughs* that's really ironic. You used irony and sarcasm well.

No? Fine give me a cigarette instead
It�s not like next year I�ll be dead

haha, how'd you know? This is good, as it indicates the way youngsters are so sure nothing's gonna happen to them if they take risks. Dumbasses.

The world is turning once again
I�m sure this fad will end by then
So give me your nicotine, drugs and alcohol
I�m your average, popular, merry old soul

I�m going to try to get some sleep,
And by the way dad,
Rest in peace......

This rest in peace, dad, thing indicates to the readers that your dad (in the poem) may have taken drugs/smoked and had died from it. It adds a beautiful touch to the whole thing and shows us how foolish you think it to be to do all that.

Very well done. Ignore what the others say, if they can't see a good poem over the subject matter that's not your fault.

*smiles*

Wasn't this generation the people from the '60s with all that styff and they are still here with us lot. It's an ok poem but it's more over eating that's going to kill the next generation, not drink or drugs. But don't take this the wrong way and go off for a fag.
Want to make friends? You could do what my stupid b!tch of a friend did. She lied about everything and when she decides not to do it anymore she blames loads of shit on me. There an easy way to make and break friends. you even get to hurt them when you dont like them anymore.
Besides it wasn't and isn't the whole "generation" that does this. there are plenty of people out there who are fine. In fact a lot of them walk in and walk right out of drugs sharpish. But yes PDP tells us this is true in some cases.

If you wanna argue LEARN TO FUCKING SPELL COCK SUCKER!!!!

Hahaha. If you go as far as calling him a COCK FUCKER for not spelling things correctly, wanna isnt really a word ;). Just lettin you know.

Wasn't this generation the people from the '60s with all that styff and they are still here with us lot. It's an ok poem but it's more over eating that's going to kill the next generation, not drink or drugs. But don't take this the wrong way and go off for a fag.
Want to make friends? You could do what my stupid b!tch of a friend did. She lied about everything and when she decides not to do it anymore she blames loads of shit on me. There an easy way to make and break friends. you even get to hurt them when you dont like them anymore.
Besides it wasn't and isn't the whole "generation" that does this. there are plenty of people out there who are fine. In fact a lot of them walk in and walk right out of drugs sharpish. But yes PDP tells us this is true in some cases.
What

Wasn't this generation the people from the '60s with all that styff and they are still here with us lot. It's an ok poem but it's more over eating that's going to kill the next generation, not drink or drugs. But don't take this the wrong way and go off for a fag.
Want to make friends? You could do what my stupid b!tch of a friend did. She lied about everything and when she decides not to do it anymore she blames loads of shit on me. There an easy way to make and break friends. you even get to hurt them when you dont like them anymore.
Besides it wasn't and isn't the whole "generation" that does this. there are plenty of people out there who are fine. In fact a lot of them walk in and walk right out of drugs sharpish. But yes PDP tells us this is true in some cases.
this sums up my thought exactly

Wtf. I still don't get it. Is it an inside joke or something?