The hat looked at me and smile as though i were supposed to say something

*wake up you damn fool your gonna drown*

then
*WAM*
a fucking brick flew out of nowhere carressing the back of my head

damn near instantly i was on the floor in a heap of me
i could feel the back of my skull still fracturing from the long forgotten impact of the flying red object

*why doesnt he wake up?...is he some kinda moron?*

altho it only hit me about 3 seconds ago i could still feel bone shattering..breaking.......fracturing.....the blood i could feel running between the breaks in my cranium

i thought i would have to go to the hospital but then i got gang stomped by a bunch of teeth vein sodomizing carpet gold miners from the country SHIT

*your gonna drown in your cereal dumbass*

penetration was there game...and anal was my pain
no way out.......broken head......try to shout....soon be dead

Bricks and Miners everywhere now. Soon i would be engulfed in the mosst Hardcore of Orgies this side of lower east side NYC.

*wack him*

The pain became to intense. I needed to do something about it. getting up wasnt an option, they have miners picks, and some form of denim overalls which are damn near poisonous. AHHH I CANT TAKE IT
*GASP*

i arise from a bowl of cold white liquid. i peer aroudn the room in horror looking for the miners and overalls.......i see none.....i only see

My Brother.....

the white substance is ...Milk

"moron, you were asleep in your milk you narcaleptic bastard"

Narcalypsy......my one true enemy...gold miners and overalls compare nothing to the shear brute force of narcalypsy...able to knock me out whenever itpleases

oh well.......at least i dont have to see miners or overalls for another few hours...this way i can finally get to writing my stori.....*fals asleep*

Interesting...so what's this suppose to be about?
Do you want feedback?

lol wtf?

Yeah id love feedback

its just about a narcalyptic man who fell asleep in his cereal and he is having a bad dream and he wakes up to find himself covered in milk and his brother next to him....after realizing that he is no longer in danger he says he wants to go write sum stories but he falls asleep again

One word can solve this problem my little freind coffie pure un-cut comblian coffie.

It took you a whole ten minutes to write this? I see.

Before I can give you any real sort of feedback, you need to work on structure; basic spelling, puncuation, and grammar; and word usage.

The first thing you need to fix right away is this:



*WAM*
a fucking brick flew out of nowhere carressing the back of my head


You have misused the word "caressing" here, and to hilarious effect. Unfortunately, I don't think you were trying to be funny. I had quite a guffaw over it, though. I suggest looking up the meaning of that word immediately so that you don't misuse it in that way again.

Beyond that, just work out technical stuff. This is too sloppy to take seriously. It needs to be written in standard prose form, capitalized and puncuated where necessary, etc. It's too uncomfortable to read as it is.

Learn to write, then learn to write.

Lol
Hey at least you've learned from your mistakes...right?

I found the gentle way the brick "carressed" the back of his head humerous too

yeah indeed

thats some crazy shit

HAHHAHA it makes no sense....i cant even remember writing it cause i went into such a daze...

like i cant remember what was running through my mind HAHA

its sooo stupid

Well, now you know what you can do during times... :laugh:

Cool, soething like that happened to my dad once, he is narcoleptic (i hope I spelled that right!), besides the dream, he did fall asleep in his cereal alot, and most other times, the best one was when he fell asleep on his Sheperds Pie and his face was a white mask of mashed potato.
Over all, it's okay, you need to work on your spelling, and here and there there is a grammar error, but it's pretty good!

Love Blaise
XXX O:]