Made by me a while ago. copyright 2001 �


Note- Anything that happens in each different part doesn�t affect any other future part. Much.
Pt1- The Shinra Building
Setting:Level 65
Cloud-Tifa, we must find Aeris!
Tifa-I know dick-head, that�s why we�re here otherwise we�d be in bed now doin� our thing.
Cloud-Yeah, stupid Aeris. Had to get captured now huh?
Barret-Shut up and let�s get going.
Tifa-Let�s try level 67.
Cloud-O.K.
So the three go up to level 67.
Setting: Level 67
Cloud-I know there�s an elevator around here somewhere that�ll take us up to level 68.
Barret-Wait a minute, we could have just easily taken the stairs next to us but noooo, you had to take the elevator, you�re a dick-head.
Cloud-I�m too lazy to climb any more stairs. Fuck off!
Barret-O.k, but why are we going so far up Shinra? Aeris could have been on floors 4-58 but we come here. You�re a dumbass.
Cloud-No, it�s obvious that Aeris would be near the top of Shinra. Think about it.
Barret-Yeah like with Repunzel!
Cloud-Yeah, like with����No not like with Repunzel shit-head! You don�t understand.
Barret-But in some fairytales, There�s a princess at the top of the tower and�
Cloud-I didn�t mean that, I meant that Shinra would keep her up the top for safekeeping!
Barret-But the fairytales�.
Cloud-I don�t care what your hobbies are, let�s just go. (God, what a wussy baby!)
They walk to the speciman chambers in level 67.
Tifa-What the hell is this?
Red XIII- I�m Red XIII and I�m horny. Come here baby!
Tifa-Get away you pervert!
Cloud-SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!
Tifa/Barret-What is it?
Cloud-Look in that chamber!
Barret looks in.
Barret-SSSSSSHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!! Where the fucks its head?
Cloud-Don�t know.
Tifa-Never mind, let�s get away from this freak show and find Aeris.
Cloud-You�re right, let�s take the elevator up now.
Setting-Level 68
Cloud-What the HELL???
Aeris-Cloud, help!
Cloud-Hojo, what the hell are you doin�?
Hojo-I�m trying to get Red XIII to have sex with Aeris. What are you gonna do about it?
Cloud-Nothin�! If Aeris is gonna get naked and have it off with a horny cat, this should be gooooooooood watching!
Tifa-Cloud?????
Cloud-Shut up, I�m missin it.
Everyone-?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????
Cloud-Get offa that chair hojo! It�s mine!
Hojo-No, it�s my chair!
Cloud-Mine
Hojo-Mine
Cloud-MINE!!!!!!!!!!!
Hojo-MINE!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud-That does it! MMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! !!!
Cloud slices Hojo into a lot of pieces. Storyline=Stuffed
Cloud-Mine.
Tifa-Get Aeris out now!
Cloud-No way! Get stuffed!
Tifa-Do it or you won�t get some lovin� tonight!
Cloud-O.K, but only cause of the lovin�.
Cloud breaks the glass.
Red XIII-Oh, why�d ya do that? I was almost there.
Tifa-You�re just a horny DICK-HEAD!
Red XIII-Hello baby, remember me?
Cloud-Hey, she�s mine for a good time. Get your own bitch!
Cloud slices Red XIII in half. Storyline=Fucked as can be.
Later on�.
Setting: Top of Shinra Building.
Rufus-So who are you guys?
Cloud-Ex-Soldier, 1st Class.
Tifa-A member of Avalanche.
Barret-Same here.
Aeris-A flower girl from the slums. We also had a Research Speciman called Red XIII.
Rufus-Wow, a total fake, two lame rebellions that couldn�t rebel for shit, the last person of a whole race and a horny cat. Pretty crap. You guys must suck.
Cloud-We�re looking for Sephiroth.
Rufus-Yeah right, like he�s my best pal and I talk to him everyday. NOT! He�s dead.
Cloud-Then I�ll show you him in hell! Tifa, take everyone and leave now.
Tifa-But Cloud�.
Cloud-Shut up bitch, just go. I have a score to settle with this faggot.
Everyone else leaves.
Rufus-Why do you wish to kill me?
Cloud-Cause you�re really gay!
Rufus-I guess this means we won�t be friends then.
Cloud-I don�t know, do you like beer?
Rufus-Of course, I�m president.
Cloud-Well, screw those friends I sent off, let�s go and have a couple of cold ones.
Rufus-Sounds good buddy.
Cloud and Rufus become best buds, kill Sephiroth and rule the world together.

Pt2-Junon to Costa Del Sol
Setting: After you save Pricilla from the badguy.
Cloud-I can�t do CPR.
Old Man-Well try.
Cloud-Fuck off, dick-head. Red XIII, you do it.
Red XIII-O.K!!!!
Cloud-And don�t give her any tongueys either.
Red XIII-Awwww, party pooper.
Red XIII saves Pricilla.
Pricilla-Thanks you guys.
Barret-Hey, do you know any good fairytales cause I want good ones.
Pricilla-God damn it, grow up!
Cloud-See Barret, no-one cares.
Barret-Shut up, fairytales are cool!
Cloud-That�s O.k, Barret. Just don�t say any. That�s a warning.
Later On�.
Setting: Beach
Cloud-You mean I have to get on a dolphin, let him jump high in the air and then jump onto Junon?
Pricilla-Yep
Cloud-That�s suicide!
Barret-You can do it.
Cloud-Shit, I didn�t see you there Barret. I thought piles of shit were talkin to me.
Barret-Shut up and jump.
Cloud tries 100 times and fails.
Cloud-This is too hard.
Barret-You suck.
Cloud-Shut up, why don�t you try it? You�re too fat. That does it. I�m summoning Shiva to fly me up!
Barret-Amazing, you actually had a good idea for once.
Later on�.
Setting-Shinra locker room
Captain-You�d better get this right.
Cloud-Piece of cake. Don�t worry.
The Parade starts.
Captain-O.K�����.GO NOW!!!!!
Cloud-O.K. Whoa!!!
Cloud falls over taking down the next group of soldiers with him. Ratings go to 0%
Captain-Why the fuck did you do that????
Cloud-I felt like it. Ohhh, I meant to fall over, really.
Captain-Don�t be sarcastic with me soldier. Rufus will be here soon and you�ve gotta get it right.
Cloud-I won�t let you down (dick-head)
Rufus comes.
Captain-You�d better do it right or else!
Cloud-Ohhh, fuck off!!!
Cloud kills the captain, Heidigger and the two guys next to him Rufus runs off.
Cloud-Where do you think you�re going?
Cloud slices Rufus� head right off.
Tifa-Quick Cloud, come onto the ship now!
Cloud-O.k, but I get to be the captain.
Later on�
Setting: Costa Del Sol.
Cloud-We�re here.
Tifa-We killed all of the guards.
Cloud-Did you kill Red XIII?
Tifa-No. Why?
Cloud-Cause he�s gay. Go kill him now.
Tifa-O.K
Cloud, Tifa, Aeris and Barret get off the crappy ship and continue their quest.
Pt3- Gold Saucer
Setting-Train Station in North Corel.
Cloud-Well Barret, now we know that everyone in North Corel hates your guts.
Barret-Shut up!
Cloud-We don�t need or want anymore enemies dick-head. Did you have to destroy their town?
Barret-I didn�t! Let�s just go to the Gold Saucer.
Cloud-Why?
Barret-I don�t know.
Cloud-O.K then.
Later on�.
Setting: Gold Saucer
Cloud-Hey, let�s go to Wonder Square for no apparent reason, even though the planet�s dying.
Aeris-O.K!!!
Setting: Wonder Square
Cloud-What the fuck! A talking cat? Kinda reminds ya of Red XIII.
Aeris-Yeah, he looks gay.
Cloud-Are you Cait Sith?
Cait Sith- Yeah, why?
Cloud-Man, you suck at fortune telling. And that name totally sucks balls!
Cait Sith-Hey, if you�re gonna talk shit about me then I�ll come with you.
Cait Sith goes into Cloud.
Cloud-How come everyone goes inside ME! Why not walk beside me instead? Now I�ve got a fuckin cat inside as well as everyone else!
Cait Sith-I warned you.
Cloud-Let�s go to the battle arena to find Barret for an unknown reason.
Setting: Battle Arena
Cloud-What the fuck happened?
Tifa-They�ve all been shot!
Aeris- Do you think�..Barret did it?
Cloud-Yeah, they probably wouldn�t tell him some fairytales. That wuss!
Later On�.
Setting: Corel Prison
Cloud-I told you we shouldn�t have run from them.
Cait Sith-Sorry.
Tifa-Now we gotta find Barret in THIS!
Old Man-Barely anyone gets out of here alive. Or at all
Cloud-Well��..wait, where the fuck did you come from.
Old Man-Never mind. I�m not going anywhere soon.
Cait Sith-He�s a fuckin weirdo. Even more so than Cloud.
Cloud-Yeah, even more than me. That�s a good fortune for once.
Later on�..
Setting: House
Cloud-Hi Barret.
Barret-Shut up! I feel like killin somethin.
Tifa-You mean you didn�t kill those other guys?
Barret-Yeah, I did but I feel like killin again.
Cloud-We�re in a hurry so kill Red XIII and let�s find your buddy Dyne that was in the story you said.
Barret-O.K
Red XIII-WHAT???????????
In the end, Dyne dies, Cloud wins the chocobo races and they get out of Gold Saucer with a buggy!
Mini Pt1
Setting: Gongaga Forest.
Cloud-Crap, another battle. Where do these baddies come from?
Tifa-Don�t know, but this baddie is��A GIRL???
Yuffie-Beat me or I�ll kill you.
Cloud-Not many choices there.
Yuffie-DIE!!!!
Yuffie slices Red XIII in half with her Boomerang.
Cloud slices Yuffie.
Yuffie-OOOOOWWWWWWWWWYYYYYYY!
Cloud-We win.
Yuffie-O.K then, I�ll join you guys.
Cloud-Not another person in me!
Tifa-Sure, you can come along. After all you did kill Red XIII.
Yuffie-Thanks
Barret-(I wonder if SHE likes fairytales.)
They continue their quest once again.
Pt4-Cosmo Canyon to Mt Nibel
Setting: Cosmo Canyon
Cloud-Aw, for fucks sake!
Tifa-SSSSHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!
Barret-LLLAAAAAAAAMMMMMME!!!
Red XIII-Cool
Aeris-Not cool, the fuckin Buggy broke down!
Cait Sith-You don�t have to be a fortune teller to know that.
Yuffie-How the fuck did ya get a Buggy?
Red XIII-Good thing we�re at my home town!
Cloud-?????????????????
Setting: Cosmo Town
Red XIII-GRANDPA!!!!!!!!! I�m home!
Barret-Grandpa?????? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Red XIII-At least I don�t like fairytales.
Barret-Don�t knock fairytales!
Buganhagen-You took your sweet ass time Nanaki!
Red XIII-Sorry grandpa, I became a research speciman.
Cloud-Nanaki??? Ha, and I thought Red XIII and Cait Sith were gay names. This tops it!
Red XIII-We�ll talk about names later Cloud. Right now, let�s rest.
Buganhagen-You�re 48 now Nanaki, so stop fuckin around. I want you to see your father.
Barret-48? Ha, old fart!
Red XIII-SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!
Later on�.
Setting: Cosmo Candle (the fireplace in Cosmo Town)
Cloud-Shit, that badguy Gi Nattak was piss easy!
Tifa-Yeah, one Phoenix Down killed him.
Barret-They fixed the buggy now. We can go.
Cait Sith-Hey, what the fuck�s these save points for? I don�t get it.
Red XIII-Don�t know but I�m comin with ya again.
Barret-Oh no you don�t. You�ve got two gay names, you couldn�t fight for crap and you live in a DUMP!!!!! But your grandpa�s cool cause he shouts at ya. So you just DIE!
Barret kills Red XIII and for some reason, they head to Nibelheim.
Setting: Duh, Nibelheim
Cloud-For fucks sake! This just keeps getting better and better huh?
Tifa-I thought our home town was destroyed.
Cloud-IT FUCKING WAS!!!!!!!
Barret-I knew that story you told in Kalm was a fake.
Cloud-It was TRUE!!!!!!
Tifa-This is really gay
Cloud-Almost as gay as fairytales.
Barret-Yeah, almost as gay as�� Wait! Fairytales rule!
Cloud-Sure they do. Let�s check out Mt Nibel.
Setting: Um, I don�t know. Uhhhhh maybe it�s-Mt Nibel.
Cloud-Hey, cool the bridge didn�t break this time unlike the other two times I�ve been on it.
Tifa-Same here.
Barret-Tell me, why are we on this bridge anyway?
Cloud-The story goes like this.
Barret-Oh, what a great explanation.
Yuffie-It sucked.
Aeris-Yeah.
Later on��
Barret-That materia keeper was easy and he didn�t even have any materia.
Cloud-No point having a name like that unless you have materia.
Cait Sith-That�s false advertising!
They leave the fake Nibelheim and head, for no apparent reason, to Rocket Town. But god knows why.
Mini Pt2
Note-If you haven�t already noticed, these Mini parts only revolve around the secret characters so there will only be two of these. Maybe.
Setting: Shinra Mansion
Cloud-Why are we in here?
Barret-To find a safe I heard was in here. No-one�s ever managed to open it yet.
Tifa-What�s inside?
Barret-Don�t know.
Cloud-Let�s find out
Aeris-Yeah.
They find the safe.
Barret-Nobody knows the password.
Cloud-I saw 4 numbers on the ground on the way here, let�s try em
Barret-What were they?
Cloud-10, 36, 59 and 97.
Yuffie-I�m pretty good at this. Let�s go up to 36, then down to 10, then up to 59, then up to 97.
Cloud-O.K
They do it.
Cloud-Good on ya Yuffs.
Yuffie-Thanks.
Aeris-Hey, a key.
Cloud-Must be the one to the basement. Let�s go.
Down they go. They open the door.
Cloud-What the fuck???????
Vincent-No, I�m not a ghost. I�m just sleeping for a couple of thousand years.
Cloud-Wanna come with us? You look cool.
Vincent-O.K, just let me do one thing.
Vincent blows Red XIII into smithereens.
Cloud-Cool, you�re in.
The heroes continue on their journey.
Pt5-Rocket Town
Cloud-Well guys, we�re in Rocket Town now.
Tifa-Yeah, but now we�ve got two tag alongs who don�t know what the hell we�re doin.
Aeris-Yeah, go away!
Vincent-You invited me.
Yuffie-Same here.
Aeris-No, I didn�t mean you two, I meant Red XIII and Cait Sith.
Cait Sith/Red XIII-Hey, Fuck off!
Barret-I don�t know how you gay guys got dragged into it.
Cloud-Barret, you�re in no position to say gay here. You like fairytales!
Everyone-Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahaha
Barret-Shut up, fairytales are cool! Haven�t you ever heard of Little Miss Muffet?
Cloud-Shut up!
Barret-Guess what she did?
Cloud-Please god, nooooooooooooooo.
Barret-She sat on her tuffet.
Cloud-Do you mean her ass?��Wait, I warned you about saying fairytales.
Barret-Then guess what happened?
Cloud-You got sliced in half?
Barret-No, along came a spider and��
SLASH!!!!!!!!!! Cloud slices Barret in half.
Tifa-Thank you Cloud.
Everyone else-Yeah.
Red XIII-Hey, Barret got killed before me this time. Maybe I won�t die!
Cloud-Let�s go check out that there Rocket.
Tifa-O.K, but have you noticed that everywhere we go, there�s always music in the background. Even on the world map, there�s music. I mean some of it�s good but some of it is crap too.
Cloud-Rigggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhtttttt.
Later on���..
Setting: Rocket
Cloud-Hey, man what�s your name?
Cid-I�m Cid, fuck off.
Tifa-Hi Cid fuckoff. Funny last name.
Cloud-Can we borrow the rocket?
Everyone-?????????
Cid-Stick to the script!
Cloud-Fuck that! I want the rocket!
Cid-Too bad it doesn�t work.
Cloud-SHIT!
Cid-Borrow the Tiny Bronco instead.
Cloud-awww, O.K
Cid-Good.
Cloud-But when the rocket works, call me on my PHS.
Cait Sith-Oh god.
Later on�.
Setting: Cid�s house
Cloud-Sooooooo, what you�re saying is that you fucked Cid�s life up and now you�re his slave?
Elmyra-Exactly.
Tifa-Man that must suck.
Cid-Rufus is here.
Cloud-Rufus?????????
Elmyra-Yes, they�re lookin for Sephiroth so Rufus wants the Tiny Bronco.
Cloud-No way! It�s mine as compensation for the rocket. Cid lent it to ME!!
Elmyra-Then go now.
Cloud-O.k
Yuffie-Cool, I like hijacking yeah!
They fly off.
Cid-My Plane!!!!!!
Rufus-No, my plane!!!!!
Cloud-It�s mine now!
Rufus and his men start shooting at the plane as Cid jumps on. One bullet hits Red XIII right in the head and kills him. They shoot the engine and it blows up, killing everyone on it.
Note- By now, the storyline is totally fucked so don�t bother referring to FF7 for help anymore.
Pt6-Wutai to Gold Saucer (again)
Setting: Continent to the far left
Cloud-The plane just happened to crash on this crap continent.
Yuffie-It�s not crap, besides, we�ve got a world map.
Tifa-Yeah, good thing.
They start walking. Then, 2 two baddies come out of no-where.
Cloud-Crap, Oh, well. I summon Ifrit!!!!�����.Where is Ifrit?
Yuffie-YOINK!!!!!! I got your materia!
Cloud-You fuckin bitch.
Yuffie-Bye!
Cloud kills the two baddies and Yuffie runs off.
Red XIII-She can�t have gone far. There�s only one village on this whole continent. She probably went there. The place is called Wutai. I bet she lives there.
Barret-Where is Wutai? Tell me or I�ll kill you!
Red XIII-You�ll probably kill me anyway but I�ll show you.
Later on�..
Setting: Wutai
Aeris-There�s Yuffie!
Yuffie-Hahahahahahahahaha
Cloud-Get back here you fuckin c***!!!!
Barret-Cloud, watch your language. No-one likes that word.
Cloud-I�m pissed off!
Tifa-Let�s just get her.
Barret-Red XIII, this is all your fault!
Barret blows Red XIII away.
Cloud-We�ll check out Turtle�s Paradise.
Setting: Turtle�s Paradise Bar
Cloud-The Turks?????
Reno-Awwwwwwwwww, nnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Rude-What do you want?
Elena-Don�t ask questions! Kill em NOW!!!!
Reno-Shut up Elena, you bitch.
Rude-Yeah, it�s our day off.
Elena-Damn it, you guys got lucky.
Cloud-We would have kicked your asses anyway.
Reno/Rude-No way!!!!! Bring it on!
Cloud and Barret kill Rude and Elena easily.
Reno-Please don�t kill me!
Cloud-Why not? It�s easy to kill.
Cloud slices his sword straight through Cait Sith, killing him.
Everyone-????????????????????????????????
Reeve walks in.
Reeve-My creation!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! You fuck wits!!!!
Vincent-You�re gay too!
Vincent shoots Reeve through the heart.
Cloud-This is getting boring. We have to find Yuffie quick. See ya Reno.
Reno-Uhhhhhhhh, see ya. (PHEW!!!!!!)
Cloud-Let�s check out the hotel.
Setting: Wutai Hotel.
Tifa-Let�s go to the back.
They go into the back and in a room.
Cloud-Who are you?
Godo-Fuck off.
Cloud-That reminds me of Cid.
Cid-Yeah��.No!!!!!!!!
Vincent-We�re looking for a girl named Yuffie. Do you know her?
Godo-Nope.
Yuffie-I�m your daughter fuck face!
Godo-Get your fucking ass back here Yuffie!
Yuffie-Bye bye.
Godo-What a Bitch!
Cloud-She took our Materia. I was workin really hard on my enemy skill materia too.
Tifa-Let�s check the local houses now.
Setting; House in Wutai
Kid-Grandpa, there�s some rude people that have just come into our house without knocking.
Grandpa-I�m not blind dick-head, I can see that. I�m just sleeping.
Cloud-Have you seen Yuffie?
Yuffie-I have!
Cloud-I wasn�t asking you but�������Get HER!!!!!!!!!
They capture her finally.
Setting: Yuffie�s house.
Cloud-Before we kill you, give us our materia back.
Yuffie-What if I don�t and you kill me without me tellin ya?
Cloud-We won�t kill you until you tell us. Until then, we�ll torture your ass.
Yuffie-O.K, I know when I�m beaten. I�ll show you.
Setting: Basement of Yuffie�s House
Cloud-O.K, we�re here, now where�s our materia?
Yuffie-Pull that there left lever.
Cloud-I don�t trust you, I�ll pull the right lever.
He pulls the right lever and a cage drops on everyone except him and Yuffie.
Aeris-You should�ve pulled the left lever dill weed.
Cloud-O.K, I will now.
The cage lifts up again.
Cloud-There we go.
Tifa-Dumbass.
Barret-Check it out! Yuffies like, still standing there.
Cloud-You should�ve run off when you had the chance.
Cloud kills Yuffie quickly.
Aeris-Oh bravo, very well done Cloud. Now how do we get our materia back?
Cloud-Let�s trash the place. I�m sure we�ll find it.
Barret-I wonder if Yuffie knew any fairytales.
Cloud-Barret, we don�t have time to talk about fairytales now, let alone argue about how gay they are so shut up!
Barret-�����������..(faggot)
Aeris-Found em. Now let�s get Godo for being a dick-head.
Cloud-To the top of the Pagoda!
Everyone-YEAH!
Setting: Pagoda
Cloud-Before we wreak havoc on Wutai and kill everyone, let us pray for the people who are about to die. Since we are gonna kill them I think we all should��
Everyone else-KILL EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!
Cloud-SHIT! WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!
They go up through the Pagoda killing Gorkii, Shake, Staniv and Chekov. After an easy battle, they also kill Godo and all the other people in Wutai for revenge on Yuffie. Wutai is no more.
Setting: World Map.
Cloud-Thank god we got out of that shitty place, but now our materia�s all stuffed up.
Tifa-Yeah, that�s gay. After all we did for Wutai this is how they repay us? Cheap bastards!
Cloud-One last thing. How come our hair is always spiky, even after we�ve been in water?
Barret- I���.Don�t know.
Later on��
Setting-Gold Saucer (again)
Cloud-Excuse me Dio. For some reason, we need to borrow the keystone so we can, for some reason get to the Ancient Temple and for some reason, find Sephiroth.
Dio-So for some reason, you need the keystone? Well, if you kill me, you can have���
Cloud slices Dio into quarters.
Cloud-Thanks Dio. We�ll bring it back, don�t you worry.
They start to leave Gold Saucer when�
Guard-You can�t leave.
Cloud-Why not????????
Guard-The tram�s broken.
Barret-FUCK!!!!!!
Aeris-Oh well, we�ll stay the night here then.
That Night.
Setting: Ghost Hotel
Aeris-Hey Cloud. Wanna go on a date.
Cloud-Yeah sure. Just once. Like our deal.
Tifa-?????? Fuck off Aeris, he�s my good time.
Aeris-Fuck off Tifa!!!!!!!!!! Let�s go Cloud.
They have a great time together except for when Cloud totally stuffed up the play.
Cloud-I can�t believe the game stuffed up 9 times when we were on that carriage that takes us around Gold Saucer. 9 times!!!!!
Aeris-Yeah, it got really annoying. I saw those crappy chocobos running 9 times too.
Cloud-Wanna go upstairs?
Aeris-O.K!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tifa-Where are you 2 going?
Cloud-Duh, upstairs to have a quick fuck before we go.
Tifa-?????????????? You bitch Aeris!!!
Tifa totally knocks out Aeris.
Cloud- (GASP). You bitch Tifa!
Cloud kills Tifa and Barret, Cid and Vincent come running out.
Cid-Why the fuck did ya kill Tifa? Are you nuts?
Cloud-No, I�m just totally fucked up!!!!!!!!!! DDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud kills everyone but Aeris, who he has sex with. They then head to the Ancient Temple for the final part, and 2nd longest part of disk one.
Pt7-Ancient Temple to the End of Disk 1
Setting: Ancient Temple
Cloud-We�re here.
Tifa-That took a while.
Aeris-WOW, so this is it?
Cloud-Yeah, not up to much is it?
Aeris-Fuck off, it�s GREAT!
Cloud-O.K O.K it�s great, whatever.
Vincent-Let�s go.
Setting: Temple of the Ancients
Aeris-Tseng!!!!!!!
Tseng-Hi, Aeris. I�m fucked up right now but do you remember our first night. Hahaha.
Aeris-I�d rather forget it. Cloud�s way better.
Tseng-WWWWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT??????????????
Cloud-Yeah, I am.
Red XIII-WHAT? I�m better than you.
Tifa-You probably suck at sex!
Red XIII-Sex?????? What�s that?
Cloud-????? If you don�t know what sex is then your of no use to us at all.
Cloud kills Red XIII once again.
Cloud-I�m much better than Red XIII could ever be.
Vincent-Could we please stop talking about fucking sex?????!!!!!!
Cloud-O.K, let�s go inside now.
Setting: The really gay maze inside the temple of the Ancients.
Cloud-Mazes suck balls.
Aeris-Yeah.
Barret-Why are we here?
Cloud-To find Sephiroth.
Barret-Does he know any good fairytales?
Cloud-No dick-head, he destroyed mine and Tifa�s home town and families.
Barret-Well, he�d better have some good fairytales or else.
Cloud-You and your fuckin fairytales can go get FUCKED!!!!
Tifa-Can�t you guys go 1 part without talking about fucking fairytales or killin stuff?
Cloud-Killin stuff? Like Red XIII?
Tifa-Exactly.
Cloud-Can�t stop killin him. It shall keep happening in every part still.
Later on��..
Setting: Long hall after you beat Red Dragon in Ancient Temple.
Cloud-Sephiroth, why do you want to demolish the planet?
Sephiroth-I got bored.
Cloud-Play Video games like this wicked game called FF7. It�s about a guy named���
Seph-Why am I still alive after being killed by you.
Everyone-??????????????????????
Cloud-I killed you?????
Barret-This is seriously fucked up right here.
Seph-You�re fucked up!!!!!
Sephiroth slices Barret into 8ths.
Tifa-Whoa.
Cloud-Are you gonna keep destroying the planet?
Seph-No, I�ll leave that to Meteor.
Cloud-You mean����The Black Materia?
Seph-No, I mean Meteor. I shall summon it to destroy the whole world!!!!
Cloud-Uh huh.
Seph-I�m bored now. See ya.
Sephiroth leaves.
Aeris-We gotta get the Black Materia. Sephiroth doesn�t know cause he can�t hear us, but you need the Black Materia to summon meteor.
Sephiroth-I hear all!!!
Cloud-Damn! Hey, is that pyramid thing it? Coooooool. But what do I do?
This is probably the only multiple choice you�ll get in this whole story. Maybe. So use it wisely.
a) If you choose to pick up the pyramid, you�ll be crushed into a million pieces. Stop reading.
b) If you choose to shake the pyramid, see previous answer.
and c) If you ask Aeris about it, continue reading.
Cloud-What do we do Aeris.
Aeris-I�m not sure but don�t pick it up or shake it. That would be dumb!
Tifa-If the black materia needs to be crushed to release it, let�s use Cait Sith to get it.
Cait Sith-Fuck off! Not me.
Cloud-Listen Cait Sith, Red XIII is already dead so we have to use you cause you�re the next gayest. When this place collapses from you picking up the pyramid, we�ll get the materia and you�ll have saved the world. You�ll be a HERO!
Cait Sith-Man, that speech was gay. I�ll go if you stop talkin like that. Bye.
Cloud-Got him!!!!!!! Yes. Uhhhhhhh, bye Cait Sith.
Cait sith picks up the pyramid after everyone got out. Him and Tseng died cause Tseng couldn�t be stuffed moving. Actually, no one told Tseng that it was collapsing cause he�s gay. Anyway�
Aeris-Let�s get the Black Materia now.
Cloud-We�re in luck. There it is!
Sephiroth-YOINK!!!! It�s mine now.
Sephiroth leaves.
Cloud-Oh, uhhhhhhhh. SHIT!!!!!!!!!
Aeris-I�m going to the Ancient City to stop Sephiroth. Bye.
Cloud-O.K,���No, don�t go!
Later on��
Setting: Gongaga
Cloud-Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, where�s Aeris???? How did I get here????
Tifa-You went unconcious so we brought you to Gongaga. Aeris went to the Ancient City.
Cloud-That�s fine�������WAIT!!!! Aeris! Sephiroth�ll kill her.
Tifa-You really are fucked up aren�t ya? And you like Aeris a lot too huh?
Cloud-Maybe, but we�ve gotta go to the Ancient City and find Aeris now!
Vincent-How, exactly are you planning to do that?
Cloud-By going through Bone Villiage.
Later on��
Setting: City of the Ancients.
Cloud-Getting here was very annoying but we made it. Let�s find Aeris.
Tifa-You�re right. AAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRIIIIIIISSSSSS!!!!! !!!!!!!!
Cloud-What the fuck are you doin?
Tifa-Calling her.
Cloud-Not yet, we have to be quiet.
Cid-Yeah bitch.
Vincent-Shut up dick-head!
Cid-Bring it on Dracula!!
Cid and Vincent start fighting.
Cloud-Let�s go on without them.
Tifa/Yuffie-Yeah.
The 3 take the middle path cause it�s the most obvious, head down the hall and look there.
Cloud-Let�s look here.
Tifa-O.K! AAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSS!! !!!!!!!
Cloud-NOT YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tifa-Sorry.
They walk down the steps and find Aeris praying.
Cloud-Aeris!! You two stay here for some reason.
Tifa/Yuffie-O.K!
Cloud gets to Aeris but is then possessed. He almost kills Aeris when�
Aeris-What the fuck are you doing Cloud. Don�t kill me yet cause I�m not done yet.You�re pretty fucked up aren�t ya?
Suddenly, Sephiroth comes down from the roof and slices Aeris in half. It�s not a good sight.
Cloud-AAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tifa-Oh, so you say it now. AAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRIIIIIIISSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
Yuffie-What�s an Aeris?
Tifa, enraged by Yuffie�s gayness, kills her. Now it�s just Cloud and Tifa left.
Cloud-You faggot Sephiroth!!!!!!!
Sephiroth-Oh, well. Easy come, easy go.
Cloud-Screw the script!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud charges at Sephiroth and cuts his head off.
Cloud-That was easy. But now Aeris is gone! LLL
Tifa-Jenova�s still out there Cloud. Our journey continues.
Cloud-Yeah, let�s explore this whole Northern continent. She can�t have gooten far.
Tifa-O.K!
So, off they go to the Icicle Villiage and beyond. Coming soon is Disk 2 of Final Fantasy 7: Things You Didn�t See.
End of Disk 1


Disk 2
Pt1- Start of Disk 2 to Gaia�s Mountain
Setting: Ancient City
Cloud-This is gay!
Red XIII-Hmmmmmmmmmmm, Aeris is incapable of coming back to life.
Tifa-Yeah.
Cloud-We tried like a million Life 2 and Full Life spells but it did shit all.
Barret-I guess��. She�s gone for good.
Cloud-That was the first time she died.
Cait Sith-And the last.
Tifa-Well, let�s go to the Icicle Village. We might find some clues there.
Cloud-Alright! Let�s go.
Later on��.
Setting: Awwwwwwwwwww, Naaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!. Icicle Village.
Cloud-What are we lookin for?
Tifa-We�re not looking for anything. For some reason, we have to climb Gaia�s Cliff.
They all look up at Gaia�s Cliff.
Red XIII-Climb that? That�s fuckin suicide!
Cloud-Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Aeris��
Tifa-Fuckin hell! Stop living in the past Cloud! God, that happened 3 hours ago.
Cloud-Shut your hole! I cared about Aeris.
Tifa-As much as me? I�m your bitch remember?
Barret-Hey, do you know if Aeris knew any good��
Cloud-NOOOOOOOOOO! She did not know any fucking good fairytales!!!!
Barret-I was gonna say attacks but now that you mention it��.
Tifa-Here we go again.
Cloud-She didn�t know any fairytales at all.
Everyone else walks off leaving Cloud and Barret.
Barret-Not even Little Red Riding Hood?
Cloud-FUCK NO!!!!!!!!!
Barret-Not even the 3 little pigs?
Cloud-I warned you.
Barret-NOT EVEN Snow White and the 7��
SCHWING!!!!!!!! Cloud slices Barret�s head off.
Cait Sith-Hey Cloud, I found a map of Gaia�s Cliff that we could use.
Red XIII-And I found a snowboard to get us down the mountain after Icicle Village.
Cloud-Good work. Even for gay lords. Let�s go.
Man-Give me my map back you fat cat!
Boy-Give me my fuckin snowboard back you freak!
Cloud-I knew you were faggots and now you�re thieves. You�re on your own.
Cloud, Tifa and Yuffie snowboard down the mini mountain, but get lost in the snow. As for Cait Sith and Red XIII, well, the townspeople killed them in nearly every way possible. Tooooooooo Baaaaaaaaaaaadddddd. JJJ
Setting: The gay part where you�re lost in the snow and can be found easily if you faint.
Cloud-SSSSSSSHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!! Now we�re lost.
Tifa-Now what?
Yuffie-Yeah! You suck for getting us lost.
Cloud-Shut up. All we have to do is go straight up. We�re bound to end up somewhere.
Tifa-Yeah, more lost than we are now.
Cloud-Too bad, we�re going. We�ll follow the map.
They go through a gay and boring part through snow and blizzards until��
Cloud-Look! A house!
Tifa-Look�s pretty gay but let�s go.
Setting: Warden�s (gay) House.
Warden-Sooo, you guys is gonna climb de mountain?
Cloud-Yeah, why?
Warden-You guys fuckin nuts! Almost nobody tis getting up dere ever!
Cloud-Well, we�re going anyway.
Warden-Sorry, me sa cannot let you go up dere! Tis suicide!
Cloud-FUCK OFF!!!! Too bad, we�re going.
Cloud kills the warden and they get on their way.
Setting: Base of the gay Gaia�s Cliff.
Cloud-Oh god, we gotta climb THAT?????
Tifa-Yep.
Yuffie-Well, we�d better get started.
They climb to the middle of the mountain without much trouble.
Cloud-FUCK it�s cold.
Tifa-Shut up and keep climbing.
Cloud-This is boring. It needs to be hot if we�re gonna get some Tifa.
Tifa-We�ll do it later, I promise.
They climb all the way to the top of Gaia�s Cliff. God knows how.
Yuffie-Shit, that bad guy was hard.
Cloud-Fuck yeah. Whoever said that 2 heads are better than 1 wasn�t kidding.
Tifa-For fuck�s sake! Look at THAT!!!!!!
The 3 look at the Whirlwind maze in a cool FMV.
Cloud-That�s���Pretty windy.
Yuffie-Awwwwwwwwwww naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Tifa-I�m sure that Sephiroth�s in there.
Cloud-Me too. Let�s go right now.
So into the Whirlwind maze they go. The Warden was right, they really are fuckin nuts.
Pt2- Whirlwind Maze to Junon
Setting: Whirlwind Maze
Cloud-This ain�t fuckin easy.
Barret-Don�t split up.
Tifa-Hey, up ahead! Look.
Cloud-Awwwwwwww, for fuck�s sake.
Red XIII-How do we get through that fuckin wall of wind?????
Barret-Hmmmmmm, you go first Red XIII. To see if it�s safe.
Red XIII-WHAT??? I could die!
Cloud-Whatever, always with the little problems aren�t ya Red XIII. Just go through ya baby.
Cloud chucks Red XIII into the wall of wind. Red XIII gets blown away and electrocuted.
Yuffie-DAMN! I guess we�ll have to wait then.
After an hour, the wind dies down and they all run through.
Yuffie-That wasn�t that hard.
Cloud-Let�s go.
Later on��
After a lot of walking.
Tifa-What the fuck�s that stickin out of the ground?
Cloud-Hmmmmmm, What the FUCK??????????
Yuffie-What?
Cloud-JENOVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Barret-Hey, to change the subject. When��
Cloud-Don�t say fairytales!
Barret-For once, I wasn�t going to. Anyway, you know when we were in Gaia�s Cliff?
Cloud-Yeah, what about it?
Barret-Well, for a normal person, they would freeze at about 30-32 degrees but we lasted until 24 degrees. That�s totally fake.
Tifa-RRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTT TTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud-Well, never mind. What�s Jenova doin there?
Sephiroth appears.
Barret-Ahhhhhhh, now you can tell me some fairytales!!!!!!
Sephiroth-What the hell are you talkin about? And I thought I was stuffed up!
Barret-What�s that supposed to mean?
Cloud-It means that no-one likes fairytales anymore Barret. They suck ass.
Everyone-YEAH!
Barret-Fuck you guys. Fairytales rock!
Seph-Uhhhhhhhhhh, aaaaaaaaanyway, I hate you Cloud for when you killed me before. Twice.
Cloud-I���killed you twice? I hoped you wouldn�t come back after Ancient City like Aeris.
Seph-Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. No, only Cetra�s don�t come back to life.
Cloud-I thought��you were a Cetra.
Seph-Nope, sucks eh? Well, time to go.
Sephiroth leaves.
Barret-Wait!!!!!!! The fairytales.
Cloud-Barret, will you just��hahahahahahahahaha. Sephiroth left the Black Materia!
Tifa-Yeah, cool!
Sephiroth flies back.
Sephiroth-I told you. I hear all. YOINK!
Sephiroth nicks off with the Black Materia.
Yuffie-So close yet so far.
Cloud-What�s happening?
Tifa-Cloud?
Later on��
Setting: The fucked up part in the North Crater.
Sephiroth-Come here Cloud.
Cloud-Yes master.
Seph-With your help, I shall summon Meteor.
Cloud-Go ahead then.
Sephiroth summons Meteor in a cool FMV.
Rufus-What the fuck�s happening here?
Tifa-President Rufus? Cloud�s stuffed up!
Rufus-Hmmmm, I already knew that.
Tifa-Yeah, but now he�s totally stuffed up.
Rufus-That�s bad, Cloud�s annoying when he�s only a little stuffed up. But now that��
Heidigger-Now that Hojo�s gone, Sephiroth rules this place, and the search for the promise land.
Tifa-You mean�Hojo�s a Cetra!?
Heidigger-No, it�s the same with any Shinra member too. If they die, they stay dead.
Tifa-Wait, we already killed you and Rufus once, what�s up?
Heidigger-It doesn�t affect President and Head of Everything, which are us.
Cait Sith-SHIT! That means that Reeve is gone for good then.
Rufus-Whatever, let�s all just get out of here.
They leave for Junon just as a huge barrier forms around North Crater.
Later on��
Setting: Junon
Tifa-God, Meteor sucks ass!
Barret-And what�s worse is that we�re stuck in Junon.
Rufus walks in.
Rufus-Time to die! J
Barret-FUCK!!! All I wanted was one more night with Tifa.
Rufus-Too bad!
They all walk into the gas chamber area.
Scarlet-Time to kill some gay rebels.
Tifa-Barret, you die first.
Barret-????? Me? Why me?
Tifa-Cause you�re gay and talking about fairytales is gay.
Barret-This isn�t the time to talk about those cool fairytales.
Scarlet-Tifa, since you�re a bitch, you�ll die first.
Barret-Hahahahaha! Uhh, I mean nooooooooooooooo!
Tifa and Scarlet go into the gas chamber.
Cait Sith- Quick, we�ve got to save Tifa now!
Barret-???? Cait Sith, what the fuck are you doing here?
Guards-???????? Get em!
The guards shoot and kill Cait Sith. Barret runs. Scarlet comes out of the Gas Chamber.
Setting: Presidential Room in Junon.
Heidigger-WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??????????????????
Rufus-It�s Weapon! You know what to do.
Heidigger-Yeah, let�s nuke the bastards.
Rufus-Uhhhhh, that�s Independence Day.
Heidigger-Sorry, got caught in the moment. Full Force Attack!!!!!!!!
Shinra, after a pathetic battle, win against Weapon. But, since there was only one of Weapon and the whole army of Junon, Weapon did pretty well. Anyway, Weapon let Tifa out of the Gas Chamber. (What a guy!) Tifa escapes.
Tifa-FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!
Scarlet-Get her!
Tifa-CRAP! Guards���Hey, they�re not moving unless I move. Hmmmmmmmmmm.
Tifa climbs down really quick and the dumbass guards fall into the water. She runs to the Sister Ray.
Scarlet-HA! You�ve got nowhere to go now bitch.
Instead of a gay slapping bitch fight, Tifa punches Scarlet into the waters below, killing her.
Barret-Hurry Tifa. We nicked of with the Highwind.
Tifa-Here I come!
Tifa jumps for the Highwind and misses. She shares the same fate as Scarlet. Barret and Yuffie fly off to Mideel for some unknown reason.
Pt3- Mideel
Setting: Duuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Mideel.
Barret-I don�t know why the hell we�re here.
Tifa-Neither do I.
Red XIII-I hope Cloud�s ok.
Tifa-Hmmmmmm, yeah.
Man-Hey, here about that fucked up kid that washed up here a week ago.
2nd Man-Yeah, that spiky haired kid�s lucky to be alive after all that Mako poisoning.
Tifa-Spiky haired kid?????? CLOUD!!!!!!!
Tifa runs into the Doctor�s place.
Setting: You know.
A cool song starts playing. J
Tifa-Cloud!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud-Uhhhhhhhhh.
Barret-Whoa, he�s more fucked up than usual�� Hey! Maybe he likes fairytales now!
Cloud-Uhhhhhhh, fuck all fairytales. They�re gay! Uhhhhhhhhh.
Doctor-That�s the first thing I�ve heard him say.
Tifa-I knew fairytales sucked.
Red XIII-I like Weet-bix.
Everyone-???????????????????????
Red XIII-What? It�s cool. I like eating Weet-bix.
Cait Sith-Hmmm, I�ve been wondering. Why are our names so gay? Cloud�s alright but��
Tifa-Hey, my name�s not gay!
Barret-Yeah.
Red XIII-Same here.
Cait Sith-No, really they are. Same with Yuffie and mine.
Tifa-Wait, Cloud�s gay. It�s supposed to be in the sky, not a person!
Doctor-Please, take this outside.
Tifa-Well, Cait Sith makes no sense at all.
Cait Sith-Tifa�s just gay.
Tifa-What about Barret?
Red XIII-It�s a cheap imitation of Barrette.
Barret-Red XIII is lame. Nanaki�s also a gay name.
Red XIII-That means��
Yuffie-You have 2 gay names now.
Red XIII-Yuffie�s shit too. So are Vincent and Cid.
Yuffie-Fuck off!
Yuffie kills Red XIII.
Barret-That was coming.
Cait Sith-Sephiroth�s also a gay name.
Yuffie-Sephiroth�s a cool name. What about Avalanche and Shinra?
Barret-Naaaaaah, they�re cool names!
Tifa-This is fucking nuts. We forgot about Cloud.
Cait Sith-Yeah, Biggs, Wedge, Jessie and Aeris are also g��
BLAST!!!!!!! Barret blows Cait Sith away.
Tifa-Thank god. Ok, names are gay. Let�s try to talk to Cloud now.
Cloud-Uhhhhhhh, Huge Materia.
Barret-Hmmmm, there�s 5 huge materia in this world.
Tifa-Yeah, in Nibelheim, Fort Condor, North Corel, Junon and Rocket Town.
Yuffie-It might be a wild goose chase, but let�s get em. We could get rid of Meteor with em.
Barret-I think that�s Shinra�s idea. It won�t work if it�s Shinra�s idea.
Tifa-It�s worth a try. But I�ll stay with Cloud.
Barret-Don�t be gay! You�re comin with us. They ain�t no getting offa this train we on till it reaches the end.
Tifa-You�re right. Let�s go. We�ll be back for Cloud.
They leave Mideel and head to Fort Condor for their first huge materia.
Pt4- Huge Materia and the Very Long Boring Part
Setting: Fort Condor
Barret-Hey, old man! We heard about a huge materia being here.
Old Man-Yeah, so what?
Barret-GIVE IT!!!
Tifa-That�s not very nice Barret. You have to say: Fuckin give it here now or I�ll kill ya.
Old Man-I can�t give you the materia.
Yuffie-Because��
Old Man-A giant condor�s guarding it.
Cait Sith-So what? Just kill the thing.
Red XIII-Yeah, we want the materia.
Old Man-The condor�s coooooool. I�m not gonna kill it!
Tifa-That�s ok.
Barret-Yeah, don�t worry. We�ll kill it for you if you can�t do it.
Old Man-No! You can�t!
Barret-No, you can�t, we can. So see ya.
Barret kills the Condor and they head to��
Barret-North Corel???????? No!!!!!!!!!
Cait Sith-Ha, everyone hates you there. Tough break.
Tifa-Well, we�re going anyway.
Later on��
Setting: North Corel Reactor.
Barret-Now what?
The door opens.
Tifa-What the FUCK????????? A train?
Off goes the first train.
Barret-FUCK!!!!!!! A second one!
Red XIII-Let�s get on this one.
They get on.
Yuffie-We�ll get the huge materia and go straight away.
Everyone-YEAH!!!!
They get to the front of the first train, grab the huge materia and then go.
Barret-Hmmmmmmmm, I keep thinking we forgot to do something back in Corel.
Red XIII-Uhhhhh, stop the train before it crashes into Corel?
Barret-Yeah, yeah. That�s it. Oh well.
The train crashes into Corel, killing everyone and blowing North Corel up.
Red XIII-Uhhhh, the Shinra team got the Nibelheim one.
Tifa-Damn! Let�s get the Junon one then.
Later on��
Setting: Junon Underwater Reactor
Red XIII-Now what?
Barret-God you�re dumb!
Red XIII-At least I don�t like fairytales.
Tifa-(Oh god) I�ll go and get the huge materia with Yuffie.
Tifa and Yuffie leave.
Barret-Fairytales are cool.
Red XIII-How many times do we have to tell you. They suck balls.
Cait Sith-Everyone except you hates them, even little kids ha ha.
Barret-You�ve insulted fairytales!!!!!! Well, that does it! L
Later on��
Tifa-I�m back with the huge materia.
Barret-Really? Cool!
Tifa-It wasn�t easy but�� Where�s Cait Sith and Red XIII?
Barret-Cait Sith�s learning how to swim and Red XIII�s, well he�s��Not whole.
Yuffie-Uh huh. So you drowned Cait Sith and sliced up Red XIII?
Barret-If you want to say it in adult, yeah I did.
Tifa-This is boring, let�s go to Rocket Town now.
Later on��
Setting: Uhhh, I don�t know. Maybe Rocket Town?
Tifa-Hey, Elmyra!
Elmyra-Oh you, where�s Cid?
Barret-Ummmm, I don�t know. Where is Cid?
Tifa-Never mind, we need to use the Rocket.
Elmyra-Go ahead and take it.
Yuffie-Cool! Cloud would have loved this part.
Setting: Space
Tifa-Let�s put the huge materia in here.
Barret-Are we gonna kill ourselves now?
Yuffie-Yep!
Tifa-NOPE!!! Cloud�s still waitin and we still need to beat Shinra and Sephiroth.
Barret-Who cares?
Tifa-Me, so I�m headin to the escape capsule.
Barret-Not me.
Yuffie-I�m going. Bye Barret.
Tifa and Yuffie go back down to Earth and the rocket destroys Meteor. With Barret.
Everyone in World-YYYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Later on��
Setting: Mideel
Tifa-Damn it! Cloud�s still fucked up!
Doctor-Yep, he�s totally fucked.
Yuffie-Uh oh! We�re fucked! WEAPON�S COMING!!!!!!!
Tifa-This is all Sephiroth�s fucking fault!
They kill Weapon easily.
Nurse-The Earth�s still shaking.
Yuffie-Do you think��Lifestream????
Tifa-Yep, we�d better get out of here, QUICK!!
Everyone gets out except Tifa and Cloud.
Note- This next part of the story on the actual game is exceedingly dull and boring. It goes on for about 45 minutes and doesn�t make sense unless you do it more than twice. Thus, I will try to make it exactly the opposite of what it�s supposed to be to ensure better reading.J
Setting: Long, gay boring part in the Lifestream.
Cloud-God I�m fucked up.
Tifa-That�s what we�ve been sayin all this time Cloud.
Cloud-Remember when we were young and I came over your house for no apparent reason?
Tifa-Yeah, you were gay back then.
Cloud-Fuck off! At least I didn�t like fairytales like Barret does.
Tifa-You asked me out didn�t ya?
Cloud-I didn�t think you�d rock up.
Tifa-I was bored so I decided to go there.
Cloud-I wanted to be in Soldier back then.
Tifa-Well, at least you made it and fulfilled your dream.
Cloud-Naaaaaah, I didn�t make Soldier at all. Zack did. I just used my image in his life story.
Tifa-??????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud-He died a long time ago so he will never know.
Tifa-You�re gay!!!!!!!!
Cloud-???????????? What???????
Tifa-You lied to all of us! You suck balls!
Cloud-You skanky bitch. I�ll kill you.
Tifa-Bring it on fuckface!
Those were the last words that Tifa said cause 2 seconds later: SLICE!!!!!!! She�s dead.
Cloud-Hey, I�m not fucked up any more!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!
Cloud leaves the Lifestream and heads to the Highwind. Him and Yuffie head elsewhere.
Pt5- Ancient City to Sector 8
Setting: Ancient City
Cloud-?????????????????? What the fuck?????
Barret-Dude, you 2 are still fighting?
Cid-So what?
Vincent-Yeah!
Tifa-You�re comin with us again then.
Cid/Vincent-Ok, fine.
Barret-What the fuck are we doing here anyway?
Cloud-We�re finding the holy materia that fell into the water after Aeris died.
Bugenhagen-You guys are out of luck. It�s not there anymore.
Red XIII-Grandpa???? What the fuck are you doin here? Fuck off!
Bugenhagen-No way! Get fucked.
Cloud-Stop saying fuck you fuckin faggots.
Bugenhagen-Anyway, after Aeris died, she returned to the planet and Holy also went��
Barret-Wait wait wait wait. You mean that after you die, you return to the planet??
Bugenhagen-Yeas but��
Tifa-That doesn�t make any sense.
Cloud-Yeah, we�re already in the planet. How can you return to the planet when you�re already here?
Bugenhagen-I��don�t know.
Cloud-That�s ok. I used to be fucked up too once.
Bugenhagen-Hey, I�m not fucked��
Barret-GO AWAY NOW!!!!!!
Bugenhagen-Ok ok.
Bugenhagen leaves.
Tifa-Man Red XIII, your grandpa�s gay!
Red XIII-So are fairytales.
Tifa-I don�t like��Ohhhhhhhh.
Everyone looks at Barret.
Barret-Oh for fucks sake!
Cloud-Are we still arguing about that?
Yuffie-You�re all sad.
Red XIII-Yeah, you suck.
Cloud-You fuckin started it!
Cloud easily kills Red XIII.
Barret-I like fairytales, like Humpty Dumpty.
Cloud-What the FUCK??????
Barret-See, Humpty Dumpty fell off this wall.
Cloud-Go the wall!
Everyone else leaves.
Barret-And he had a great fall.
Cloud-GREAT! Did he die?
Barret-No. The king�s horses and men put Humpty back again.
Cloud-Well, you�re gonna die.
Barret-No, cause you see��
SLICE!!!!!! Cloud kills Barret.
Cloud-Anyway, Humpty Dumpty�s a fuckin Nursery Rhyme, not a fairytale dick-head.
Ring ring!!!! Ring ring!!!!
Tifa-What the fuck?
Cid-I think it�s the PHS.
Vincent-Maybe��We should answer it?
Cloud-This was a waste of time. Hello?
Cait Sith-Thank god you answered.
Cloud-??? Cait Sith, what�s the matter? Did you zip get caught on your dick again?
Cait Sith-Not this time, Midgar�s under attack by WEAPON!!!
Tifa-Oh, nooooooooo.
Cloud-Cool, let�s go watch!
Everyone-?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????
Cloud-What? We could watch Shinra be destroyed!
Tifa-Maybe, but other innocent people will also die.
Cloud-God, again with the innocent people. There�s too many innocent people on this planet.
Barret-Let�s go.
Later on��
Setting: Midgar (just outside Midgar actually)
Cloud-There�s weapon! Let�s get��
The Sister Ray destroys Weapon in an attempt to destroy the barrier around North Crater.
Cloud-They killed Weapon?????
Setting: Level 70 of Shinra Building.
Rufus-DAMN, we hit Weapon but missed the North Crater.
Cloud-(calling from World Map) Ha!!! You missed. Your aiming sucks ass!
Rufus-Come up here and say that! Gay lord.
Cloud-Alright then Dufus, bring it on!
They fly on the Highwind and drop in on Sector 8.
Cloud-Let�s kill Rufus now.
Later on��
Setting: Level 70 of Shinra Building again
Cloud-There you are dick-head.
Rufus-You got here, now what?
Cloud-Uhhhhhhh, I don�t know.
Tifa-(sigh) That�s a start.
Cloud-You do better then!
Tifa-How about, I don�t know maybe��killing him?
Cloud-Good idea.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!
Rufus-2nd try.
Cloud-What?
Rufus-To destroy the barrier.
Cloud-Fine.
Cloud slices Rufus in half.
Tifa-At least 3 people die in every part.
Cait Sith-So???
And so, the barrier around North Crater is destroyed.
Cloud-Let�s go. I�ve killed Sephiroth twice before, I�ll do it again.
Pt6- End of Disk 2
Cloud-Let�s fly to the North Crater.
Everyone-YEAH!
Later on��
Setting: Highwind
Tifa-Tomorrow will be the hardest day of our lives. We might die, but we�ll die in battle��Together.
Red XIII-Touching, but you�ll kill me before that.
Cloud-Well, besides you then if you want to die so much. Here, have some weet-bix.
Red XIII-OK!
Cloud-Since we might die and all, you may go and see your families before we leave.
Tifa-Don�t worry, we won�t think you�re gay if you don�t come back.
Cloud-We�ll know you�re gay!
Everyone except Cloud and Tifa leaves.
Cloud-We don�t have any loved ones left to go to Tifa.
Tifa-Oh yes we do.
Cloud and Tifa have��Well, they have an excellent night together and Cloud doesn�t really care if he dies now cause he�s errrrr, relieved. In the morning��
Setting: Highwind
Cloud-Let�s take off.
Barret-Wait for us.
Everyone else gets on.
Cloud-You�re all back!
Barret-I still need to find someone who likes fairytales.
Yuffie-I came back cause my dad�s gay.
Cid/Vincent-We need to fight each other still so we�re here.
Red XIII/Cait Sith-We�re too gay not to come.
Barret-Oh no you don�t Red XIII. You�re not comin with us.
Barret blows Red XIII away.
Tifa-One last thing, after Meteor was summoned, it was gonna hit us in 7 days right?
Cloud-So?
Tifa-Sooooooo, it was already 1 month when we destroyed it. It came much later.
Cloud-Oh well, that�s cool I guess. Let�s go, cause remember-
Everyone-They ain�t no getting offa this train till it reaches the stop!
So, off they go to North Crater for the final conflict with Sephiroth. Only in his original form can Sephiroth be killed soooooooooooooooooooooo��
End of Disk 2


Disk 3
Pt1- North Crater
Setting: North Crater
Cloud-I�m fucking pissed off!
Tifa-Why?
Cloud-We have to go all the way down North Crater just to kill one guy. Plus, we have to get him in his original form before we can kill him for sure.
Tifa-How do you know that?
Cloud-Sephiroth told me everything when I was stuffed up.
Barret-Well, it sucks, but let�s get going.
Later on��
Setting: Halfway through the North Crater. (For you slowys, it�s the crossroads)
Cloud-Hmmmmmm, a lot of people said we couldn�t get back up and out of North Crater after here but we proved them wrong.
Barret-I don�t understand why we had to go all the way out of North Crater and back in again just to prove some faggots wrong.
Cloud-It�s science.
Barret-Whatever, let�s for some reason go separate ways.
Red XIII-That idea�s gay!
Barret-Don�t knock my ideas or I�ll knock you.
Barret blows Red XIII away. AGAIN!
Cloud-That sounds disgusting. �I�ll knock you�.
Tifa-It�s not a bad idea Barret, since there are 2 paths.
Cloud-Ok then. I�ll go with my babe and Barret, and the rest go the other way.
Vincent-Awwww, give me 3 gay guys why don�t ya.
Cloud-Alright then, come with us.
Vincent-Ok. Beat it you crap 3.
Cid, Yuffie and Cait Sith leave.
Cloud-We�re outta here too.
Cloud�s group gets to the bottom of the North Crater with ease. However��
Cid-This ain�t easy!
Yuffie-FUCK! We got given the hard way!
Cait Sith-Look, Cloud didn�t know which way was harder so we weren�t given the hard way.
Cid-Yeah, and Barret likes Yuffie! You�re a fuckin liar. You stuffed little freak!
Cait Sith-That hurt.
Yuffie-Barret���likes me?
Cid-It�s a figure of speech dumbass. Sarcasm.
Yuffie-Oh, let�s just go.
Meanwhile��
Cloud-Where are those other faggots??
Tifa-They�re slow!
Yuffie and co. arrive.
Yuffie-PUFF PUFF!!! That wasn�t easy and��
Cid-You gave us the hard way!
Cloud-No, we got the hard way, you got the gay party.
Cid-Oh, ok.
Tifa-Well, you took you sweet ass time so let�s just go now.
They reach Jenova.
Cloud-WHAT THE FUCK???????????????????/
Tifa-JENOVA??????
Jenova-What?
Everyone-??????????????????
Jenova-What�s the matter with you dickheads?
Barret-Hey, do you know any good��
Cloud-OH FOR FUCK�S SAKE!!!!!!!!!
Barret-Fairytales?
Jenova-Yeah man. I know lots of fairytales.
Barret-COOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!
Jenova-Do you know Bambi?
Barret-No.
Jenova-Well, one day a mother fawn gave birth to a fawn and do you know what its name was?
Barret-Uhhhhhhhhhh, Bambi?
Jenova-RIGHT!!
Cloud-??????????????????
Barret-Cool, then what?
Jenova-Then the fawn was learning to��
Cloud-Oh�my�god! Wait wait wait wait wait!
Tifa-This is nuts!
Cloud-Imp gonna find Sephiroth.
They all leave except for Barret and Jenova.
Cait Sith-Hmmmmmmm, I thought Jenova was evil.
Cloud-She is! Fairytales are evil. Sephiroth has controlled Barret with fairytales.
Sephiroth-What the fuck are you talkin about??? I�m not THAT evil!
Cloud-I guess not. You�ve gotta be like Satan to do that bad!
Seph-Uhhhh, where�s you friend Barret and my mummy?
Tifa-They�re tellin fuckin fairytales!!!!!!! I thought you heard all.
Seph-I ain�t getting any younger! I can�t hear as well now.
Vincent-That�s fine but are we gonna kill each other now?
Seph-I don�t know, 6 against 1�s not really fair.
Cloud-You�re talkin about fair after all the people you killed? That does it! I�m versing you alone!!!!!
Seph-Bring it on!!!!!!!!!!!
Sephiroth goes to his true form for the biggest and final fight of Final Fantasy 7!!!
Pt2-Sephiroth to the End of Disk 3
Cloud-Time to kick ASS!!!!!!!
Sephiroth-I don�t think so.
Barret walks in.
Barret-I killed Jenova.
Tifa-Good��Why?
Barret-She didn�t know any good fairytales.
Sephiroth-You killed��mummy????
Sephiroth goes to kill Barret but Barret pushes Red XIII in the way and you can guess what happened because I�m getting bored of saying it.
Seph-Damn, missed.
Cloud-I hope you aim a bit better when you verse me otherwise you�re fucked!
Seph-DIE!!!!!!!!!
Cloud-Let�s go!
Sephiroth and Cloud start fighting cool.
Yuffie-Cool fight.
Vincent-Yeah, not bad at all.
Cait Sith-Cloud better win or we�re fucked.
Tifa-Yeah, he�d better.
Cloud-Shut up! I�ll win.
Barret-What if you don�t?
Cloud-Then, you�ll definitely lose to him.
Tifa-Well, if you don�t win, you won�t get anymore lovin!
Cloud-???????????????????? No more lovin? Not even in heaven?????
Tifa-Nope!
Barret-Whoa, that�s harsh Tifa.
Tifa-Well, he needs to win.
Cloud-(NO MORE LOVIN?????????) That does it!
Seph-Uh oh. Ohhhhhhhhhh Sh��
Cloud-You said it. OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud slices up Sephiroth in a cool scene.J
Everyone-Whoooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Sephiroth falls.
Sephiroth-How�d you��beat me?
Cloud-Well, for one, you shouldn�t be able to talk but��I need lovin and you were standing in my way. No one stands in the way of me and my lovin with Tifa.
Seph-Damn lovin!
Sephiroth dies for good. Finally! The North Crater starts caving in.
Cloud-Time to go!
Tifa-Beat it Cat!
For some reason, Tifa kicks Cait Sith into the lava. Maybe cause he�s gay!
Barret-Let�s beat it.
They all fly out of North Crater just as it collapses.
Yuffie-Time to get some materia!!!!!
Barret-Oh no you don�t! It took me a long time to put this materia in the right place and you�re not gonna stuff it up again!
Barret hurls Yuffie into the propellers of the Highwind.
Cloud-Where to next guys?
Tifa-I know where we�re going Cloud!
Cloud-Yeah baby.
And off they go elsewhere. The future is next.
End of Disk 3
Pt3- Aftermath of FF7
Setting: Nibelheim. 5 years from end of Disk 3
Cloud-I keep tellin you faggots, Nibelheim was destroyed 10 years ago!
Resident Bob-No it wasn�t!
Tifa-Ok, we know you guys work for Shinra but it�s been destroyed. There�s nothing left and you ain�t gonna get paid for this anymore.
Resident Bob-Really? DAMN! Those cheap bastards, they didn�t tell me.
Cloud-Hahahahahahahahahahaha.
Tifa-Look, me and my husband want to live here so could you just fuck off now?
Cloud-Me and my wife can kick ass so leave before we kill you��nicely.
Resident Bob-All right I�m going.
Tifa-Where?
Resident Bob-Midgar of course��Don�t tell me��it�s��
Cloud-Yep, it�s gone too.
Resident Bob-FUCK! Now what??????
Cloud kills Bob.
Cloud-I needed to put him out of his misery.
Tifa-All right.
Cloud and Tifa are married and now (after that) reside in Nibelheim.
Setting: Cosmo Town
Note-If you are the least bit dignified or you�re a goody goody, don�t continue reading.
Red XIII-Come here beautiful. Red wants you.
Cait Sith-All right then baby.
Red XIII-OWWWWW! Don�t do it like that.
Cait Sith-Well don�t put your tail up here.
Cait Sith kills Red XIII.
Cait Sith-He did it too hard.
Bugenhagen-Come here you cute kitty.
Cait Sith-The older the better.
Everyone lives sort of��gay in Cosmo Town.
Setting: Ancient City
Cid-Ready to go again?
Vincent-Bring it on.
Vincent/Cid-Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
Those 2 guys are still fighting in Ancient City right now. If you listen carefully, maybe you can hear them��������������������Or not.J
Setting: Wutai
Yuffie-Well, you should be happy after that.
Barret-Ooooooo yeah. Very happy! I�ve got you and all the fairytales known to man.
Barret and Yuffie are married and live in Wutai because Yuffie killed her dad cause he was gay.
Setting: Stuffed Northern Crater
Sephiroth-Well, at least we�ve got something in common.
Aeris-Yeah, we�re dead. And we both hate Cloud. He sucks ass in bed.
Seph-Well, try me in bed.
Aeris-Ok! I forgive you for killing me so let�s get it on.
Finally, Aeris and Sephiroth live happily in the North Crater. Their love was meant to be��or maybe it wasn�t but hey, close enough. So in the end of Final Fantasy 7, everyone�s happy and nothing�s changed at all. Really!
End


Extra Part!!
Start of Disk 1 to the Shinra Building
Setting: Sector 1 Reactor
Cloud-What the fuck are we doing here?
Barret-Hurry up newbie! We�re wastin time.
Later on��
Biggs-Hey, newbie. What�s yer name?
Cloud-Me? I�m Cloud Strife.
Wedge-Cool. I�m Wedge, he�s Biggs and Jessie.
Jessie-Pleased to meet you.
Cloud-Hey baby!
Jessie-Yeah, I Iike you. Come here!
Biggs-We�ll talk about that later. Barret�s coming.
Cloud-You mean the black guy?
Wedge-Give him some respect. He�s the leader of Avalanche.
Cloud-Him???��but��he�s gay.
Barret-Don�t knock me! Let�s go dick-head.
Cloud-Ok oh leader of leaders! (faggot)
Later on��
Setting: Somewhere. I don�t know. I think it�s Sector 1.
Cloud-Man, that baddie was hard. SHIT!! Soldiers. Gotta get to that train.
Setting: Train
Barret-Move over old man!
Shinra Manager-I�m the Shinra Manager.
Barret-Shinra�s gay!
Barret kills S.M.
Jessie-Come here Cloud.
Cloud-Yeah yeah!
Jessie-Not yet! Look here.
Cloud-Uhhhhhhhhhhh, I�m uhhhhhhh, lookin somewhere else.
Jessie-NOT YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud-God, this is boring shit.
Later on��
Setting: Sector 7
Barret-Everyone in here, FUCK OFF!!!!!
Johnny-Ok ok, I was just staring at Tifa.
Cloud-Tifa�s here???????
Barret-Yes, now hurry up and get in.
Setting: 7th Heaven.
Cloud-Hi Tifa. My bitch.
Jessie-What the?????????????? I�m your bitch Cloud!
Tifa-Wanna bet? I�m his bitch!
Jessie-Wanna bring it on??
Cloud-Ladies ladies, you�re both my bitches.
Tifa/Jessie-ALRIGHT!!
Cloud-Anyway, where�s my money Barret?
Barret-Here ya go.
Cloud-2 gil?????? Oh, I could buy anything with 2 gil, cheap bastard!
Barret-You�ll get more on the next one.
Marlene-DADDY!!!!!!!!!
Barret-And who might you be little girl?
Tifa-Your daughter. Remember?
Barret-My dau��Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that one.
Cloud-That one?
Marlene-Can you tell me some fairytales daddy?
Barret-Awwwwww, you know how much daddy hates fairytales. Go ask that wall if it knows any fairytales cause I�m not givin ya any.
Cloud-Yeah, they suck!
Marlene-Too bad, read some.
Barret-Alright. To the hideout.
Wedge-Yeah, the pinball machine entrance.
Cloud-Awwww, for fuck�s sake. That is a seriously lame entrance. What if someone wants to play pinball?
Tifa-I just take off my top and they suddenly don�t wanna play anymore. If it�s a girl playing which is rare, Barret does is thing and pulls down his pants and she doesn�t wanna play either.
Cloud-Looks like you�ve got things organized here. Let�s go down.
Later on��
Setting: Train (2nd time)
Cloud-WHAT THE FUCK??????????????????
Jessie-Hmmmmmmm, the security check�s goin off earlier this time.
Voice-ALERT ALERT!!!! STOWAWAYS ON BOARD!!!!!!
Barret-Shit! Let�s go.
Tifa-How?
Cloud-I�m jumping off.
Barret-Good idea��for a newbie.
Setting: Sector 5 Reactor
Cloud-God, not another reactor. I�d better get more money this time.
Barret-You sure do!! 4 Gil for this one.
Cloud-Oh god!! 4 Gil!!!!! I�m rich now. I have 6 gil for doing two missions. Get fucked!!
Barret-4 gil! Take it or fuck off.
Tifa-Stay Cloud or no lovin!
Cloud-Damn it! That�s blackmail!
Later on��
Setting: End of Sector 5 Reactor.
President Shinra-Well, time to die.
Cloud-Wait, tell me about��
President Shinra-Look, I�ve got to go back to the Shinra Lab and kill the 13th specimen. I called him Red XIII but he�ll die soon.
Cloud-Oh, that�s fine then. Go ahead.
Tifa-Yeah, he sounds gay.
President Shinra-Alright then, I�ll leave Air Buster to finish you off.
Cloud-Air Buster? That weak ass thing? Why don�t you put some of your best guys at the start of the game to beat us easily? One that attacks with 5000 or something. Not 200.
President Shinra-O.K then. Bring on the Proud Clod.
Proud Clod comes in and knocks Cloud into Sector 5 below. Tifa and Barret bolt.
Setting: Sector 5 Slums
Cloud-Fuck that hurt!
Aeris-You fell on the flowers! They�re dead! You asshole!!
Cloud-Geez, sorry for surviving! Don�t you have any sympathy for��What a babe!!!!
Aeris-Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh hhttttttttttt. Anyway, I�m Aeris.
Cloud-I�m horny! I mean I�m Cloud Strife.
Aeris-Hmmmmm, that�s a lame name.
Cloud-Well, Aeris isn�t the best name in the world either.
Aeris-What the fuck???
Reno and co. walk in.
Aeris-Hey Cloud. Wanna be my bodyguard and get me the hell outta here?
Cloud-What�s in it for me?
Aeris-I�ll go out with you and have it off with you.
Cloud-Alright!! Let�s go.
Reno-Get the Ancient or Cetra or whatever she is.
Cloud-He looks cool.
Aeris-He�s Reno. He�s also a��
Reno-I�m a Turk.
Cloud-I know who you are! Let us pass.
Reno-Who the fuck are you?
Cloud-I�m bored with introducing myself. Call me Cloud.
Aeris-Let�s go.
Later on��
Setting: Aeris� Home.
Aeris-I�m home!
Aeris� Mum-For fuck�s sake you took your sweet ass time.
Aeris-I got chased again. But Cloud saved me.
Aeris� Mum-Thanks Cloud.
Cloud-Hey, I got a good deal. It was nothing.
Aeris� Mum-Aeris, why don�t you go upstairs for some reason?
Aeris-Ok!
Aeris leaves.
Aeris� Mum-Now Cloud, don�t go fucking Aeris at all.
Cloud-Awwwwwww, but we have a deal here!
Aeris� Mum-DON�T DO IT!!!
Cloud-Oh alright! (bitch)
Aeris� Mum-Leave here tonight. Alone.
Cloud-God, you suck!
During the night��
Cloud-Hey Aeris, don�t tell Aeris this but I�m leaving for Sector 7 solo now ok?
Aeris-WHAT??????? I�m coming!
Cloud-Coming where?
Aeris-With you to Sector 7.
Cloud-Who said I was going solo to Sector 7 cause your mum said so? It must have been that Aeris I talked to a couple of seconds ago and��Damn it!!!
Aeris-You�re pretty dumb. Let�s go.
Cloud-Ok, but we gotta get past ya mum!
Aeris-Easy, where does she sleep?
Cloud-You�re asking me???????
Aeris-Dude, I don�t think she has a bed to sleep in.
Cloud-I got a better idea. Let�s just go out now.
Aeris-Go out now? NOT YET!!!!! You have to do a bit more before we go out.
Cloud-I didn�t mean that. I meant let�s just go out of the house. Dumbass!
They run downstairs.
Aeris� Mum-What the fuck are you two doing?
Cloud-I don�t have any time to listen to your boring sex lectures so fuck off!!
Cloud slices up Aeris� Mum.
Aeris-Nooooooooooooooooooooo, Cloud! You dick-weed! That was my��
Cloud-Fake mum?
Aeris-Alright, I guess so. Let�s go.
Later on��
Setting: Sector 6 Playground.
Aeris-You know what Cloud?
Cloud-Not personally. Who�s what?
Aeris-Dumbass! You�re just like Zack.
Cloud-Zack? You knew him?
Aeris-I liked him a lot. He went off to a war or something but never came back.
Cloud-He almost came back. He died when we got to Midgar. I almost died with him.
Aeris-WHAT!!!!!!??????????????????????
Cloud-Yeah, he was cool. But I�m cooler. In fact��WHAT THE HELL?????????
A carriage starts to pass.
Cloud-TIFA!!!!!!!
Tifa-Cloud?? Cloud!!!!! I�m heading to Don Corneo�s Mansion now. Go there!
Cloud-Cool, thanks! That saves us lookin for ya!
Aeris-Why don�t you just jump off?
Tifa-I�m getting info.
Cloud-Well, then. We�ll see you in a bit ok?
Tifa-Yep see ya!
The carriage leaves and the two go into Wall Market and up to Don Corneo�s Mansion.
Setting: Outside Corneo�s Mansion
Aeris-Hey, buddy! I want in!
Scotch-WOW!! Sure baby! Go ahead.
Cloud-Are you blonde Aeris??????????? You know what�s in there! Men that are hornier than me! You ain�t going in alone.
Aeris-What do you suggest?
Cloud-I�ll dress up as a girl and come in with you.
Aeris-Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ok, if you wanna go in that badly.
Much Later on��
Aeris-PHEW!!!!! Finally!
Cloud-All that just to be a girl? How do you do it Aeris?
Aeris-Dick-head! Let�s just go!
Back at the Mansion��
Scotch-What another babe!!! You two babes can surely go in!
Cloud-(hahahahahahahahahaha!!! Gay)
Later on��
Setting: Corneo�s Mansion Basement.
Cloud-There you are Tifa!
Tifa-Cloud????? Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!! You look like a��POOF!!!
Cloud-Shut up! I know that. Let�s go see the Don now.
Setting: Don Corneo�s Chambers
Corneo-I choose��������The shy one!!!
Cloud-Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! !!!!! Why me?
Corneo-You�re cute.
Cloud-(this must be a good disguise!) Uhhhh, ok. Let�s go!
Setting: Corneo�s Room
Corneo-Let�s get it on!!!!
Cloud-That does it!!! You�re a Gaylord!!
Corneo-Ahhhhhhhhhh, a MAN!!!
Tifa and Aeris run in.
Cloud-Tell me all you know about Shinra. Or I�ll chop your dick off!
Corneo-Noooooooooooooooooooo!! Ok, Shinra is planning to kidnap something called a Cetra.
Aeris-Cetra???? That�s me!
Cloud-What?????????????????????/
Aeris-Why do the Shinra want a Cetra? Tell me or I�ll chop your balls off!
Corneo-You�re fucking serious huh? Ok then, the Shinra need the Cetra to find the Promised Land.
Tifa-Promised Land?? What�s that? Tell me or I�ll punch the shit out of��down there!
Corneo-Fuck!!! This is blackmail. O.K, the President believes that the Promised Land is totally stuffed with Makou energy so they want it to get richer.
Cloud-DAMN!!! We gotta get there first.
Corneo-Not so fast losers.
Cloud-Alrighty then.
They slowly walk out.
Corneo-Hey! I didn�t mean it like that you pooftas!
Cloud-You suck ass!
Cloud kills Corneo.
Tifa-Let�s head back to Sector 7 for some reason.
Cloud-Maybe Barret�s there. I can�t believe you lost him. Hahahahahaha. You suck.
Later on��
Setting: Sector 7 Plate
Wedge-Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wedge just fell off the plate. He shouldn�t be able to talk but��
Wedge-Cloud! Barret�s up the top.
Cloud-Cool! I hope he falls!
Wedge-Well, bye Cloud.
Cloud-Bye Wedge.
Wedge dies.
Tifa-Aeris! In my bar, there�s a girl called Marlene. Get her outta here!
Aeris-Right. See ya.
Aeris leaves. Cloud and Tifa start going up the plate.
Cloud-Still fighting eh?
Biggs-Nice fighting with ya buddy. See ya.
Further up��
Jessie-Damn it! I never got to have sex with you Cloud.
Cloud-Oh well, who says you�re gonna die?
Jessie-Something does.
Tifa-What are you fighting? I can�t see any baddies.
Jessie-Now that you mention it��
Cloud-Barret!!!!!!!!
Barret-God damn it!!! You guys��
Tifa-Took our sweet ass time I know.
Reno comes.
Reno-Say goodbye to Sector 7.
Reno pushes that button you all know about. I don�t know why there�s a button that makes the whole thing collapse and kill everyone. There�s no point.
Cloud-DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reno-Tut tut tut. You don�t wanna hurt our little friend here do you?
Cloud-FUCK!!! AERIS!!!!
Tifa-Why�d ya have to get captured Aeris?
Aeris-Well: 1-To save Marlene and: 2-Because if I�d have stayed with you, we�d have 4 players at once, and Squaresoft couldn�t do that.
Cloud-The 2nd one�s a better reason.
Reno leaves. Sector 7 starts collapsing.
Barret-Quick you two! Grab the rope.
Cloud-Let�s get Jessie too.
Barret-There�s no time.
Cloud-But��She�s right next to me.
Jessie-Yeah!
Barret-I said there�s no time!!!!!
Jessie-I knew I�d die here. Bye Cloud.
Cloud-Bye Jessie.
They swing out of Sector 7 into the Sector 6 Playground.
Setting: You�ll figure it out. Maybe.
Barret-Noooooooooooooooooooo, Biggs! Wedge! Marlene! Je��
Cloud-Don�t say it! You killed Jessie.
Barret-Whatever.
Cloud-Hey, you noticed how even though Jessie and that were right next to us sometimes Barret, they never helped us in a battle.
Barret-Yeah! That�s gay!
Cloud-Let�s go.
Tifa-No way! I�m not seeing anyone else die!!
Barret-Tifa, we have to save Aeris now. We can�t look back now. They ain�t no getting offa this train we on til it reaches its stop!
Cloud-That�s a cool saying.
Barret-Thanks.
Tifa-Barret, Marlene is safe. Aeris got her to safety.
Barret-How do you know?
Tifa-DUH!! She said it to us. She got captured to save Marlene she said.
Cloud-I bet she took Marlene back to her house huh?
Barret-Yeah! Let�s go!
Setting: Mr Obvious says-Aeris� House.
Cloud-Marlene!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Barret-She�s alone here? Why?
Tifa-Aeris told me.
Barret-Why then??
Tifa-Cause hotshot smartass Mr Doofus killed Aeris� fake Mum.
Barret-Riiiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhhttttttttt.
Cloud-She was gay!
Marlene-DADDY!!!!!!
Barret-Marlene!!
Cloud-I hate this mushy stuff.
Marlene-Read me some fairytales daddy!
Barret-Sure thing! And you know what? From now on, I love fairytales and I�ll ask everyone that we come across on our journey if they know any good fairytales so I can tell you them when I get back ok?
Marlene-COOL!!! Thanks daddy!
Cloud-Oh god! Fairytales suck balls!
Barret-Not anymore!
Tifa-I know they�ve taken Aeris to the Shinra Building so let�s go there now!
Cloud-Right! We�ll try Wall Market first.
Later on��
Setting: Mr Obvious isn�t even this obvious. Work it out yourself!
Barret-I know a way to Shinra from here.
Tifa-Ohhhh naaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! We climb these cables up to the top.
After a bit of climbing, they get up to the Shinra Building.
Setting: Hmmmmmm, I�m getting pissed off now. Maybe I shouldn�t do this anymore.
Cloud-Hmmmmmmm, how should we get in now?
Tifa-Let�s take the safe way. Going up the stairs to the left.
Barret-That�s gay!! Let�s barge in and kill everyone!
Cloud-Hmmmmmmmm, Tifa�s right! We�d better play it safe.
Tifa-Yes!!!
They barge through the doors and kill everyone on the first level.
Tifa-Wait a minute!! I thought you said��
Cloud-I always do that.
Tifa-Uhhhhhhhhh, you�re ignorant!
They go up to the 2nd and 3rd floors, killing everyone. For some reason, there�s no stairs to level 4 so they go in the elevator. But! It fucks up, so they head straight up to level 59 instead. They could have taken the elevator down to the other levels but you already know why they didn�t.
Setting: I just told you.
Cloud-Fuck that was hard!
Tifa-Uhhhhhhh, too many baddies!
Barret-It was easy!
Cloud-Whatever, let�s just go.
Tifa-Where?
Cloud-Up to level 65 of course.
Setting: Nup, never mind.
Cloud-I don�t see why we had to put those crappy parts in the Midgar model.
Barret-To get the key card dummy.
Cloud-We can bash the doors down. Screw the keycards!
Tifa-Hmmmmmmm, what are we supposed to do now?
Cloud-Oh god!!!!!! You should be blonde!!! You know what we gotta do��
Continued on FF7: Things You Didn�t See-Disk1

End of story. Finally. How was it?

Wow this is huge!!!!!!!

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Uh.. ya.. This is more like fanfiction, so I'm gonna move it to the correct forum ^_^
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Really? It's a fanfic? Coooooool!! I thought i sucked at fanfics and i make one without even knowing it! :D:cool:

woow loooooooooooooooooong...

Cloudy,Cloudy, this is great, you really read all that stuff in the game and absorbed it isn't.;)

i read half of it!
Well done for typing it all out.
nithing i couldn't have done though
I've play ff7 inside out

Yes, i'm quite proud of it. There's a lot of funny parts in it. I'm suprised people actually read it. Thank you, an FF8 story is in progress (actually it's half complete) and it's set to be great too.

Yes long. I read well a great deal of it and it wasn't bad. Keep it up!:)

Hmmmph, if only Cloud make it another one, it would be great;)

That is long...

And that's spam by you Neo man.

Also Laburnski, i am making more, i said an FF8 one is half way done.

Cool:D

There was some really good stuff in there, a nice parody to the game. Good work. Look forward to reading your other stuff.

Yeah, in fact, i'm entering the FF8 parody in the writing comp. i wonder what you get if you win.

LOL!!! That is the funniest story i have ever read!!! it is great, my dear.

Thank you mum. I'm glad all of you like my work. My FF8 story is 6 tenths done.

Can anyone explain what he said in a few sentances???

*eyes turn into sprials from reading all of the text then falls down on the floor, laughing uncontrollably, gasps;*

funnnniiiiiieeeee!!!


I needed a good laugh.....

I am constantly beplagued with fantasies of redxiii.

It's humiliating, but true.

I attend anime conventions in the hopes that some sad soul is crazy enough to dress as redxiii. It's the only way I am able to experience any sort of sexual attraction.

I'm sorry. I needed to get this out desperately. I didn't mean to revive a thread that was over 4 years old.

This guy wants to get banned?

Clearly, he does. Now please mind the universal rule for dealing with such people: "Don't feed the trolls."

Wow the longest most random thing I've read, funny.

Kewlz.. Ever thought about therapy? :p

Too much writting.