Those of you who talk to me know that sometimes I break out in the middle of a conversation and start being almost a narrator in a strange story. I just start typing really dumb stuff, but some people seem to think it's funny, so I'll go ahead and post them here. This is an actual conversation between FaerieLady that had her laughing for a good while.

James says:
no i don't talk to other people... i only talk to you
FaerieLady says:
uh uh...you lie!
FaerieLady says:
i know u talk to that woman! i saw you!
FaerieLady says:
lol
James says:
what woman???
James says:
i don't even know any women
FaerieLady says:
heehee
FaerieLady says:
what am i to you then?! nothing?! lol
FaerieLady says:
j/k
FaerieLady says:
lol
FaerieLady says:
this is a funny conversation!
James says:
oh well of course your a woman! but i wasn't counting you there cuz you were talking about other women... and i don't know any other women
FaerieLady says:
heehee
FaerieLady says:
ur silly
FaerieLady says:
i'll bet you talk to SOMEBODY .....ANYBODY?
James says:
nope... i dont talk to people... i don't even talk to animals... i don't even talk to my plants, or even myself
James says:
just you
FaerieLady says:
no one else from the shrine? *can't believe him*
James says:
nah i don't like anybody from the shrine
James says:
cept you
FaerieLady says:
only me? really?
FaerieLady says:
*feels special*
FaerieLady says:
make some friends!
FaerieLady says:
what did u do before i got there?
James says:
there was nothing before you got there
James says:
the world was an empty abyss... and then there was you...
FaerieLady says:
lol
FaerieLady says:
awwwwww
James says:
and the world became bright and sparkly and smelled like cheese
James says:
and the world was full of shiny things and yummy yummy turkey
James says:
and the sun shined every day and the grass was the brightest green
FaerieLady says:
weird....i suppose....ok
FaerieLady says:
^_^
FaerieLady says:
glad i could help!
FaerieLady says:
lol
James says:
and then there was other shriners... and the world became depressed and dark
FaerieLady says:
no....
James says:
but FaerieLady fought back the darkness, and rolled the darkness up into a little ball, and left the ball on the ground... and there it stayed for many many years
FaerieLady says:
years?
FaerieLady says:
o.0
FaerieLady says:
heehee
James says:
then FaerieLady's dog came along and saw the ball and started playing with it. He slapped it back and forth and the depressed shriners inside were knocked all over eachother and hit their heads against eachother many times, giving most mild concussions
FaerieLady says:
LOL!!!!!!!!!! ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
James says:
after the dog got tired of playing with the ball of darkness, he kicked it, and it started rolling. It rolled out the door and down the sidewalk into the street where it was ran over by a large vehicle. The shriners inside were smashed and blended together into one flat sheet of goo and darkness
FaerieLady says:
ugh!
James says:
An old homeless man walked by and picked up the shriner goo and put it into his little bag. He carried it back into his alley and put it down by his box and fell asleep. The shriners were restless... they did not like being goo... they needed a new body. Slowly the shriner goo moved itself toward the old man and into his ear.
FaerieLady says:
eweeeewwwwwwwww
James says:
The man woke up in the morning and felt different. He heard a voice in the back of his head... a different voice than the one he usually heard... the voice told him to go find FaerieLady
FaerieLady says:
ahg! oh no! help me!
James says:
so the man made his way to FaerieLady's apartment... he watched her through her window... and after he got done playing with himself he broke the lock on her door and walked inside... he took two steps and fell on his face... Loki had come from behind and grabbed his ankles causing him to trip.
FaerieLady says:
"and after he got done playing with himself".....um.....ew? gross? ugh?
FaerieLady says:
yay for loki!
FaerieLady says:
my hero!
James says:
Loki then proceeded to kick the man in the testicles many many times. Then stomped on his head a couple of times, and after a few more stomps, FaerieLady noticed the ooze coming back out of the old mans ear
FaerieLady says:
eeeeewy!
James says:
Loki looked down at the ooze and recognized a few shriners that he used to know. He kept stomping until all the ooze came out. The old man would have been back to normal then, and would have proceeded to pick up cans off the side of the highway to sell to recycling centers... but his head was crushed... so he was dead
FaerieLady says:
uh oh/........ppor guy...wrong place at wrong time i suppoise
James says:
Loki bent down and picked up the ooze in his hand... FaerieLady wondered what to do with it. Loki looked at her and said "The ooze will never stop hunting you" Then Loki put the ooze in his mouth. After trying to swallow he spit it back up. "That shit is really gross" he said
FaerieLady says:
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FaerieLady says:
you sillyhead! u shouldn't eat it! lol
James says:
After a few more attempts, he finally was able to stomach the ooze down. "Now I can fight the other shriners back internally... then they will not be able to find you."
James says:
and FaerieLady lived happily ever after... but Loki could not taste anymore, could not say anything with the letter R in it, and pissed purple for the rest of his life

Hey hey! You forgot the sequel! :(

Ya know? The part where I asked what happened to all my friends in there? You want me to post it?

edit: damn! I can't find it! :( It's too funny. He writes these things all the time and they are hilarious!

You should post more of them Loki! :)

Originally posted by FaerieLady


You should post more of them Loki! :)

Ok then...

James says:
When we last left off, FaerieLady was on her way to the planet Watdahey on her trusty ship, the Faulty Cannon, with a cockpit full of cucumbers.
FaerieLady says:
yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
James says:
After a while, her radio starts making a scratching noise, as though a transmission was trying to come through. She listened closer, moving her ear up to the speaker. Then a shout came through "HELP ME!!!". FaerieLady jumped back and fell over her chair and onto the floor.
FaerieLady says:
ouchy!
James says:
FaerieLady jumped back up and grabbed the radio mic. "Who is this? Where are you?" She yelled into the mic. After a few more seconds she heared the voice again.
FaerieLady says:
uh oh'
James says:
"This is Flea! I'm on the "Rusty Crotch", a small fighter. My engine went out a while back. I've been floating for a few hours now and am running out of oxygen. You should be able to see me on your radar now."
FaerieLady says:
agh! rusty croth! bleah!
James says:
FaerieLady looked down at her radar and saw a blip moving closer to her ship. The voice came back over the radio. "Please help me. Let me ride with you to wherever you are going and I can get a new ship there."
FaerieLady says:
hmmmmmmm ok
James says:
FaerieLady says "hmmmmmm ok" and activates the tractor beam to drag the Rusty Crotch closer. When they connect, the doors open and a short, fat man walks through the door and says "The names Flea, nice to meet ya!"
FaerieLady says:
lol! you used my words! lol
James says:
FaerieLady laughs and says "You took the words right out of my mouth. Nice to meet you also. I needed somebody to help me with my ship, I lost my copilot in a dogfight yesterday." Flea laughs and says "Great! I know everything there is to know about these machines!"
FaerieLady says:
agh! in a dogfight?! lol
James says:
FaerieLady says "Agh, but are you any good in a dogfight? My last copilot wasn't!" and she laughs again. Flea points out the window and says "Well we're about to find out." FaerieLady turns around and looks to see two fighters coming straight towards them blasting they're blasty thingies.
FaerieLady says:
blasty thingies! lol
James says:
Faerie Lady says "Blasty thingies?" and laughs... "Those are barely even guns!"

Note to reader: In this far depths of the galaxy, every type of gun is obsolete. Now they have a new type of weapon, and because they could not think of a better name for it they just called them "Blasty Thingies"
FaerieLady says:
heehee and? anbd?
James says:
Faerie Lady runs and hops into her seat, spins around and grabs the control stick for her blasty thingies. Flea runs forward and tries to jump into the copilots chair, but trips and falls on the controls, opening up the cargo hold.
FaerieLady says:
what a dumbass....
James says:
"What a dumbass" Faerielady says. Cucumbers start floating out of the ship and into space. The fighter pilots are still blasting at the Faulty Cannon. FaerieLady spins the ship around and starts firing at the other ships.
FaerieLady says:
wooot! i'm sucha good driver! teehee!
James says:
She chases one ship down, but they split up and the other ship gets around behind her. She starts blasting as fast and accurate as she can, but this is no rookie pilot... he manages to dodge everything.
FaerieLady says:
the shithead!
James says:
FaerieLady follows close and after a few seconds gets her missles locked on and presses the fire button. Huge homing missles launch from the sides of the Faulty Cannon and start chasing the ship.
FaerieLady says:
mwahahahaha! outrun those!
James says:
The pilot is fast, but not fast enough and the missles slam into his ship, it explodes and metal flies everywhere.
FaerieLady says:
woah....
James says:
Just then the Faulty Cannon starts shaking and alarms start going off. FaerieLady looks down at the controls and says "We've been hit!"

Flea looks too. "We've lost our left wing! We can only make right circles now!"
FaerieLady says:
heehee! wheee! right circles!
James says:
Suddenly another alarm goes off and they look at the display. It says Incoming Missle. "Oh Shit!" Faerielady says! She turns the ignition on full blast, the missle is close.
FaerieLady says:
oh shit.....
James says:
Just a short distance away, Loki sits in his ship watching the whole ordeal. FaerieLady is going around in clockwise circles being chased by a missle. He just laughs and activates his missle disruptor causing it to go out of control and blow up a safe distance away
FaerieLady says:
yay for loki!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !
James says:
The pilot in the other ship spins to look at Loki, and starts blasting. Little did he know that while he was busy watching the Faulty Cannon do doughnuts, a cucumber had lodged itself in the barrel of his blaster.
FaerieLady says:
heehee.....cucmbers......*gets hungry for veggies and ranch dressing*
James says:
The Blaster Thingie backfires, sending the blast backwards through the fueltank. The pilot has time to scream a couple of obsenities before he and his ship burst into flames.
FaerieLady says:
heeheee
James says:
Back on the Faulty Cannon, Faerielady looks over at Flea. "YOU made me lose all my cargo!" Do you know how much those are worth on the planet Extragin?"

Note to Reader: Extragin is a planet of women who have found a way to reproduce asexually
FaerieLady says:
ooooooooo i wanna do that......
James says:
Loki's voice comes over the radio. "Yall want some help? You're not going to be going anywhere with your ship like that."
FaerieLady says:
heehee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
James says:
Faerielady says "Yes! Can I hitch a ride on your ship?" Flea says "Me too!"

Loki says "The girl can come."
FaerieLady says:
oooooo
James says:
Flea looks upset and pulls a portable Blaster Thingie out of his belt and puts it to FaerieLady's head. "You're giving me a ride to the planet Hairpees or I'm blasting her pretty face off."
FaerieLady says:
hairpees? a gun? grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
FaerieLady says:
he better not touch my face....grrrrr
James says:
"Now I don't like anyone putting a blaster at any woman. You best put that down now."

Flea ignores Loki's voice and says "Tractor us in. Quick. Or she's dead."

Faerielday says "You better not touch my face ya fat midget."
FaerieLady says:
heehee! yeah! you porky pig lookin mutha fucka!!!!!!!!
James says:
Loki activates the tractor beam, hauling the Faulty Cannon closer.
FaerieLady says:
hmmmm
James says:
After the ships connect, Loki walks through the doors.
FaerieLady says:
yay! my hero!
FaerieLady says:
lol
James says:
Flea still holds the blaster up to FaerieLady's face.

Loki tips his hat down a bit and says "Put it down ya tubby bastard."
FaerieLady says:
yeah!
James says:
Flea stutters "D-d-d-d-don't make me do this... just take me to my planet."

"I'm not taking you anywhere. Wouldn't want you fuckin up my ship to. Put the gun down and I'll kill you quickly"
FaerieLady says:
gah! lol no mercy! no mercy! lol
James says:
Loki takes a step foward, and Flea pushes FaerieLady to the ground and points the blaster at Loki. Flea pulls the trigger and a blast of light flies towards Loki's chest.
FaerieLady says:
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
FaerieLady says:

James says:
A burning sound is heard as the blast singes through Loki's shirt and leaves a slightly red mark on his chest.

Loki looks down, then looks up at Flea, then looks down again... then says "What the fuck was that?"

A few minutes later Loki and FaerieLady leave on Loki's ship. Flea has a rope tied around his neck and the other end tied on the tail of the Faulty Cannon, and the ships ignition is on full blast, so that it is dragging him around in circles

I am glad one person found it funny, coz to be quite honest... I didn't.

Don't take it to heart, so I didn't find your post funny, ohh no what a shame.

I just typed that coz when you tend to give criticism, although not constructive mind you, people tend to get pissed, thus the above sentence.

It could be easier to read if you edited it a bit. Like bolded the names or deleted them, or something.

Also, I rather think it's insulting to leave the bit in the first one where you say how much you dislike all of us. I've read the first story twice now and it's not really relevant, unless you just felt like leaving it in for shits and giggles.

A little consideration would be nice, surely?

You did see my name in the title of the thread... and you still expect consideration.

Please forgive me if I am brutally honest with my thoughts and opinions.

I expect consideration from everyone if they're going to be posting here. It's common decency.

But more than that I expect people to abide by the rules, regardless of who they are. This isn't about the fact that it's you posting, Loki, it'd be the same if it was anyone else.


Insults. Are a big no-no. Please don't insult, flame or otherwise offend people. Even if someone insults you, don't join in but rather PM the person in question and work it out with them.

So please can you refrain from posting stories containing such things in the future.

I don't believe I insulted anybody. Saying that I do not like somebody is not insulting them. Please refrain from false accusations in the future.

How you have referred to the Shriners as a whole during the first post could, fairly easily I should imagine, be taken as an insult by someone. Okay, I admit there are no direct insults, but I'm just asking, nicely, if you could be a bit more careful about what you post.

There's really no need to make some big song and dance about it, it was a nice request for crissakes.

:o

Well then, sorry, but i will have to deny your request. Being nice to you is not my problem, that is what you have friends for.

LOKI = GOD, LOKI = BUDDHA, LOKI = ALLAH and many other heavenly and otherworldly deities!

k ppl, Loki obviously rules, so we must now start a Loki religion/cult in the clubs forum. i shall be High Priestess (even tho i'm a guy). and Vyvyan can be a bootlack (shoulda signed up earlier) lol. when i come up with more ranks i shall post them along with the ppl who hav randomly aquired them

Where's Chapter Three?

When do I get my revenge from beyond the Shriner Ball? XD