I've been trying for quite a while to write songs, and they pretty much always suck, but I decided to put my newest poem-thingy in here, just to get some feedback :)

Needle of denial

The world shines with a bright light today,
I can see the horizon, and the beautiful sea,
Watching the wonderful nature, inside I cannot stay.

I open my door, and take a step to the outside,
I take a deep breath, the air is so fresh,
Then I hear a loud noise, turn around, and see a brutal fight.

I see people lying in the gutter bleeding,
I see people selling themselves for money,
I see a family father killing and stealing, in order to pay for his childrens feeding.

I see the sky falling down on me,
I feel so afraid, so trapped,
Stuff like this, I do not wish to see,
So I eject a needle into me.

A needle of a new look,
A new look at the world,
Happiness now shines,
A brand new destiny,
Lost control,
But everything seems so happy�


Don't be too rough :(

Absolutley love it!
I especially like the first two verses (which, in my opinion, would make for great song lyrics alone)...

Thanks a lot, I really appreciate that! :)



Comfortable Chair



Hey there Mr., please take a seat,
Please don�t step on the wires, watch your feet,
We hope you are sitting there quite neat,
Now we will punish you for your deed,
We will make justice by bringing death,
Make yourself comfortable while you take your last breath.

Now,
We will take our mistakes out on you,
Electrocute, electrocute.
Now,
We many nor be sure, if it really was you,
But what the hell,
Electrocute, electrocute.

Hey there Mr., innocent or not,
You�re making us spend money that we actually got,
But we don�t feel like spending it on you lot,
So instead of putting you in jail to rot,
We dress you with a diaper, take your dignity and life,
So even though your innocent, say bye to your child and wife.

Now,
We will take our mistakes out on you,
Electrocute, electrocute.
Now,
We many nor be sure, if it really was you,
But what the hell,
Electrocute, electrocute...

I totally thought that poem was about a recliner chair! ^__^ But when I read on... I discovered what a truly powerful piece that is.

An amazing piece of work really... and no, your works DON'T SUCK. A powerful and meaningful message is behind "Comfortable Chair," and I really enjoyed reading your poems.

And I like "Needle of Denial" ... I wallk to school in the mornings and it actually reminds me of some of my thoughts on my way to school...

Great stuffs. Keep it up. :D

Thanks a whole bunch, I am very happy to see that you found a message and changed your mind about the recliner chair. I'd feel a bit lame if it came across like such a thing :D

Here is another poem, the last one for a while. I'll be away for around 5 days, so I wanted to have some feedback to look forward to- positive and negative alike :)


Resting spirits AKA Lazy @-holes
(Even though the title may not be too pretty, there is no profanity in the actual poem)

The winds have suddenly and quite drastically changed,
And it would seem like mankind has become deranged,
Life has slowly, but surely been drained,
and our purpose here still stands completely unexplained,
We carry on our lives, just as we did in the old days,
but our former couriousity is no longer ablaze,
We did not receive the answers we looked for, so we stopped seeking,
People then didn�t give a damn, and that is what I am critiquing.

Why are we here,
Do you have an idea,
Are we here for the beer,
Or are we here for the fear,
For the final death to appear?

Have we totally lost our exploring spirits of grace,
And are we now left with nothing but insecurity and disgrace?
Is there no longer any trace of adventurers and scouts,
It would seem like they�re all gone, and we do not know their whereabouts,
I do believe that I have a clue about where they are,
They have travelled far, through rivers, and the mountains of Myanmar,
But they are actually quite easy to find,
They can be found in the heart of mankind.

Why are we here,
Do you have an idea,
Are we here for the beer,
Or are we here for the fear,
For the final death to appear?

Now when you peer,
Does it bring out a tear,
When you can finally hear,
That memories are impaled by a spear,
And they have no chance to ever reappear

Awww... my poetry buddie is going away for a bit. =\ But nevertheless, you've left behind a very powerful piece of work, that is filled with imagery and some very realistic questions.

Though I expected your poem to answer some of those questions... I suppose that is left to the reader... anyhoo... nothing short of amazing.

I like. :D

Comfortable Chair is my favourite poem out of those three. All of it is well written, and gives out a good message I think. You're poems I like very much, keep posting :D

Ah, I am happy for your responses, I appreicate the fact that you take time to read what I take time to write, it means a lot to me :)
After getting my ears bombarded with songs about hell and heaven and such, I decided to make something like that.
It's structure is pretty much non-exsistant, and it really isn't quite so political, as I have made it as more of an experiment than an actual poem. I will post it nonetheless.

Howl of the Owl

In a deepwood forest,
which is full of horrors,
a horrible creature resides.
It slays everything, elves, mages and knights.
It seeks not food, nor revenge,
It ruins monuments, like Stonehenge.

Bloodstain on the floor,
A horrible loud roar,
An equally horrible sore,
A striking blow on the creature left it craving for more,
A perverted DeSade-ish land of lore,
Filled with cheaters, liars and gore,
And a creature of death, as flirtacious as a whore.

Ten commandments of the socalled Jehova,
Together they called upon a grand hyper nova.
Which destroyed the horrible land...
That is, if you believe in the believing man.
Perhaps in fact, it is still here,
And we should all live in fear,
Perhaps the evil is very near,
Holding up an unholy spear.

Should we flee, and swiftly run?
Or should we use willpower, and force the dark forces gone?
In the end, the intelligent owl,
Will tell when the battle is won, through a howl.
If all is lost, we may hear an inhumane growl

I might not reply much, but I am still reading. ^__^ As I've said before, your stuff is very powerful. That poem put me in the mind of a Storyteller telling a scary story to the little ones around a fire... if you dun mind me saying.

Beautiful, powerful piece of work. =D Yanno I like. Keep it up.