A poem…



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07-06-2004, 07:30 PM
Self respect, Self control,
How’d it feel to let them go?
I saw the pain in your eyes,
You couldn’t feel it through your lies.
Await the call, hide your fear,
Wash away those dirty tears,
Come inside, close the door,
Nothing matters anymore.

Do your best, to get by.
Do your best to justify.
Just ignore what they say,
Nothing matters anyway.

Could I get some input on this? And be honest…I wanna know if it sux…:P


Marceline
07-06-2004, 08:09 PM
It doesn’t suck at all. ^^

It has a nice rhythm to it. I could see it becoming a song.

It does seem like it’s a little bit short for what you’re trying to do with it, and it makes the repetition of "Nothing matters anymore" less dramatic- maybe you could add onto it a little?

I liked reading it a lot though- hope to see more stuff from you soon.


heavens_final_samurai
07-09-2004, 03:38 AM
i liked it too. i also feel that it could be continued .

Loki
07-09-2004, 01:17 PM
I thought it was a lot better than a lot of the other people who post their poems here. Not bad at all.

ad_022
07-17-2004, 05:12 PM
Danke very much ppl…I got more where that came from

Turk
08-02-2004, 12:07 AM
I like it very much…Very applicable to my belief that this world as nothing but a transit to the next.

mrmonkeyman
08-02-2004, 04:14 AM
At first I thought "ugh, goth poetry." However, it’s a sort of dirty, rocky, gritty poem. I like it. It’s very Metallica, and I bet my bottom dollar that it’s partly inspired by the old rockers by your sig.

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