the beach

I had a dream…

I had a dream that I went to the east coast of Canada to visit a friend. I remember just moving there into this nice neighborhood with green grass lawn and small country houses. It was a bright sunny day where the wind was just right and the butterflies were brilliant blue. This was a scene out of a dream. Being new to the neighborhood, I didn’t know anybody. I moved there with my parents into a cream cottage house right on the block, hidden by the large maple leaf tree. I had not told anybody of my departure nor my arrival, I wanted to be lost within this beautiful scene.

While I helped my mother set up the house, I couldn’t believe that we were here, in a place out of the city. I was happy. Being there with my parents and my beloved cat, Chanel. I thought that nothing was going to bother me anymore. I had quit school in order to live this life of solitude to which I came to cherish with every moment.

Once the house was done, I went outside and stretched, smiling. Feeling adventurous, I went out for a walk in my quartered jeans and my favorite sleeveless top. With sunglasses in my hair and flip flops guiding my feet, I didn’t care anymore. As I walked down the smooth grey pavement, I came across an intersection. Looking left and right, I crossed to the other side, waiting to explore other houses. As I walked down the pavements, I spot a figure in the far distance.

I continued to walk and so did the figure. Once I was in view, I stopped. For a slight moment I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. I was convinced this was part of my illusion but when I heard her voice, she was real. She stood in front of me. At first I was afraid, thinking what she could be thinking. Since that episode in November, I was ashamed. The person who stood in front of me just stared at me, quite confused before it was followed by a gentle smile. I knew, I was the worse excuse for a friend. I shouldn’t even be alive and yet… I am.

We both exchanged looks for a moment, absorbing the quiet moment before she spoke first. Though startled, I cleared my throat and I replied as calmly as I could. She didn’t sound angry — I knew she had moved on. I remember she told me to move on too but seeing her in front of me again, made me think of that November episode. Just then and there, I wanted to say a million sorrys but I knew, that may be no good. I hated myself for it, clinging onto the past like it would help me in the present.

She didn’t say anything. I made the first move. With tears streamed down my face, I just hugged her telling her I’m so sorry and that I had learned my lesson. I was a fool. I was an idiot. I was no visionary or dreamer. I was just me. She had told me everything was going to be alright that I should stop crying. I did. I wiped my tears and invited her if she wanted to go out and check the scenery with me. She agreed.

We walked until we reached the beach at the far end of the street. It was close to sunset. I saw the shimmer in the seas and the untouched sands. I listened to the wind whispering in my ear. I couldn’t believe it until now. I thought I had thrown away all my emotional luggage but I knew, they came back to haunt me. Before leaving, I had confined this problem with one of my other friends in a far away, distant land.

Once I was done soaking up the sun, I turned to my right only to see nothingness except the sands of the beach. She was gone.