Lauging Not Allowed

http://www.postpoems.com/cgi-bin/displaypoem.cgi?pid=483866

DO NOT LAUGH! lol

Here is the poem for those who fear random links to my PostPoems page.

Sarah

Doves circle around
The crecent moon hangs over thi house of dolls \
Wherein Porcilen mannequins cry
Pianos play songs of love
For her, the glass blower’s dream

She is dubbed Sarah
She is queen of mirrors
Her lightly weighted body gleams in the sunlight
For she is woven of fine crystal glass
Her beauty sings as golden bells
Her fragileness, a porcelin soul
She may sing coal into perfect gold
Many poets have written of her
Many lovers have played serenades of her
Of her radiant eyes of ruby
Her transpartent figure
Her towering sillouhette
And her song of romance
For her fallen love
The one who slipped through her smooth and delicate hands

Young Sarah
Thy name upon many lips soaked in deciet
thy love lost in a sea of blood
Mixed woth tears of crystal
From thy ruby eyes
Thou sang thy lament for thy love
Young Vincent, a man of shadows
Sank low into the depth of Death’s long cloak
As thou sank into the shadows of thy dewelling of dolls

Sharah
Girl of glass
Softly blow the dust from thy arm
Clad thyself
Don thyself in this antique weding gown of white
Thy purity shown
Light ablaze thy ruby eyes
Thy pupils a white carnation
As the one he gave to thee
Immortilized as the armaranth in form

Caze upon thyself in theis mirror
Upon thy lucid beauty
Thy smile shows all
Mezmerized by thy glance they could all fall
Give thee from the fields of rolling green
To the Heavens where Angels sing hymns
But thou does not want part in nations or sky
Sarah, girl of glass

The mannequins of porcelin
And the dolls of thy house
Come for thee, weeping there in wedding dress
As thou sing thy swansong serenade for him

Sweet young Sarah of anqtique glass
Thou broke there upon the darkwood floor
May thy shards rest there, sweet Sarah
Thy soul within
May thy end be immortilized in serenades and laments
Sweet young Sarah…

� Michael Strange

lol

Thank you! :kirbyinhale: :takethat:

wow, that was… quite a read. Ripe with grammatical errors though.

I thought it was ok. Some of the imagery was pretty good. For the love of god, please check your spelling though.

Yes, I am aware of the spelling mistakes. You see, I didn’t feel like fixing it when I re-posted it. I am glad you liked it though. I will psot more later, if it won’t get annoying that is. And I PROMISE better spelling, lol.

MAN THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST PROSE I EVER SKIMMED THROUGH

Yes, I am aware of the spelling mistakes. You see, I didn’t feel like fixing it when I re-posted it. I am glad you liked it though. I will psot more later, if it won’t get annoying that is. And I PROMISE better spelling, lol.

This might be a dumb question, but if you know you’ve made spelling errors why don’t you just hit the edit button and take the necessary 20 seconds to correct them? I’m sure your audience would appreciate it.

And less likely to laugh.

tl;dr

Obligatory question: Did you get this from watching Galaxy Express 999?

X2. I have the similar feeling …..銀河鐵道999….feeling is weird. very weird. Anyway, the poem is ……. seen

wow… WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!!!!!!

I laughed, but im not sure if i "lauged"

Only time will tell.

Actually…despite the snickering from the crowd, this really is a pretty well written poem. I don’t think you have any idea what sort of effect your spelling errors have on your audience though. See, presentation is a major factor in writing of any sort. Even a single grammatical error can make an author seem ameture, and your poem is riddled with errors. I can almost guarantee that if you had proof read your work beforehand and done proper editing (or at least had someone else do it for you) before posting, you would have gotten a completely different response. Most of these people look through your poem and see nothing but mistakes, which leads them to come to the conclusion that you are uneducated, unprofessional, not commited to your work, and perhaps even unintelligent. Of course, these things may not be necessarily true at all…but that’s what poor presentation will do to you.

In other words…have a little pride in what you do. Fix your mistakes before publishing your work from now on…even if its only being posted in a simple forum. This poem really is good, and it deserves better.

I laughed, but im not sure if i "lauged"

Only time will tell.

P.S. I almost shot coffee out of my nose when I read this comment! Ha ha ha!

This somehow made sense but I’m not sure if it’s the right sense