Mephological Poetry Inspired By Britain Today

‘Sir, its all gift wrapped for you,
We also added a greetings card,
With a complimentary message.’

‘Oh right, cheers. Just out of interest,
What message did you put on this one?’

‘It’s just our standard greeting.
*Happy Mothers Day, You Great Big Slag!*’

‘That isn’t what I ordered…

But it will do.’

‘Thank you sir, have a pleasant day.’

Estate Kid

That’s estate kid. He lives on that estate.
That’s right. The really shit one.
His mum is a mess. A right state.
Smokes crack and takes it up the bum.

Would I fuck her? I reckon.
Don’t tell estate kid though.
Him and his mate, the one who looks like Beckham,
They’d fuck you up, put on a right show.

Yes, I know estate kid is ten.
Ten year olds are fucking mental.
He shoved a dildo down the throat of Ben,
Who choked all the way to the hospital.

Fuck, here he comes. Just play it cool.
Alright estate kid, you alright mate?
What? I aint calling you a fool.
Fuck, get out of here before he cuts…

Little Kid is Thinking About the Bus

You get on the bus and at the front
You get the old people, because
If they try to walk to the back
They might have a coronary and the heart explodes.

That’s true, because Gary at school said so.
Him and his mum use the bus lots because
They’re poor and don’t have a car.
Gary sometimes smells like wee.

But sometimes that is just how life is, I think,
Because grandpa, he smells like wee
Sometimes too. But, he is in a home
For old people who sleep a lot.

On the bus, somebody was asleep.
They smelt too, but not of wee.
Kinda like how my mum smells on a Saturday
Night. She yells a lot when she smells like that.

I like it when the bus stops because
Everybody is polite and thanks
The driver for taking them places.
That always happens on the bus but not other places.

So I’ll do both!

I’m intrigued to know who the Estate Kid is though~

And cuts people for lols.

I don’t know. I put no thought into these, I just felt like making some shit up. I’m not a poet.