A new poem for new remarks

Time bomb

Blinding pain, a white flash that sears my eyes,
Throwing me from my feat, and into the skies.
I crash to the planet, i now hate
I scrablle to my feet, knowing my fate.

My body a pin cushion, stained red
I rip out the shrapnel, staining my bed.
The pain intence, i wish to die,
but because of you, i live on not knowing why.

Rising again, i look around
pieces everywhere, in the walls; the ceiling; the ground.
I collect the pieces, one by one,
cutting myself so deep, because i lack the gun.

I begin to grasp the shattered object, spilling its content to the floor
pouring from my hand, i close that door.
I piece it together, knowing its power without care,
It’s all i have left, i won it fair and square.

The now beating bomb, i put in its case
the pain now unbearable, my heart is replaced.
I set the timer, for sometime soon
the next time, that ill see you.

yes its a tad dark but meh … if you thinks its ’emo’ then dont comment but i like critisism so jab away plz 🙂

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Oops. I commented on your idiotic drivel anyway.

Wots "Emov"?

Obviously, that was entirely intentional. It is intended to direct attention downward (it is not a letter V, but an arrow pointing that way) to the rest of my comment. I mean, who would ever think something silly like that being a typo? No one’s that retarded.

lol

Obviously, that was entirely intentional. It is intended to direct attention downward (it is not a letter V, but an arrow pointing that way) to the rest of my comment. I mean, who would ever think something silly like that being a typo? No one’s that retarded.

Nice save.

Obviously, that was entirely intentional. It is intended to direct attention downward (it is not a letter V, but an arrow pointing that way) to the rest of my comment. I mean, who would ever think something silly like that being a typo? No one’s that retarded.

Yeah, some idiots these days. I bet they’d all be like, "He was trying to paste an edition X amount of "Emo"s, but git a little lenient on the ctrl.". Idiots the whole lot of them.

lol thanks prak ^_^ as helpfull as ever >.>

Don’t worry he love you really.

Time bomb

Blinding pain, a white flash that sears my eyes,
Throwing me from my feat, and into the skies.
I crash to the planet, I now hate
I scrablle to my feet, knowing my fate.

My body a pin cushion, stained red
I rip out the shrapnel, staining my bed.
The pain intence, I wish to die,
but because of you, I live on not knowing why.

Rising again, I look around
pieces everywhere, in the walls; the ceiling; the ground.
I collect the pieces, one by one,
cutting myself so deep, because I lack the gun.

I begin to grasp the shattered object, spilling its content to the floor
pouring from my hand, I close that door.
I piece it together, knowing its power without care,
It’s all I have left, I won it fair and square.

The now beating bomb, I put in its case
the pain now unbearable, my heart is replaced.
I set the timer, for sometime soon
the next time, that I’ll see you.

Yes it’s a tad dark but meh … If you thinks it’s ’emo’ then don’t comment but I like critisism so jab away please. 🙂

To be spelling and grammar wise, Mr.Fullstop is somewhat satified on how you used him in your post with one exception which was right at the end of your post and says you should always end sentences with fullstops if they are statements. However, Mr.Apostrophe is unhappy as you didn’t place him in the words "dont" and "ill" as it should of been "don’t" and "i’ll".

Mr.I is very upset with you as you didn’t bother capitalising him most of the time and he feels humiliated. Mr.Comma says that he can’t say he is too happy either.

lol at least thats constructive ty ^.^