Things FF XII characters would NEVER say

Welcome to a hopefully funny AND wrong thread. Think of sonething a Final Fantasy XII Character would never would say, and the one who makes me ROFLMAOOL will get a prize! (or something that will help u win!)

and the one who makes me ROFLMAOOL will get a prize! (or something that will help u win!)

whats the prize?!!

ok…
vaan: i think i’ll be a good person..
ashe: like what?
vaan: like not a pick pocket…

srry those are really bad…but cant think of anything rite now..

Penelo: We went to bed, and … he was a SHE!

Fran: This forest … I forget where we are. Let’s just burn a path through …

Balthier: I can’t take it anymore! Waah!

Ashe: Um, Vaan. Do you want me? Because I want you sooooo bad.

Gabranth: Dammit! I mean … just plain dammit! Where’s my toothbrush? (as opposed to his comb, which is more likely XD)

ROFLOL! But not a ROFLAMOOL.

Vaan: I like breasts.

Location: Balfonheim Port

Reddas: Ashe can I see that White Rock?

(Ashe passes the Dawn Shard to Reddas)

(That spirit that Ashe keeps seeing appears)

(The spirit smiles at Ashe, never speaking, then turns to face Reddas only to be surprised)

Spirit: Great Moogles!!!!! It’s Mace Windu!!!!

Montblanc: My blade too grows dull! I shall accompany you on this hunt!

Montblanc: My blade too grows dull! I shall accompany you on this hunt!

Ha, i loved that one. So true aswell

Vaan. " Can you pass me that pencil Fran, my abb’s are starting to smudge".

Balthier: Me? I’m just along for the ride! I really don’t know why I’m here.

Larsa: Fo’ shizzle, right bizzle! Let’s party!

Vayne: That accomplished by bloodshed is better accomplished by talking.

Balthier: Fran, we’ve been sky pirates for awhile, and we still haven’t gotten any closer.

Fran: That’s for two reasons, One, the Strahl is ten years old and you put no effort into renovating it, and Two, the "gun" you’re packing isn’t strong enough.

LOL

lol I’m glad you liked it Larsa, got anyones to give me a good laugh? I’m like really depressed right now.

Vaan to Penelo: "I like Balthier."
Penelo: "So do I, he seems…nice?"
Vaan: "No I mean I ‘really’ like Balthier"
Penelo: "Doesn’t it feel better to be out of the cloest?"
Vaan: "Whaaa? (She KNOWS!?)"
Penelo: "You think I didn’t know I was playing a ‘beard’ all of this time?"

Vayne to a Random Judge: "How does my hair look?"
Judge: "Fabulous!"

Vaan to Basch: "Hey Basch, is it gay when a guy likes another guy?"
Basch: "What do you mean?"
Vaan: "I mean when a guy is ‘physically’ interested in another guy…"
Basch (thinks for a moment): "Well, back at the Nalbina Fortress plenty of man on man action was deemed acceptable because there were no women around."
Vaan (runs off to Balthier): "Hey Balthier, crazy idea but let’s get arrested!"

ROFL i like that one Gin.

Penelo: Vaan I think I have herpes.

Vaan: What did you expect? Migelo isn’t exactly the cleanest person in the world.

LAMOOL! This stuff is the stuff o’ dreams!

Come on, DE GRANDE, we don’t need a constant cheerleader. Join us!

Balthier: Daddy, would you tuck me in? Read me a story, Daddy! Daddy?!

Agent’s right GRANDE, Join us

Penelo: Vaan, look at this amulet. It would make a perfect "parting" gift for Dalan.

Vaan: I get his chair!!!

Balthier: We can get back to Rabanastre in little time. Quick!!! To the Strahl!!!!

Penelo: Why so you and Vaan can peek inside my room while im undressing?

Agent’s right GRANDE, Join us
Balthier: We can get back to Rabanastre in little time. Quick!!! To the Strahl!!!!

Penelo: Why so you and Vaan can peek inside my room while im undressing?

Balthier (licks his lips and rubs his hands together while murmuring to himself)

Random Soldier: My Lord, the Lady Ashe has infiltrated our stronghold. We must take action at once, or we are all as good as dead!
Vayne: Ashe? She has assembled an army to overthrow me?
Random Soldier: Well, a party.
Vayne: A party? Come, how many warriors does she have at her command?
Random Soldier: Five.
Vayne: Five!? You honestly believe to tell me that you expect Ashe and her five warriors to wipe out my entire fleet and myself?
Random Soldier: Well, yes…
Vayne: What type of warriors are these!?
Random Soldier: Well, there’s a thief, a pirate, a felon, a little girl-
Vayne: A little girl?!
Random Soldier: Yes, my Lord…and a rabbit.
Vayne: Are you mad!?
Random Soldier: B-but my Lord! One of them, the pirate, claims to be the lead character! For villains such as ourselves that does not bode w-
Vayne: Insolent fool! I do not fear bunnies and little girls! This is not fantasy, it is war! Now order all available guards to report to the intruders location and dispose of them!
Random Soldier: Y-yes, right away my Lord.
Venat: Excellent…

Random Soldier: My Lord, the Lady Ashe has infiltrated our stronghold. We must take action at once, or we are all as good as dead!
Vayne: Ashe? She has assembled an army to overthrow me?
Random Soldier: Well, a party.
Vayne: A party? Come, how many warriors does she have at her command?
Random Soldier: Five.
Vayne: Five!? You honestly believe to tell me that you expect Ashe and her five warriors to wipe out my entire fleet and myself?
Random Soldier: Well, yes…
Vayne: What type of warriors are these!?
Random Soldier: Well, there’s a thief, a pirate, a felon, a little girl-
Vayne: A little girl?!
Random Soldier: Yes, my Lord…and a rabbit.
Vayne: Are you mad!?
Random Soldier: B-but my Lord! One of them, the pirate, claims to be the lead character! For villains such as ourselves that does not bode w-
Vayne: Insolent fool! I do not fear bunnies and little girls! This is not fantasy, it is war! Now order all available guards to report to the intruders location and dispose of them!
Random Soldier: Y-yes, right away my Lord.
Venat: Excellent…

I found this one to be very funny. lol

Vaan: Penelo, I found this dueling mask, how does it look on me?

Penelo: I think it looks fine.

Vaan: Yeah you could use it over your face during those nights in the Strahl. (Now if only we could find one for Migelo’s sotted mug).

Vaan and Penelo would never say anything useful.

Ever!

(In the middle of a battle) Penelo: Vaan! Do sumthin!!! Vaan:(Drooling and zoning out) Penelo:VAAN! snap outta it! Vaan: (STILL DROOLING) Penelo: Whats wrong with him? Ashe: Vann is high… Penelo: On drugz?!?! Basch: Heavens no! All we do is puff phenoix down!!

Moogle: Coming to a theatre near you.

Basch to party: Men, Women and Viera, the time has come to put this war to rest!!!! True it may be that today we could all die but who cares? We should be proud we got this far, let’s not stop!!!! THIS IS RABANASTRE!!!!!!

Moogle: "6" Rated R. (Movie sponsored by Migelo)

Ashe: "Hey guys, time to f***!"

Ashe: Don’t interrupt me!

Vaan: Bitch, please…

Moogle: Coming to a theatre near you.

Basch to party: Men, Women and Viera, the time has come to put this war to rest!!!! True it may be that today we could all die but who cares? We should be proud we got this far, let’s not stop!!!! THIS IS RABANASTRE!!!!!!

Moogle: "6" Rated R. (Movie sponsored by Migelo)

That would work better as "This is Dalmasca"

(In the middle of a battle) Penelo: Vaan! Do sumthin!!! Vaan:(Drooling and zoning out) Penelo:VAAN! snap outta it! Vaan: (STILL DROOLING) Penelo: Whats wrong with him? Ashe: Vann is high… Penelo: On drugz?!?! Basch: Heavens no! All we do is puff phenoix down!!

There! Are u satisfied now?!

you’re right Jeff, my mistake. that would fit better.

Scenario: Fran is having breakfast. Vaan and Penelo walk in.

Fran: *munch* *munch* Damn, this stuff is good.

(Vaan and Penelo snatch Fran’s food)

Fran: What the hell guys? I was eating those.

Vaan & Penelo: Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!!!!!

HA! I liked that one.

Scenario: Balthier, Fran, and Penelo are fighting a Garuda-Egi on the Paramina rift.

Balthier: Ladies, the key to victory is to use the best weapons. Watch as I take this bird down in one shot.

*Balthier fires a round off and hits the bird*

*The bird falls to the ground*

Balthier: See? What’d I tell you? Now we have our dinn- What??? He’s still alive? I popped one right in his brain and he’s not dead?

*Fran pulls out her bow while penelo pulls out her crossbow*

*Both shots are taken, Crossbow bolt to the heart, arrow to the head.*

Fran: Now the bird is dead. So much for your gun. *chuckle*

*Balthier gets slightly angry and shoots Fran*

Balthier: Oh I’m sorry Fran, I forgot to mention it’s rabbit season in Ivalice. Penelo it looks like we now have a side dish as well.

Penelo: YAAAYY!!!!!

Ktjn: "I am a strong, independent woman, capable of making my own decisions in life. I need no man to help me find my path."

Scenario: The party are standing near the Sun-krist Ashe: Now it is time to des…Vaan, what are you doing? Vaan: (holding a tuft of pheonix down rolled up like a cigarette) Whaaat? Im tryin’ to get a light!

Scene: Balthier and Fran are flying the Strahl, Vaan sits next to them in the cockpit.

Balthier: We have something for our special visitors. (Takes out a model airplane). Would you like to have it?
Vaan: Thank YOU! Thanks a lot!
Balthier: You ever been in a cockpit before?
Vaan: No, sir. I’ve never been up in a plane before.
Balthier: You ever… seen a grown man naked?
Fran: Do you want me to check the weather Balthier?
Balthier: No, why don’t you take care of it. Vaan, did you ever hang around a gymnasium?

Airplane! is so epic.:D

Scenario: Imperials storming the palace of Rabenastre (Basch’s Flashback)

Basch: Hello!!!!??? Oh, man. So young a person to have died in battle. He must’ve had so much to live for and so much left to do before his time.

Reks: Hey um….I’m not dead Captain. In fact, I can still fight on.

Basch: Oh, in that case, get up bitch. You can still hold a sword now c’mon.

Reks: Great, that entire speech and now he wants me to die with honor.

(Basch, Reks, and some Imperial Swordsmen storm the palace and reach the emperor only to find him dead.)

Basch: What the hell? I was supposed to kill him!!! This storyline sucks.

Vayne: My bad Basch. His time was ripe for the plucking and so shall yours be.

Reks: Basch!!!!

(Reks gets killed in an attempt to save his Liege)

Reks: Shit…..now his speech has effect.

(Back to present time)

Basch: After being freed from that cage, having my innocence proven, and other crap in this story, I will stand up against Archades!!!!!

Vaan: But Basch, how are we gonna pull that off?

Basch: I got that handled, Vaan. Here, take these and get changed.

(Fast forward to a grassy field setting in the middle of the day)

Basch: Ahhhhh to be wearing these again…..

(Basch and the other five are dressed in Kilts and are donning Warpaint on half of their faces)

Balthier: I don’t know about the rest of us but the Braveheart look suits you best Basch.

(Imperials appear, ready to fight. The party draws their claymores.)

Basch: Let’s go guys!!!!!!! ARRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!

(Basch rushes in)

Balthier: *sigh* Why me?

Al Cid: My voice and my name remind me of somethign past… like a brother to a lonely foreign girl, named brother. No wait, the BROTHER’S name was brother, I need a PS2

Balthier: Father, before you die, I want you to know that I love you.

Gabranth: think you can stop me, miserable stupid?
Vaan: we’ll see, take it!
Gabranth: what the he…
Vaan:Ka-me-ha-me-ha!
nohing happens
Vaan: strange, this always works in DragonBall
Penelo:oh, for God’s sake!

Cid:… so is there a reason why I look like Robin Williams?

Larsa: Ha! My disguise as a man to get closer to Fran has been pulled off!

Penelo: RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE

Vaan: RABBLE RABBLE?

Vaan. " Can you pass me that pencil Fran, my abb’s are starting to smudge".

ROFL That made me laugh so hard. xDDD They totally look like that.

Vaan: Alright, now, let’s take this seriously, guys.

Balthier: Fran… I’ve found someone else… Vaan? Tell her the good news!

Basch: It was actually me that killed the king. Suckafoos, lol.

Fran: The Mist is great when you’re working out. I can feel the burning!

Ashe: I’m going to stop bitching about my lost kingdom once and for all.

Penelo: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Larsa! Don’t stop!!!!

Vaan: Ok, ladies and gentleman, welcome back to Ivalice Jeopardy, today’s contestants are Reddas from Balfonheim, Vayne from Archades, and Ashe from Rabanastre. Lets go to todays catergories. We’ll start off with "Famous Mothers"…

Reddas: The day is mine!!!!

Balthier: someone saw my wallet?

Balthier: Is there a Britan in Ivalice?

;1003580′]ROFL That made me laugh so hard. xDDD They totally look like that.

Vaan: Alright, now, let’s take this seriously, guys.

Balthier: Fran… I’ve found someone else… Vaan? Tell her the good news!

Basch: It was actually me that killed the king. Suckafoos, lol.

Fran: The Mist is great when you’re working out. I can feel the burning!

Ashe: I’m going to stop bitching about my lost kingdom once and for all.

Penelo: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Larsa! Don’t stop!!!!
This one made me laugh pretty hard… But, that doesnt mean you won! I still need plenty of ha-has and spit takes! So, crank it up to Lvl 99!

Vaan & Penelo: Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!!!!!

Will the rabbits never find solace from these children’s tyranny!?

Fran: The wood…it has begun to stir.
Balthier: *glances down at his trousers* …Oh my. Well, honestly my dear, what did you expect to happen…wearing garments such as those? I am only human after all.
Fran: …

"i quit im going home"

scenario:ozmone plain killing ozmone hares

Vaan:woohoo 701st hare today

Balthier:thats rubbish

Vaan:NOT, how many did you kill

Balthier 701

Vaan:that means you did rubbish too

Balthier: Call it a Draw we both win

(fran Comes round the corner)

Fran: my 701st rabbit today

Vaan: your kiddin

Balthier: Join our total together he says to Fran

Vaan Goes crazy and kills Fran

Vaan:WOOHOO 702

Balthier:Idiot you killed Fran

Vaan:No i didnt

(Vaan uses raise on Fran)

Vaan shoots her again

Vaan:703

Vaan : raise

Vaan stabs Fran

Vaan: 704

Ashe comes round the corner

Ashe :what u doin

Vaan: killin rabbits its rabbit season

Ashe: no its not the first law i made when i became queen was that rabbit season was banned you broke the law

Ashe kills them all

I know this is rubbish i made this up as i went along

Location: Bujerba

Scenario: Vaan and the party are speaking to Larsa about getting to Mount Bur-Omisace.

Vaan: I’m really gonna hate the fact that it’s gonna be cold there.

Ashe: Quit bitchin’ Vaan. Larsa let’s….where did he go?

(Larsa is watching TV)

Larsa: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Spongebob Chocobopants!

Larsa (to Penelo): "Now if you excuse me I have important partitions to review." Goes back to his desk and proceeds to color a picture of Kitty-kat.

Penelo: "How cute, can I color too?"
Larsa: "I believe you don’t have the legal certifications to file these documents."
Penelo: "It’s just a cat…"

Basch (When looking at a black Chocabo):Me scarred of big rabbid birdy.

Panelo: Basch, that is not a big rabbid bird

Basch: It… isn’t?

Panelo: No, it is your long lost cousin Melvin

Basch runs up to the black chocabo screaming: "Melvin" only to subsequently get his eyeballs pecked out. Panelo stands laughing.

Basch (Crying): Melvin got violent

Vayne’s in his study looking over some documents when a thought suddenly strikes him.

Vayne: "Hey, Larsa, LARSAAAA!!! C’mere, lil dude."
Larsa: "Yes, big brother?" (the ever polite one)
Vayne: "Do…you think…that…maybe, JUST maybe…I could get Vaan to…y’know…get over the whole ‘enemy’ thing and just…go out with me? And then we’d go around catching fluffy little bunnies and…"

Yeahh…. =.= I should be shot.

Whole cast: "Take me now"

Random Judge (to Fran): Die, you furfag.
Fran: What did you just call me?
Random Judge: *looks confused*
Fran: Bitch, you didn’t just call me what I think you just called me, cause if you did, I’m gonna whoop yo ass you mutha fucka.
Random Judge: Whore *lifts up weapon*
Fran: Excuse me?! no one but Balthier may call me that, you understand you fuckin….*keeps going on*
Random Judge: *hits self with weapon until dead*
Fran: *bats her hair out of her eye* Works every time.
Balthier: You go girl.

Fran eating a carrot anyone?

Setting: The Leviathan

Basch: Why do I have 0 MP?

Ashe: You spoony bard!

*slaps him*

Ashe: Check your fucking acessories!

Basch: Get a life, OK? I don’t have time to read item descriptions!

vaan= i’d love 2 be a sky piolt
penelo= can u fly a ship
vaan= ummmmmmmm no
penelo= can u fight
vaan= nope not really
penelo= r u scared of heights
vaan= fuck yeah
penelo=Your hired

Gurdy: ‘Sup, Monty?
Montblanc: Aw, hey naw, Gurdy, I can’t be seen talking with you!
Gurdy: What? Oh, not that again. Just because I wanted to save a little money?
Montblanc: Come on, Gurdy, you went with geichocobo.com! "So easy, a moogle could do it?" A little loyalty would be nice, that’s all I’m saying.
Kumop: Mogjina’s here, we’re getting back together!
Montblanc: Just give us a minute, okay!
Announcer: Geichocobo.com. !5 minutes could save you 15% or more on chocobo insurance.

vaan,penelo,balthier and fran r inside bahamut when around the corner comes rikku,yuna and paine

vaan= who da hell r u girls
yuna= u took the only acting roles we ever got, we’r stone broke, tidus has left me so now im gonna show u why no one bought ffx11
(rikku stabs him)

Penelo: Why is it that I got stuck with the ditsy girl role?
Larsa: At least you aren’t forced to be dressed like a man.
Penelo: What did you say?
Larsa: Nothing!
Penelo: Tehehehehe!

Fran: This forest … I forget where we are. Let’s just burn a path through …

The best I’ve read. Couldn’t stop laughing…

Balthier: *Looking down from a SkyFerry* Ohhhhhhh! Heigths…Im gonna be sick! "BUUULLLEEEGGGAAAHHH!
Vaan: We haven’t even lifted off yet…
Fran: That is not why he is sick
Vaan: Why is he sick?
Fran:…Because I told him to take our relationship to new heights…
Balthier: *SkyFerry took off* REAL heights…"UUUUUULLLGGG!"

Fran to Balthier " Do you like my ears up or down?"

*Setting: Reddas has just stabbed the SunCryst*
Vaan: Now what?
Reddas:GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!
Balthier: I think we have a few seconds…
Reddas: IF U DONT GET OUTTA HERE, YOU WILL ALL DIE!!
Penelo: But, the SunCryst is sooooo pretty.
Reddas:URRGGHH!
Fran: The mist is too strong…I cant move…
Reddas: LEAVE NOW!
Ashe: I dont want to listen to you now.
Reddas: JUST LEAVE!
Basch:…hows my hair?
Reddas:MUTHA..
*BOOOM*

This really didn’t need to be and I don’t think there’s really much of any entertainment value left in it, so I’m gonna close it.