Final Fantasy VIII: Where Are They Now?

Three years have passed since the events involving the sorceress Ultimecia and through this time the heroes have found their greatest challenge of all….LIFE.

Our story opens with Squall and his wife Rinoa who together have attempted to raise their young son Gusty. While the couple shared much happiness after their adventures, many obstacles remained in their path. Namely that of their living situation….let’s watch.

Rinoa: I swear to all that is good that we should’ve just lived in Timber!

Squall: Why? So we can hang around your pussy friends and talk about the fucking owls?

Rinoa: Your one to talk…thanks to you I’m a surgeon.

Squall: Wha?

Rinoa: Oh, I guess you forgot how I surgically reattached your balls in every decision making situation.

Squall: Yeah…and I remember you showed up at the SeeD party dressed like a groupie just to talk to that outdated sweater wearing bastard Cid.

Rinoa: Look in the mirror Squall…that scar has Seifer handing your ass to you all over it.

Squall: Whatever.

Rinoa: Say whatever one more fucking time and I swear I will launch that fucking dog so far up your ass that you will puke Kibbles & Bits.

*Meanwhile in Deiling City*

After the adventures Zell took it upon himself to move away to the city of Deiling where he has since made a living as a street fighter. After getting his ass beat to an oblivion he has since turned to drugs. Little does he know the hottest couple in FF history Irvine and Selphie are on the look out for him….

Irvine: Zell?

Zell: S’up.

Irvine: I havn’t seen you in almost two years…what the hell are you doing?

Zell: Not now I’m working on the record.

Irvine: Record?

Zell: If I can snort three lines and smoke three rocks under the time limit…they won’t kick my ass and I’ll get a few free meals.

Irvine: Zell, you gotta stop this..Selphie is here to help too.

Selphie: Hiya Zell!

Zell: Oh fuck…

Selphie: Today we’re gonna give a big N-O to drugs, k?

Zell: I’d rather let Griever eat a weeks worth of Mexican food and rain shit all over me….then listen to you.

Selphie: But Zell *whimper*, we’re friends. Remember our adventures…

Zell: I remember you singing some stupid shit about fucking trains…I wish I could’ve thrown you under that fucking train.

Irvine: Hey, you don’t talk to her like that!!

Zell: Aw go fuck yourself you new age cowboy wanna be asshole.

Irvine: Zell!

Zell: And..Squall told me how you bitched out on shooting Edea…"I can’t do it..I’m cwacking under the pwessure!!" Bwahahaha.

Selphie: *Giggles*

Irvine: That’s not funny.

Zell: Honestly? How the fuck can you go from all confidence to shit in the moment…just like gettin’ some ass. The hard part is getting to the moment..but once your there it’s smooth sailing.

Selphies: *Bursts into laughter*

Irvine: You know what…fuck the both of you.

Zell: Sure…I may be on drugs…but at least I don’t work fuckin’ backwards! Honestly it’s like going from a speech in front of ten thousand…yet hiding behind a seat in a conversation of three.

Irvine: Come on Selphie…let’s get the hell outta here!

*But what of our other heroes…will their fates be the same…?*

To Be Continued

All of the guys and girls reunited on "A shot at love with Tila Tequila", how Deus Ex Machina can you get.

Makes me lol a lot

Waitaminute…

Mexicans aren’t in FFVIII, therefore Mexican food cannot exist in this story.

LOOPHOLE!

Zell: I remember you singing some stupid shit about fucking trains…I wish I could’ve thrown you under that fucking train.

I smiled at that. The scary thing is that ‘Hero’ by Enrique Iglesias started playing on the radio at that very instant.

Bus Driver’s writing is better than that of the original game.

The entire cast of FFVIII is getting gang-raped in a dark, wet, alley behind 7-11, while being photographed by Japanese Tourists.

Why does the alley have to be "wet"?

It tends to make the victims feel more cold and vulnerable, so I am told…

Waitaminute…

Mexicans aren’t in FFVIII, therefore Mexican food cannot exist in this story.

LOOPHOLE!

Explain the Korean BBQ Plate in FFVII

Excuse me, but this story is about FFVIII, not FFVII.

Don’t stray from the topic.

Explain the Korean BBQ Plate in FFVII

FFVII took place in North Korea.