Guess some critique wouldn’t hurt…

…Even though it won’t change a thing.

Here’s an older one:

Longing

Inside, a conscious spirit flees from the flesh that binds it to a rage
Past lives attract it like a moth to a baneful flame
With hopes to stay while midnight walks the boulevard

Waking pains the fragile mind that longs innocence
Summoning the escaping specter back to the cage of
A discontent and dissonant cry of a child

We�re hoping for a shift of change.
A reset of what already came.
It�s possible, but someone�s stalling with their omnipotent words.
So paradise is still-framed through the window to the park
Where we�d play with the charms of conquering our no fears.

Images of mischief and the psychotic sounds of a human mind make them all reminisce
While colors you�ve never seen before and textures that shouldn�t exist, play over your hands.
And the answers to the impossible questions are as simple as the reflection in a pond.

So why fly up when you can descend?
Sensations of the first afflictions will never be beaten or conquered.
Just a longing to grasp what�s already there in hopes that it�s shell will shed on to you.
The dreaming will be over and a spirit will coexist at home.

I don’t think there’s anything bad about it. I don’t write poetry at all, only for school assignments but never in my own time. So, to me, there’s nothing looking wrong in this poem. It seems nice and deep.

yes it does seem a bit dark just like I like it

Man that’s pretty deep… and dark… Cool!(^-^)