(I shall start off with the prologue.. oh.. and just for a warning.. it's kinda confusing to read cause it looks like some parts are splitten into paragraphs, but they're not.. i just copyied n pasted from MS work... so it screwed up ll the spacing.)

<font face="VladimirScrD" size="6">Prologue

<font face="American Classic" size="2">The world Zaen was full of blissful moments at the beginning after it had been made. No creatures except for the four dragons had existed. The four dragons created Zaen bit by bit, working together. Somewhere out in the waves of time lays the
creators whom are in charge of everything. They created the four non-elemental dragons and sent them out into space to build a world of their own. The four dragons were a great success, so great of an experiment that the creators decided to make some more creatures such as them. This brought forth the experiment called Chronus. The creators decided to make Chronus differently and twice as better than the
four dragons. Through their accomplishments over the time, Chronus was finally complete. For the first few shades of light that past by, Chronus had brought great happiness for the creators, creating objects the four dragons couldn�t even imagine to make. Chronus gave the dragons the idea of �human� and the name of the planet they had created. Everyone watched the humans form on the planet that was called Zaen. It was entertaining to see the powers these humans produced from the different energy that wondered hovered the planet. The creators were pleased with the humans that Chronus had come up with; so pleased that they would get rid of the four dragons, having no need for them, and have Chronus take over things. They kept that idea in their head all until the humans began acting weird.
Humans were starting to form into creatures/beasts. Almost every one of the new substances that walked the planet Zaen were killing the humans, eating them, turning into halflings. The creators were shocked by the catastrophe. They hadn�t known that it was Chronus�s doing, so they punished the four dragons , accusing them for the treachery. The punishment was for the four
dragons to be protectors of the planet Zaen for eternity, and they would have to give up their souls after many years, and support the planet or anything that belongs to the planet with their power. Chronus came out of the shadows and admitted to the creators that it was his doing, thinking being honest would make the creators proud of him once more. Instead, the creators were disgusted with him, and changed him back to his first form-an alien organism. They cast Chronus out into space, banishing him forever. The four dragon�s could not do anything about the punishment they had already been given, for they were now split up into elements: earth, fire, water, and lightning. (NOTE: Before, they were all non-elemental) The creators did not do a wise decision into casting Chronus out into space, hoping to rid him
forever, for Chronus came back and destroyed the creators, engulfing all their powers and wisdom. Chronus from then on was called the �Failed Experiment�, title chosen by the four dragons. After the creators had been destroyed, Chronus went on his way
to the planet Zaen. When he arrived at Zaen, he went underneath to the core of the planet, and rested there for 200 years; 200 years was how long it took him to memorize everything on the planet and how it worked. The four dragons had guarded their planet, Zaen, through all these years. It finally came to one day when Chronus came up to the surface of Zaen and caused massive destruction and slaughtered any living thing
that walked in his path. The four dragons fought against Chronus together like brothers and sisters, but Chronus destroyed three of them. One dragon, the Earth dragon named Endin, still stood. Endin was the strongest out of the four dragons, and here he was, fighting Chronus alone. Endin was at the brink of death until he received help from the spirits of his three dead siblings. The spirits of the three dead dragons drained into Endin�s soul,causing Endin to become non-elemental, having all the elements. Endin then put Chronus back in his place, and Chronus retreated to the core of Zaen. Every 200 years, Chronus came back up from the ground, and dueled with Endin,appearing stronger everytime.

Endin decided to find a resting place while he waited for Chronus to show himself again. Endin chose every single existing mountain on the face of Zaen for his shelter. He then granted a special power for certain humans when he was bored. These powers that the humans recieved became very great and useful. To Endin�s surprise, he had created an extraordinary invention all due to his boredom. Endin decided to have these 3 different warriors, each having their own power, be the one�s with the fate to kill Chronus. Endin was becoming sick and tired of waiting, so he decided he would pass on his powers to one of those warriors that had been gifted with the special powers. Once Endin passed on his powers, he would finally be able to protect the planet with his soul.

Good story Ann. It clearly shows you have a lot of imagination (not that I didn't know that already) and the story was well-described as well. I'm sure the next parts of the story will be just as interesting.

It's a shame no-one has posted anything in this thread though..

Brilliant stuff, Ann! I really enjoyed that. Can't wait for more! :)

w00t, this one is very very interesting!

keep on going ann!

i have a feeling better things are coming up! =o!

Here's a definition to clear the confusion:

Kaedis, Epols, Amnis- These are 3 different kinds of warriors. The 3 armies are made up of these. Army #1 is Kaedi warriors, Army #2 is made up of Epol warriors, and army #3 is made up of Amni warriors. These three different kinds of warriors are like super beings, and their only goal is to defeat Chronus. The dragon Endin is getting tired, so he's leaving the rest into these guy's hands, making them the only one's destined to go up against Chronus.

okay.. this is a bit long...

<font face="VladimirScrD" size="6">Prologue 2


<font face="American Classic" size="2">Today was the day the three armies fought with their lives againt Chronus. The Kaedis, the Epols, and the Amnis were being slaughtered by the monsters of Chronus. If it wasn�t for the Kaedis and Epols stubborn attitude, they would have had a better chance in the
fighting. The Kaedis and Epols made a battle strategy, leaving out the Amnis, for the Amnis were the strongest out of the three and didn�t need any battle strategies. The Kaedis and Epols were the first two armies to die, leaving the Amnis last to stand and fight against Chronus and his monsters.
Reeve, the leader of the Amnis, was looking for his son through the hordes of monsters. Reeve slashed at the monsters, looking around at the same time. Reeve seemed unstoppable when his Amni energy was fully charged. His muscles had twiced it�s size and his movements could not be traced, for his speed was faster than the wind. He stepped on many Kaedi and Epol bodies shredded and coated in blood. He did not dare look at the corpses that were once his friends, so he raised his head high into the air. He couldn�t see his son anywhere and started to wonder if he was dead already. There were fifty Amnis all together, and now only 20 were standing. Reeve knew they were all going to be dead man, for Chronus was too powerful to be defeated by the hands of a human. If the Amnis stuck close together, power fully charged, they could have used the strategy �killing the weak ones then going for the big guy�, but it was too late to think about the �would�ve, could�ve, should�ve�`s. As Reeve pulled the blade of his katana out of a monster�s gut, he thought he spotted the light-blue hair of his son�s. He slayed 10 more monsters when he saw his son�s face being engulfed by many minions of Chronus. Reeve began heading for his son to help him in combat, but was stopped as more monsters blocked his path. There were too many to hold off; about 30 monsters stood in his way. Reeve raised his katana above his head and chanted a few words: �Imlaar kli gazna sci alkashna!� A red whirl of wind picked up from the blade of his katana and picked up all the 30 monsters into the air, slicing them in half. Black blood rained on the ground from the technique Reeve had used as he went to his son. Reeve could scent the blood of Amnis on the ground. He shivered as he took each step, feeling the squishy bodies beneath him. Before he reached his son, more monsters attacked Reeve. He grabbed hold of one�s head and twisted it, bones crunching. It seemed as if hundreds of monsters had attacked him at once because it was getting a bit more difficult for him to kill them. Reeve didn�t have time to look and see if his son was alright, but knew as he suddenly felt his son�s back brush against his. Reeve and his son were now fighting the monsters that they were surrounded with back to back. Reeve knew they would do alot better if they charged up their Amni powers, but he couldn�t seem to get his son�s attention. He yelled as loud as he can to his son, saying, �Teo!! Amni stance!! Change into your Amni stance, NOW!!!� Teo, his son�s name, must have heard Reeve yell at the top of his lungs, because there was now a white-blue glow that lit up around them and the monsters. Reeve took his Amni stance as well, causing a red bright glow to shine among the monsters. Reeve pointed his katana into the air, casting a red lightning bolt upon his enemies. Reeve destroyed 60 of the monsters that stood before him, but the clearing was filled up right away by more. Reeve clenched his teeth and gripped his katana with all his might, then charged into the monsters. More came as he slaughtered with two swipes of his katana. He heard alot of noise behind him, which ment that Teo was having a hard time as well. After Reeve killed 40 more monsters, he turned around to see if Teo was alright. Teo was cutting through his foes as if they were swiss cheese. Reeve smiled at his son, proud of how strong Teo had become. It took awhile until Teo realized is father was looking at him. Teo returned Reeves smile with a wave, but sudden horror struck his heart as a black stallion appeared out of nowhere from the sworm of monsters. A figure dressed in black-cladded-armor sat on top of the black stallion, no weapon in hand. Teo�s heart skipped 3 beats, for he knew who that black-clad-armored figure was. The dark figure raised it�s arm, a spiked glove hand dropping down on Reeve�s head. Reeve tried to get free from the grip, but the dark figure kept it�s hand where it was. Reeve tried to turn around to face the dark figure, but as he did, a black surge of electricty formed from the dark figure�s hand. Teo�s eyes couldn�t take the sight of his father�s death, but he just couldn�t turn away. Teo let out a yell when he saw the large explosion that blasted his father�s head. Teo stood there frozen in shock, not caring about the monsters that had jumped on his back and bit him. �F-f-father..�, he said under his breath. Teo felt a jolt of anger go through his body when he looked at all the disgusting faces of the monsters. He clenched his teeth and hands while vains popped out of his forehead. �Thou shall pay for my Father�s death!� Teo gripped the hilt of his katana, and chanted, �Amni serpien enuel, diyan ezule keelo. Shiante egrazuey diante Thiyante Amniska!� Teo stabbed the earth�s ground with his katana. A huge �thud� sent all the monsters around him falling onto the ground. An electric shockwave sped towards Chronus�s minions from Teo�s katana. It struck 100 of the monsters and cut them in half. After the shockwave, the ground began to break open. Hot coals spat out from the cracks and burned through some of the monster�s heads. Hot lava waited for the flesh of Chronus�s monsters to fall through the cracks and burn. As far as Teo could see, he was the only one untouched. He stood on a hill that overpast the monsters� height, able to see the whole entire battlefield. There was to much smoke and blood in the air, so Teo couldn�t see that far out. He looked over to the east only to see through the smoke some mountains that stood alone. He had a flash back of his father saying that the great dragon Endin stayed in every mountain on the planet. Endin was said to be one of the dragons that created the world and fought against Chronus, defeating him and making him go back under the earth. Reeve told Teo to head for the nearest mountain if he was ever in deep trouble. If Teo did that, then he would be protected by the great dragon Endin, for Chronus was afraid of Endin. After awhile, the smoke had finally disappeared around Teo, but the blood had not. Teo squinted to see what was left out on the battlefield, and to his horror, nearly two thousand monsters were still alive and standing. They were gathered around the dark figure that stood in the center of them all as if they were protecting him. Teo�s mouth was suddenly dry, and he bit his toungue so hard that it started to bleed. He rubbed his chin, thinking about what to do next. Before he could come up with a decent idea, he noticed that Chronus was riding towards Teo at full speed. Teo didn�t even think anything and ran towards the mountains in the east. He boosted his Amni power, and ran faster than the wind, Chronus little ways behind. �I will not let him take my soul! My soul remains with me!�. Teo closed his eyes as the cold wind stabbed his eyes like billions of tiny daggers. He ran and ran, never stopping to look back and see if Chronus was still behind him. It wasn�t long �till Teo crashed into rock, landing on the ground. Teo opened his eyes slowly to look up at the vast mountain that sat in front of him. He got up to his feet, rubbing his face, and began to walk along the mountain�s side. He was in deep thought about the memories of his father, all the good old times they spent together. Teo joined the Amni clan at age 6 after his mother died, and had Reeve teach him how to awaken the Amni powers within him. Teo�s Amni color was light-blue, which was rare among the Amni race. As Teo walked along the mountain side, looking for a place to rest, he suddenly found himself in some fog that appeared out of nowhere. He looked around to see what had caused it, but the fog blocked his vision. He tried to get out of the fog, but there seemed no end to it. Then, whispers were echoing in his ears. He couldn�t understand what the whispers were saying, for they were in a different language. Teo grabbed hold of his head like a mad man. He wanted the whispers to go away, but they wouldn�t. �Taen holue su yeh haekol�. The whispers rang through his ears as he tried to ignore it, making his way out of the fog. Suddenly, he caught a sentence one of the whispers spoke. �Stay.. in.. the.. fog.� Teo didn�t trust the whispers� warnings, so he went onward out of the fog. As Teo managed to get outside of the fog, he suddenly heard horse hooves. His stomache tightened as he looked around for the black stallion Chronus rhode on. There was no sign of Chronus anywhere while he looked in every direction. He thought of those whispers again, and headed back to the fog. Before Teo could step a foot in the fog, something painful had struck his shoulder. He looked to see what was digging into his shoulder, but only saw his own blood. Behind him now sat Chronus on his black stallion. Teo looked up at the face of Chronus, but couldn�t see anything because it was hidden by a hood that hung over his head. Without Teo seeing, Chronus alshed another blow at Teo�s shoulder, causing Teo�s red, glowing blood to pour onto the ground. Teo braced his shoulders, yelling in pain. Chronus lifted his spiked-glove hand in the air for the finishing blow. Before Chronus could land his hand on Teo, something made him pause. Teo�s eyes had been closed to help him fight the pain, and when he opened them, he saw that there was no more fog. Instead, a dragon hovered over him in the sky. Teo�s mouth dropped as he saw the gold scaled dragon�s wings spread open. Chronus backed away, and without a sound, vanished into the ground. Teo looked above him to catch another glimpse of the dragon, but the dragon wasn�t there. Teo got to his feet once more, holding his bloody shoulders. He noticed a large opening was now made in the mountain. The dragon must have made it appear after he vanished. Teo stepped into the mountain opening. He walked down a dark tunnel that seemed to go on forever. Teo finally came to the end of the tunnel into a vast room that lay in the heart of the mountain. It was so high, he couldn�t even see the ceiling. There was a pond in the center of the room, a water fall coming down from a cliff that sat near the front. Torches were lined up against the left and right rock walls, and a patch of grass surrounded the pond. Teo was shocked at how enormous the place was. He went over to the pond, and sat on the grass, looking around at the place. After an hour of examining the room, Teo was now in deep thought once again. Chronus went under the ground which ment he wouldn�t come back for another 200 years. Teo felt guilty for being the only one allive and thought that he should have died along with the rest. Teo didn�t like being alone at all. THere was nobody to care for him; nobody to love him. �What will become of me in the future? I�m goign to be living in this mountain alone forever.. alone... I�m.. scared.� Teo kept thinking that over and over until he came up with an idea. �The only way for me to be with my friends again is if I.. � Teo eyed his sheathed katana, thinking about what he could do with it. He unsheathed his katana, and felt the blade�s sharpness. �There is only one way for me to be with everyone again..� He pressed the blade of his katana against his neck, and hesitated. He pressed harder until a few drops of blood trinkled down is throat. He was about to finish himself off, but then something interrupted him. �You are a fool, Amni.� Teo dropped his katana on the ground, and sprang to his feet, looking around the vast room for the one who had spoken. �Wh-who is there!?� Suddenly, a bright glow of light emerged from the dark ceiling above. It was the dragon that had saved him earlier. �Why would one that commits suicide care?�

note: this is kinda screwed up a bit thanks to MS work's lovely spacing technique. -.-

Well, it's pretty good but there's a lack of description and it just doesn't capture me. Of course it seems like you've got a good storyline set up and it could go somewhere in the future...

alright.. here's the end of prologue 2. Then I will start the story. I made this boring because I was tired when i finished typing it... sorry to bore you, but this is just so you can understand the story. <font face="American Classic"size="2">The dragon hovered over Teo, waiting for a reply. �There is nothing l-left for a lonely man s-such as m-myself.� The dragon laughed. �You think I, the dragon Endin, saved you for nothing?� Teo looked up at the dragon Endin, confused. �Saved me? Wh-what do you mean?� �Why do you think you are alive right now, Amni?� Teo scratched his head. �I.. do not know.. I�d like to find that out for myself..� Endin lowered himself a bit from the ceiling so Teo could get a better glance at him. �Ye were saved, for you are the only one left destined to defeat thy one named Chronus. I protected you with some of my powers from Chronus and his monsters. Let�s say I lent you a merrical.� Teo blinked. �Why didn�t you save the rest as well?� �I did not know it would end up the way it did. I thoguht you all were doing fine. Then some sort of battle strategy was being played that I did not know of. I did not want to interfere.� Teo put his hand to his forehead. �But why me? Why did you save ME?� �You did not have one single wound on your body. I thought you of a skilled fighter, not having one scratch after a day in battle.� Teo turned away from Endin, and went over near the entrance of the cave, and sat down. There was a long silence, but that was broken as the dragon spoke. �The real reason why I saved you was because you have everything that is required for the powers from the four dragons. I have been wanting to give my powers up and pass it on to somebody, but there has not been a decent being as yourself ever. That is why I took this great oppurtunity into saving you from the battle. Once I give you my powers, you shall be immortale and will be transported into the future 200 years from now. That is when Chronus will rise again.� Teo suddenly turned around in shock. He coul barely say his words. �What makes you think I�ll accept this?� The dragon�s voice became deadly. �If you do not accept, you will suffer in the chambers of forgotten time.� Teo got up from the ground and faced Endin. Endin spoke more. �So you can either choose to become immortale now, or you may never die, and be locked up in the chambers of forgotten time. Choose thy destiny.� Teo frowned. �This is all too much for me.. too much for me to handle. I don�t have anough guts to fight face to face with Chronus. I never wanted to be the one to kill Chronus. I am afraid. The past has destroyed my bravery.� �Do not fear, Amni, for I have many solutions for that problem.� Teo rubbed his chin once more, then finally answered: �Then I shall except.� �Your fate has been decided. May my powers travel with you forever. Now, the dragon Endin can finally protect this world that he created long ago and rest in peace. Farewell, Amni, for my faith is in you.� A large window glass appeared in the waterfall that fell from the cliff into the pond. The waterfall was now frozen, and formed into some sort of portal. Teo didn�t know what was going on. Everything had happened way too fast for him. He stopped thinking about the negatives, and walked towards the portal then through it. After that, the dragon Endin disappeared, and Teo was given the powers of the four dragons. During the process, his memory went blank, as well.

It's a bit hard to read because of the paragraph structuring but once you get past that it's pretty good. You should probably compile all the prologues into one that would make it easier to read...

I think this effort is top notch. I can tell you have that spark in you from what I've read of your work. keep it up, and like RS said, It may turn out to be a great story.

Yey! First chapter! Here we go:


<font face="VladimirScrD" size="6">Chapter One


<font face="American Classic" size="2">�Chronus is near... he must be stopped... or he will kill all.�

It was a hot sunny day amongst the shores called Sea Shone. It was indeed a fine time for Marcia to go and find Kyota shells for the necklace she was going to give to her new baby sister. �I�ll make a great big sister! I can�t wait till she�s all grown up!� Marcia left her dojo after asking her mother if it was alright to go to the beach and skipped her way through the village down to the shady path.
The village Shishone, Marcia�s village, was very old. They have had trouble with Jaguars in the past, and still did. There had been no strong men to protect Shishone for a long time, because they all died in a brutal battle against the Jaguars. The only thing that lived in Shishone now were children, widows, and old people.
There had been over 100 Jaguars during the time of the Jaguar war, and were feared by any traveler that walked the paths of the Shishone jungles. The leader of the jaguar pack was enormous compared to a normal jaguar. His name was Rygul, but people called him Hellcat. Rygul was larger than an elephant and had furr the color of a creamy yellow-orange. He ate half of Shishone�s man, and let his pack eat the other half.
Shishone used to have a chief that lead their village, but he was the one who lead the Shishone troops, making him the first one to be eaten by Rygul. Just because the chief was the leader of the Shishone troops, Rygul spat out the bones and dropped it off
at the village, letting everyone know that their chief was dead and Rygul was victorious. The people of Shishone village took their chief�s remains, and buried them down in a cave located on Sea Shone beach. Their chief was a true hearted man; would never tell a lie. All the kids loved him and looked at him as their idle. For his honor, they buried all their wealthiest belongings in his grave.
The widdows waited for their husbands to return home, but nobody came back, not even did the leopards come back to eat up the rest of the villagers. After that, the Shishone village became a quiet, dull place. The only one�s who kept the place noisy were the children.
Marci was born twenty three years after that war. She was the oldest out of all the children that danced around Shishone. She was now fifteen years old, and her mother had given birth to her newborn baby sister. She was so happy at her sister�s birth, but sad because she didn�t have any presents to give her unlike the rest of the children in the village and she was her sister!
Marci was walking down the path to Sea Shone beach at the time so she could get the Kyota seashells. She wanted to show her mom that she wasn�t careless. As Marci came to the end of the path, she walked past the crypt of the chief that died 23 years ago. She shivered at the feeling of the cold wind that swept through her body which was unusual for a hot, sunny day.
As she stepped foot onto the beach, she looked around at the sand dunes then spotted her first Kyota seashell. �Wow, already I found one! This won�t take long at all!� Every three minutes, Marci found another Kyota sea shell in the sand.
As Marci carried her basket full of Kyotas, walking across the sand dunes, something made her heart skip a beat 3 times. There, on the shore, was a man, laying face into the sand either dead or unconscience.

Wow! This is getting good! Is the man dead or alive? I can't wait to find out! :)

<font face="VladimirScrD" size="6">Chapter Two


<font face="American Classic" size="2">Marcia dropped the basket of Kyota shells and ran as fast as she could over the sand dunes. She stopped to grab a stick from the sand and stuck it into the ground so she would remember which way she came from. She stepped on many sharp objects that were buried under the sand, but she didn�t want to put her attention to the pain; she just kept on running.
The man that was dead/unconscience was only 6 feet away now and still looked as if there was no sign of any life. Marcia finally approched the body, and crouched down next to him. �This is so very odd.. nothing like this has ever happened! What should I say to my mother and father!?� She rested her hand on the man�s back, hesitating, and turned him over with a push of effort. She closed her eyes, worried she would see a brutal sight, but as she opened her eyes to take a peak, there wasn�t anything that made the man�s face scary.
He was very pale like a moon with chin length light-blue hair. His figure was slim, muscular, and about 6�3� for his height. She blushed as she gazed at his facial features. �He�s... so beautiful..� She took a look at his clothes and found them rather odd. �I wonder where he came from?�
He wore a sleevless, black, dull-leather shirt that had chains wrapped around it. Everything he wore was black, and that was also very odd because black usually represented evil. He wore a studded belt that held a sheath occupied by a katana-like-sword. A sweat drop formed over Marcia�s head as she set her eyes on the katana sheath. �Maybe he came from a war many islands away from here..� She took a look at his face once more, then realized something she hadn�t spotted before- he wore earrings in both ears that were formed into some weird shape Marcia had never seen before. �M-Maybe it�s the symbol his kingdom uses..�

Marcia got to her feet and shoved her arms beneath the man�s shoulders. She tried to drag him, but that didn�t work as he was much too heavy for a scrawny weakling such as herself to pull. �I guess I�m going to have to leave him here for now and go tell everyone at the village about this shocking news..�

Just as Marcia turned around to head back for Shishone, she spotted something half way over a sand dune. She squinted her eyes to get a better view of what it was, but it seemed to have disappeared as she took another step. She walked past the stick she had dug in the ground and then up to the top of the first sand dune. Before she could go down rest of the way, she heard a loud growl that made her jump 2 feet in the air. She turned around slowly and saw something she never thought she would have seen before; a leopard.

The funny thing about this leopard was that it didn�t take any notice of Marcia; it just made it�s way over to the man washed up
on the shore. She stood there frozen, not knowing what to do when the leopard was now standing next to the man, lowering
it�s head to sniff the scent of him. With a loud growl, the leopard
opened it�s mouth to reveal razor sharp teeth and locked it�s jaws
on the man�s arm. Marcia closed her eyes and turned around, not
wanting to see any blood. Her feet stay glued to the ground as
the yellow stripe ran up her spine.
The growling was even more fierce than before; probably having a tough time chomping on the skull. After awhile, the growling suddenly stopped with a loud catlike meow, as if the leopard hurt itself. Marcia�s eye bolted open, and she turned around. To her surprise, the leopard was now being choked by the tight grip of the man�s hand. The leopard�s life ended with a snap--sound of the bones in it�s neck being broken in half. It landed onto the sand with a thud and blood started to spill out everywhere from underneath the corpse.
Marcia stood there dumbfounded as the man that had been dead/unconscience rose to his feet. His hair was now dry, and came up into a spiked hairdo. His arm that the leopard had gotten hold was very bloody--glowing red blood was it's color. He seemed alot taller than he was when laying down.
Marcia didn�t know what to say as she headed her way over to him. As she was on her way over to the shore once again, she started practicing her speech. �Hi, I�m Marcia.. this is Sea Shone beach.. no.. bleh.. I�ll start over. Hello newcomer, I am Marcia, and the town I live in is a few miles away from here.. Nah, forget it.�
The man was now walking really slow along the beach, looking lost. As Marcia walked over the last sand dune, she tripped of the stick she had shoved into the ground before. She landed with a loud thud, causing the man to quickly turn around cautiously. Her face buried into the sand, she could hear the footsteps of the man. She lifted her head and coughed out the sand that was in her mouth. Before her, she saw nothing but black boots. She followed the boots up until she looked into the man�s eyes. His eyes were the color of an electricity-blue, such an odd color it was.
Marcia stood up from the ground, knees all wobbly. She still found herself looking up at the man, for he was much taller than her. She came up little ways above his waist and she turned red in embarrasment from her shortness. Marcia decided to speak to the man, but her voice came out very shaky. �H-h-hi. U-u-ummm... my name is M-Marcia.. d-do you speak this l-language?� The man just stared at her with a blank expression, no sign of any confusion.
�Hmmm... what�s your na-me?� In a dry but handsome voice, the man finally spoke up. �I don�t know where I am.. can you please tell me?� Marcia found his accent very different compared to anybody around Shishone. She folded her arms as nervousness inflicted through her body. �Uummm... this is Sea Shone beach.. aaand I am from Shishone village.. it�s a few miles from here over that way... I could take you the--� �I am looking for the one that goes by the name Chronus. I�m sure you have heard of the legendary failed experiment, for Chronus is the one who brought this evil to our world... now, have you seen or heard of this �Chronus�?�
Marcia�s eyes suddenly went blank, mind tangled up in confusion. She felt the warm feeling of laughter rise up in her throat, and let out a laugh. �Hahaha... Chronus? Yes, I have seen Chronus before...� The man grew a happy face expression, then said, �Really? Where-� �Only in the fairy tales do I ever see him. I say, that fairy tale is one of my favorites!� Marcia was happy that she and teh man shared something in common--they both liked the story Chronus! The man frowned at her, and turned his back, walking towards the water. Marcia�s heart dropped, worried if she said anything that offended him. It looked like he was going into the water to swim somewhere, but Marcia didn�t want him to leave yet--she didn�t even know his name!
Marcia ran towards the man, yelling after him. �Wait! Don�t go! I�m sorry if I said anything that offended you! What is your name!? I don�t even know your name yet!� The man stopped walking into the water, then turned around to face Marcia again. They stood there for a bit, eleven feet away from eachother, starring at eachother. �My name is....� The man scratched his head as if trying to remember. �My name is... T...T.. Tea... Te..o... TEO.�

This story is coming along nicely :) Very well done.

Chapter 3 is really long =S. Heads up for the 3rd chapter.

<font face="VladimirScrD" size="6">Chapter Three

<font face="American Classic" size="2">Teo looked at the girl named Marcia that stood before him. She looked very unhealthy as if she hadn�t eaten food for weeks. Teo looked around at his location, ignoring Marcia as she asked him many questions. �Where are you from?� Teo just gave her a look of dissapproval and tried his best to get away, walking the opposite direction from her. �H-hey! Umm Te-Tea, I mean, Teo, where are you going? You won�t get to the other town besides Shishone until two days! Surely you�re not going to walk away without food and rest just like that?� Teo kept on walking towards the west of Sea Shone beach. Teo didn�t care how far the other village was, he could go on without food for days.

Before Teo could walk any further, Marcia suddenly jumped out in front of him, spreading her arms apart as if to block him from walking on. �What do you think you are doing!? Y-you�ll starve! Please, come back with me to Shishone! We haven�t had a strong man such as yourself around there for 23 years! And that leopard you just killed? Those haven�t appeared around here in 23 years! And if they are back, that means trouble! I-I have a bad feeling we�re going to have some trouble.. and there isn�t any man in the village that can fight! Please! Please stay with us!� Teo looked down at Marcia, who was now on hands and knees, begging for his strength. He didn�t know what to say or how to act to the girl.

�Leopard? What do you mean... 23 years ago?� Marcia got up on her feet, and looked up at Teo, replying. �It�s a very long story.. 23 years ago, Shishone village had trouble with leopards.. there was more than a hundred of them! They ate all of the strong men that fought for us.. we haven�t had a man as strong as them in the village ever since! That�s why... that�s why I hoped you would come and destroy the hellcat if he ever showed up again...�

Teo turned away from Marcia one more time and stared at the ground, stroking his chin. �Twenty-three years ago... where could I have been at the time?� �Teo? Well? Are you going to come with me or not?� Teo looked back at Marcia. �Before I do anything, I want an honest answer from you. Where can I find the one who calls itself Chronus?� Marcia raised an eyebrow and scratched her head. �Ummm.. I didn�t know you were s-serious the first time you asked me that. Maybe you have lost your memory from some ship wreck when you were on the way to the battlefield your comrades were fighting at.�

This girl wasn�t being any help to Teo, for she only kept laughing at the questions he asked her. �Listen here, girl. I know what I�m talking about, and if anything, you�re the one who must have lost her memory, for there is a Chronus wondering around this world and he will bring great distruction!! If you�re just going to stand here and tell me that he�s just a simple little fairy tale, then I mise as well get going to the other town that is many days away from here! Surely there will be somebody alot more useful than you-� Teo stopped yelling at Marcia as he saw tears streaming down her face. He didn�t mean to hurt the child�s feelings; he was just angry that she kept calling him a liar.

�I�m sorry.. I didn�t mean umm burst out on you like that..� Marcia turned her back away from Teo and started to head over the sand dunes. �Oh great.. now she�s going to cry to whomever takes care of her-� Teo�s head started to hurt really bad and he grabbed hold of both sides. �Maybe I do need to get some sleep..� Teo looked to see if Marcia was still there, but she had disappeared over the sand dunes. �H..h..HEY GIRL!!! WAIT!!� Teo ran to catch up with Marcia over the sand dunes.

When Teo finally got passed all of the sand dunes, he stopped to look around for any sign of Marcia. There wasn�t anybody anywhere except for the wind that had been blowing across the beach ever sicne Teo woke up. Teo walked a little further through the heavy sand until he came across some cave he hadn�t seen there before, sitting next to a path that lead into the jungles. �Maybe she�s sulking in there.� Teo walked over to the cave, covering his eyes so sand wouldn�t sting them.

As he approached the cave, there was a wooden door blocking the entrance. The knoblooked rusty and unturnable, but Teo turned it anyway. To his surprise, it opened. A smell of rotten corpses infilterated the cave as the door swung open. �Peee-ew. Must be a grave of somesort--� Suddenly, something hit him hard in the head. �Ow!� a large bump formed from Teo�s skulp, beating red. Teo turned around to see who the creep that had thrown the stone at his head was. Standing there was Marcia, with an angry face. �Teo!! How dare you go snooping around our chief�s grave!!� Teo rubbed his head, glaring at the girl as she scolded him.

When Marcia finally cooled down, she grabbed hold of Teo�s arm, not letting go. �So! Have you decided to come with me to Shishone? I knew you would, so I hung around in the trees for a little bit!� Teo let out a sigh. �Well... my head hurts really bad so I figured I needed a little rest..but don�t get your hopes up too much, little girl. I�m not going to be staying there for too long for I have to find my archenemy, Chronus.� Marcia was about to let out a laugh, but she remembered Teo�s outburst and held it in.

Marcia tugged on Teo�s arm, pulling him towards the path that lead into the jungles. �Come on! Come on! This is the path we have to take in order to arrive at my village!� �If you will let my arm go, I will be more than happy to follow you.� Marcia knodded and let go of Teo�s arm, walking up the path in front of him. They had a long conversation on their way. Marcia was the first one to talk. �So.. where did you come from, anyway?� There was a long silence until Teo finally replied. �I don�t remember anything of my past. As I look at this blade I have hooked to my belt, I wonder how I got it.� �I wonder that myself. I don�t think they make katanas anymore.� Teo was suddenly confused once more. �It�s not a katana. Katanas are much thicker and uglier looking...wait.. how did I know that?�

Teo stopped walking, causing Marcia to turn around. �What�s wrong, Teo? Are you okay?� Marcia gave Teo an uncertain look as he stared into blankness. It wasn�t until then when Teo finally snapped out of it. �Uumm.. nevermind that, onward, please.� Marcia raised an eyebrow and shrugged off the curious look then moved on down the path. They stopped at a clearing where a statue of a fat squid-like dragon rose up from the ground in the center of a bunch of boulders that surrounded it. �Ah.. we�re almost there! This is where my village goes to worship the water dragon. I don�t know what meaning it has behind it though. I don�t believe in dragons, so therefore, I don�t worship it.� Teo walked over to the water dragon statue, and touched it with one hand. He suddenly felt a warm feeling rush through him. In his mind, a flash of some image of a dragon appeared. His body twitched, startling Marcia. �What�s wrong?� Teo removed his hand from the statue and slowly turned to Marcia. �Umm.. nothing... let�s go.� Marcia frowned then turned to lead the way up the path.

The path was even and had no ups and downs. Jungle trees surrounded it everywhere, making it nice and shady. As Teo and Marcia were walking, Teo thought he heard something move within the trees. �Stop.� Marcia stopped walking and froze in her footsteps. �What�s the matter?� Teo stood still while only the wind that passed by could be heard. �I thought I heard something moving around in the trees.. could be my headache...� Marcia shrugged and walked on. �Just a few more steps and we�ll reach the sign to my village entrance. Let�s not stop from anymore distractions.�

The sun was starting to go down and it was soon night time. Before it was pitch black in the jungle, Marcia and Teo finally arrived Shishone. People were outside lighting lamps and washing laundry near their porches. It was very quiet and peaceful now that all of the children were inside sleeping. Marcia and Teo walked through Shishone until they got to the center where a mermaid water fountain shot out water from her mouth. �My dojo is the one with the dark blue roof beyond those trees over there. It has the best spot in the whole town. I think we should head for there now and I�ll show you around in the mourning.�

Marcia lead Teo up the road to her dojo. It had a dark blue roof and a porch with a sliding door. Wind chimes chimed in the air as Marcia and Teo walked onto the porch, opening the door. �You�ll have to wait out here for a bit. I have to inform my Mother and Father.� Marcia opened the sliding door and shut it on Teo�s face. Teo looked around for a place to sit, but there were no chairs, so he just sat on the porch steps. Teo rested his head against the porch�s columns and stared off into space.

�This town is a bit nice and quiet.. it wouldn�t hurt to stay here for a few days or so. I�ll have to be on the look out for Chronus though..and leopards, as well.� Just before Teo was about to fall asleep, Marcia opened the sliding door with a happy expression on her face. �Come inside.� Teo got up from the ground and walked inside the dojo. It was really warm and homey inside with chestnut colored walls and wooden floors. It smelled like insense everywhere, which was coming out from some room down the hallway to Teo�s right.

Marcia pulled Teo�s arm down the hallway to the left and lead him into the livingroom where Marcia�s father was standing. He gave Teo an uncertain look, looking at his clothes and face. The man didn�t even smile welcomingly at Teo, but Teo didn�t seem to mind, for he did not smile back either.

Marcia�s father cleared his throat and walked a few steps towards Teo. �I am Marcia�s father incase you did not know. You can call me Rahn. I don�t normally except guests under this roof, but how many times have we had people wash up from the shore step onto our doorstep? And what Marcia said about you, you may be very helpful to our village Shishone for there is no man strong enough to go up against the leopards. As you can see, I am crippled.� Teo glanced at Rahn�s crippled leg that was being supported by the chair he leaned against. The man had brown hair just like Marcia�s and had amber eyes. He had a mustache and a beard which looked good with the tan coat and pants he wore.

�We don�t have a guest room, so you�ll have to sleep out here on the mat. You could always go to the little inn down the road if you would more prefer a bed to sleep on.� Teo knodded his head, pretending he knew what an inn was. Marcia had dissapeared for awhile, but returned with some blankets for Teo. Rahn had left the livingroom, leaving Teo alone to lay and sleep on the mat. Teo looked over at the glowing light in some glass object that sat on the tiny wooden table in the corner. He went over to it and put his finger on the fire which was the glowing light, and it burnt out. Teo then fell asleep as he went back to the mat and covered himself with blankets.

That wasn't really long :P long is like 50 pages or more. It's a going great. Looks like Marcia and Teo will be getting into all kinds of adventures :)

I told you I'd get around to reading this eventually, well I just did, and I'm glad I finally made the effort.

You structure the plot very well. The prologue builds well into the main story, establishing the main characters and the background to what will be the main stream of the plot. You've established Teo well as a character, with a motive of what he needs to do and where he needs to go.

I've enjoyed reading it so far. Keep on writing it, my friend. I look forward to reading the rest.

yey thanks for the compliments, guys ^_^. Here's chapter 4!



<font face="VladimirScrD"size=6>Chapter Four

<font face="American Classic"size=2>The next morning, Teo awoke from his slumber and could scent a pleasing smell traveling throughout the livingroom. As he sat up on the mat, rubbing his neck, Marcia jumped in front of him. �Good Morning, Teo!!!!!� The way Marcia yelled like that made Teo jump from the mat onto his feet. �Teo! My mother made some food for you! Here! Eat!� She forced a plate into Teo�s hands then walked over to the chair across from Teo and sat down. Teo looked down at the plate of food and made a confused expression. On the plate, was a big pancake with a smiley face on it--scrambled eggs pushed to the side.

Teo looked up at Marcia who was watching him eat and pointed at the plate. �Umm.. may I ask... what the heck is this?� Marcia smiled, �My mom made the food, but I prepared it for you! What dissapoints me though is that you haven�t taken a single bite.� Teo sighed and set down the plate of food on the wodden floor and walked towards the hallway. Marcia got up from the chair, grabbing the plate of food, and followed after Teo. �Hey, my mother didn�t make this food for nothing, you know! You should at least eat it to show some gratitude!� Teo put his hands behind his head and walked outside to the porch. �I don�t eat food that smiles back at me.� Marcia gritted her teeth, tightning her grip on the plate. �You don�t like my smiley face!? I put that there so you could wake up with a smile!� Teo ignored the anger Marcia was starting to pick up and leaned against one of the columns that supported the porch. �I�d like to take a look at the town.. you were supposed to show me around this morning, correct?� Marcia, anger vanished, skipped down the stairs of the porch. �Yeah! That�s right! �Don�t think I�d forget about that, do you? Let�s go!� Teo stared at the girl�s happy face, grinning widely. �That girl has way too much energy...� Teo followed after Marcia who was already halfway down the road.

Teo stayed at Shishone for three months. He had now gotten used to the town and the people in it and convinced himself to stay longer. Marcia�s dad built another room in their dojo just for Teo and it was right next to the baby�s. Teo found it really hard to fall asleep with the baby always crying. Sometimes, he�d walk in the baby�s room and try to entertain her with a rattler and other baby toys that were available (he was that desperate for sleep). It was supposed to be Marcia�s job to take care of her little sister but Teo always seemed to be the one getting stuck with the babysitting. Aside from babysitting, Teo decided to help out by going on patrols around the town to make sure leopards wouldn�t come and invade. Marcia, always wanting to be by his side (obviously because she liked him) would help him out with the patrolling.

Marcia was stuck babysitting her little sister and because of this, she ordered Teo to stay with her and help out. �Teo, get me a diaper from the baby bag next to her crib!� �Teo! Grab the formula bottle over there on the table!� �Teo! Get some toys to keep her occupied!� Teo this, Teo that. Teo wasn�t exactly enjoying these chores he was given to. He yearned to use the blade that was tucked away in the sheath that was attached to his belt-- not help out some fifteen year old girl babysit her baby sister.

After all the hardwork, the baby was finally satisfyed. It wasn�t until later when she started to cry again. They tried to cheer the baby up as best as they could, but she was crying for no reason. �That�s it.. I�ve had enough of this for one day. Teo, I think you can take a day off from patrolling the town. I�ll take your place for today!� Without an answer from Teo, Marcia put her crying baby sister in the Irritated-Teo�s arms. She then ran out of the living room and left through the front door.

Teo was left with the baby in his arms, who was now very quiet and starring up at him. �Goo goo ga ga.� Teo raised an eyebrow and eyed the baby suspiciously. �What are you starring at? Is there something on my face?� She continued starring up at Teo and drooled on his arm. Teo tried his best getting the baby to stop starring at him by throwing her up in the air and catching her. �Upsy daisy!� As Teo caught her in his arms, a weird expression came across the baby�s face. �Huh? What�s the matter? You�re not going to cry ar-� Right away, the baby�s mouth opened up and out came today�s and yesterday�s formula.

Teo dropped the baby to the floor and touched the goo that covered his face. �AHHHHH!!!!!� The baby started to cry really loud as Teo ran around the dojo to find something to wash his face with. The baby�s obnoxious crying could still be heard in the livingroom as Teo rinsed his face from the well in the backyard of the dojo. He walked back into the living room, wiping his face dry with a towel. As he was done cleaning his face, he threw the towel hard onto the wooden floor and folded his arms, sitting down in one of the chairs. �I hate babies.�

The baby girl continued crying as Marcia came through the front door hours later. �Wow.. you�re not having any luck, are you Teo.� Marcia grinned at Teo as he glared back at her. She picked up her crying sister and rocked her back and forth. �There there.. no need to be scared now.� The baby finally fell asleep and Marcia put her sister back in the crib in the baby�s room. When night began to fall over the skies, everyone fell asleep-- everyone except for Teo. Teo sat on the hard ground in his room and leaned against the wooden walls, looking out of a window in the left corner that he had left open. �I can�t stay here forever. I must find Chronus and destroy him. I don�t care what anybody says about his existance.. he IS real and he�s out there somewhere.�

Teo crawled over to the windowsill to get a better glimpse at the starry sky. The trees outside swayed this way and that, creating a peaceful sound that went along well with the night. All the lights in the central square down the road were out, even the stores. Teo kept starring at the moon that kept on reappearing from behind the clouds that traveled by. �Somewhere else, under that same moon, people are being killed by the dark Chronus. The question is, where?� Teo leaned back against the wall and put his head in his arms. �Where should I start first after leaving Shishone?� Teo kept that thought in his head until he finally laid down in his bed. As the light dissappeared in Teo�s room, outside the window in the forest, two red glowing eyes vanished into the dark.

LOL. I feel so sorry for Teo :P
It's going great, Ann. ;)