Ok, I've been working on my very own film script for about two years now. I would very much appreciate some comments as to how you think it's going. So this is the first scene, I'm going to share with you...

Here goes...


Shin, leader of the resistance Faith, had assigned Riana, Zak, Celaine, Chad and Kenny to investigate strange activity within the town of Hyka. Unfortunately Kenny had been captured by Vince. One of Emperor Toca's high commanders. It was up to the squad to reclaim their comrade...


The squad rested in a gorge near Vince's hideout to plan their course of action. Riana had been trying to pinpoint all locations of Vince�s strongest security. With a laptop�.

RIANA: Hacking isn't my specialty. clicking away at the laptop

ZAK: I know but you�re our best bet. No one else can hack as close as you can.

RIANA: But I only just started my training!

ZAK: Come on Riana, try. You have to do this. Do it for Kenny!

CELAINE: Do you have to say it that way?

ZAK: Hey, I�m leadin� so I�ll talk any way I want.

CHAD: With an attitude like that you�ll get your ass kicked.

ZAK: Shut up!

The squad wait around quietly for Riana to concentrate. Zak walks around, Chad lies on the cool, stiff grass staring at the star-filled sky. Celaine double-checks her equipment. Riana still clicks away�

RIANA: Ok I'm done.

ZAK: About time!

CHAD: Hey, leave her alone. She did a better job than you ever could.

ZAK: Alright, er�good job Ri.

CELAINE: Not bad rookie.

ZAK: Ha! Haa! sarcastically Ri, show us where Kenny could be.

RIANA: Well, security�s pretty tight. Sooo umm�Riana points to images on her screen according to my calculations Kenny should be�here she points to a flashing image�in this isolated area.

CHAD: Poor guy.

RIANA: Yeah well, that's where he is.

CHAD: Why�s that?

RIANA: I'm guessing it�s where they try to squeeze info out of ya.

CELAINE: Gasp! Through torture??

RIANA: Maybe.

ZAK: How would you know?

RIANA: Through experience.

CHAD: You got captured before??? When was this??

RIANA: Oh, it was a long time ago.

CELAINE: Do tell.

RIANA: Not now, I�ll tell ya some other time.

ZAK: We�ve got other things to worry about. Ri, what�s the best route?

RIANA: I guess if we went this way Riana points out different routes on a map and roams around with her finger ...we would only have to deal with one to three guards or so along the way.

CHAD: No problem!...Right?

RIANA: Wrong. In saying that, we might have to fight off more. Cuz� they can contact each other.

ZAK: Well I trust you Ri, we can�t get closer than that.

RIANA: I did whatever I could.

CHAD: You did great.

CELAINE: Yeah, it doesn�t matter if there�s a minor glitch, everyone makes mistakes. Besides we�re strong! We�ll beat whatever comes in our way!

RIANA: Thanks guys.

ZAK: Ok, you all know what�s to be done he gets up from crouching�let�s move out!

The squad follow Zak, rushing towards their mission.

RIANA: Kenny, try to be strong, we�re coming.

Personally Riana, I think that's good. You shouldn't call your story crap, and I mean it! It took you two years to make it, and i wanna hear the rest of the work you have put alot of effort into. Post more!