Those of you here who know me very well know that I have written countless movie scripts. And while I don't think this is by any means my best script, for some strange reason, it's my favorite. Feedback is good, constructive critisism is even better. There is quite a bit of language in this script, so reader discretion is advised. Or something like that.

SCENE ONE

EXT: Outside school, before class



A crowd of students is congregating outside of a suburban high school. It is the typical high school scene, small groups of people standing around, talking, laughing, essentially doing whatever it is the typical high school student would be doing on such a summer�s day. There is music playing very faintly in the background, but it isn�t loud enough to distinguish. The camera pans around the students as APRIL

Begins to speak.



APRIL (VO)

There he is. The guy of my dreams.



A CU of Mr. All American Jock boy himself, immaculate in his Abercrombie wardrobe.



APRIL (VO)

Ew, no, not him! He�s not even close to my type, and besides, if I must partake in the whole high school dating thing, I�m not about to make such a clich�d choice. The other guy. To your left. The geeky one.

The camera pans left and does a CU on MILO. APRIL SIGHS.

APRIL (VO)

That�s the one! Isn�t he an absolute dreamboat? His name�. is Milo.

She savors the words.

APRIL (VO)

Milo�. Jacobs.

SIGHS

Even his name is perfect. Okay, here are the stats. He�s 18, doesn�t drive�he�s a vegetarian, environmentalist, the works. He still plays with action figures�. his socks never match�. and�best of all�

PAUSES

He knows all the words to �Shoop�



The music cranks up, and the tune is none other than Salt and Pepper�s �Shoop�. MILO starts to SING and DANCE along to it. The people around his shouldn�t react to this display in any way.



MILO

(singing)

�.if looks could kill, you would be an Uzi. You�re a shotgun-bang! What�s up with that thang? I wanna know-how does it hang? Straight up, wait up, hold up, Mista Lover! Like Prince said, you�re a sexy motha- well I, I�.

The music FADES slightly as APRIL continues speaking.

APRIL(VO)

Isn�t he perfect? And he is so obviously in love with me�.he just hasn�t realized it yet. But he will, sooner or later. Everyone does.

The camera pans over to APRIL. Cake�s �Short Skirt, Long Jacket� kicks in as the camera does a slow, sexy pan up of her body. APRIL DANCES along with the music. It fades out as she resumes speaking.

APRIL

See what I mean? How could he possibly resist me? He should be coming over to talk to me any second now. As a matter of fact�.here he is.

The camera quickly pans over to MILO, who is indeed making his way towards APRIL.

MILO

(to April)

Hey, it�s the cruelest month!

APRIL

(to camera)

He even has a nickname for me! He calls me �the cruelest month�, which is from some line in some Shakespeare play referring to the month of April. Like it even fucking matters- it�s Shakespeare, which makes it romantic by default. Oh, that�s my name by the way, April Santiago. Pleased to meet you, and all that other intro bullshit. I�d shake your hand or something, but it�s kind of hard in this position.

At this point, APRIL starts to address MILO.

Hey, it�s Milo right? You�re in my�Psych class?









MILO

(to camera)

She knows my name. This would be where you cue Milo�s moment of glory music.

�We are the Champions� starts playing. MILO looks slightly confused, but shrugs it off.

That�ll work. Okay, maybe I�m overreacting or something, but I wasn�t even sure this girl was aware of my existence. And here I find out she knows my name. Oh-ho yeah, she wants me.

His attentions return to APRIL.

Yes, second hour Psych. So um�..how do you like it? The class, I mean.

APRIL

Oh, it�s alright, I guess.

MILO

Yeah, it can get a bit boring on occasion. But I really am fascinated�

His voice slowly fades out and is replaced with the sounds of �I Touch Myself�. The camera pans over to NIKKI, who does essentially the same thing APRIL just did. The music fades out slightly as she starts to speak.

NIKKI

Okay, we can stop listening to those two now. I mean, don�t get me wrong, I like the Milo kid, this April chick seems cool enough. But the fucking stupid games these kids insist on playing drive me fucking crazy. Milo�s completely gone on this girl, I�m thinkin� she wants him too, but the dumbasses aren�t about to anything as far as that goes. It�s the standard love and relationship cycle�the goofs have the hots for each other, but the guy thinks he�ll get rejected, so he wusses out on me, and the girl�s so caught up in the traditional sex roles bullshit that she�s gonna wait around for him to make the first move. Okay, so what was the fucking woman�s lib movement all about? So now the guy can stick the girl with the bill guilt free, but we still have to sit on our asses waitin� for him to call? I�m thinkin� no. It�s perfectly acceptable for a girl to ask a guy out. Lemme show you.

She approaches a random guy.

NIKKI

(to the random guy)

Hey, you wanna go out sometime?

THE RANDOM GUY looks surprised, and then looks NIKKI up and down.

THE RANDOM GUY

Hell yeah!

NIKKI continues to direct the camera as THE RANDOM GUY follows her around. She continues talking as she normally would, acting as if she doesn�t here THE RANDOM GUY�s interjections.

NIKKI

See? The modern man is happy to see a lady taking the initiative. But April here-

THE RANDOM GUY

So what were you thinking? Dinner? A movie?

NIKKI

�isn�t about to wake up and smell her breakfast drink of choice. No, she�ll wind up-

THE RANDOM GUY

I could like, call you or something and we�ll just make our plans then.

NIKKI

�giving up eventually, and she�ll never even realize that thing could�ve-

THE RANDOM GUY

So, were you gonna give me your number, or did you just want mine?

NIKKI

�worked out for once in her goddamned life. Which would be where my role in this whole thing comes in. I guess you could-

THE RANDOM GUY

I�ll be home all night, so you can just call me whenever.

NIKKI

�call me a matchmaker, but I don�t really look at it that way. It�s more like�I�m really good at getting people to do what they should�ve been doing in the first place.

As she finishes her line, the bell RINGS, and all of the students, NIKKI included exit the screen. THE RANDOM GUY follows her halfway.

THE RANDOM GUY

All right then! So you�ll call me! 264-5783. Area code 543. Don�t forget now.

He suddenly notices that he is alone with the camera.



THE RANDOM GUY

(to camera)

Hey, can I talk to the camera now and shit?

OFFSCREEN VOICE(VO)

No. Go to class.

THE RANDOM GUY

Ah, dammit.

The screen fades to black as he exits

That's awesome. It's like a real movie, and it's absolutely hilarious in some spots. Great work, is it just the start of something longer, or does it end here?

I'll post the next scene after I get a few comments. But this is indeed a full length movie. And it's all written, so no waiting on the author is necessary. :)

Post more.

NOW >=O


^_^


EDIT: Oh yeah, question. Is "That Could be Why" the name of the movie?

*jumps up and down*

fucking hell yeah.

I'm loving it so far, and have already laughed half my sexy ass off

That's a very well written script. Okay, so I'm not too sure on some of the abbreviations (like VO) but I got the jist of what was going on. The script had some laugh out loud moments for me (like when Nikki completely ignored the guy, and he was left standing on his own.)

I look forward to reading some more.

I'm awaiting the next part eagerly! BZ, VO is the abbreviation for "Voice Over".

Scene 2 "posted liek whut".


EXT: Outside school, during class

�I Touch Myself� is softly playing, and yes, NIKKI is gracing the otherwise deserted schoolyeard with her presence. She is spwarled out lazilyt on a bench, flipping through an issue of Cosmo. She glances up as whatever theme song I choose here starts playing. JESSIE walks towards her, looking nervous.

JESSIE

Can you hurry up and fill me in Nikki? I told my teacher I was going to the library, but that�ll only buy me so much time�

NIKKI

(smiling)

It�s not a matter of life of death Jessie. It�s skipping one measly class. But if it soothes your worried soul any, I�ll get this going just as soon as the other party arrives.

JESSIE

(somewhat resigned)

All I can say Nikki, is that is had better be good. We will be in so much trouble if we get caught. Why am I even doing this? I never skip class�

NIKKI

(annoyed)

Oh, drop the bullshit Jessie. Obviously, you�re not fooling me, and I don�t think Jack can hear you from all the way over there.

The camera pans over to JACK, who is approaching the two girls. Whatever song I put here plays as he does. His headphones are on, and he looks oblivious to the world. JESSIE groans.

JESSIE

Him? He�s the �other party�?

NIKKI nods.

JESSIE

All I can say is that this had better be worth it.

NIKKI

(offended)

Don�t even suggest that it won�t be! You know I�ll make it worth your while. Everyone on my side always comes out on top.

JESSIE

(whining)

But I don�t want to work with Jack.

NIKKI

You don�t hsve to, dumbass. Just because you�re a part of the same plan doesn�t make you partners. It�s just easier for me to fill you both in at once.

JACK has, by now, reached the girls. NIKKI reaches over and removes his headphones. As she does, whatever he was grooving to is replaced by another high caliber tune.

JACK

Hey�.

NIKKI

(ignoring him)

That�s better. Now listen up kids, I really don�t want to have to go through this more than once. This Carrie Lisbon chick is having a party on Saturday�one of those �I�m a big fucking deal cause my parents leave me alone for the weekend� deals. Personally, I expect a lot more from the girl, but hey, it suits my needs. Anyhow, there are two people I need to be there, and I want you to assure their arrival.

JESSIE

(suspiciously)

And how exactly were you planning on our doing this/

NIKKI

The details aren�t of any importance to me, but I was thinking it would just be easiest for you to bring them as our dates.

JESSIE

And who might these two people be?

NIKKI

Milo Jacobs and April Santiago.

JESSIE

Nikki! I don�t want to go on a date with Milo!

NIKKI

Oh shut up, he�s nice! Besides, you can ditch him as soon as you get there, Hell, you can even leave, providing that you�re the one who drives.

JACK

Hey, I don�t have to ditch April, do I? Cause that girl is fucking hot!

NIKKI

Yes, you still have to ditch her. The whole idea here is for her and Milo to be alone at the party together.

JESSIE

(sarcastically)

Oh, how cute.

She shrugs.

What the hell. I need the money, I�ll do it.

JACK

Hey, am I allowed to fuck her before I ditch her?

NIKKI

You can impregnate her in the car on the way there for all I care. Just as long as her and Milo end up alone at that party together.

JACK

No problem. April Santiago can have my baby anytime.

NIKKI and JESSIE both look duly disturbed by this comment.

NIKKI

(rolls eyes)

Whatever you say, Jackie boy. Hey, I�ve got some shit to do, so lets finish this up. How do you wanna be paid? Cash? Check? Savings Bond? Wanna follow me around with my credit card for a while?

JESSIE

I�ll take cash, thank you.

JACK

How about you pay me in sex?

NIKKI

Cash for you too, Jack? Alright then.

NIKKI reaches into her purse, pulls out a wallet, handing a small increment of cash to each of them. As she does, THE RANDOM GUY heads towards her. She ignores him in pretty much the same way she did in the previous scene.

THE RANDOM GUY

Hey! I need your address, so I can pick you up, for our date?

NIKKI

Alright then, so you two get Milo and April to the party-



THE RANDOM GUY

Is Saturday good for you?

NIKKI

�ditch them in whatever way you want, as long as they remain at the-

THE RANDOM GUY

Cause there�s this party Saturday, and I thought maybe we could go?

NIKKI

�party. You�ll get the rest of your pay providing this plan goes through.

As NIKKI begins this line, the whole group starts to exit. They should be offscreen around the time she finishes this line.

THE RANDOM GUY

Okay then! I�ll just meet you there!

He realizes he is alone.

Hey, can I talk to the camera now?

OFFSCREEN VOICE

No one cares about you and your attempts at talking. Go somewhere and be invisble.

THE RANDOM GUY

Aw, man�

He once again exits as the screen fades out.



Not very amusing, I know, with the possible exception of The Random Guy�s interjections. Of course, it�s a lot less funny reading it on paper then seeing the poor guy scramble around the screen. I apologize profusely. To those of you who care about cinematography, you may be confused by the lack of it in this script. Yes, sadly, it is indeed how I actually plan to shoot it�but I digress. Critcism, please, as I�m not very fond of this scene, and, I assure you, the next installment will be up within the week.

It wasn't necessarily hilarious, but it was interesting and advanced the plot, so it's all good.

If you wanted criticism, though, I do have a couple things.


Originally posted by Chii
[B]

JACK

Hey, I don�t have to ditch April, do I? Cause that girl is fucking hot!

NIKKI

Yes, you still have to ditch her. The whole idea here is for her and Milo to be alone at the party together.

JESSIE

(sarcastically)

Oh, how cute.

She shrugs.

What the hell. I need the money, I�ll do it.

JACK

Hey, am I allowed to fuck her before I ditch her?

NIKKI

You can impregnate her in the car on the way there for all I care. Just as long as her and Milo end up alone at that party together.



The dialogue right in here feels a bit wonky, first Jack's line where he goes "Cause that girl is fucking hot!" It feels unnatural. If he just said "Do I have to ditch April too?" and it stopped there, it would still get the point across, and if there was any doubt that he was horny it would be over when he asked if he could fuck her, and if he could be paid in sex. The other awkward line is "You can impregnate her in the car on the way there for all I care." It's too long and drawn out to be something that Nikki would say off the top of her head. I would suggest a simple "you can fuck her as much as you want." You might want it to be more clever than that, though, in which case I wouldn't have any suggestions, but it could be better.

Also, the RANDOM GUY is still totally hilarious, but don't drive him home too much. You probably already know that though.


I still love this. It is shaping up to be exactly the kind of movie I love and adore. Do you think you're going to actually shoot it someday?

*waits for more*

I've wanted to shoot this movie for ages. And while I have gotten around to casting it a few times, (how I love to put my friends in movies) that's about as far as I've got to the movie making process. If I can track down any of the scripts to my short movies, I should post them up here. Just about all of them have been filmed oh so masterfuly by myself.

And thank you for your critisism. I thought that dialouge there was a little forced as well, and I'll probabally revise it in the near future. Your suggestions help a lot. :D

...and I'm not avoiding you on aim. I've just hardly been on at all as of late.

Originally posted by Chii


...and I'm not avoiding you on aim. I've just hardly been on at all as of late.


Heh, I didn't think you were. I'm not stalking you either, you just post interesting threads :P

This is an excellent script so far, the second installment seems to be just as good quality as the other, however, as TK already said; some of the lines seem forced out. But apart from the minor issue, it's good. I'm keenly awaiting the next scene.

I actually read the script the other day but I finally found the time to post a comment about it. The script was very interesting, amusing and funny because of the music cut-ins and the random guy's lines. The 2nd part of the script did seem played out but it made for a good read either way.

Great job Chii.

3. EXT-Outside School-lunch

We are taken back to the fabulous world of high school suburbia, this time during lunch. Of course, people are sitting exactly where you would expect them to�eating whatever it is you would be expecting them too�. (Well, depending on just how twisted your mind is�)�and are doing�whatever the hell they please, screw conventionality. A navy recruiter has a table set up. JACK approaches him.

JACK

I thought about joining the Navy to pick up chicks, but I decided to leave at least some of the fly honeys for the rest of the male populous, so don�t fuckin� bother with that recruitment bullshit. I was just wondering if you�d do me a favor.

NAVY RECRUITER

(Slightly overwhelmed)

What?

JACK

You see that girl over there?

The camera pans over to our girl APRIL. �Short Skirt, Long Jacket� kicks in, but is abruptly cut off.

JACK

Hey, this is still my fucking scene?

JACK�S theme resumes.

JACK

That�s better. Anyway, that girl-

He pauses for a second to glare at the cameraman.

JACK

That girl�I think she�s lost that loving feeling.

THE NAVY RECRUITER nods. He and JACK walk over to APRIL. THE NEAVY RECRUITER taps her on the shoulder.

THE NAVY RECRUITER

Excuse me?

APRIL turns around to look at the pair, somewhat confused.

APRIL

Yes?

THE NAVY RECRUITER

(Singing)

You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss-

He stops abruptly, as JACK is motioning for him to do just that, JACK shakes his head, leans over, and whispers something to him. THE NAVY RECRUITER grins and nods. The two break into song.

JACK AND THE NAVY RECRUITER

I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other brothers can�t deny! When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face, you get sprung!

Yes, it is Sir Mix-a-Lot�s �Baby Got Back�, and they are going to sing the whole damn thing, thank you very much. As the song goes along, all the people around start to sing and dance too. As they wrap up the song, JACK gets down on one knee and starts to talk to APRIL.

JACK

April Santiago�will you marry me?

APRIL

(Laughs and shakes her head)

No.

JACK

Damn, girl�

He PAUSES.

JACK

Will you go out with me?

APRIL

No�.

JACK

Ah, fuck�

As he says �fuck�, his face lights up.

JACK

Wanna make sweet love to me?

APRIL shakes her head quite vehemently.



JACK

Oh fine�will you at least go to Carrie�s party with me?

AORIL starts to say no, but JACK stops her before the word can escape her lips.

JACK

No, no wait! Don�t say no! I just want you to show up with me. I�m not asking you to hook up with me or any shit like that. I mean, you�re going anyways, right? Don�t even look at it as a date�look at it as�saving on gas money.

APRIL

(suspiciously)

Why do you care if I show up with you if you�re not going to try to hook up with me?

JACK

Well�see, I figure you�ll be so overwhelmed by my charm by the time we get there that you�ll be putting all the moves on me, so my trying to hook up with you won�t be necessary. And if not, it�ll make all the other hot girls jealous, and then they�ll want me even more.

APRIL

(grinning)

You�re an asshole.

JACK

Course I�m an asshole, I did have a dick the last time I checked. So, will you go with me?

APRIL

Sure.

JACK

Yeah! That�s what I like to hear! Okay then. I will pick you up at 9:00. You don�t be late now.

He turns and starts to walk away, but APRIL calls out after him.

APRIL

Hey wait! Don�t you need directions to my house and stuff?

JACK

I stalk you, girl! I already know where you live!

The camera does a CU on JACK as he walk away, the scene slowly fading out..



Yes, I know that the Top Gun guys aren�t in the Navy�. but I don�t really think plausibility is what I�m going for with this movie. I think using �Baby Got Back� was a bit much, especially after just using �Shoop� two scenes earlier. I used �Punk Rock Girl� in my first draft of this. But hey, just let me know what your opinion is on it.

There are some definite laugh out loud moments in this script, which I enjoy quite a lot. The characters are beginning to show more depth, and the plot is beginning to move forward through them. Obviously, there's a long way to go, but I'm enjoying the scenes thusfar.

Keep 'em coming. And I'll keep on reading.

Assuming you mean "Punk Rock Girl" by the Dead Milkmen, stick with that! Baby Got Back is overdone (though very funny there.)

Keep it comin'! ^_^

Chii, the script is just as entertaining as ever so I don't see a reason why you should stop posting it. What you're doing works so don't give up on the audience now.

Originally posted by Autumn
Terra, the script is just as entertaining as ever so I don't see a reason why you should stop writing it. What you're doing works so don't give up now.

She's already finished the script Amel. Anyway, it's very entertaining, I find myself constantly checking for another scene posted. I hope you can get up the next one soon ^^

4. EXT- Outside of Carrie�s house-during party

At last we have left the realm of the suburban high school, and the most interesting thing I could come up with is for JESSIE�S car to pull up and park in front of CARRIE�S house. Both JESSIE and MILO get out of the car. JESSIE does not appear to be in the best of moods.

1 MILO

Thanks again for offering to take me, Jessie. I wasn�t even planning on going until you brought it up�I really didn�t think anyone would be willing to give me a ride, but-

JESSIE

Why the hell don�t you drive anyways?

MILO

Well, I mean�I can walk to my work, walk to school, and ride my bike most other places I need to go�so I think it�d be a waste of sorts to deplete resources from the enviorment unneccasarily.

JESSIE

Enviorment conscious. Gotcha.

By this time, they have reached the front porch. JESSIE hurriedly rings the doorbell. Someone answers the door and lets them in. The scene quickly switches over to scene 5. Yeah, it�s a cheap ass way of doing things, but if you don�t like it, well, you fund my movie.



Tee-hee, I did a teaser.

Hey! That was mean ;_;

Hm, this scene wasn't as good as the others but I guess it's because you didn't give it your best shot Chii. I'm still interested to see what happens in the end..

I thought Milo's explanation of his environmentalism was one of the funniest parts yet, personally.

Also, I'm pretty sure this Milo's namesake is the lead singer of the Descendants ^_^

Originally posted by TK
I thought Milo's explanation of his environmentalism was one of the funniest parts yet, personally.

Also, I'm pretty sure this Milo's namesake is the lead singer of the Descendants ^_^

But of course! Milo Aukerman is my dream man, after all.

<font face="lucida calligraphy" size="2">Interesting. ^^

I thought the use of 'Baby Got Back' was funny, even if the song is quite abused. In general, having 'theme songs' for each of the characters is a good idea... I like it.

I thought the last scene (the one with Jack asking April) was particularly good.

^^

5. INT- Carrie�s House- during party

�and the party is a jumpin� jumpin�. Some fun party type song, preferably of the cringe worth one hit wonder variety is playing in the background as MILO and JESSIE step inside. SOME NAMELESS GUY greets JESSIE.

1 SOME NAMELESS GUY

Hey Jess, what�s up? You and Milo came together, huh?

JESSIE

(through gritted teeth)

He needed a ride, since he doesn�t drive. Which reminds me. I need to use the bathroom really, really bad. Would you show me where the bathroom is?

SOME NAMELESS GUY

(catching on)

Oh, sure, I�ll take you there.

The two head offscreen together. MILO calls out to JESSIE as she leaves.

2 MILO

I�ll meet up with you again later, okay Jessie? I�m gonna go scope out the party.

He does a little dance step and heads off. The screen fades out.



This is the last of the teasers, I swear. The next scene is something you'll actually have to scroll down to finish.

The past two scenes, though short, provide a little character interaction between Milo and Jessie that adds to both of them. Though teasers, it's got me wanting to read more. Good stuff.

(Waits patiently to read the next scene.)

No more teasers ;-; *twitches*

Hey! I had to roll the little wheel on my mouse down one click to read all that, so I did scroll :P

6. INT- a room in Carrie�s house- during party

APRIL and JACK walk in together. JACK guides APRIL over to a couch, where she takes a seat. She looks up at JACK expectantly.

JACK

(trying to come up with an excuse)

Hey, just wait here for a sec, will ya babe? I�m uh�.gonna go grab us some drinks.

APRIL

Oh, that�s okay Jack. There�s already a cooler in here.

She reaches over and retrieves two beers.

APRIL

See?

JACK

(still searching)

Well um, yeah, but that�s just beer. You probably don�t like beer. I�ll go get you something else.

APRIL

Jack, are you trying to ditch me?

JACK

(nervously)

Uh, no, what made you think that?

APRIL

That you�re making excuses to get away from me.

JACK

No, no babe, you got it all wrong. I�m uh, just trying to impress you is all.

APRIL

Jack, beer is fine. I promise. Just sit down.

JACK is all out of excuses, so he takes his seat next to APRIL. She hands him a beer. They both open theirs and start to drink as they talk.

JACK

And here I thought you�d be glad to get away from me.

APRIL

No�why would you say that?

JACK

(jokingly sarcastic)

Christ, woman! You do recall what I had to go through just to get your fine ass here, don�t you?

APRIL

Ok, ok�

APRIL shrugs.

APRIL

But I figured since I had to go with you anyways, I might at least get a taste of all the alleged charm you lured me here with.

JACK looks at APRIL for a second, then at the door, then back at APRIL. He gives a �Oh, what the hell� type shrug.

JACK

Well, in that case, I propose a toast.

He raises his beer.

JACK

To hot women who wear short skirts!

APRIL rolls here eyes, but still laughs and raises her glass.

APRIL

(bemused)

To hot women who wear short skirts.

Wow, a scene that you might have had to actually scroll down to read in its entirety! Nothing terribly exciting, but hey, quantity is the important thing, right?

*joins in a raises a beer to hot chicks in short skirts*

coming along nicely, I rather enjoy devouring the new scenes as they come out.

Good addition to the rest of the script Chii. It still seems like a teaser to me but I'm patient enough to wait around until the end.

Hah, I'm totally about to get a crush on this April chick.

I wish I could fail in thinking of an excuse to get away from a date... Strangely enough, I always seem to succeed in that respect...

Seriously though, the intrigue continues to develop. And I'm gonna follow Merl's lead in raising a beer to hot chicks who wear short skirts, just because.

Now I know how it feels when someone updates stuff slowly when you're eager just to read on...

7. INT- Carrie�s Living Room-during party

Again, the party is in full swing, people dancing, engaging in underage drinking, talking, making out and doing whatever else. Only KAL stands alone, or sits rather. His theme kicks in as he starts his monologue.

KARL

If I have learned anything from movies, it is to get myself laid before college. Not the simpliest task in the world, perhaps, but not an impossible feat- or so I thought. Now, I realize that, short of paying for it, there is no chance in hell that any woman will have sex with me. I have come to understand that I have absolutely no skill when it comes to the opposite sex. I can�t tell what they�re thinking, what to say to them, how to act around them, when or where to touch them- I�m talking nothing. I have come to the conclusion that I am doomed to live my life-

KARL�s voice is drowned out by CHRIS�s theme. CHRIS walks over to KARL.

CHRIS

Let me guess- you are once again bitching about the fact that you can�t get any.

KARL

(to Chris)

Hey man, I�m still talking to the camera here.

CHRIS

(sarcastically)

Oh well, don�t let me interrupt anything.



KARL

(proud of himself)

Alright then.

He turns as if to address the camera again, and stops, realizing he has completely lost his train of thought.

KARL

Okay, I guess I�m done.

CHRIS gives KARL a �you sad little man� look.

CHRIS

Karl, my friend, you need help.

KARL

No shit, Sherlock.

CHRIS

(teasingly)

Hey, don�t cop an attitude with me bro, I was about to offer you some assistance.

KARL

Seriously, Chris? You�ll help me get some?

CHRIS

My friend, I will do everything short of fucking you up the ass myself. And do you know why?

KARL shakes his head.



CHRIS

Because, Karl Stevenson, you are a discrace to males everywhere. We all have our off days, but you have no game whatsoever. And this�this pains me. So, in an attempt to uphold the dignity of our sex, I am going to assist you in getting just that.

KARL starts to get offended, but realizes he need CHRIS�s help too much for that.

KARL

Alright, Chris. Work your magic.

CHRIS

Okay then. Let�s do some practice runs, shall we? That girl over there is cute enough. Go over there, compliment her, ask her her name, and offer her a drink.

KARL

But-but what do I say?

CHRIS

Karl, I can�t personalize these things for you. I set you ip a road map-all you have to do is follow it.

KARL

Follow the roadmap. Gotcha.

KARL walks over to THE CUTE GIRL that CHRIS spoke of. She is standing, talking to a friend. KARL stands behind her silently.

THE CUTE GIRL

�what can I say, they�re like dogs, dear. They jump and slobber all over you, and they will not leave you alone.

Her friend laughs. THE CUTE GIRL suddenly realizes that KARL is standing behind her. She turns around and gives him a weird look.

THE CUTE GIRL

What do you want?

KARL

(Flustered)

Well, um, you see, I was just uh, following the roadmap and now I�m supposed to get laid, so um�.I would just like to say, um�you have really big boobs, and-

He stops as THE CUTE GIRL glares at him.

KARL

And, and, I�ll just shut up now.

THE CUTE GIRL

(menacingly)

Get the fuck away from me.

KARL

Gotcha.

He rushes back to CHRIS, who is shaking his head sadly.

CHRIS

Like I said Karl- a disgrace.

KARL

I tried to follow your roadmap Chris, I really did, but as soon as she looked at me, I just forgot everything and�.I don�t know. So I�m guessing boob compliments are a no-no.

CHRIS

Here�s your first lesson, Karl. It�s not what you say, but the way you pull it off. Watch this.

CHRIS approaches THE CUTE GIRL.

CHRIS

Excuse me�.

THE CUTE GIRL

Yes?

CHRIS

(feining embarrassment)

I hope you don�t think I�m a complete ass for saying this, but I guess I�d feel like an ass regardless if I didn�t compliment you on this- you have an absolutely perfect body. Usually girls with a face as beautiful as yours aren�t so lucky to get a beautiful figure to match.

THE CUTE GIRL

(shyly)

Oh wow, thank you�.

13 CHRIS

So, if you don�t completely hate me for that little outburst, would you mind telling me your name?

THE CUTE GIRL

It�s Angie.

CHRIS

(as if savoring the word)

Angie�well, Angie, I�m Chris.

He takes her hand and clasps it for a second.

CHRIS

So, milady, would it be alright if I got you a drink?

THE CUTE GIRL, WHOSE NAME, WE HAVE LEARNED, IS ANGIE

That would be great.

CHRIS

Great! I�ll be right back!

He smiles at her and once again squeezes her hand, he walks away, passing KARL as he does.

KARL

Just how the hell did you do that?

CHRIS

It�s not what you say, or do, for that matter, Karl�.it�s how you pull it off.

The scene fades out.



I actually quite like this scene, though I doubt my readers will feel the same. I actually encountered a Karl once in my life�.I believe his line went something like �your boobs really compliment your eyes�. Heh. But I digress. I assure you, that the newly introduced Chris and Karl will be tied in with the rest of the story�they are part of an amusing, and of course, completely contrived subplot I�m going to introduce a few scenes later. Please, please, please, comment. Even to tell me I suck and you hate this story, at least I�m getting some kind of response.

I loved that scene! That was awesome, a complete change of pace from beforehand. The two characters complement each other so well, it's really cool! I can just see them getting into some sort of trouble, or situation later on in the film. The line "No Shit, Sherlock!" Cracks me up no matter how many times I hear it. It's brilliant!

Of course, I'm still intrigued as to where the plot around the main characters are going.

Karl sounds like me X_X

Great scene Chii. It was quite amusing and it sure shows you know what you're writing about. Well done.

I have to disagree with BZ in that I don't like the phrase "No shit sherlock." It didn't sound natural for some reason.

Other than that, this scene is classic A+ teen comedy material. I laughed the whole way through. No movie of this type would be complete without a dopey guy who can't get laid, and a smooth jock who's trying to help him out of pity.

And I have to ask: What did you say in response to that come-on? xD

Originally posted by TK
And I have to ask: What did you say in response to that come-on? xD

"Really? What color are my eyes?"

meh. not terribly exciting I know, but it's a lot harder to be witty in the real world.

<font face="lucida calligraphy" size="2">I do believe that is the worst pick-up line I've ever heard. O_O

Amusing still. ^^ Keep it coming.

8. INT- A room in CARRIE�s house- during party

APRIL and JACK are still sitting on the couch, but by this point, APRIL is very drunk. Very, very drunk. JACK, however, though he is still holding a beer in his hand, is sober.

APRIL

(slurring her words)

Jack, I want to call you Jackie-boy. Can I call you Jackie-boy?

JACK

(apparently concerned, and thus somewhat distracted)

What? Oh, yeah babe, you can call me whatever you want.

APRIL

Well then, I�m gonna call you Jackie-boy.

She giggles as only the inebriated can.

APRIL

Jackie-boy. That�s funny.

JACK

You�re really drunk.

APRIL

(defensively)

I�m not drunk! Watch, I can still walk in a straight line and everything.

APRIL gets up, staggering slightly, and attempted to walk in a straight line across the room, failing miserably. JACK laughs a little, but APRIL is too distracted by her image in the mirror to notice it.

APRIL

(pointing to her reflection)

That girl is hot.

JACK

(looks over at her bemused)

What, you mean you?

APRIL

(amazed)

That�s me?

JACK nods.

APRIL

I am hot.

JACK

Course you are.

APRIL

I�am so hot�that I am going to clone myself�so that I can have a threesome�with myself�and you.

JACK

I�ll remind you of that one once you�re sober.

APRIL

(whining)

But I am sober!

Pouting, she makes her way back over to JACK, plopping back down on the couch next to him.

APRIL

You just don�t want to make out with me.

JACK

Babe, I�m sure every straight make out there, quite possible even some gay ones, would love to make out with you. But I�m already going to be in enough shit for still being here. I don�t need to dig my grave any further. And the fact that it would be taking advantage of you doesn�t help things either, I guess.

JACK shrugs.

JACK

But I think�I think that I could look past that if it wasn�t for all the shit-

JACK trails off as APRIL starts to straddle him, rubbing herself up against him. JACK stares at her, obviously rather aroused. As she does this, They Might Be Giants �Dig my Grave� starts to play. At the second the guitar and drums kick in, JACK lunges at her, pulls her close, and starts kissing her like crazy. They make out for the entirety of the song, in rhythm with the music, no less. As the song ends, the scene blacks out.

Lucky bastard ;-;

Hm, that scene was quite amusing Chii with April getting drunk and all. Yah, keep it coming..

No, they're screwing up the whole plan ;_;

9. INT- Carrie�s Living room- During Party

CHRIS is standing on a table, using it as a stage of sorts. Richard Cheese�s cover of �Rape Me� starts to play. CHRIS dances and flawlessly lip- syncs along with it. A crowd of admiring girls gathers around him as he does.

CHRIS

This one�s for the Ladies�.

He sings the rest of the song, finishing it off my leaping into the arms of his adoring fans, who crowd around him as he walks off screen. KARL watches in confusion.

KARL

I�m going to die a virgin.

The scene fades out.

Ha, I know hardly worth a chapter of its own. This is quite possibly the shortest scene I�ve ever written. And what�s with the cover of �Rape Me�, you ask? Well, I�ll admit I�m not a fan of Nirvana covers, but this one is actually quite amusing, if you�ve heard it, and it makes for a good, distracting filler scene. I apologize profusely for the April/Jack hookup too�I just couldn�t help myself. I have a bit of a crush on Jack, actually�which is odd, because he reminds me of Bud Bundy. But anyways, please feel free to tell me how much you love it, and plan to see it a dozen times when it hits the theatres. Or how I should burn in hell for even thinking the things in this movie. Or go out on a limb and be original. As long as you review, I�m happy�.

<font face="lucida calligraphy" size="2">Love it, plan to see it a dozen times when it hits the theaters.

XP

.... Although I do believe this scene is nothing more than yet another teaser! Damn these short scenes!

*saves reviewing for non-teaser scene* :P

INT.- A room in Carrie�s house- during party

NIKKI is standing in front of the camera, �I Touch Myself� playing softly. In the background, we see APRIL is fast asleep whilst JACK is playing with her hair. NIKKI looks duly upset.

NIKKI
In retrospect, I should have foreseen something like this. Granted, I would have thought April had more sense then this, but I should have known better then to trust Jack in a situation involving anything with breasts. Now I�m going to have to waste my weekend coming up with some kind of cover plan-

As she speaks, THE RANDOM GUY tries to sneak in, the jaws theme playing. NIKKI stays focused on the camera, not acknowledging his entrance.

NIKKI
And if this is that fucking random guy, I suggest he leave now unless he�s curious to discover what his own balls taste like.

THE RANDOM GUY
Oh, sorry, I thought this was the bathroom. Yes, yes, now that I�m here, it appears to not be the bathroom after all. That is sad and I will leave now.

He darts out of sight. NIKKI SIGHS.

NIKKI
Anyhow, this is a setback, but I�ll figure things out. So long as Milo doesn�t walk in on this little scene, everything should work out just fine.

She PAUSES.

Where the hell is Milo anyways?


I am in the process of typing up the next scene right now, so providing you nice people give me a comment or two, that should be up within the day.

Hm, good scene Chii. I doubt Nikki would really give her speech in public like she did in front of the camera but I guess that's what makes your script so original. I'm no good at commenting on other people's work so please forgive me..

Uh oh. Sounds like Milo is getting in trouble too O_O

*crosses fingers for Milo*

And yes, this is still as funny. But you are almost to the point of abusing the RANDOM GUY to the point where he changes from a clever reoccuring joke to a repetitive gimmick. Careful! O_O

officially demanding more updates now.

Yeah, I may be officially "not here" but I am still reading this >=O

INT- Carrie's living room- during the party

"Shoop" is playing, and Mr. Milo Jacobs is sitting on a couch, trying his best to carry on a conversation with a very obviously inebriated girl.

MILO

...which are widely used as aerosol propellants, in none other then hairspray. So that's why I stick with gel when it comes to my 'do.

THE DRUNK GIRL

You make my head hurt. I think I will go to vomit now. Goodbye.

She staggers offscreen. The sounds of somewhat vomiting are heard shortly afterwards. MILO looks duly dejected. KARL heads over to him.

KARL

Don't take it too hard. It could be worse- you could be me. I make girls throw up when they're sober.

MILO

Given the opportunity, I'm sure I could pull that one off too.

KARL
(excited)

So you couldn't get yourself a girl if your life depended on it either?

MILO moves as if to protest, but realizes KARL is probably right and nods.

KARL

This is great! Us losers need to band together! Discover what it is that makes us so unappealing to women!

MILO

I'll drink to that.

KARL

I'll drink to anything as long as it gets me drunk.

KARL gets up to fetch both of them some drinks, when suddenly, NIKKI rushes over to the two of them and points to MILO.

NIKKI

You! I need you! Right now!

MILO

What? I mean, I was-

NIKKI

No protesting! I can't wait. Come on, right now!

She grabs MILO by the arm and drags him off, as KARL watches in disbelief. KARL drops to his knees, arms lifted towards the sky and the camera pans away on a shot of his desperate face.

KARL

Why God, Why?


Sorry it's been so long since an update, I've been a little lazy when it comes to the typing process. As an apology, a tiny teaser scene is below.

INT- April's Bedroom

April is sitting on her bed, still wearing her outfit from last night, but is considerably more disheveled then we saw her before. She addresses the camera

APRIL

Ever wake up with one your mind blissfully happy, and the other half still trying to figure out how you could have been fucking stupid enough to do the shit you just did?

She pauses.

Yeah. This day is one of those.

The scene fades out.

I've just re-read the second to last scene you posted, and the similarities of the conversation between Karl and Milo, and my mate and I are very close. Well, with the friendly banter and joking and stuff anyways.


Don't take it too hard. It could be worse- you could be me. I make girls throw up when they're sober.

That is the sort of thing my mate would say and it had me in stitches for a good thirty seconds reading it. Next time I talk to him, I'll have to direct him here.

Actually, sod it, I'll just E-mail him the link to the thread.

Great work!

Originally posted by Ndi

KARL gets up to fetch both of them some drinks, when suddenly, NIKKI rushes over to the two of them and points to MILO.

NIKKI

You! I need you! Right now!

MILO

What? I mean, I was-

NIKKI

No protesting! I can't wait. Come on, right now!

She grabs MILO by the arm and drags him off, as KARL watches in disbelief. KARL drops to his knees, arms lifted towards the sky and the camera pans away on a shot of his desperate face.

KARL

Why God, Why?




That made me laugh so hard. I think Karl just might be my favorite character yet.

I haven't been catching up with the script lately but it seems to be getting better with funnier lines and interesting additions to the characters. Keep at it Mandi.

This is belated but....I've lost my copies of the script, both the written and typed versions. I still love this script, and people here seemed to like it, so....

I remember the plot, I vaugely remember the dialouge, and I wrote the damn thing, I'm sure I can get it all down again. But it's going to take some work on my part, and what I'm really trying to see if there's still any interest in it. God knows it's been a while.

Holy shit. I miss this script so much. I'm horrified to hear you lost it. But if you want to re-write it, I will read every part you post religiously. I love it. Even if I'm your only potential reader, you should totally do it. I'll write a whole essay for each installment you post!

I demand that more people show interest >=(

Mann... You gotta either get Karl laid, killed-off, or both by the end of this one...

It is true that many of the phrases several of the characters have said are rather overused, but in some cases that actually adds to the comedic value. He he he... this whole scenario is just majorly fucked up the ass... I love it... You should find it. Be it the script, or be it the will to continue rewriting, you must locate it.

I have a story to tell, since this is the fiction forum.

One time, Mandi wrote a cool screenplay and posted it on FFShrine bit by bit and lots of people were hooked on its wacky offbeat humor and outrageous charm! They made lots of comments to let her know that the screenplay was good and they wanted to read more of it. Then Mandi went away for a while, and when she came back she asked if anyone was still interested, and the losers who used to read her screenplay SHOT THEMSELVES IN THE GODDAMN FOOT BY NOT SAYING SHIT.

The end.

:(

;_;

Holy gamoly, what an old thread... I've seen my name in here a few times XD.

This thread hasn't had any relevant activity in it for over 8 years. It's dead, so please, don't revive dead threads. Thanks.

is this a movie script or something?? because honestly saying it's nice..:D