(This story is kinda slow till it get's to the good parts. Just read it and tell me what you think. I'll continue the rest of it if you went me to.)

Chapter 1


Ever since my great grandmother showed me that music box, I started thinking about it constantly. The day she went to the hospital (located on the other side of our city Karrell) was when she handed me the music box to hold onto for her till she was feeling better again. I couldn't except it at first, but I thought it over, and promised her I wouldn't loose it. It looked really old..centuries old, I assume. I layed on the bed in my room, examining the music box. I attempted into winding the key, but it was stuck.
Every music box had a label or engraved letters saying where it was made, but this one didn't. I set the music box down on my stomache, and looked over at the clock on my dresser to see what time it was. It was four thirty p.m, which was when I would go to the park and practice my chess abilitys with my best friend Genine. I got up from my bed, setting the music box down on my dresser. I got dressed into my school-girl uniform (colors of blue, yellow, and red) and tied my black-velvet hair back into a high braid.
I slipped on my stocking and black tennis shoes and was ready to go. I turned around and looked at the music box laying on my dresser. I couldn't make up my mind whether to bring it with me or just leave it there. I looked around my room for a hiding place, but couldn't think of one at the time. I decided to just leave it in my dresser drawer, and walked out the door.

The city Karrel was really big. Many tall office buildings and a large variety of people walking to their jobs or doing whatever. I didn't exactly live right in the city, but near it. I lived in a small neighborhood which was really boring; that's why I always went over to my best friend's house. She actually lives in the city, which is only a few miles away.
I've lived in my house for all my life. Ever since my father was with us. My father died from a heart disease seven years ago which would make me nine years old when we had his funeral. I'm sixteen and I go to the Cliven Highschool. I only have one best friend, which is all I really need.
I don't talk to my mom much, because she' always going out with that nasty man named Jim. Ever since she started dating him, I became the little thought in the back of her head. When she would leave me by myself at home, I would leave the house and visit my older brother, Evin, who I wish would move back in with us. I would go and visit my great grandmother with him and have Genine wait for me at the park bench(our usual meeting place).
My brother was twenty-two and lived in the city with some room-mates(Jack, Lui, and Greg).
He lived few houses down from Genine's house which is how i became aquinted to her. Jack, Lui, and Greg were a funny bunch. Everytime I'd go over there, they were doing/saying funny things. They liked to pick on me most of the time, but I didn't mind. Sometimes, I think that Evin thinks more of his friends as his family than he does to me.
Evin moved out a few years after our dad died because it was too much for him to digest. I told him about mom's new mate she had been hanging around with, and he was so pissed off that he promised himself that he would never look at his mother again. As I was walking across that boring dirt road that i had to walk across all the time, I started to wonder if Evin knew anything about that music box. He DID get to see/talk to g. grandmother more than I did. I decided that I woud go and stop at my brother's house and ask him if he knew anything about it.
When I arrived, I saw Genine waiting at the usual bench shaded by some trees next to the street. I walked over to her and sat down next to her. "Hey Genine, what's up?" Genine got up from the bench and turned her head. "Your brother told me to tell you to go straight to the hospital today." I quickly got up from the bench.
"What, did soemthing happen?" Genine turned her back from me and walked a few steps forward. "I really shouldn't be the one to tell you the news," she said, holding her arm. I was suddenly impatient, and in a loud, questioning voice, "What HAPPENED? Tell me now, Genine." Genine turned around and looked at me in the eyes. "Your Great Grandma."

I am very impressed with this. The chapter sets up the characters very well, and builds up the setting of the story also. I am already looking forward (and am intrigued by) seeing where the rest of this story goes. Well done.

Great story Ann~ I really like the themes in the story and it's very well described. I'm hoping that you will add more to the story and that next time you will paragraph your story better because your story was a bit hard to read =_=

Nevertheless, you did really well for the first chapter of the story. Keep up the good work! =D

A sudden sickness swept over my body. I could feel my face turning hot as I fell to the ground on my hands and knees. "First my dad.... now my great grandmother..." I tried to wipe the tear away that had rolled down my chin, but before I could, Genine grabbed hold of my hand and crouched next to me. "Let your tears shed, it is worth it." As doing what Genine said, I let my tears fall to the ground.

After getting all my tears out, Genine helped me up from the ground. "I could have my mom drive you over to the hospital... last time your brother told me to give you the info, your great grandma was still alive.. she may still be alive if you just hurry..." I thought for a second, and declined Genine's offer into having her mom drive me over to the hospital. "I'll get a taxi...." Genine frowned. "I also wanted to tell you that I would be leaving for a year.. I have to go live with my Dad..." My heart was damaged at the news of my Great Grandmother dieing, and now the news that Genine gave me finished the job.

Before I could say a word to Genine, she waved me off as she saw a taxi coming around the corner. I walked away, looking at the ground, hand in the air signaling for the taxi. The taxi pulled over at once, and I got in, looking at Genine's sad face as I did. I shut the door, and the taxi speed off after I told the driver where to go.

I rested my head against the window, looking out at the tall buildings of the city Karrell. 'Will I say goodbye to my great grandmother in time?' I thought to myself over and over. I payed the taxi driver nine dollars when I arrived at the hospital. I told the front desk I was there to see my great grandmother, and they told me to go down the hall and up the stairs to room six-fifty-four.

I ran, of course, and barged right into the room six-fifty-four. My great grandmother lay there in bed, barely breathing, with her eyes still opened. My brother knelt beside her, holding one of her grey hands. "Great Grandmother?" My brother moved and let me sit beside her.

She smiled at me through her old, old eyes. "Yuki, I am so glad you are here." I held tightly onto her hand, tears streaming down my face. "How's the music box I gave you?" I didn't really care about that music box at the moment, but I realized at her words that she had 'given' it to me.

"Yuki, there's something I wanted to tell you about that music box before I left this world." I raised my head and looked at my great grandmother. "Hmm?" "It was passed down to one family member to another in the Katan family through out the centuries. My mother passed it down to me, as she recieved it from her grandfather, and so on. That music box, it is very important, Yuki. You mustn't loose it, always have it with you. That music box, I don't know anything about it's true owner, for it had been SO many centuries ago. I was once the guardian of the music box, but now, there is a new guardian *smile* and that guardian is you, my dear. You have become one with the music box. That is why you must take care of it."
And that was that. My great grandmother had left this world in-peace.

(That's the end of chapter 1. I already have chapter 2 and part of chapter 3, but i'll wait for your opinions.)

It's a really great story, RK. I am enjoying this one. keep at it!:)

Sad story Ann but it's still very good. I'm waiting for the next chapter now.. ^_^

Chapter 2

My brother dropped me off at my house when it was night time. I didn't get the chance to bid farewell to Genine for she had left while I was in the hospital. My life was pretty much going down the slope.
When I walked into my house, I noticed my mom laying down on the grey couch near the far wall of the living room. A burnt cigarrette was still in her hand, causing ashes to fall on the ground. My mom smokes alot; I am against her smoking habits. I told her over and over that she would end up like those jawless freaks on television but she wouldn't listen, for that's just how my mother was.

I walked up the wooden stairs to get to my closed, bedroom door. As I was walking up, I could hear a faint tune playing somewhere. I opened my bedroom door as the tune became louder. I looked around to see if any stereo of mine had been left on, but the sound was much too gentle.

I quickly ran to my dresser, and opened the drawer. There I saw the music box laying where it had been when I first put it away. I held the music box up to my ear to make sure that the sound was come from it. The key wasn't moving because it was too old and rusted to turn which was the same case for the little gears inside of it.

The tune came to a sudden stop as I heard someone enter my room from behind. I turn around, and saw my mom half-awake standing in the doorway. "What's that you got there in your hands, Yuki?" I hid the music box behind my back. "It's nothing, mom.. just one of those tiny little radios you can buy in the stores." My mom eyed me suspiciously and stepped towards me. She reached for my arm, revealing the music box I had dropped on the ground. "No!" I screamed, worrying about the music box being broken. "That doesn't look like any little radio to me." I crouched on the ground, holding the music box in my arms. "One mustn't lie to gain respect, Yuki." I didn't dare look her in the eyes because I was a coward. "Yuki, that music box is your great grandmother's. May I ask why on earth you have it?" My mom didn't know about the news of my great grandmother's death yet, so I kind of struggled into telling her.
"She gave it to me." "She GAVE it to you? Yuki, she treasures that music box. She wouldn't hand it over to you just like that." I got up fromt he floor, and lifted my head, looking at my mom's face with tears streaming from my eyes. "She gave it to me. She past it on to me with her last drop of life!!!" I pushed my puzzled-face mother out of my room, and shut the door in her face, locking it.
I ran to my bed and dropped myself down on the mattress, crying my eyes out.

Later on, when my eyes were dry, I was thinking about the good times when I used to visit my great grandmother everyday with Evin. Genine would wait for me at the bench in the park and we'd play chess or go rollerblading. Sometimes, we'd even watch boys play baseball for our entertainment. Me and Genine did lots of things together and now, all that fun had disappeared. Genine and I were now seperated.. the same for my great grandmother.

Awsome story! I am so proud of you. ^_^
Keep going with it. I am following with much interest. ;)

Well, I said I would read it in the morning, and I lied. It was the afternoon... But I read it.

It's going well, RK. I am liking the main character Yuki and her interaction with the rest of the cast. I'm also intrigued as to the relevance of the music box, and what part it's going to play.

Keep at it.

Well done o the start of the 2nd chapter. It really adds suspense to the mystery of the music box, which is good. Keep on writing! ^_^

(I decided to tell you the proluge(don't know how to spell it) so you would understand the story more. Most stories have proluges, so here. I should have posted it first :S... oh well...here's half of it)


Proluge


The kingdom Cetrine was a very dull and boring place for a princess as myself. I guess it was because I was around that age where you expected everything to be unique. I sat in front of the mirror in my room, covering my royal, beautiful face with make-up. Today was a special day because it was the day of my new age. I would be the center of attention once again.

As I sat in front of my mirror, the reflection of my vast, fancy, pink bedroom in the back, I thought about how things would be if I ran this kingdom instead of my father. First of all, I would give the servants a better look, for the moldy, green-colored rags they wore made me want to vomit in disgust every time I looked at them. (Speaking of which, one of those servants was tidying up my room while I was geting ready for the ceremony. I yelled at
them to leave at once, for I preferred to have plenty of my own privacy.)
Secondly, I would make the rules less strict. People in Cetrine were forbidden to make any kind of body contact with eachother. If a peasant man were to walk up to me and try to touch me, they would be thrown in jail for a long time. Nobody took any chances around here. I once asked my father, the emperor Atarn, that if kissing, holding hands, or hugging was forbidden within the Cetrine kingdom, how did I come to existance. He simply
changed the subject quickly, suposably avoiding any five year old(that�s how old I was when I asked him that) knowing about that �birds and the bees� business.
Lastly, I would make this kingdom allow more travellers. Cetrine didn�t allow any unknown visitors enter without a permit from their kingdom. The one�s who didn�t have a permit would be unwelcomed and would have the guards force them away. I have always been curious of how the outsiders were like. Were they just the same as the people around Cetrine? What did they wear? How did they speak? When? Why? Where? I put the
thought aside for the time being since my guards had arrived to coart me to my ceremony.

I made the guards blush as soon as they set eyes upon the beauty that stood in front of them. I had long, waist-length, golden hair that almost seemed to glow. My eyes were a
pale, cherry-redish-brown that went along good with my soft, pale, skin. Slim and perfect height, I was. I made such a perfect princess.

I was being escorted to the ceremony hills(the royalty stood on a marble throne while the peasants stood out in the grass and watched in awe) to listen to a long boring speech made
by Emperor Atarn, then I would have to walk up to the front, smile at everyone, and would have a 16th tiny rose tatooed onto my back(it hurt). Then there would be some stupid little dance and play and other entertainments. I wasn�t looking forward to it at all. All I would do is just sit there and be admired by the filthy peasants. None of them interested me with their looks. I sometimes believe there is no other man in the world worth my time, for they all make too man mistakes. If I were to marry a man, he would have to be royalty like me. I had heard rumors from people around my palace that we were the only royal-blood-living race to ever exist. How sad it is because there is not one
man in this world that could match up to my beauty.

I finally arrived at the Ceremony Hills, and saw that the peasants were crowded out on the grass below, excited. I put my nose up in the air and closed my eyes, pretending I wasn�t even there, and sat down in my seat. I looked around at the crowd to see if anything looked new for a change. They all wore shades of brown which was one of the colors I didn�t care to spend the time to look at.
Emperor Atarn had come walking to the front of the throne, and started his never-ending speech. I sighed in boredom and closed my eyes to try and fall asleep--sleep is what I was good at. So then, I dosed off, and had another one of those �mind pictures� which I found rather odd. Mind pictures was something everyone kept suspicious of. We didn�t know how they worked or anything.

When I was awake once again, my father was still giving his speech. I let out a lousy grumble and rested my chin on my hand. I looked out and around the crowd, but for some reason, there was something a bit unusually different about it. I looked harder to get a clue on what was so different, and noticed right away. There were a few people wearing dark shaded colors. Some of them wore bandanas wrapped around their foreheads while some
wore hoods. I looked at one of the guards standing next to me, and saw that they were looking at the same bunch suspicously.
�And now, we shall start the �Ceremony Of Age�.� Emperor Atarn motioned his hand for me to be brought to the front of the throne. Two servants helped me up from my chair and walked me near my father. My father was looking at me, I could tell, but my face was looking at something else. I was looking at the arrow that had just been shot out from the crowd somewhere into my father�s arm. The crowd was filled with screams and cries. My
father crouched onto the ground, blood dripping from his arm. I covered my mouth with my hand, swallowing my scream.
Several more arrows plunged into the guards� chests. I looked out into the crowd, which was now splitting apart, people running this way and that. I didn�t know what was going on. Everything was happening too fast. I looked down at my father who was in pain, but no one to come to his aid. Before I could go anywhere, someone had grabbed hold of my arm from behind. I turned around to see who was there, but the last thing I could
remember were two, amazingly, bright, green eyes and then I blacked out.

Well, it would have been better if you did that first, but otherwise it's a great prologue. It does make the story a little clearer. Keep at it :)

Heh, now the story makes slightly more sense with the prologue added on but it should have been added on earlier to make the story's structure more better. Nevertheless, well done on the prologue Ann and keep writing ^_^