Young Country Gurl 2004
01-15-2003, 07:35 AM
OK, guys, this sucks, but oh well..

<font color="royal blue">You say that I've been swimming through your mind lately, like an eel.
Lately, the same thing is happening to me,
I'm not sure what to feel,
how to act, or what to be.

I think about you a lot,
Day or night,
In my heart there's a spot,
with a bright light.

I think about you, when I probably shouldn't,
People tell me, you're nothing but trouble.
If I wanted to date you, I probably couldn't,
It would burst everyones bubble.

I don't know I feel,
I don't know what to think,
All I know is that you've been swimming through my mind like an eel,
And whenever you talk to me, I turn pink.

Deja
01-15-2003, 07:42 AM
It doesnt suck, like most any other poem it's a very good one :) I like it, and I'm sure everyone's felt that way for someone - I can relate well. Good job ^-^

April
01-15-2003, 08:22 PM
I really like the sentiment of the poem ... I'm sure a lot of people can relate to what you've written. I also really like the kinda innocent honesty of your poem ... I'm not sure how to describe it but I really like it's atmosphere.

One thing though, I get the impression, a little anywho, that you've sacrficed the words you want to write for the sake of it rhyming ... although I, of course, may be wrong.

Good job ^^;;

Young Country Gurl 2004
01-16-2003, 07:06 AM
I didn't sacrafice the words, I just couldn't think of any good words.. I was writing it late at night.