Welcome all. Welcome. This is a long read so i suggest you copy it and read it later unless you�re bored. You may post comments afterwards. Enjoy. BTW- This is a remake of the FF7 Story i did here earlier this year.

Copyright � 2002 By Kie.

FF7- things you didn�t see: remake
Note- Anything that happens in each different part doesn�t affect any other future part. Much.
Pt1- The Shinra Building
Setting: Level 65
Cloud-Tifa, we gotta find Aeris!
Tifa-I know dumbass, that�s why we�re here otherwise we�d be in bed now doin� our thing.
Cloud-Yeah, damn that Aeris. Had to get captured now didn�t she?
Barret-Shut up and let�s get going.
Tifa-Let�s try level 67 for no reason at all.
Cloud-Ok!
The three go up to level 67.

Setting: Level 67
Cloud-I know there�s an elevator around here somewhere that�ll take us up to level 68.
Barret-Wait a minute, we could have just easily taken the stairs next to us but noooo, you had to take the elevator, you�re a dick-head.
Cloud-I�m too lazy to climb any more stairs. Fuck off!
Barret-Ok. but why are we going so far up Shinra? Aeris could have been on floors 4-58 but we come here. You�re a dumbass.
Cloud-No, it�s obvious that Aeris would be near the top of Shinra. Think about it.
Barret-����Oh, you mean like with Repunzel!
Cloud-Yeah exactly, like with����No!!! Not like with Repunzel shit-head! You don�t understand.
Barret-But in some fairytales, There�s a princess at the top of the tower and�
Cloud-I didn�t mean that, I meant that Shinra would keep her up the top for safekeeping!
Barret-But the fairytales�
Cloud-I don�t care what your hobbies are, let�s just go. (God, what a wussy baby!)
They walk to the specimen chambers in level 67.
Tifa-What the hell is this?
Red XIII- I�m Red XIII and I�m horny. Come here baby!
Tifa-Get away you pervert!
Cloud-SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!
Tifa/Barret-What is it?
Cloud-Look in that chamber!
Barret looks in.
Barret-SSSSSSHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!! Where the fucks its head?
Cloud-Don�t know.
Tifa-Never mind, let�s get away from this freak show and find Aeris.
Cloud-You�re right, let�s take the elevator up now.

Setting-Level 68
Cloud-What the HELL???
Aeris-Cloud, help!
Cloud-Hojo, what the hell are you doin�?
Hojo-I�m trying to get Red XIII to have sex with Aeris. What are you gonna do about it?
Cloud-Nothin�! If Aeris is gonna get naked and have it off with a horny cat, this should be gooooooooood watching!
Tifa-Cloud?????
Cloud-Shut up, I�m missin it.
Everyone-?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????
Cloud-Get offa that chair hojo! It�s mine!
Hojo-No, it�s my chair!
Cloud-Mine.
Hojo-Mine.
Cloud-MINE.
Hojo-MINE.
Cloud-MINE!!!!!!!!!!!
Hojo-MINE!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud-That does it! MMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
!!!
Cloud slices Hojo into many pieces.
Cloud-Mine.
Tifa-Get Aeris out now!
Cloud-No way! Get stuffed! This is cool.
Tifa-Do it or you won�t get some lovin� tonight!
Cloud-O.K, but only cause of the lovin�. Geez, it�s always the lovin�.
Cloud breaks the glass.
Red XIII-Oh, why�d ya do that? I was almost there.
Tifa-You�re just a horny DICK-HEAD!
Red XIII-Hello baby, remember me?
Cloud-Hey, she�s mine for a good time. Get your own bitch!
Cloud slices Red XIII in half.

Later on�.
Setting: Top of Shinra Building.
Rufus-So who are you guys?
Cloud-Ex-Soldier, 1st Class.
Tifa-A member of Avalanche.
Barret-Same here.
Aeris-A flower girl from the slums. We also had a Research Specimen called Red XIII.
Rufus-Wow, a total fake, two lame rebellions that couldn�t rebel for shit, the last person of a whole race and a horny cat. Pretty crap. You guys must suck. I mean��what a crew.
Cloud-We�re looking for Sephiroth.
Rufus-Yeah right, like he�s my best pal and I talk to him everyday. NOT! He�s dead.
Cloud-Then I�ll show you him in hell! Tifa, take everyone and leave now.
Tifa-But Cloud�.
Cloud-Shut up bitch, just go. I have a score to settle with this faggot.
Tifa-But�����it�d be easier if all of us vs him.
Cloud-LEAVE!!!!!!
Everyone leaves.
Rufus-Why do you wish to kill me?
Cloud-Cause you�re really really gay!
Rufus-I guess this means we won�t be friends then.
Cloud-I don�t know, do you like beer?
Rufus-Of course, I�m the president.
Cloud-Well, screw those friends I sent off, let�s go and have a couple of cold ones.
Rufus-Sounds good buddy.
Cloud and Rufus become best buds, kill Sephiroth and rule the world together.

Pt2-Junon to Costa Del Sol
Setting: After you save Pricilla from the water snaky dude.
Cloud-I can�t do CPR.
Old Man-Well try.
Cloud-Fuck off, dick-head. Red XIII, you it.
Red XIII-Ok!!!!
Cloud-Wait, you might rape her. Aeris�
Aeris-Ok�
Aeris saves Pricilla.
Pricilla-Thanks you guys.
Barret-Hey, do you know any good fairytales cause I want good ones.
Pricilla-God damn it, grow up!
Cloud-See Barret, no-one cares.
Barret-Shut up, fairytales are cool!
Cloud-That�s ok Barret. Just don�t say any. That�s a warning.

Later On�
Setting: Beach
Cloud-You mean I have to get on a dolphin, let him jump high in the air and then jump onto Junon?
Pricilla-Yep
Cloud-That�s suicide!
Barret-You can do it.
Cloud-Shit, I didn�t see you there Barret. I thought piles of shit were talkin to me.
Barret-Shut up and jump.
Cloud tries 100 times and fails.
Cloud-Stupid dolphin.
Cloud slices the dolphin. Pricilla runs off crying.
Barret-You suck.
Cloud-Shut up, you can�t do it! You�re too fat. That does it. I�m summoning Shiva to fly me up!
Barret-Amazing, you actually had a good idea for once�

Later on�
Setting: Shinra locker room
Captain-You�d better get this right.
Cloud-Piece of cake. Don�t worry.
The Parade starts.
Captain-Ok�����.GO NOW!!!!!
Cloud-Ok. Whoa!!!
Cloud falls over taking down the next group of soldiers with him. Ratings go to -10%
Captain-Why the fuck did you do that????
Cloud-I felt like it. Oh, I meant to fall over, really.
Captain-Don�t be sarcastic with me soldier. Rufus will be here soon and you�ve gotta get it right.
Cloud-I won�t let you down! (bitch)
Rufus comes.
Captain-You�d better do it right or else!
Cloud-Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Captain-Don�t complain.
Cloud-Suppose I were to accidentally lose control of my sword and�
Cloud kills everyone and everything around him.
Tifa-Quick Cloud, come onto the ship now!
Cloud-Ok, but I get to be the captain.

Later on�
Setting: Costa Del Sol.
Cloud-We�re here.
Tifa-We killed all of the guards.
Cloud-Good. One last thing�did you kill Red XIII?
Tifa-No. Why?
Cloud-Cause he�s gay. Go kill him now.
Tifa-Ok.
Red XIII-What????
After Red XIII has been killed, Cloud, Tifa, Aeris and Barret get off the ship and continue their quest.

Pt3- Gold Saucer
Setting-Train Station in North Corel.
Cloud-Well Barret, now we know that everyone in North Corel hates your guts.
Barret-Shut up!
Cloud-Good one. We don�t need or want anymore enemies dick-head. Did you have to destroy their town?
Barret-I didn�t! It�s a long story. Let�s just go to the Gold Saucer.
Cloud-Why?
Barret-I����don�t know.
Cloud-Ok then!!!

Later on�.
Setting: Gold Saucer
Cloud-Hey, let�s go to Wonder Square for no apparent reason, even though the planet�s dying.
Aeris-w00t!!!!

Setting: Wonder Square
Cloud-What the fuck! A talking cat? Kinda reminds ya of Red XIII don�t it?
Aeris-Yeah, he looks gay.
Cloud-Are you Cait Sith?
Cait Sith- Yeah, why?
Cloud-Man, you suck at fortune telling. And that name totally sucks balls!
Cait Sith-Hey, if you�re gonna talk shit about me then I�ll come with you.
Cloud-Come with me??? Yuck.
Cait Sith goes into Cloud.
Cloud-How come everyone goes inside ME?! Why not walk beside me instead? Now I�ve got a fucking cat inside as well as everyone else!
Cait Sith-I warned you.
Cloud-Let�s go to the battle arena to find Barret for an unknown reason.
Aeris-Sure!!

Setting: Battle Arena
Cloud-What the fuck happened?
Tifa-They�ve all been shot!
Aeris- Naaaaaaah, ya think? Did Barret do this?
Cloud-Yeah probably. They probably wouldn�t tell him any fairytales ha ha. That wuss!

Later On�
Setting: Corel Prison
Cloud-I told you we shouldn�t have run from them.
Cait Sith-Sorry.
Cloud-You really do suck.
Tifa-Now we gotta find Barret in THIS!
Old Man-Barely anyone gets out of here alive. Or at all.
Tifa-Isn�t that kinda the same thing?
Cloud-Well���wait, where the fuck did you come from.
Old Man-Never mind. I�m not going anywhere soon.
Cait Sith-He�s a fuckin weirdo. Even more so than Cloud.
Cloud-Yeah, even more than me. That�s a good fortune for once.

Later on�
Setting: Random House
Cloud-Yo Barret.
Barret-Shut up! I feel like killin� somethin�.
Tifa-You mean you didn�t kill those other guys?
Barret-Yeah, I did but I feel like killin again.
Cloud-Ok��well, we�re in a hurry so kill Red XIII and let�s find your buddy Dyne that was in the story you just, for no reason, said.
Barret-Ok.
Red XIII-WHAT??????????? WHY ALWAYS ME????
Cloud-Quiet you!
They find Dyne.
Barret-DYNE!!!!!
Dyne-Yo.
Barret-Sup?
Dyne-Nothin. You?
Cloud�s watching them impatiently.
Barret-Same.
Cloud-That does it.
Cloud slices Barret and Dyne up.
Cloud-That could�ve gone for many an hour.
Tifa-Let�s leave���before anyone else starts.
They eventually get the buggy without killing anyone, and continue with the journey�which, by the way, they have no clue of.

Mini Pt1
Setting: Gongaga Forest.
Cloud-Crap, another battle. Where do these baddies come from?
Tifa-Don�t know, but this baddie is��A GIRL???
Yuffie-Beat me or I�ll kill you.
Cloud-Not many choices there.
Cloud counts the choices on his hand.
Cloud-Nope, not much�
Yuffie-DIE!!!!
Yuffie slices Red XIII in half with her Boomerang.
Cloud slices Yuffie.
Yuffie-OOOOOWWWWWWWWWYYYYYYY!
Cloud-We win!
Yuffie-Ok then, I�ll join you guys.
Cloud-Not another person in me! Damn it�s easy to get allies.
Tifa-Sure, you can come along. After all you did kill Red XIII.
Yuffie-Thanks.
Barret-(I wonder if she likes fairytales.)
They continue their quest once again.

Pt4-Cosmo Canyon to Mt Nibel
Setting: Cosmo Canyon
Cloud-Awwww, for fucks sake!
Tifa-SSSSHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!
Barret-LLLAAAAAAAAMMMMMME!!!
Red XIII-Cool!
Aeris-Not cool, the fuckin Buggy broke down!
Cait Sith-You don�t have to be a fortune teller to know that.
Yuffie-How the fuck did ya get a Buggy?
Cloud-Never mind.
Red XIII-Good thing we�re at my home town!
Cloud-?????????????????

Setting: Cosmo Town
Red XIII-GRANDPA!!!!!!!!! I�m home!
Barret-Grandpa?????? Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Red XIII-At least I don�t like fairytales.
Barret-Don�t knock fairytales!
Red XIII-I just�
Buganhagen-You took your sweet ass time Nanaki!
Red XIII-Sorry grandpa, I became a research specimen.
Cloud-Nanaki??? Ha, and I thought Red XIII and Cait Sith were gay names. This tops it!
Red XIII-We�ll talk about names later Cloud. Right now, let�s rest.
Buganhagen-You�re 48 now Nanaki, so stop fuckin around. I want you to see your father.
Barret-48? Ha, old fart!
Red XIII-SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!
Barret-Make me.

Later on�.
Setting: Cosmo Candle (the fireplace thingy in Cosmo Town)
Cloud-Shit, that bad guy Gi-Nattak was hell easy!
Tifa-Yeah, one X-Potion killed him.
Barret-They fixed the buggy now. We can go.
Cait Sith-Hey, what the fuck�s these save points for? I don�t get it.
Cloud-No-one does Cait, no-one does.
Red XIII-Guess what? I�m comin with ya again.
Barret-Oh no you don�t. You�ve got two gay names, you couldn�t fight for crap and you live in a DUMP!!!!! But your grandpa�s cool cause he shouts at ya. So you just DIE!
Barret kills Red XIII and for some odd reason and they head to Nibelheim.

Setting: Duh, Nibelheim
Cloud-For fucks sake! This just keeps getting better and better huh?
Tifa-I thought our home town was destroyed.
Cloud-IT FUCKING WAS!!!!!!!
Barret-I knew that story you told in Kalm was a fake.
Cloud-It was TRUE!!!!!!
Barret-FAKE!!!
Cloud-Don�t���push me.
Tifa-This is really gay
Cloud-Almost as gay as fairytales.
Barret-Yeah, almost as gay as��Wait! Fairytales rule!
Cloud-Barret, just let it go. Let�s check out Mt Nibel.

Setting: Um, I don�t know. Uhhhhh maybe it�s Mt Nibel��
Cloud-Hey, cool the bridge didn�t break this time unlike the other two times I�ve been on it.
Tifa-Same here.
Cait Sith-Most bridges we encounter seem to break or be incredibly hard.
Barret-Why are we on this bridge anyway?
Cloud-The story goes like this. I can�t change it���much.
Barret-Oh, what a great explanation.
Yuffie-It sucked.
Aeris-Yeah.
Cloud-Errrrrr, no.

Later on��
Barret-That materia keeper was easy and he didn�t even have any materia.
Cloud-No point having a name like that unless you have materia.
Cait Sith-That�s false advertising! A materia keeper that keeps no materia.
They leave the fake Nibelheim and head, for no apparent reason, to Rocket Town.

Mini Pt2
Note-If you haven�t already noticed, these Mini parts only revolve around the secret characters so as there will only be two of these, don�t get attached to em.
Setting: Shinra Mansion
Cloud-Why are we in here?
Barret-To find a safe I heard was in here. No-one�s ever managed to open it yet.
Tifa-What�s inside?
Barret-Don�t know.
Red XIII-So we�re trying to open a never opened safe that could have anything in it???
Cloud-Let�s find out what�s in it.
Aeris-Yeah.
They find the safe.
Barret-Nobody knows the password.
Cloud-I saw 4 numbers on the ground on the way here, let�s try em.
Barret-What were they?
Cloud-10, 36, 59 and 97.
Yuffie-I�m pretty good at this. Let�s go up to 36, then down to 10, then up to 59, then up to 97.
Cloud-Ok.
They do it.
Yuffie-Weeeeee, I�m smart.
Cloud-Don�t get cocky.
Yuffie-Shut up.
Cloud-You shut up.
Tifa-Settle there.
Aeris-Hey, a key!
Cloud-Must be the one to the basement. Let�s go.
Barret-How the hell do you know that there�s a basement?
Cloud-Cause����there is one?
Aeris-Let�s just go.
Down they go. They open the door.
Cloud-What the fuck???????
Vincent-No, I�m not a ghost. I�m just sleeping for a couple of thousand years.
Cait Sith-Makes sense I guess.
Cloud-Wanna come with us? You look cool enough, though you�ll eventually end up as lame as the other new ones.
Vincent-Sure. Just let me do one thing.
Vincent blows Red XIII into smithereens.
Vincent-He really looked gay.
Cloud-Great, you�re in. A bonus for killing Red XIII.
The peoples continue on their journey����again.

Pt5-Rocket Town
Cloud-Well guys, we�re in Rocket Town now.
Tifa-Yeah, but now we�ve got two tagalongs who don�t know what the hell we�re doin.
Aeris-Yeah, go away!
Vincent-You invited me.
Yuffie-Same here.
Cloud-Actually, Yuffie invited herself and�
Tifa-No, I didn�t mean you two, I meant Red XIII and Cait Sith.
Cloud-I�m always being interrupted.
Cait Sith/Red XIII-Hey, Fuck off! We know what you�re doing.
Barret-I don�t know how you gay guys got dragged into it.
Cloud-Barret, you�re in no position to say gay here. You like fairytales! That tops gay.
Everyone- Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahaha!!
Barret-Shut up, fairytales are cool! Haven�t you ever heard of Little Miss Muffet?
Cloud-Shut up!
Barret-Guess what she did?
Cloud-Please god, nooooooooooooooo. Don�t you dare.
Barret-She sat on her tuffet.
Cloud-Is that fairytale language for her ass?��Wait, I warned you about saying fairytales.
Barret-Then guess what happened?
Cloud-You got sliced in half?
Barret-No, along came a spider and��
SLASH!!!!!!!!!! Cloud slices Barret in half.
Cloud-Just like my version of the fairytale goes.
Tifa-Thank you Cloud.
Everyone else-Yeah.
Red XIII-Hey, Barret got killed before me this time. Maybe I won�t die!
Aeris-I don�t know about that.
Cloud-Let�s go check out that there Rocket.
Tifa-Ok, but have you noticed that everywhere we go, there�s always music in the background. Even on the world map, there�s music. I mean some of it�s good but some of it is crap too.
Cloud-Ok������you need medical help Tifa, I never hear music, that�s for the players.

Later on�
Setting: Rocket (the)
Cloud-Hey, man what�s your name?
Cid-I�m Cid, fuck off.
Tifa-Greetings �Cid fuck-off�. Funny last name.
Cid-You stupid or what?
Tifa-Well, I dunno about Cloud but�
Cloud-Can we borrow the rocket?
Everyone-?????????
Cid-Stick to the script!
Cloud-Fuck the script! I want the rocket!
Cid-No.
Cloud-YES.
Cid-NO!!!
Cloud-YES!!!!
Cid-NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud-Don�t make me kill you.
Red XIII-He�ll do it! I�m not the first.
Cid-?????? Well, too bad anyway. It doesn�t work.
Cloud-SHIT!
Cid-Borrow the Tiny Bronco instead.
Cloud-Awww, Ok.
Cid-Good.
Cloud-But when the rocket works, call me on my PHS.
Cait Sith-Oh god.

Later on�
Setting: Cid�s house
Cloud-Sooooooo, what you�re saying is that you fucked Cid�s life up and now you�re his slave?
Elmyra-Exactly.
Cloud taps his head.
Tifa-Man that must suck.
Cid-Rufus is here.
Cloud-Rufus?????????
Elmyra-Yes, they�re lookin for Sephiroth so Rufus wants the Tiny Bronco.
Cloud-No way! It�s mine as compensation for the rocket. Cid lent it to ME!!
Elmyra-Then go now.
Cloud-Ok.
Yuffie-Cool, I like hijacking yeah!
Palmer-No! It�s my Tiny Bronco.
Cloud-No, it�s mine.
Tifa-Oh boy. Cloud loves to argue�
Palmer-MINE!
Cloud-Getting angry now�MINE!!!!!!
Palmer-MIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
In a second, Cloud�s sword is through Palmer�s heart.
Cloud-My plane. Just like it was my chair. Shinra just don�t learn.
They fly off.
Cid-My Plane!!!!!!
Rufus-No, my plane!!!!!
Cid-MINE!!!
Tifa-Sounds familiar.
Cloud-NO!!! It�s mine now!
Cid-What the????
Rufus and his men start shooting at the plane as Cid jumps on. One bullet hits Red XIII right in the head and kills him. They shoot the engine and it blows up, killing everyone on it.

Pt6-Wutai to Gold Saucer (again)
Setting: Continent to the far left
Cloud-The plane just happened to crash on this crap continent.
Yuffie-It�s not crap, besides, we�ve got a world map.
Tifa-Yeah, good thing. Wonder where we got this here map from though.
Cloud-Best not to think about it.
They start walking. Then, 2 two baddies come out of nowhere.
Cloud-Crap!! Oh, well. I summon Ifrit!!!!�����Uhhhhh, where is Ifrit???
Yuffie-YOINK!!!!!! I got your materia! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Cloud-You fuckin bitch.
Yuffie-Bye!
Cloud kills the two baddies and Yuffie runs off.
Red XIII-She can�t have gone far. There�s only one village on this whole continent. She probably went there. The place is called Wutai. I bet she lives there.
Barret-Where is Wutai? Tell me or I�ll kill you!
Red XIII-You�ll probably kill me anyway but I�ll show you.

Later on�
Setting: Wutai
Aeris-There�s Yuffie!
Yuffie-Hahahahahahahahaha!!
Cloud-Get back here you fuckin c**t!!!!
Barret-Cloud, watch your language. No-one likes that word.
Cloud-I�m pissed off!
Aeris-Ya gotta be really pissed off to say that.
Tifa-Let�s just get her for that.
Barret-Red XIII, this is all your fault! I don�t know how but it just is!!
Barret blows Red XIII away.
Cloud-We�ll check out Turtle�s Paradise.

Setting: Turtle�s Paradise Bar (obviously)
Cloud-The Turks?????
Reno-Awwwwwwwwww, nnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Cloud-Sarcastic ain�t ya.
Rude-What do you want?
Elena-Don�t ask questions! Kill em NOW!!!!
Reno-Shut up Elena, you bitch.
Rude-Yeah, it�s our day off.
Elena-Damn it, you guys got lucky.
Cloud-YOU got lucky. We would�ve kicked your ass!!!
Reno/Rude-No way!!!!! Bring it on!
Cloud-Heh, alright!!
Cloud and Barret kill Rude and Elena easily.
Reno-Please don�t kill me!
Cloud-Why not? It�s easy to kill.
Cloud slices his sword straight through Cait Sith, killing him.
Cloud-See? Easy.
Everyone-????????????????????????????????
Reeve walks in.
Reeve-My creation!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! You fuck wits!!!!
Vincent-You�re gay too!
Vincent shoots Reeve through the heart.
Cloud-This is getting repetitive. We have to find Yuffie quick. See ya Reno.
Reno-Uhhhhhhhh, see ya. (PHEW!!!!!!)
Cloud-We may come back for you if we have enough killin time left though.
Reno-!!!!!!!!
Aeris-Let�s, for some reason, search the hotel. Even though I didn�t know there was one here.
Cloud-Ok.

Setting: Wutai Hotel.
Tifa-Let�s go to the back�����why? I don�t know.
They go into the back and in a room.
Cloud-Who are you?
Godo-Fuck off.
Cloud-That reminds me of Cid.
Cid-Yeah��.No!!!!!!!!
Godo-That�s not my name you idiot.
Vincent-We�re looking for a girl named Yuffie. Do you know her?
Godo-Nope.
Yuffie-I�m your daughter fuck face!
Godo-Get your fucking ass back here Yuffie!
Yuffie-Bye bye.
Godo-What a Bitch!
Tifa-Thought you didn�t know her.
Cloud-She took our Materia. I was working really hard on my enemy skill materia too.
Tifa-Let�s check the local houses now.

Setting: House in Wutai
Kid-Grandpa, there�s some rude people that have just come into our house without knocking.
Grandpa-I�m not blind dick-head, I can see that. I�m just sleeping.
Cloud-Have you seen Yuffie?
Kid-Do I look like Yuffie?
Cloud-I ask the questions here. Now have you seen her?
Yuffie-I have!
Cloud-I was just about to ask you, so have you seen�������Get her!!!!!!!!!
They capture her finally. After going through a lot of crap.

Setting: Yuffie�s house.
Cloud-Before we kill you, give us our materia back.
Yuffie-What if I don�t and you kill me without me tellin ya?
Cloud-We won�t kill you until you tell us. Until then, we�ll torture your ass.
Yuffie-Ok, I know when I�m beaten. I�ll show you.
Setting: Basement of Yuffie�s House
Cloud-Ok, we�re here, now where�s our materia?
Yuffie-Pull that there left lever.
Cloud-I don�t trust you, I�ll pull the right lever.
He pulls the right lever and a cage drops on everyone except him and Yuffie.
Aeris-You should�ve pulled the left lever dill weed.
Cloud-Ok, I will now.
The cage lifts up again.
Cloud-There we go.
Tifa-Dumbass.
Barret-Check it out! Yuffie�s like, still standing there.
Cloud-You should�ve run off when you had the chance.
Cloud kills Yuffie quickly.
Aeris-Oh bravo, very well done Cloud. Now how do we get our materia back?
Cloud-Let�s trash the place. I�m sure we�ll find it.
Barret-I wonder if Yuffie knew any fairytales.
Cloud-Barret, we don�t have time to talk about fairytales now, let alone argue about how gay they are so shut up!
Barret-�����������..(dick)
Aeris-Found em. Now let�s get Godo for being a dick-head.
Cloud-To the top of the Pagoda!
Everyone-YEAH!
Corneo-Awwwwww, where�d the girls go???
Cloud-They�re dead.
Corneo-Damn you.
Corneo throws a pebble at Cloud. It hits his shoe. Cloud points to his shoe.
Cloud-That hit my shoe.
Corneo-So what?
Cloud-I don�t LIKE people hitting my shoes.
Everyone stands back.
Cloud-What would happen if I hit your shoe??
Cloud slices his sword through Corneo�s feet. Corneo falls in pain. Cloud cuts his head off before he hits the ground.
Cloud-Next time, think about it.
Aeris-To the Pagoda!!!

Setting: Pagoda
Cloud-Before we wreak havoc on Wutai and kill everyone, let us pray for the people who are about to die. Since we are gonna kill them I think we all should��
Everyone else-DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone except Cloud starts killing innocent victims.
Cloud-WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!
Tifa-What??
Cloud-I wanted to kill first.
Barret-Well, let�s all kill now.
Cloud-All right.
They go up through the Pagoda killing Gorkii, Shake, Staniv and Chekov. After an easy battle, they also kill Godo and all the other people in Wutai for revenge on Yuffie. Wutai is no more.

Setting: World Map
Cloud-Thank god we got out of that shitty place, but now our materia�s all stuffed up.
Tifa-Yeah, that�s gay. After all we did for Wutai this is how they repay us? Cheap bastards!
Cloud-One last thing. How come our hair is always spiky, even after we�ve been in water?
Barret- I���Don�t know. I�ve never thought that deep before. I don�t think we�re allowed to either.
Cloud-Oh well, let�s go.

Later on��
Setting-Gold Saucer (again)
Cloud-Yo Dio. For some reason, we need to borrow the keystone so we can, for some reason get to the Ancient Temple and for some reason, find Sephiroth.
Dio-So for some reason, you need the keystone? Well, if you can kill me, you may have���
Cloud slices Dio into quarters.
Tifa-That was pretty self explanatory.
Cloud-Thanks Dio. We�ll bring it back, don�t you worry.
They start to leave Gold Saucer when�
Guard-You can�t leave.
Cloud-Why not????????
Guard-The tram�s broken.
Barret-FUCK!!!!!!
Aeris-Oh well, we�ll stay the night here then.
Cloud-Yes, but at what cost?
Tifa-����someone shut him up.

That Night�
Setting: Ghost Hotel
Aeris-Hey Cloud. Wanna go on a date.
Cloud-??? That really came outta left field. But ok.
Tifa-?????? Fuck off Aeris, he�s my good time.
Aeris-Fuck off Tifa!!!!!!!!!! Let�s go Cloud.
They have a great time together except for when Cloud totally stuffed up the play, fell off the tram�twice and threw up afterwards because of the travel sickness.
Cloud-I can�t believe the game stuffed up 9 times when we were on that carriage that takes us around Gold Saucer. 9 times!!!!!
Aeris-Yeah, it got really annoying. I saw those crappy chocobos running 9 times too.
Cloud-Wanna go upstairs?
Aeris-Ok!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tifa-Where are you 2 going?
Cloud-Duh, upstairs to have a quick fuck before we go.
Tifa-?????????????? You bitch Aeris!!!
Tifa KOs Aeris.
Cloud- (GASP) You bitch Tifa!
Cloud kills Tifa and Barret, Cid and Vincent come running out.
Cid-Why the fuck did ya kill Tifa? Are you nuts?
Cloud-YES!!! I�m totally fucked up!!!!!!!!!! DDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud kills everyone but Aeris, who he has sex with, and then kills. He then heads to the Ancient Temple for the final part of disk one.

Pt7-Ancient Temple to the End of Disk 1
Setting: Ancient Temple
Cloud-We�re here.
Tifa-That took a while.
Aeris-WOW, so this is it?
Cloud-Yeah, not up to much is it?
Aeris-Fuck off, it�s GREAT!
Cloud-Ok ok it�s great, whatever.
Vincent-Let�s go.

Setting: Temple of the Ancients
Aeris-Tseng!!!!!!!
Tseng-Hi Aeris. I�m fucked up right now but do you remember our first night? Hahaha.
Cloud-Ya mean you did it with her too???
Aeris-I�d rather forget it. Cloud�s way better.
Tseng-WWWWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT??????????????
Cloud-Yeah, I am. Muuuucccccccch better. So get used to it.
Red XIII-WHAT? I�m better than you.
Tifa-You probably suck at sex!
Red XIII-Sex?????? What�s that?
Cloud-????? If you don�t know what sex is then you�re of no use to us at all.
Cloud kills Red XIII once again.
Cloud-I�m much better than Red XIII could ever be.
Vincent-Could we please stop talking about fucking sex?!?!?!?!?
Cloud-Maybe, but let�s go inside now.

Setting: The really gay maze inside the temple of the Ancients.
Cloud-Mazes suck balls.
Aeris-Yeah.
Barret-Why are we here?
Cloud-To find Sephiroth.
Barret-Why?
Cloud-Cause���he�s���evil.
Barret-Does he know any good fairytales?
Cloud-No����you fool, he destroyed mine and Tifa�s home town and families.
Barret-Well, he�d better have some good fairytales or else.
Cloud-You and your fuckin fairytales can go get FUCKED!!!!
Tifa-Can�t you guys go 1 part without talking about fucking fairytales or killin stuff?
Cloud-Not������������killing???
Tifa-Yeah.
Cloud-I�m afraid I�m not familiar with this new term.
Tifa-You wouldn�t be.

Later on��
Setting: Long hall after you beat Red Dragon in Ancient Temple.
Cloud-Sephiroth, why do you want to demolish the planet?
Sephiroth-I got bored.
Barret-That�s a reason?? Pretty lame.
Seph-Quiet you!
Cloud-Play video games. I heard this wicked game called FF7. It�s about a guy named���
Seph-Why am I still alive after being killed by you?
Everyone-??????????????????????
Cloud-I killed you?????
Barret-This is seriously fucked up right here.
Seph-You�re fucked up!!!!!
Sephiroth slices Barret into eighths.
Tifa-Whoa. Coolness.
Cloud-Are you gonna keep destroying the planet?
Seph-No, I�ll leave that to Meteor.
Tifa-Me��te��or??
Cloud-You mean����The Black Materia?
Seph-No, I mean Meteor. I shall summon it to destroy the whole world!!!!
Cloud-But���don�t you need the Black Materia to summon����never mind.
Seph-Uh huh�well, I�m bored so I�ll be off.
Sephiroth leaves.
Cloud-He gonna kill stuff.
Aeris-We gotta get the Black Materia. Sephiroth doesn�t know cause he can�t hear us, but you need the Black Materia to summon meteor.
Sephiroth-I hear all!!!
Cloud-Damn! Hey, is that pyramid thing it? Coooooool. But what do I do?
This is probably the only multiple choice you�ll get in this whole story. Maybe. So use it wisely.
a) If you choose to pick up the pyramid, you�re crushed into a million pieces. Stop reading.
b) If you choose to shake the pyramid, see previous answer.
and c) If you ask Aeris about it, continue reading.
Cloud-What do we do Aeris.
Aeris-I�m not sure but don�t pick it up or shake it. That would be dumb!
Tifa-If the black materia needs to be crushed to release it, let�s use Cait Sith to get it.
Cait Sith-Fuck off! Not me.
Cloud-Listen Cait Sith, Red XIII is already dead so we have to use you cause you�re the next gayest. When this place collapses from you picking up the pyramid, we�ll get the materia and you�ll have saved the world. You�ll be a HERO!
Cait Sith-Man, that speech was gay. I�ll go if you stop talkin like that. Bye.
Cloud-Got him!!!!!!! Yes. It always works. Uhhhhhhh, bye Cait Sith. See ya next part.
Cait Sith picks up the pyramid after everyone got out. Him and Tseng died cause Tseng couldn�t be stuffed moving. Actually, no one told Tseng that it was collapsing cause he�s gay. Anyway�
Aeris-Let�s get the Black Materia now.
Cloud-We�re in luck. There it is!
Sephiroth-YOINK!!!! It�s mine now.
Sephiroth leaves.
Cloud-Oh, uhhhhhhhh. SHIT!!!!!!!!!
Cait Sith 2-Yo, Cait Sith 2 is here!!
Tifa-Maybe this isn�t a good ti��
Cloud-Awwww fuck off Cait Sith!!
Cloud slices up Cait Sith.
Cloud-And if Cait Sith 3 comes, it�s dying also.
Aeris-I�m going to the Ancient City to stop Sephiroth. Bye.
Cloud-Ok���WAIT!!! Don�t go! Damn, there�s no stopping her.

Later on��
Setting: Gongaga
Cloud-Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, where�s Aeris???? How did I get here????
Tifa-You went unconscious so we brought you to Gongaga. Aeris went to the Ancient City.
Cid-How���did you know that?
Tifa-Not sure��thought Cloud was supposed to tell me.
Cloud-That�s fine�������WAIT!!!! Aeris can�t go there! Sephiroth�ll kill her!!
Tifa-You really are fucked up aren�t ya? And you like Aeris a lot too huh?
Cloud-Maybe, but we�ve gotta go to the Ancient City and find Aeris now!
Vincent-How, exactly are you planning to do that?
Cloud-By going through Bone Village.
Everyone-????????????
Cid-Do you have a personal map that you study or something??

Later on��
Setting: City of the Ancients.
Cloud-Getting here was very annoying but we made it. Let�s find Aeris.
Tifa-You�re right. AAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRIIIIIIISSSSSS!!!!!
!!!!!!!!
Cloud-What the fuck are you doing?
Tifa-Calling her. That would seem obvious.
Cloud-Not yet, we have to be quiet.
Cid-Yeah bitch.
Vincent-Shut up dick-head!
Cid-Bring it on Dracula!!
Vincent-Oh yeah, captain crap!!
Cid and Vincent start fighting. (Note: The famous fight begins here)
Cloud-Let�s go on without them.
Tifa/Yuffie-Yeah.
The 3 take the middle path cause it�s the most obvious, head down the hall and look there.
Cloud-Let�s look here.
Tifa-Ok! AAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSS!!
!!!!!!!
Cloud-NOT YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tifa-Sorry.
They walk down the steps and find Aeris praying.
Cloud-Aeris!! You two stay here for some reason.
Tifa/Yuffie-Ok!
Cloud gets to Aeris but is then possessed. He almost kills Aeris when�
Aeris-What the fuck are you doing Cloud. I�m not done yet. You�re pretty fucked up aren�t ya?
Cloud-I am.
Suddenly, Sephiroth comes down from the roof and slices Aeris in half.
Sephiroth-Damn, I didn�t do it like the story said.
Cloud- AAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSS
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tifa-Oh, now you say it now. AAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRIIIIIIISSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
Yuffie-What�s an Aeris?
Tifa, enraged by Yuffie�s gayness, kills her. Now it�s just Cloud and Tifa left.
Cloud-You fucking asshole Sephiroth!!!!!!!
Seph-Oh, well. Easy come, easy go.
Cloud-Screw the script!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud charges at Sephiroth and slices his head off.
Cloud-That was easy. But now Aeris is gone! Can�t win can ya?
Tifa-Jenova�s still out there Cloud. Our journey continues.
Cloud-Yeah, let�s explore this whole Northern continent. It can�t have gotten far.
Tifa-Ok!
So, off they go to the Icicle Village, still unaware of their actual plot.

End of Disk 1 again
------------------------------------------------
Disk 2

Pt1- Start of Disk 2 to Gaia�s Mountain
Setting: Ancient City
Cloud-This is gay!
Red XIII-Hmmmmmmmmmmm, Aeris is incapable of coming back to life.
Tifa-Yeah, what Cloud said.
Cloud-We tried like a million Life 2 and Full Life spells but it did shit all.
Cait Sith-Not to mention using our whole stock of Phoenix Downs.
Barret-I guess��She�s gone for good.
Cloud-That was the first time she died.
Yuffie-Wait, what about that time when you went nuts and killed everyone?
Cloud-I was just getting to th�
Yuffie-And when the plane crashed killing all.
Cloud-Shut up.
Yuffie-And of course when�
Cloud-SHUT UP!!!!!!!
Tifa-Anywho, let�s go to the Icicle Village. We might find some clues there.
Cloud-Alright! Let�s go.
Later on��

Setting: Errrrrrm, not being too obvious here but�Icicle Village.
Cloud-What are we lookin for?
Tifa-We�re not looking for anything. For some reason, we have to climb Gaia�s Cliff.
They all look up at Gaia�s Cliff.
Red XIII-Climb that? That�s fuckin suicide!
Cloud-Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Aeris��
Tifa-Fuckin hell! Stop living in the past Cloud! God, that happened 3 hours ago.
Cloud-Shut yer hole! I cared about Aeris.
Tifa-As much as me? I�m your bitch remember?
Barret-Hey, do you know if Aeris knew any good��
Cloud-NOOOOOOOOOO! She did not know any fucking good fairytales!!!!
Barret-I was gonna say attacks but now that you mention it��
Tifa-Here we go again.
Cloud-She didn�t know any fairytales at all.
Everyone else walks off leaving Cloud and Barret.
Barret-Not even Little Red Riding Hood?
Cloud-FUCK NO!!!!!!!!!
Barret-Not even the 3 little pigs?
Cloud-I warned you.
Barret-NOT EVEN Snow White and the 7��
SCHWING!!!!!!!! Cloud slices Barret�s head off.
Cait Sith-Hey Cloud, I found a map of Gaia�s Cliff that we could use.
Red XIII-And I found a snowboard to get us down the mountain after Icicle Village.
Cloud-Good work. Even for idiots. Let�s go.
Man-Give me my map back you fat cat!
Boy-Give me my fuckin snowboard back you freak!
Cloud-I knew you were fools and now you�re thieves. You�re on your own.
Cloud, Tifa and Yuffie snowboard down the mini mountain, but get lost in the snow. As for Cait Sith and Red XIII, well, the townspeople killed them in nearly every way possible. Tooooooooo Baaaaaaaaaaaadddddd.

Setting: The gay part where you�re lost in the snow and can be found easily if you faint.
Cloud-SSSSSSSHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!! Now we�re lost.
Yuffie-We�re always lost�just more this time.
Tifa-Now what?
Yuffie-Yeah! You suck for getting us lost.
Cloud-Shut up. All we have to do is go straight up. We�re bound to end up somewhere.
Tifa-Yeah, more lost than we are now.
Cloud-Well, it�s better than just being lost so�we�re going. We�ll follow the map.
They go through a gay and boring part through snow and blizzards until��
Cloud-Look! A house!
Tifa-Look�s pretty gay but let�s go.

Setting: Warden�s (gay) House.
Warden-Sooo, you sa is gonna climb de mountain?
Cloud-Yeah, why?
Warden-You guys fuckin nuts! Almost nobody tis getting up dere ever!
Cloud-Well, we�re going anyway.
Warden-Sorry, me sa cannot let you go up dere! Tis suicide!
Tifa-And who�s gonna stop us? YOU???
Cloud, Tifa and Yuffie laugh.
Cloud-Well too bad, we�re going.
Cloud kills the warden and they get on their way.

Setting: Base of the gay Gaia�s Cliff.
Cloud-Oh god, we gotta climb THAT?????
Yuffie-We knew that already.
Tifa-Yep.
Yuffie-Well, we�d better get started.
They climb to the middle of the mountain without much trouble.
Cloud-FUCK it�s cold.
Tifa-Shut up and keep climbing.
Cloud-This is boring. It needs to be hot if we�re gonna get some Tifa.
Tifa-We�ll do it later, I promise.
Yuffie-Forgetting me?
Cloud-I don�t want to remember you. Tifa, there is a way to get warm.
Tifa-LATER!!!
Cloud-Oh for glaven out loud.
They climb all the way to the top of Gaia�s Cliff. God knows how. Luck maybe.
Yuffie-Shit, that bad guy was hard.
Cloud-Fuck yeah. Whoever said that two heads are better than one wasn�t kidding.
Tifa-Awwwwwwww for fuck�s sake! Look at THAT!!!!!!
The 3 look at the Whirlwind maze in a cool FMV.
Cloud-That�s���windy.
Yuffie-Yus�impossibly windy
Tifa-I�m sure that Sephiroth�s in there.
Cloud-Me too. Let�s go right now.
So into the Whirlwind maze they go. The Warden was right, they really are fuckin nuts.

Pt2- Whirlwind Maze to Junon
Setting: Whirlwind Maze (obviousness)
Cloud-This ain�t fuckin easy.
Barret-Don�t split up.
Cloud-???? And I don�t know how the HELL you dead guys keep coming back!!!
Tifa-Hey, up ahead! Look.
Cloud-Awwwwwwww, for fuck�s sake.
Red XIII-How do we get through that fuckin wall of wind?????
Barret-Hmmmmmm, you go first Red XIII. To see if it�s safe.
Red XIII-WHAT??? I could die!
Cloud-That�s the point. What�s the fuss all about, just go through.
Cloud chucks Red XIII into the wall of wind. Red XIII gets blown away and electrocuted.
Yuffie-DAMN! I guess we�ll have to wait then.
After an hour, the wind dies down and they all run through.
Yuffie-That wasn�t that hard.
Cloud-Let�s go.

Later on��
After a lot of walking.
Tifa-What the fuck�s that stickin out of the ground?
Cloud-Hmmmmmm, What the FUCK??????????
Yuffie-What?
Cloud-JENOVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Barret-Hey, to change the subject. When��
Cloud-Don�t say fairytales!
Barret-For once, I wasn�t going to. Anyway, you know when we were in Gaia�s Cliff?
Cloud-Yeah, what about it?
Barret-Well, for a normal person, they would freeze at about 30-32 degrees but we lasted until 24 degrees. That�s������not right.
Tifa-O_O
Cloud-Well, never mind. What�s Jenova doin there?
Sephiroth appears.
Barret-Ahhhhhhh, now you can tell me some fairytales!!!!!!
Sephiroth-What the hell are you talkin about? And I thought I was stuffed up!
Cloud-You are.
Barret-What�s that supposed to mean?
Cloud-It means that no-one likes fairytales anymore Barret. They suck ass.
Everyone-YEAH!
Barret-Fuck you guys. Fairytales rock!
Seph-Uhhhhhhhhhh, aaaaaaaaanyway, I hate you Cloud for when you killed me before. Twice. And also, this ain�t really me, this is Jenova controlling a fake.
Everyone-?!?!?!?!?
Cloud-I���killed you twice? I hoped you wouldn�t come back after Ancient City like Aeris.
Seph-Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. No, only Cetra�s don�t come back to life.
Cloud-I thought��you were a Cetra.
Seph-Nope, sucks eh? Well, time to go.
Sephiroth leaves.
Barret-Wait!!!!!!! The fairytales.
Cloud-Barret, will you just��hahahahahahahahaha. Sephiroth left the Black Materia!
Tifa-Yeah, cool!
Sephiroth flies back.
Sephiroth-I told you. I hear all. YOINK!
Sephiroth nicks off with the Black Materia.
Yuffie-So close yet so far.
Barret-Dammit Cloud, you had to speak.
Cloud-What�s happening?
Tifa-Cloud?

Later on��
Setting: The fucked up part in the North Crater.
Sephiroth-Come here Cloud.
Cloud-Yes master.
Tifa-Sounds a bit like Star Wars don�t it?
Barret-Shut up.
Seph-With your help, I shall summon Meteor.
Cloud-Go ahead.
Sephiroth summons Meteor in a cool FMV.
Rufus-What the fuck�s happening here?
Tifa-President Rufus? Cloud�s stuffed up!
Rufus-Hmmmm, I already knew that.
Tifa-Yeah, but now he�s totally stuffed up.
Rufus-That�s bad, Cloud�s annoying when he�s only a little stuffed up. But now that��
Heidigger-Now that Hojo�s gone, Sephiroth rules this place, and the search for the promise land.
Tifa-You mean�Hojo�s a Cetra!?
Heidigger-No, it�s the same with any Shinra member too. If they die, they stay dead.
Tifa-Wait, we already killed you and Rufus once, what�s up?
Heidigger-It doesn�t affect President and Head of Everything, which are us.
Cait Sith-SHIT! That means that Reeve is gone for good then.
Rufus-Whatever, anything I say is too little too late. Let�s fuck off.
They leave for Junon just as a huge barrier forms around North Crater.

Later on��
Setting: Junon
Tifa-How long was I asleep??
Barret-Damn, yer awake. I was getting a good feel while you were asleep.
Tifa-What???
Barret-Never mind. What matters is that Meteor is about to destroy the planet.
Tifa-Man, Meteor sucks ass!
Barret-And what�s worse is that we�re stuck in Junon.
Tifa-We�re in what???
Rufus walks in.
Rufus-Time to die!
Barret-FUCK!!! All I wanted was one more night with Tifa.
Tifa-Ok, settle down.
Rufus-Too bad!
They all walk into the gas chamber area.
Scarlet-Time to kill some gay rebels.
Tifa-Barret, you die first.
Barret-????? Me? Why me?
Tifa-Cause you�re gay and talking about fairytales is gay.
Barret-This isn�t the time to talk about those cool fairytales.
Scarlet-Tifa, since you�re a bitch, you�ll die first.
Barret-Hahahahaha! Uhh, I mean nooooooooooooooo!
Tifa and Scarlet go into the gas chamber.
Cait Sith- Quick, we�ve got to save Tifa now!
Barret-???? Cait Sith, what the fuck are you doing here?
Guards-???????? Get em!
The guards shoot and kill Cait Sith. Barret runs. Scarlet comes out of the Gas Chamber.

Setting: Presidential Room in Junon.
Heidigger-WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??????????????????
Rufus-It�s Weapon! You know what to do.
Heidigger-Yeah, let�s nuke the bastards.
Rufus-Uhhhhh, that�s Independence Day.
Heidigger-Sorry, got caught in the moment. Full Force Attack!!!!!!!!
Shinra, after a pathetic battle, win against Weapon. But, since there was only one of Weapon and the whole army of Junon, Weapon did pretty well. Anyway, Weapon let Tifa out of the Gas Chamber. (What a guy!) Tifa escapes.
Tifa-FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!
Scarlet-Get her!
Tifa-CRAP! Guards���Hey, they�re not moving unless I move. Hmmmmmmmmmm.
Tifa climbs down really quick and the dumbass guards fall into the water. She runs to the Sister Ray.
Scarlet-HA! You�ve got nowhere to go now bitch.
Instead of a gay slapping bitch fight, Tifa punches Scarlet into the waters below, killing her.
Barret-Hurry Tifa. We nicked of with the Highwind.
Tifa-Here I come!
Tifa jumps for the Highwind and misses. She shares the same fate as Scarlet. Barret and Yuffie fly off to Mideel for some unknown reason.

Pt3- Mideel
Setting: Duuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Mideel.
Barret-I don�t know why the hell we�re here.
Tifa-Neither do I.
Red XIII-I hope Cloud�s ok.
Tifa-Hmmmmmm, yeah. But we randomly picked this city to find him cause we haven�t been here before and every town ironically has something to do with our quest.
Man-Hey, here about that fucked up kid that washed up here a week ago.
2nd Man-Yeah, that spiky haired kid�s lucky to be alive after all that Makou poisoning.
Tifa-Spiky haired kid?????? CLOUD!!!!!!!
Barret-Good�the strongest character is back.
Tifa runs into the Doctor�s place.

Setting: You know.
A cool song starts playing. w00t.
Tifa-Cloud!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud-Uhhhhhhhhh.
Barret-Whoa, he�s more fucked up than usual�� Hey! Maybe he likes fairytales now!
Cloud-Uhhhhhhh, fuck all fairytales. They�re gay! Uhhhhhhhhh.
Yuffie-He�s still got it!
Doctor-That�s the first thing I�ve heard him say.
Tifa-I knew fairytales sucked.
Red XIII-I like Weetbix.
Everyone-???????????????????????
Red XIII-What? It�s cool. I like eating Weetbix.
Tifa-You really do suck.
Cait Sith-Hmmm, I�ve been wondering. Why are our names so lame? Cloud�s alright but��
Tifa-Hey, my name�s not gay!
Barret-Yeah.
Red XIII-Same here.
Cait Sith-No, really they are. Same with Yuffie and mine.
Tifa-Wait, Cloud�s gay. It�s supposed to be in the sky, not a person!
Doctor-Please, take this outside.
They walk out while arguing.
Tifa-Well, Cait Sith makes no sense at all.
Cait Sith-Tifa�s just gay.
Tifa-What about Barret?
Red XIII-It�s a cheap imitation of Barrette.
Barret-Red XIII is lame. Nanaki�s also a really gay name.
Red XIII-That means��
Yuffie-You have 2 gay names now.
Red XIII-Yuffie�s shit too. So are Vincent and Cid.
Yuffie-Fuck off!
Yuffie kills Red XIII.
Tifa-Where are Vincent and Cid???
Barret-That was coming.
Cait Sith-I don�t know
Barret-Sephiroth�s also a gay name.
Yuffie-Sephiroth�s a cool name. What about Avalanche, Rufus and Shinra?
Barret-Naaaaaah, they�re cool names!
Tifa-This is fucking nuts. We forgot about Cloud.
Cait Sith-Yeah, Biggs, Wedge, Jessie and Aeris are also g��
BOOM!!!!!!! Barret blows Cait Sith away.
Tifa-Thank god. Ok, names are gay. Let�s try to talk to Cloud now.
Cloud-Uhhhhhhh, Huge Materia.
Barret-Hmmmm, there�s 5 huge materia in this world.
Tifa-Yeah, in Nibelheim, Fort Condor, North Corel, Junon and Rocket Town.
Barret-How we knew this is irrelevant. It�s in the story.
Yuffie-It might be a wild goose chase, but let�s get em. We could get rid of Meteor with em.
Barret-I think that�s Shinra�s idea. It won�t work if it�s Shinra�s idea.
Tifa-It�s worth a try. But I�ll stay with Cloud.
Barret-Don�t be gay! You�re comin with us. They ain�t no getting offa this train we on till it reaches its stop.
Tifa-You�re right. Let�s go. We�ll be back for Cloud. He ain�t going anywhere.
They leave Mideel and head to Fort Condor for their first huge materia.

Pt4- Huge Materia
Setting: Fort Condor
Barret-Hey, old man! We heard about a huge materia being here.
Old Man-Yeah, so what?
Barret-GIVE IT!!!
Tifa-That�s not very nice Barret. You have to say: Fuckin give it here now or I�ll kill ya.
Old Man-I can�t give you the materia.
Barret-Look, he wants to die.
Yuffie-Because��
Old Man-A giant condor�s guarding it.
Cait Sith-So what? Just kill the thing.
Red XIII-Yeah, we want the materia.
Old Man-The condor�s coooooool. I�m not gonna kill it!
Tifa-That�s ok.
Barret-Yeah, don�t worry. We�ll kill it for you if you can�t do it. Let�s go.
Old Man-No! You can�t!
Barret-No, you can�t, we can. So see ya.
Barret kills the Condor, grabs the huge materia, kills the old man and they head to��
Barret-North Corel???????? No way!!!!!!!!!
Cait Sith-Ha, everyone hates you there. Tough break.
Tifa-Well, we�re going anyway.

Later on��
Setting: North Corel Reactor.
Barret-Now what?
The door opens.
Tifa-What the FUCK????????? A train?
Off goes the first train.
Barret-FUCK!!!!!!! A second one!
Red XIII-Let�s get on this one.
Tifa-This is stupid enough to work.
They get on.
Yuffie-We�ll get the huge materia and go straight away.
Everyone-YEAH!!!!
Barret-Easier said than done.
Tifa-Doesn�t Cid drive one of these?
Yuffie-I think that�s a rocket you�re talking about, but we need him here.
Barret-I know! I�ll use����������the playguide.
Tifa-Where�d you get that from?
Cait Sith-O_O
Barret-I don�t����������know. But let�s use it anyway.
Tifa-Ok.
They get to the front of the first train, grab the huge materia and then go.
Barret-Hmmmmmmmm, I keep thinking we forgot to do something back in Corel.
Red XIII-Uhhhhh, stop the train before it crashes into Corel?
Barret-Yeah that was it. Too late now I guess.
The train crashes into Corel, killing everyone and blowing North Corel up.
Cait Sith-Shinra got the Nibelheim materia.
Tifa-Wait, I thought they only had 4!!
Cait Sith-It�s not my fault the story is stuffed.
Tifa-Well, let�s go see Cloud for a bit then.
Barret-For some reason, it seems right.

Setting: Mideel (you know where in Mideel)
Tifa-Cloud!!
Doctor-He still hasn�t�
Barret-�improved, yeah we can see that. Otherwise he wouldn�t still in the wheelchair.
Tifa-Dumbass.
Cloud-Uhhhhhhh, it�s coming.
Barret-Didn�t think he could speak.
Cloud-I can dumbass�I mean��uhhhhhh.
Ultima comes and destroys Mideel. Ironically, only Cloud and Tifa don�t get out.
Note- This next part of the story on the actual game is exceedingly dull and boring. It goes on for about 45 minutes and doesn�t make sense unless you do it more than twice. Thus, I will try to make it exactly the opposite of what it�s supposed to be to ensure better reading�again.

Setting: Long, gay boring part in the Lifestream that reveals secrets.
Cloud-God I�m fucked up.
Tifa-That�s what we�ve been sayin all this time Cloud.
Cloud-Remember when we were young and I came over your house for no apparent reason?
Tifa-Yeah, you were gay back then.
Cloud-Fuck off! At least I didn�t like fairytales like Barret does.
Tifa-You asked me out didn�t ya?
Cloud-I didn�t think you�d rock up.
Tifa-I was bored so I decided to go there.
Cloud-Figures�
Tifa-Go on.
Cloud-I wanted to be in Soldier back then.
Tifa-Well, at least you made it and fulfilled your dream.
Cloud-Naaaaaah, I didn�t make Soldier at all. Zack did. I just used my image in his life story.
Tifa-?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Cloud-He died a long time ago so he will never know.
Tifa-You�re gay!!!!!!!!
Cloud-???????????? What???????
Tifa-You lied to all of us! You suck!
Cloud-Who cares? Let�s get outta here.
Tifa-Whatever.
Cloud-Well, I�m not fucked up any more!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!! Well, sorta.
Cloud and Tifa leave the Lifestream and head to the Highwind with the others. Cloud gives this long and meaningful speech that ends with them saying �There ain�t no getting� offa this train we on till it stops.�
Cloud-Where next?
Tifa-The Underwater reactor in Junon has one I heard.
Cloud-Off to Junon then!!!
Barret-Geez, it�s amazing how someone with an incurable cause was cured by falling into green shit.
Cloud-Annoyed that I�m back so you can�t say any fairytales?
Barret-Sure am. Fuck off again.
Cloud-No.

Setting: Junon Underwater Reactor
Red XIII-Now what?
Barret-God you're dumb!
Red XIII-At least I don't like fairytales.
Cloud-I won�t get involved this time. Too tired right now.
Tifa- (Oh god) I'll go and get the huge materia with Yuffie and Cloud.
Tifa and Yuffie leave.
Barret-Fairytales are cool.
Red XIII-How many times do we have to tell you. They suck balls.
Cait Sith-Everyone except you hates them, even little kids ha ha.
Barret-You've insulted fairytales!!!!!! Well, that does it!
Later on......
Tifa-We�re back with the huge materia.
Barret-Really? Cool!
Tifa-It wasn't easy but��Where's Cait Sith and Red XIII?
Barret-Cait Sith's learning how to swim and Red XIII's, well he's��Not whole.
Yuffie-Uh huh. So you drowned Cait Sith and sliced up Red XIII?
Cloud-I was about to guess the same thing.
Barret-If you want to say it in adult, yeah I did.
Tifa-This is boring, let's go to Rocket Town now.
Cloud-For some reason, yes.

Later on......
Setting: Uhhh, I don't know. Maybe Rocket Town?
Tifa-Yo, Elmyra!
Elmyra-Oh, you again. Where's Cid?
Barret-Ummmm, I don't know. Where is Cid?
Cloud-Ancient City was the last place we saw him. And Vincent too.
Barret-We left em behind ha ha.
Tifa-Never mind, we need to use the Rocket.
Elmyra-Go ahead and take it.
Cloud-Finally, the rocket is mine.
Tifa-It�s about to be blown up.
Cloud-Well, it�s mine for now.
Yuffie-Didn�t there used to be guards here?
Rude-Ha ha. Good guess.
Cloud-Thought we killed ya.
Rude-Maybe.
Cloud-Oh well, haven�t killed anything in a while.
Cloud slices up Rude.
Cloud-That felt good.
Tifa-To outer space!!
Cid-WAIIIIIT!!!!
Cloud-Oh, there you are. Bastard.
Cid-We gotta hurry, I left Vincent at Ancient City. The fight is to resume soon.
Barret-Let�s go.

Setting: Space
Tifa-Let's take this here huge materia as well.
Barret-Are we gonna kill ourselves now?
Yuffie-Yep!
Tifa-NOPE!!! We still need to beat Shinra and Sephiroth.
Barret-Who cares?
Tifa-Me, so I'm headin to the escape capsule.
Cloud-How did you know there was an escape capsule?
Elmyra-I told her.
Yuffie-Geez, has every person in this world snuck onto our rocket???
Cid-MY rocket.
Cloud-MINE!!!!!!!!
Cloud throws Cid into space somehow. Cid lives somehow and somehow lands next to Vincent in Ancient city. w00t
Barret-Wait, so we�re sending an empty rocket into Meteor??? What good will that do? And even if we would�ve left that huge materia in the rocket, on the game it does jack all.
Yuffie-Another ShinRa plan that sucks.
Cloud-Well, let�s head to that there escape capsule then.
They go back down to Earth and the rocket smashes into Meteor. It does jack all, with or without the help of the huge materia�which makes no sense.

Setting: Earth
Cloud-Where to next?
Tifa-Well, we haven�t been to Cosmo Canyon in a while, so something would defiantly have happened now.
Cloud picks up a key.
Barret-Must tie in with the story that there key.
Cloud-Looks ancient. Better ask Bugenhagen for some reason.
Everyone still alive-YEAH!!!

Pt5- Cosmo Canyon to Sector 8
Setting: Cosmo Canyon
Cloud-Yo Bugenhagen.
Red XIII-Grandpa!
Barret-Ha ha ha!
Red XIII-Grrrrrrr.
Bugenhagen-Oh, you�re back. Took your time. Good one Cloud, you�ve destroyed the Earth.
Cloud-Yay, my lifelong dream complete!!!!
Tifa-???
Cloud-Errrrrrrrm, I mean, errr, can we give the huge materia to you?
Bugenhagen-Yeah sure.
Cloud dumps the huge materia in front of Bugenhagen.
Cloud-Thank god for that. This stuff is HEAVY!
Bugenhagen-You fool!!! You can�t drop huge materia here like that. You might have killed us all!!!
Cloud-Been there done that.
Bugenhagen-I�ll put these huge materia in my room, you may see them whenever you want and�
Cloud-I don�t think we�ll ever be coming back here.
Bugenhagen-Well, I�ll come with you then.
Tifa-Geez.
Cait Sith-Another one in ya Cloud.
Cloud-Just my luck.
Bugenhagen comes back.
Bugenhagen-I see you have an ancient key there.
Barret-Yeah so?
Bugenhagen-It belongs in Ancient City. Let�s go there.
Yuffie-So now an old man plans where we go?
Cloud-Yeah whatever, let�s go!!!!

Setting: Ancient City I believe
Cloud-?????????????????? What the fuck?????
Barret-Dude, you two are still fighting?
Cid-So what?
Vincent-Yeah!
Cloud-STOP!
Tifa-You�re comin with us again then.
Cid/Vincent-Awwwwwwww, do we have to?
Everyone else-YES!
Barret-What the fuck are we doing here anyway?
Cloud-We�re finding the holy materia that fell into the water after Aeris died.
Bugenhagen-You guys are out of luck. It�s not there anymore.
Tifa-FUCK!!!!
Barret-What do we do with the fucking key then?
Red XIII-Fuck knows.
Cloud-Stop saying fuck you fucking faggots.
Bugenhagen-Anyway, after Aeris died, she returned to the planet and Holy also went��
Barret-Wait wait wait wait. You mean that after you die, you return to the planet??
Bugenhagen-Yes but��
Tifa-That doesn�t make any sense.
Bugenhagen-What I meant was��
Cloud-Yeah, we�re already in the planet. How can you return to the planet when you�re already here?
Bugenhagen-I��don�t know.
Cloud-That�s ok. I used to be fucked up too once.
Bugenhagen-Hey, I�m not fucked��
Barret-GO AWAY NOW!!!!!!
Bugenhagen-No.
Barret-Bah.
Barret blows Bugenhagen away.
Tifa-Heh, now you�ve killed all of Red XIII�s family. Except Red XIII.
Barret-That can be arranged. Red XIII is gay.
Red XIII-So are fairytales.
Vincent-What do you meant fairy���ohhhhhhh.
Everyone looks at Barret.
Barret-Oh for fucks sake!
Cloud-Are we still arguing about that?
Yuffie-You�re all sad.
Red XIII-Yeah, you suck.
Cloud-You fuckin started it!
Cloud easily kills Red XIII.
Barret-I like fairytales, like Humpty Dumpty.
Cloud-What the FUCK??????
Barret-See, Humpty Dumpty fell off this wall.
Cloud-Go the wall!!!!�����wait, wait a minute�
Everyone else leaves.
Barret-And he had a great fall.
Cloud-GREAT! Did he die?
Barret-No. The king�s horses and men put Humpty back again.
Cloud-Well, you�re gonna die.
Barret-No, cause you see��
SLICE!!!!!! Cloud kills Barret.
Cloud-Anyway, Humpty Dumpty�s a fuckin Nursery Rhyme, not a fairytale dick-head.
Cid-He����can�t hear you now.
Ring ring!!!! Ring ring!!!!
Tifa-What the fuck?
Cid-I think it�s the PHS.
Cloud-Wait, what about the key?? Oh who cares?
Cloud throws the key away.
Vincent-Maybe��We should, like, answer it?
Cloud-This was a waste of time. Hello?
Cait Sith-Thank god you answered.
Cloud-??? Cait Sith, what�s the matter? Did you zip get caught on your dick again?
Cait Sith-Not this time��HEY! Midgar�s under attack by WEAPON!!!
Barret-Wasn�t Cait Sith standing next to us a second ago?
Barret looks around.
Tifa-Oh, Nooooooooo!!!
Cloud-Cool, let�s go watch!
Everyone-?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????
Cloud-What? We could watch Shinra be destroyed!
Tifa-Maybe, but other innocent people will also die.
Cloud-God, again with the innocent people. There�s too many innocent people on this planet.
Barret-Let�s go anyway.
Cloud-Yeah, but I ain�t fighting�

Later on��
Setting: Midgar (just outside Midgar actually)
Cloud-There�s weapon! Let�s get��
The Sister Ray destroys Weapon in an attempt to destroy the barrier around North Crater.
Cloud-They killed Weapon!!!!!!
Setting: Level 70 of Shinra Building.
Rufus-DAMN, we hit Weapon but missed the North Crater.
Cloud- (calling from World Map) Ha ha!!! You missed. What an idiot!
Rufus-Come up here and say that! Butt wipe.
Tifa-How can he hear you?
Cloud-Alright then Dufus, bring it on!
Rufus-Dufus??? You�ll regret using my name against me.
They fly on the Highwind and drop in on Sector 8.

Setting: Sector 8���stuuupid.
Cloud-Let�s kill Rufus now.
Cait Sith-That�s pretty self explanatory.
Later on��
Cloud-Geez, after versing the Turks, Proud Clod AND Hojo in the space of 2 hours, I feel like a good killin�. We�re almost at the Shinra Building ha ha ha!
Vincent-But we passed the Shinra Building on the way here.
Cloud-Quiet you.

Later on��
Setting: Level 70 of Shinra Building again
Cloud-There you are dick-head.
Rufus-You got here, now what?
Cloud-Uhhhhhhh, I don�t know. I don�t plan ahead.
Tifa- (sighing) That�s a start.
Cloud-You do better then!
Tifa-How about, I don�t know maybe��killing him?
Cloud-That�s a great idea.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!
Rufus-2nd try.
Cloud-What?
Rufus-To destroy the barrier.
Cloud-HA HA HA! You missed again. You really do suck.
Cloud slices Rufus in half.
Tifa-So, at least 3 people die in every part.
Cait Sith-So???
Yuffie-And that�s on a non-violent part.
Vincent-Hmmmmm, the barrier�no problem.
Cloud-Huh?
Vincent fires a single shot at the barrier, it gets destroyed.
Tifa-Yay.
Cloud-Let�s go. I�ve killed Sephiroth twice before, I�ll do it again.
Barret-That goes without saying.

Pt6- End of Disk 2
Setting: Highwind
Tifa-Tomorrow will be the hardest day of our lives. We might die, but we�ll die in battle��Together.
Red XIII-Touching, but you�ll kill me before that.
Cloud-Probably. Well then, besides you then if you want to die so much.
Red XIII-Dang.
Cloud-Since we�re probably gonna like, die and all, you may go and see your families before we leave.
Tifa-Don�t worry, we won�t think you�re gay if you don�t come back.
Cloud-That�s right. We�ll know you�re gay!
Everyone except Cloud and Tifa leaves.
Cloud-We don�t have any loved ones left to go to Tifa.
Tifa-Oh yes we do.
Cloud-Oh yeah. w0000t
Cloud and Tifa have��Well, they have an good night together and Cloud doesn�t really care if he dies now cause he�s errrrr, relieved, or something. In the morning��

Setting: Highwind
Cloud-Let�s take off.
Tifa-Guess they�re all gay.
Cloud-I already knew Barret was, bit surprising for Vincent though. And Cid.
Barret-Hey, we�re not gay!!!
Everyone gets on.
Tifa-You�re all back!����DANG, so you�re not gay?
Cloud-Barret is.
Barret-I still need to find someone who likes fairytales.
Cid-I agree with Cloud�s remark.
Yuffie-I came back cause my dad�s gay.
Cid/Vincent-We need to fight each other still so we�re here.
Tifa-Why didn�t you stay back and fight then?
Vincent-Not sure.
Red XIII/Cait Sith-We�re too gay not to come.
Barret-Oh no you don�t Red XIII. You�re not comin with us.
Barret blows Red XIII away.
Cloud-Ack, Barret you fool, he�ll be back next part anyway.
Barret-Sorry, my mistake.
Tifa-One last thing, after Meteor was summoned, it was gonna hit us in 7 days right?
Cloud-Yeah, so?
Tifa-Sooooooo, it was like, a week after it was summoned that I woke up, not to mention all those times we slept, and the chocobos and everything.
Barret-It�s best not to think about it.
Cloud-Oh well, that�s cool I guess. Let�s go, cause remember�
Everyone-They ain�t no getting offa this train till it reaches the stop!
Yuffie-How nice.
So, off they go to North Crater for the final conflict with Sephiroth. Only in his original form can Sephiroth be killed soooooooooooooooooooooo��

End of Disk 2
---------------------------------------------------
Disk 3

Pt1- North Crater
Setting: North Crater
Cloud-I�m fucking pissed off!
Tifa-Why?
Cloud-We have to go all the way down North Crater just to kill one guy. Plus, we have to get him in his original form before we can kill him for sure.
Tifa-How do you know that?
Cloud-I read it somewhere.
Barret-Well, it sucks, but let�s get going.

Later on��
Setting: Halfway through the North Crater. (For you others, it�s the crossroads)
Cloud-Hmmmmmm, a lot of people said we couldn�t get back up and out of North Crater after here but we proved them wrong.
Barret-I don�t understand why we had to go all the way out of North Crater and back in again just to prove some idiots wrong.
Cloud-It�s science.
Barret-Whatever, let�s for some reason go separate ways.
Red XIII-That idea�s gay!
Barret-Don�t knock my ideas or I�ll knock you.
Barret blows Red XIII away. AGAIN!
Tifa-Hey, I thought that was a warning.
Barret-Whatever.
Cloud-That sounds disgusting. �I�ll knock you�.
Yuffie-Cloud�
Tifa-It�s not a bad idea Barret, since there are 2 paths.
Cloud-Ok then. I�ll go with my babe and Barret, and the rest go the other way.
Vincent-Awwww, give me 3 gay guys why don�t ya.
Cid-You�re gay!!!!
Vincent-Oh yeah?
Tifa-Don�t fight!!
Vincent-Whatever. But I�m not going with them.
Cloud-Alright then, come with us.
Vincent-Ok. Beat it you crap 3.
Cid-You suck.
Cloud-Just go. I�m sure your way�s easier.
Cid, Yuffie and Cait Sith leave.
Cloud-We�re outta here too.
Cloud�s group gets to the bottom of the North Crater with ease. However��
Cid-This ain�t easy!
Yuffie-BASTARD! We got given the hard way!
Cait Sith-Look, Cloud didn�t know which way was harder so we weren�t given the hard way.
Cid-Yeah, and Barret likes Yuffie! You stuffed little freak! He ditched us!
Cait Sith-That hurt.
Yuffie-Barret���likes me?
Cid-It�s a figure of speech dumbass. Sarcasm. You know?
Cait Sith-No.
Cid slices his spear through Cait Sith and throws him off the bridge they�re on.
Yuffie-Oh, let�s just go.
Meanwhile��
Cloud-Where are those other faggots??
Tifa-They�re slow!
Yuffie and Cid arrive.
Yuffie-PUFF PUFF!!! That wasn�t easy and��
Cid-You gave us the hard way!
Cloud-No, we got the hard way, you got the gay party.
Yuffie-Does that make sense?
Tifa-Well, I guess it would if�where�s�Cait Sith?
Cid-Uhhhh, about 3km that way.
Cid points to the ground.
Cloud-Awwwwww he�s underground??
Cid-No you idiot, we threw him off a bridge.
Barret-Why?
Yuffie-I didn�t know you cared Barret.
Barret-No I wanted to kill him.
Cloud-I saw that coming.

They reach Jenova.
Cloud-WHAT THE FUCK???????????????????
Tifa-JENOVA??????
Jenova-What?
Everyone-??????????????????
Jenova-What�s the matter with you?
Barret-Hey, do you know any good��
Cloud-OH GOD HELP US!!!!!!!!!!
Barret-�fairytales?
Jenova-Yeah man. I know lots of fairytales.
Barret-COOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!
Cloud-What?
Jenova-Do you know Bambi?
Barret-No.
Cloud-Bambi�s not a�
Jenova-Well, one day a mother fawn gave birth to a fawn and do you know what its name was?
Barret-Uhhhhhhhhhh, Bambi?
Jenova-RIGHT!!
Cloud-That was self explanatory.
Everyone else leaves, sighing.
Barret-Cool, then what?
Jenova-Then the fawn was learning to��
Cloud-Wait wait. Shut up. We�re supposed to fight you.
Jenova-No, I�m telling a story. You shut up.
Cloud-I�m gonna find Sephiroth. I�ll leave you to it�
They all leave except for Barret and Jenova.
Cid-Hmmmmmmm, I thought Jenova was evil.
Cloud-She is! Fairytales are evil. Sephiroth has controlled Barret with fairytales.
Tifa-Damn him.
Sephiroth-What the fuck are you talkin about??? I�m not THAT evil!
Cloud-I guess not. You�ve gotta be like�3 Barret�s to do that.
Seph-Uhhhh, where�s you friend Barret and my mummy?
Cloud-Mummy?
Tifa-They�re tellin fuckin fairytales!!!!!!! I thought you heard all.
Seph-I was trying to sleep. Geez, even I gotta sleep.
Vincent-That�s fine. But we�ll make you sleep forever.
Seph-I don�t know, six against one�s not really fair.
Cloud-You�re talkin about fair after all the people you killed? That does it! I�m versing you alone!!!!!
Tifa-Fool!
Seph-Bring it on!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud-Go to your true form. It�ll make it easier for us.
Seph-Sure.
Sephiroth goes to his true form for the biggest and final fight of Final Fantasy 7!!!

Pt2-Cloud verses Sephiroth
Setting: Same place
Cloud-Time to kick ASS!!!!!!!
Sephiroth-I don�t think so.
Barret walks in.
Cloud-Oh boy.
Barret-I killed Jenova.
Tifa-Good��Why?
Barret-She didn�t know any good fairytales.
Cloud-Neither do you. Let us fight.
Sephiroth-You killed��mummy????
Barret-What are you gonna do about it?
Tifa-Uhhhh, more than you think.
Sephiroth goes to kill Barret but Barret pushes Red XIII in the way and you can guess what happened because I�m getting bored of saying it.
Seph-Damn, missed.
Barret-Sure did.
Cloud-I hope you aim a bit better when you verse me otherwise you�re fucked!
Seph-Screw that black guy. DIE!!!!
Cloud-Let�s go!
Sephiroth and Cloud start fighting very kewl.
Yuffie-Cool fight.
Tifa-The narrator just said that.
Vincent-Yeah, not bad at all.
Cait Sith-Cloud better win or we�re fucked.
Tifa-Yeah, he�d better.
Cloud-Shut up! I�ll win.
Barret-What if you don�t?
Cloud-Then, you�ll definitely lose to him.
Barret-Good point.
Tifa-Well, if you don�t win, you won�t get anymore lovin!
Cloud-???????????????????? No more lovin? Not even in heaven?????
Tifa-Especially not in heaven.
Barret-Whoa, that�s harsh Tifa.
Yuffie-Too harsh.
Tifa-Well, he needs to win.
Cloud-(NO MORE LOVIN?????????) That does it!
Seph-Uh oh. Oh Sh��
Cloud-You said it. OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud slices up Sephiroth in a cool scene.
Everyone-Whoooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Sweet.
Sephiroth falls.
Sephiroth-How�d you��beat me?
Cloud-Well, for one, you shouldn�t be able to talk but��I need lovin and you were standing in my way. No one stands in the way of me and my lovin with Tifa.
Tifa-Right!
Seph-Damn lovin!
Sephiroth dies for good. Finally! The North Crater starts caving in.
Cait Sith-How obvious.
Cloud-Time to go!
Tifa-Beat it Cat!
For some reason, Tifa kicks Cait Sith into the lava. Maybe cause he�s gay! Yeah, that�s it.
Barret-Let�s beat it.
They all fly out of North Crater just as it collapses.
Yuffie-Time to get some materia!!!!!
Barret-Oh no you don�t! It took me a long time to put this materia in the right place and you�re not gonna stuff it up again!
Barret hurls Yuffie into the propellers of the Highwind.
Cloud-Where to next guys?
Tifa-I know where we�re going Cloud!
Cloud-Yeah baby!!! I earned this lovin.
And off they go elsewhere. The future is next�
End of Disk 3

Pt3- Aftermath of FF7
Setting: Nibelheim. 5 years from end of Disk 3
Cloud-I keep tellin you idiots, Nibelheim was destroyed 10 years ago!
Resident Bob-No it wasn�t!
Cloud-It was dammit!
Resident Bob-Wasn�t.
Cloud-You�re pushing it man.
Tifa-Ok, we know you guys work for Shinra but it�s been destroyed. There�s nothing left and you ain�t gonna get paid for this anymore.
Resident Bob-Really? DAMN! Those cheap bastards, they didn�t tell me.
Cloud-Hahahahahahahahahahaha. See, it was!!!! I�m right!!!!
Tifa-For once. Look, me and my husband want to live here so could you just fuck off now?
Cloud-Me and my wife can kick your ass so leave before we kill you��nicely.
Resident Bob-All right I�m going. Hey Jack! Pack up, we�re outta here!!!
Jack-Whatever.
Tifa-Where are you going?
Resident Bob-Midgar of course��Don�t tell me��it�s��
Cloud-Yep, it�s gone too.
Resident Bob-FUCK! Now what??????
Cloud kills Bob.
Cloud-I needed to put him out of his misery.
Cloud kills Jack too.
Cloud-And him.
Tifa-All right. As long as we�re alone.
Cloud and Tifa are married and now (after that) reside in Nibelheim.

Setting: Cosmo Town
Note-If you are the least bit dignified or you�re a homophobic, don�t continue reading.
Red XIII-Come here beautiful. Red wants you.
Cait Sith-Red gets what he wants.
Red XIII-OWWWWW! Don�t do it like that. Like this man.
Cait Sith-Well don�t put your tail up here.
Cait Sith kills Red XIII.
Cait Sith-He did it too hard.
Bugenhagen-Come here you cute kitty.
Cait Sith-The older the better.
Everyone lives sort of��gay in Cosmo Town. Just a little.

Setting: Ancient City
Cid-Ready to go again?
Vincent-Bring it on.
Vincent/Cid-Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
Those 2 guys are still fighting in Ancient City right now. If you listen carefully, maybe you can hear them��������������������or most likely not.

Setting: Wutai
Yuffie-Well, you should be happy after that.
Barret-Ooooooo yeah. Very happy! I�ve got you and all the fairytales known to man.
Barret and Yuffie are married and live in Wutai because Yuffie killed her dad cause he was gay. Don�t ask me where Marlene is.

Setting: Stuffed Northern Crater
Sephiroth-Well, at least we�ve got something in common.
Aeris-Yeah, we�re dead. And we both hate Cloud. He sucks ass in bed.
Seph-Well, try me in bed.
Aeris-Ok! I for some reason forgive you for killing me so let�s get it on.
Finally, Aeris and Sephiroth live happily in the North Crater. Their love was meant to be��or maybe it wasn�t but hey, close enough. So in the end of Final Fantasy 7, everyone�s happy and nothing�s changed at all. Really! That could�ve happened.

End
---------------------------------------------------
There's more.

Extra
Start of Disk 1 to the Shinra Building
Setting: Sector 1 Reactor
Cloud-What the fuck are we doing here?
Barret-Hurry up newbie! We�re wastin time.
Cloud-n00b. It�s pronounced n00b.
Barret-We don�t have the fucking time to argue about spelling.

Later on��
Biggs-Hey, newbie. What�s yer name?
Cloud-Me? I�m Cloud Strife. And it�s n00b.
Biggs-Whatever.
Wedge-Cool. I�m Wedge, he�s Biggs and that�s Jessie.
Jessie-Pleased to meet you.
Cloud-Hey baby!
Jessie-Yeah, I Iike you. Come here!
Cloud-SCORE.
Biggs-Shut up. Barret�s coming.
Cloud-You mean the black guy?
Wedge-Give him some respect. He�s the leader of Avalanche.
Cloud-Him???��but��he�s gay.
Barret-Don�t knock me! Let�s go idiot.
Cloud-Ok oh leader of leaders! (dick)

Later on��
Setting: Somewhere. I don�t know. I think it�s Sector 1.
Cloud-Man, that baddie was hard. SHIT!! Soldiers. Gotta get to that train. Ummmm, where is it? Oh shit! I�ll jump on this one even though it might be the wrong one.

Setting: Train
Barret-Move over old man!
Shinra Manager-I�m the Shinra Manager.
Barret-Shinra�s gay!
Barret kills S.M.
Jessie-Come here Cloud.
Cloud-Yeah yeah!
Jessie-Not yet! Look here.
Cloud-Uhhhhhhhhhhh, I�m uhhhhhhh, lookin somewhere else.
Jessie-NOT YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud-God, this is boring shit.

Later on��
Setting: Sector 7
Barret-Everyone in here, FUCK OFF!!!!!
Johnny-Ok ok, I was just staring at Tifa.
Cloud-Tifa�s here???????
Barret-Yes, now hurry up and get in.
Cloud-Yay! Sex tonight!
Johnny-What?

Setting: 7th Heaven.
Cloud-Hi Tifa. My bitch.
Jessie-What the?????????????? I�m your bitch Cloud!
Tifa-Wanna bet? I�m his bitch!
Jessie-Wanna bring it on??
Cloud-Ladies ladies, you�re both my bitches.
Tifa/Jessie-Yay! Threesome!!!
Cloud-Yay indeed. Anyway, where�s my money Barret?
Barret-Here ya go.
Cloud-2 gil?????? Yes!! I�m gonna buy a house now. Houses are 2 gil now aren�t they? You son of a bitch.
Barret-You�ll get more on the next one.
Cloud-What? 4 gil next?
Marlene-DADDY!!!!!!!!!
Barret-And who might you be little girl?
Tifa-Your daughter. Remember?
Barret-My dau��Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that one.
Cloud-That one??
Marlene-Can you tell me some fairytales daddy?
Barret-Awwwwww, you know how much daddy hates fairytales. Go ask that wall if it knows any fairytales cause I�m not givin ya any.
Tifa-That�s not nice.
Cloud-Yeah, they suck!
Marlene-Too bad, read some.
Barret-Alright. To the hideout.
Cloud-We have a hideout?
Wedge-Yeah, the pinball machine entrance.
Cloud-Awwww, for fuck�s sake. That is a seriously lame entrance. What if someone wants to play pinball? They could press the button and be there.
Tifa-I just take off my top and they suddenly don�t wanna play anymore. If it�s a girl playing which is rare, Barret does is thing and pulls down his pants and she doesn�t wanna play either.
Cloud-But what if Barret�s on a mission? And some girl wants to�
Tifa-You don�t want to know.
Cloud-Very well.

Later on��
Setting: Train (2nd time)
Cloud-WHAT THE FUCK??????????????????
Jessie-Hmmmmmmm, the security check�s goin off earlier this time.
Voice-ALERT ALERT!!!! STOWAWAYS ON BOARD!!!!!!
Cloud-Bravo, oh very well done with these fake passes. Real professional.
Barret-Shit! Let�s go.
Tifa-How?
Cloud-I�m jumping off.
Barret-Good idea��for a newbie.
Cloud-It�s n00b dammit.

Setting: Sector 5 Reactor
Cloud-God, not another reactor. I�d better get more money this time.
Barret-You sure do!! 4 Gil for this one.
Cloud-Oh god!! 4 Gil!!!!! I guessed it! I�m rich now. I have 6 gil for doing two missions. Get fucked!!
Barret-4 gil! Take it or fuck off.
Tifa-Stay Cloud or no lovin!
Cloud-Damn it! That�s blackmail! Damn the lovin� I predict it will be the death of someone one day.

Later on��
Setting: End of Sector 5 Reactor.
President Shinra-Well, time to die.
Cloud-Wait, tell me about��
President Shinra-Look, I�ve got to go back to the Shinra Lab and kill this specimen. I called him Red XIII but he�ll die soon so it doesn�t matter.
Cloud-Oh, that�s fine then. Go ahead.
Tifa-Yeah, he sounds gay. Really gay.
President Shinra-Alright then, I�ll leave Air Buster to finish you off.
Cloud-Air Buster? That weak ass thing? We�ll kill that in a slice. Why don�t you put some of your best guys at the start of the game to beat us easily? One that attacks with 5000 or something. Not 200.
President Shinra-O.K then. Bring on the Proud Clod.
Cloud-Now that�s more like i�oh shit.
Proud Clod comes in and knocks Cloud into Sector 5 below. Tifa and Barret bolt.

Setting: Sector 5 Slums
Cloud-Fuck that hurt!
Aeris-You fell on the flowers! They�re dead! You asshole!! Thanks a lot.
Cloud-Geez, sorry for surviving! Don�t you have any sympathy for��a babe!!!!
Aeris-You�re not a babe. Anyway, I�m Aeris.
Cloud-I�m horny! I mean I�m Cloud Strife.
Aeris-Hmmmmm, that�s a lame name. Call yourself Bob.
Cloud-No, Cloud�s cool. Anyway, Aeris isn�t the best name in the world either.
Aeris-What the fuck???
Reno and co. walk in.
Aeris-Hey Cloud. Wanna be my bodyguard and get me the hell outta here?
Cloud-What�s in it for me?
Aeris-I�ll go out with you and have sex with you once.
Cloud-Ummmmm, lemme think for a second�yes!
Reno-Get the Ancient or Cetra or whatever she is.
Aeris-I�m both.
Cloud-What?
Reno-Whatever, get her.
Cloud-He looks cool.
Aeris-He�s Reno. He�s a��
Reno-I�m a Turk.
Cloud-I know who you are! Let us pass.
Reno-Who the fuck are you?
Cloud-I�m bored with introducing myself. Call me Cloud.
Aeris-Let�s go�now.

Later on��
Setting: Aeris� Home.
Aeris-I�m home!
Elmyra-For fuck�s sake you took your sweet ass time.
Aeris-I got chased again. But Cloud saved me.
Elmyra-Thanks Cloud.
Cloud-Hey, I got a good deal. It was nothing.
Elmyra-Aeris, why don�t you go upstairs for some random reason?
Aeris-Ok!
Aeris leaves.
Elmyra-Now Cloud, don�t go fucking Aeris at all.
Cloud-Awwwwwww, but we have a deal here!
Elmyra-DON�T DO IT!!!
Cloud-Oh alright! (bitch, I�ll do it anyway)
Elmyra-Leave here tonight. Alone.
Cloud-Whatever.
Elmyra-Hey, don�t make me hit you.
Cloud-Hey, don�t make me kill you.
Elmyra-Just leave.

During the night��
Cloud-Hey Aeris, don�t tell Aeris this but I�m leaving for Sector 7 solo now ok?
Aeris-WHAT??????? I�m coming!
Cloud-Coming where?
Aeris-With you to Sector 7.
Cloud-Who said I was going solo to Sector 7 cause your mum said so? It must have been that Aeris I talked to a couple of seconds ago and��awwww damn it!!! Son of a�
Aeris-You�re pretty dumb, but cool. Let�s go.
Cloud-Ok, but we gotta get past ya mum!
Aeris-Easy, where does she sleep?
Cloud-You�re asking me??????? How would I know?
Aeris-Dude, I don�t think she has a bed to sleep in.
Cloud-I got a better idea. Let�s have sex.
Aeris-NOW???? NOT YET!!!!! You have to do a bit more before we get down.
Cloud-Ok, but afterwards, we�re doing it. I will have sex with you before the game is done.
They run downstairs.
Elmyra-What the fuck are you two doing?
Aeris-Don�t you ever sleep.
Elmyra-Well, no but�
Cloud-I don�t have any time to listen to your boring sex lectures so fuck off!!
Cloud slices up Elmyra.
Aeris-Nooooooooooooooooooooo, Cloud! You dick-weed! That was my��
Cloud-Fake mum?
Aeris-Alright, I guess so. Let�s go.

Later on��
Setting: Sector 6 Playground.
Aeris-You know what Cloud?
Cloud-Not personally. Who�s �what�?
Aeris-Idiot! You�re just like Zack.
Cloud-Zack? You knew him?
Aeris-You knew him??
Cloud-Is there an echo?
Aeris-I liked him a lot. He went off to a war or something but never came back.
Cloud-He almost came back. He died when we got to Midgar. I almost died with him.
Aeris-WHAT!!!!!!??????????????????????
Cloud-Yeah, he was cool. But I�m cooler. In fact��oh, wait, I wasn�t supposed to tell you that.
A carriage starts to pass.
Cloud-TIFA!!!!!!!
Tifa-Cloud?? Cloud!!!!! I�m heading to Don Corneo�s Mansion now. Go there!
Cloud-Cool, thanks! That saves us lookin for ya!
Aeris-Why don�t you just jump off?
Cloud-Or I could kill everyone.
Tifa-I�m getting info.
Cloud-Well, then. We�ll see you in a bit ok?
Tifa-Yep, see ya!
The carriage leaves and the two go into Wall Market and up to Don Corneo�s Mansion.

Setting: Outside Corneo�s Mansion
Aeris-Hey, buddy! I want in!
Scotch-WOW!! Sure baby! Go ahead.
Cloud-Are you blonde Aeris??????????? You know what�s in there! Men that are hornier than me! Seriously, me! And I�m, like�always there.
Aeris-Well, what do you suggest?
Cloud-I�ll dress up as a girl and come in with you.
Aeris-Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ok, if you wanna look stupid, let�s get you clothes.

Much Later on��
Aeris-PHEW!!!!! Finally!
Cloud-All that just to be a girl? How do you do it Aeris?
Aeris-Fool! It�s natural Let�s just go!

Back at the Mansion��
Scotch-What another babe!!! You two babes can surely go in!
Cloud-(hahahahahahahahahaha!!! Yeah.)You like guys then do you?
Scotch-Huh?
Cloud-Crap, I said the loud part quiet and the quiet part loud.
Aeris-In we go Miss Cloud.

Later on��
Setting: Corneo�s Mansion Basement.
Cloud-There you are Tifa!
Tifa-Cloud????? Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!! You look like a��POOF!!!
Cloud-Shut up! I know that�.wait. Shit. Let�s go see the Don now.

Setting: Don Corneo�s Chambers
Corneo-I choose��������The shy one!!!
Cloud- Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!
!!!!! Why me?
Corneo-You�re cute.
Cloud-(this must be a good disguise! Either that or he�s really gay) Uhhhh, ok. Let�s go!

Setting: Corneo�s Room
Corneo-Let�s get it on!!!!
Cloud-That does it!!! You�re a Gay!!
Corneo-Ahhhhhhhhhh, a MAN!!!
Cloud-You like that don�t you?
Tifa and Aeris run in.
Cloud-Tell me all you know about Shinra. Or I�ll chop your dick off!
Corneo-Noooooooooooooooooooo!! Ok, Shinra is planning to kidnap something called a Cetra.
Aeris-Cetra???? That�s me!
Cloud-What????????????????????? What the hell is a Cetra?
Aeris-Why do the Shinra want a Cetra? Tell me or I�ll chop your balls off!
Corneo-You�re fucking serious huh? Ok then, the Shinra need the Cetra to find the Promised Land.
Tifa-Promised Land?? What�s that? Tell me or I�ll punch the shit out of��down there!
Corneo-Fuck!!! This is blackmail. Ok, the President believes that the Promised Land is totally stuffed with Makou energy so they want it to get richer.
Cloud-DAMN!!! We gotta get there first.
Corneo-Not so fast losers.
Cloud-Alrighty then.
They slowly walk out.
Corneo-HEY!! Why don�t you just stop entirely?
Cloud-You suck ass!
Cloud kills Corneo.
Tifa-Let�s head back to Sector 7 for some reason.
Cloud-Maybe Barret�s there. I can�t believe you lost him. Hahahahahaha. You suck.

Later on��
Setting: Sector 7 Plate
Wedge- Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wedge falls off the plate. He shouldn�t be able to talk but��
Wedge-Cloud! Barret�s up the top.
Cloud-Cool! I hope he falls too. That looked sweet. Do it again.
Wedge-Bastard. Bye Cloud.
Cloud-Later Wedge.
Wedge dies.
Tifa-Aeris! In my bar, there�s a girl called Marlene. Get her outta here!
Aeris-Maybe. I�ll need some cash.
Cloud-I got 6 gil.
Aeris-Good enough.
Aeris leaves. Cloud and Tifa start going up the plate.
Cloud-Still fighting eh?
Biggs-Nice fighting with ya buddy. See ya.

Further up��
Jessie-Damn it! I never got to have sex with you Cloud.
Cloud-Oh well, who says you�re gonna die?
Jessie-Something does.
Tifa-What are you fighting? I can�t see any baddies.
Cloud-Shut up.
Jessie-Now that you mention it��
Cloud-Barret!!!!!!!!
Barret-God dammit!!! You guys��
Tifa-Took our sweet ass time I know.
Reno comes.
Reno-Say goodbye to Sector 7.
Reno pushes that button you all know about. I don�t know why there�s a button that makes the whole thing collapse and kill everyone. There�s no point. But, what the hey�
Cloud-DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reno-Tut tut tut. You don�t wanna hurt our little friend here do you?
Cloud-FUCK!!! AERIS!!!!
Tifa-Why�d ya have to get captured Aeris?
Aeris-Well: 1-To save Marlene and: 2-Because if I�d have stayed with you, we�d have 4 players at once, and Squaresoft couldn�t do that.
Cloud-The 2nd one�s a better reason.
Barret-Agreed.
Reno leaves. Sector 7 starts collapsing.
Barret-Quick you two! Grab the rope.
Cloud-Let�s get Jessie too.
Barret-There�s no time.
Cloud-But��She�s right next to me.
Jessie-Yeah, I am.
Barret-I said there�s no time!!!!!
Cloud-Dammit Barret.
Jessie-I knew I�d die here. Bye Cloud.
Cloud-Bye Jessie.
They swing out of Sector 7 into the Sector 6 Playground.

Setting: You�ll figure it out. Maybe.
Barret-Noooooooooooooooooooo, Biggs! Wedge! Marlene! Je��
Cloud-Don�t say it! You killed Jessie.
Barret-Whatever.
Cloud-Hey, you noticed how even though Jessie and that were right next to us sometimes Barret, they never helped us in a battle.
Barret-That�s that Squaresoft 4 player thingy again.
Cloud-Let�s go.
Tifa-No way! I�m not seeing anyone else die!!
Barret-Tifa, we have to save Aeris now. We can�t look back now. They ain�t no getting offa this train we on til it reaches its stop!
Cloud-That�s a cool saying.
Barret-Thanks. But Marlene and that are gone.
Tifa-Barret, Marlene is safe. Aeris got her to safety.
Barret-How do you know?
Tifa-DUH!! She said it to us. She got captured to save Marlene she said.
Cloud-I bet she took Marlene back to her house huh?
Barret-Yeah! Let�s go!
Cloud-You suck Barret, for having a daughter and all.
Barret-Damn you.

Setting: Mr Obvious says: Aeris� House.
Cloud-Marlene!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Barret-She�s alone here? Why?
Tifa-Aeris told me.
Barret-Why then??
Tifa-Cause Mr smartass here killed Aeris� fake Mum.
Barret-Riiiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhhttttttttt. Damn you Cloud�again.
Cloud-She was gay!
Marlene-DADDY!!!!!!
Barret-Marlene!!
Cloud-I hate this mushy stuff.
Marlene-Read me some fairytales daddy!
Barret-Sure thing! And you know what? From now on, I love fairytales and I�ll ask everyone that we come across on our journey if they know any good fairytales so I can tell you them when I get back ok?
Marlene-COOL!!! Thanks daddy!
Cloud-Oh god. Marlene, you have no IDEA what you have begun.
Barret-Shut up.
Tifa-I know they�ve taken Aeris to the Shinra Building so let�s go there now!
Cloud-Right! We�ll try Wall Market first for a random reason.
Barret-Maybe because there�s no-where else to go.

Later on��
Setting: Mr Obvious isn�t this obvious. Work it out yourself!
Barret-I know a way to Shinra from here.
Cloud-We�d all like to know a way to Shinra from here.
Tifa-Isn�t it obvious? We climb these cables up to the top.
After a bit of climbing, they get up to the Shinra Building.

Setting: Maybe I shouldn�t do this anymore.
Cloud-Hmmmmmmm, how should we get in now?
Tifa-Let�s take the safe way. Going up the stairs to the left.
Barret-That�s gay!! Let�s barge in and kill everyone!
Cloud-Hmmmmmmmm, Tifa�s right! We�d better play it safe.
Tifa-Yes!!!
They barge through the doors and kill everyone on the first level.
Tifa-Wait a minute!! I thought you said��
Cloud-I always do that on the game.
Barret-Game?
Tifa-Awwwwww, you�re ignorant!
They go up to the 2nd and 3rd floors, killing everyone. For some reason, there�s no stairs to level 4 so they go in the elevator. But! It fucks up, so they head straight up to level 59 instead. They could have taken the elevator down to the other levels but you already know why they didn�t. Anyway�at lvl 59�

Setting: I just told you.
Cloud-Fuck that was hard!
Tifa-Uhhhhhhh, too many baddies!
Barret-It was easy!
Cloud-Whatever, let�s just go.
Tifa-Where?
Cloud-Up to level 65 of course.

Setting: Nope, never mind. This is too annoying.
Cloud-I don�t see why we had to put those crappy parts in the Midgar model.
Tifa-Or do that other stuff. Why do we always do random side-quests.
Barret-Yeah, they waste time.
Cloud-So we get rare items. So what if we abandon the world to get cool weapons, they�ll help.
Tifa-What about the keycards here.
Cloud-We can bash the doors down. Screw the keycards!
Tifa-Hmmmmmmm, what are we supposed to do now?
Cloud-Oh god!!!!!! You should be blonde!!! You know what we gotta do��
Continued on FF7: Things You Didn�t See: Disk 1

End of Story

Kie;

If you're going to write dialogue how you have done it would be beneficial to the reader, and in turn to you, to set it out more clearly. By making it easy to read the reader's attention cannot be diverted from enjoying your work ^^;;

Some bits were kinda amusing but there's a lot of repetition, especially with the killing red xiii and lots of other things, and the 'gay' thing.

Potentially it could be a funny read, especially as a humourous alternative to the rather dark and depressing FFVII story, but I think you need to develop it a little, such as filling it out with some different ideas in places and it could work well.

Finally, an intelligent responce with professional advice. I'll take that much into consideration. Thank you for being honest :)

you obviously had alot of time in your hands.

it is funny on some parts, but you can make it much better.

and killing redxiii? are you crazy!

In the original i killed Cait Sith but it was funnier to kill Red XIII for the remake.

A - that's @!�$#~& long
B - kinda repetitive
c - kinda wierd
D - Where d'ya get that much time???

A - No shit, it's supposed to be
B - Someone said that already
C - Why thank you
D - Well, i'm 15 with no job.

Not much to add, as everything I wanted to say has already been said. I did find it very funny in parts though, so well done.

Yo Kie. That's pretty good. You should call it FF7 Reloaded. XD

Two words. Sucked. Balls.

I'm a Red XIII Fan and that was totally horrible you always killing Red XIII. Aww poor little guy. *Cloudmeister uses a revive materia on Red XIII* And having him be gay in this story how sick. *Uses a Non-Gayness Materia on Red XIII to turn him back to normal*

You do have noticed that this was written two years ago, so maybe it's a bit too late to give feedback? T_T I don't know if even Kie remembers that thing.

Two words. Sucked. Balls.

I'm a Red XIII Fan and that was totally horrible you always killing Red XIII. Aww poor little guy. *Cloudmeister uses a revive materia on Red XIII* And having him be gay in this story how sick. *Uses a Non-Gayness Materia on Red XIII to turn him back to normal*I think you should die.

I think you should die.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

All i have to say is u have way to much time in your life! dont u have a life!!?? it as kinda funny but i never want to read it again.

Some people like to spend their free time being creative.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

...zing..d?

this may well be the work of some far superior being. there is a message in its monotony. I'm sure of it!

A - that's @!�$#~& long
B - kinda repetitive
c - kinda wierd
D - Where d'ya get that much time???

a) you were warned
b) in some parts, but others were good
c) why, fuckstick?
d) just...no need for it

I thought it was a decent read. The repetitiveness has already been mentioned, so if you iron that out of your writing thenits be rather good:)


Two words. Sucked. Balls.

I'm a Red XIII Fan and that was totally horrible you always killing Red XIII. Aww poor little guy. *Cloudmeister uses a revive materia on Red XIII* And having him be gay in this story how sick. *Uses a Non-Gayness Materia on Red XIII to turn him back to normal*

You write worse shit than I do. You are in no position to critisize.

I skimmed it...kinda. I had a good chuckle.

Dumbass. And making fun of Nanaki's name? You know my friend has that as a name and your dissing him so i diss you back. Mr hellfreak #0000000000000
:whatever: And don't be dissing my stories just because i'm not very good at writing you #@%@#%#@ >:O

Crissakes, calm down.

i just finshed readying it and i thought it was awsome because there no way i could ever write or come up with something like that, good job

that was fucking awesome!!! I liked the Red XIII dying over and over again bit.

that was, as chorns put it, fucking awesome!! ;)

Yay Hojo dies.


Damn this is to great

Wahahahahahahahaha

Kie.......long time no see ^^

That was okay.....I mean it's good to see that your sense of humour hasn't let you down at all.......but as it has already been said I must agree that it was a bit tedious and a lot of those jokes don't appeal to everybody. There were a few jokes in there that simply just weren't funny but it was cool how you stuck closely to the epic structure of the game itself.

2 Purrrs out of 5.

This isn't long time no see.

It's a two year old thread that won't die !

I meant that I haven't seen Kie for ages.

And this is the first time I've seen this thread.

Freaky.

Hmm...err...are you high? Or drunk? Or both? Rofl, I found it kinda amusing! Very...strange though!

Dumbass. And making fun of Nanaki's name? You know my friend has that as a name and your dissing him so i diss you back. Mr hellfreak #0000000000000
:whatever: And don't be dissing my stories just because i'm not very good at writing you #@%@#%#@ >:O

Ok dude, for one, if you're gonna cuss, don't even bother bleeping it out. And for two, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

BTW.... That story put a smile on my face. Especially Beret's fetish with fairy tales.