now this is my first fan fan fiction tell me what you think.


chapter I



One day there was a storm at Sephiroth's home and there was a knock at his door when he went to see who it was there was a baby in a basket in the door step he took in the baby and raised him as his own. He named the baby Sephiroth Jr. and as he grew he trained him as hard as he could and treated him as if he was his own son. 10yrs pass one day at the dinner table Sephiroth Jr. asks his father,"why do you fight for Shinra father?" Sephiroth takes another bite of his food then answers,"The reason i fight for Shinra is the people we fight against want to destroy Shinra. All Shinra wants to do is give people more comfortable lives, but they think Shinra is evil so we fight for them. you understand now?" SephirothII thinks it over for a couple of minutes and says,"I think i do. Now i want to be apart of SOLDIER just like you father!" He goes outside and picks up his training sword and practices very hard and to keep his spirits up Sephiroth helps him when he needed it the most and he says to him,"Someday you will be apart of SOLDIER."

I think you wrote it just for laughs.

I'm not laughing.

I already posted this in Shoot the Shit. Imma post it in another GD thread when I get an opening.

I think you wrote it just for laughs.

I'm not laughing.
I did not write this for laughs i just now thought of everything and i went along with it.

It could be more interesting if you were more grammatically (is this even a word?) correct, had better story-telling skills, and knew how to write in proper format. I can take what you have and make it more interesting with added details, more dialogue, ect.

And most importantly, chapter one won't just be a paragraph long. Also, I'm sure if Sephiroth did name a kid, I highly doubt it would be Sephiroth 2.0.

Like i said this is my first fan fiction.

I did not write this for laughs i just now thought of everything and i went along with it.

Well goddamn, son. Goddamn.

We're just gonna turn this into the Silent Shriner's fall retreat.

I already posted this in Shoot the Shit.

it's just that good

:loldata: :loldata: :loldata:

chapter II


One day while Sephiroth Jr. was asleep Sephiroth suck out to do a mission for SOLDIER. When morning came Sephiroth Jr. went to see if his father was awake all he found was a note it said,"Son if you are reading this then i have not returned from my mission yet. I promise I will be back soon. signed your father."
While he waited for his father to come home he went outside to train some more. 10 days pass and his father finally came home. "Father you're finally home!" he exclaimed. he went to hug his father but there was a bullet coming his way Sephiroth moved quickly to get his son out of the way. he was successful, but he was hit. He healed quickly and went after the shooter and killed him. "Father who was that man who tried to kill me?" he asked. Sephiroth answered,"That was an enemy of Shinra he aims to kill me and my family, but thankfully you're safe." "Also father how did you heal so quickly?" he asked "I don't know. it just happens."

"I don't know. it just happens."

*applause*

i will have chapter 3 up tomorrow and it will be better than the last 2.

MORE

HOLY GOD I NEED MORE

If this is your first fan fiction I'm mighty impressed. You write as though it's at least your third!

thanks for the compliment.

Hehe

I need to hook up my PS2, play me some Origins.

Chapter III


One day while Sephiroth Jr. was practicing there was a man coming to there house. He didn't know what to do, so he went to get his father he yelled in an urgent tone," Father there is a man coming to the house!" Sephiroth heard his son and went outside to see who it was. It was a Shinra army soldier and by the looks of him he ws badly hurt. Sephiroth rushed to his aid and took him inside the house. While the soldier laid there asleep Sephiroth Jr. asked his father in a worried tone," Father who is this man and why is he here?" Sephiroth answered slowly,"He is an army soldier from Shinra they work for SOLDIER operatives and Shinra, this one must have come to-" Right then the soldier woke up and asked, SOLDIER first class Sephiroth, is he here?" Sephiroth answered," I am Sephiroth, why are you here?" The soldier sat up and said in an urgent tone," Midgar is under attack, you have to hurry! Someone summoned a Bahumat, it has killed a fourth of the men that were sent there to stop it. I was sent here to get you, but I was attcked by Bahumat and barely made it." Sephiroth said to his son," I am going have to go to Midgar. Now stay here and take care of this soldier, you got that and whatever you do do not go outside until i get back." Sephiroth Jr. answered with a worried tone," I will father, just be careful." Sephiroth answered as he was going out the door," I'll try to be careful and i promise i will be back soon!"

These chapters need more suspense to draw the reader in. Good writing though! Just drag it out longer so we're all on the edge of our seats wondering what will happen to Sephiroth and his son :ashine:

okay i will try that next time.

And use paragraphs. And periods. It's hard to read it and stay interested when everything is clumped together.

each chapter is a paragraph and i do use periods.

This is either going to be a very long or very short story, then.

it will have 60 chapters in it.

...10yrs pass one day...

Wow!

Also:




MORE

HOLY GOD I NEED MORE

okay.

Chapter IV


Sephiroth went to Midgar to fight Bahumat. When he got there there was 5,000 dead shinra army soldiers and 50 SOLDIER operatives dead. Sephiroth looked around to find Bahumat right then a giant ball of fire started to come down he looked up and used blizzaja to stop it from continuing toward him. Then he saw Bahumat flying around fighting against SOLDIER operatives. the chief that was there saw him and went over to Sephiroth and said," Finally you're here Sephiroth! Bahumat has destroyed a fourth of the city so far we need to stop him soon before he completely destroys Midgar." Then the chief calls off the rest of the other operatives. "I will kill Bahumat just keep everyone away from here." as Sephiroth said going toward Bahumat. He thought to himself," How am I going to destroy this thing?"


While at home Sephiroth Jr. was watching the news with the army soldier. They were watching his father fight Bahumat. "Go dad!" excalimed Sephiroth Jr. "ou got a great father you know. He has saved Midgar and the Shinra company many times." said the army soldier. "I know he's great and by the way what is your name?" Sephiroth Jr. asked. "My name is Cloud" Cloud answered. "Wel nice to meet you Cloud." said Sephiroth Jr. "Its nice to meet you to and I never knew Sephiroth had a son."

The plot thickens!

I'm still having a very hard time to either just laugh about the story or just taking it seriously! It's so poorly written it's driving me mad! MAD I SAY!!

Poorly written. I beg to differ. This is the most brilliant piece of literature I have ever beheld!

take some time off, SephirothII, to work on a larger scale, otherwise it just reads like something on the back of a cereal box.
Beef up the dialogue (some of it is really awkward and has no character to it) and descriptions. Work on the puncuation and past and prestent pretenses. Put more detail into the action and setting descriptions, otherwise it goes by so fast, we don't have enough time to care about what the hell is going on.
Hope this helps a little.
;)

I think it does help and IDX rider if you read one of my original fictions(not fan fiction) you would go insane.

I'm still having a very hard time to either just laugh about the story or just taking it seriously! It's so poorly written it's driving me mad! MAD I SAY!!

no....this drivel, i wrote on the spot months ago, is poorly written....yet "riveting".

:loldata:

http://forums.ffshrine.org/showpost.php?p=1290394&postcount=5974

....it is good practice though....

I thought it was amusing lol. It reminded me of my friend calling himself The Flying Squirrel. I forgot why but it was hilarious. Especially his costume.

it should be illegal to make threads like this.

No more updates?

The next chapter will be up next month because i am trying to work some things out.

I doubt it will be noticeable but at least you're trying. Not many do.

It's next month !!

indeed, it is

I'm still waiting!

:mad:

A: A chapter is more than one paragraph.

B: If you plan to write, learn to spell properly and use Spellcheck. Most writing programs have a basic spellcheck program. Use it.

C: It's not Bahumat, it's Bahamut. If you intend to use references from Final Fantasy VII, use the correct spelling of the name of what you are using.

D: If this is your first fan fiction, you have a LONG way to go.

Hey guys i have decided to start all over with the story to make it longer and have more detail. I'll have it out soon im just not finished yet.

w00t!

Yeah i got some new ideas that would do better if i started all over, sorry.

...

Two new things will be added to the story, a pet dragon and a mysterious dragon trainer.

Got to admit it's getting better, it's getting better all the time~

I am so excited.

On one hand I'm disappointed that the story has kind of ground to a halt right now as I was really digging it, but on the other hand, if this break enhances the final product then I guess it's for the best. I'll stick it somehow!

Two new things will be added to the story, a pet dragon and a mysterious dragon trainer.

......

Meh... it's your story...

Kinda sounds like something from Pokemon, huh?

And, when has that EVER been a bad thing ;)

hey guys while i am working on the story guess the name of the dragon and the dragon trainer 'cuz its gonna be a while before its done.

There's like, an infinite number of possibilities. How about Frank and Henry?

Dry fuck 1 and dry fuck 2

Lance and Dragonite?

Drake and Salamance

Cynthia and Garchomp

Ash and Charizard

Gyrados and Misty ;o

Clair and Kingdra

Wallace and Kingdra

Neg and Blaziken

You guys are horrible at the guessing game what is the most common name for a dragon in Final Fantasy.

Puff, the magic dragon?

No! Its starts with a B.

Ballbag?

Ballbuster?

Buggy Bumpers?

The name is Bahumat.

You sure about that?

Yes I am.

Sure you're sure? Check your spelling...

Yeah sorry about that. The name is Bahamut.

No need to apologise... I was just trying to be helpful in my own unique way.

NEG AND BLAZIKEN

Blaziken isn't a dragon type you fartknocker :mad:

The pet dragon is going to be Bahamut...

ffs...

Which one? Bahamut? Bahamut Neo? Bahamut Zero? Bahamut Numbnut?

A dragon trainer as well? Jesus Christ... this story sounds just as bad as the majority of stories in the anime/game fanfic section of this site. (http://www.fanfiction.net), or the script for the latest Uwe Boll movie.

/goes True Musou on SephirothII's candy ass/

Also...


The name is Bahumat.

Didn't I already correct you on that? Douchebag.

Blaziken isn't a dragon type you fartknocker :mad:

FUCKING NEG AND FUCKING BLAZIKEN!

This is so exciting!

This is so exciting!

still nothing?

:(

bring me dragon.

I HUNGER FOR MORE!

I am quite hungry, as well P:

MOAR

I HUNGER FOR MORE!


I am quite hungry, as well P:


MOAR

You guys asked for it, you now have MORE of me!

This day just got 100% better :D

This day just got 100% better :D

This day just got -100% better :D

I agree!

JK :D

/passes out doughnuts

Are those like donuts?

Yes but they're smarter

Thru

Sephiroth, SephirothII, another called Sephiroth Jr. and one more guy called Seohiroth.

It's too confusing :(

Any jam in those doughnuts? That's jelly donuts for you "others".

I don't like doughnuts ;(

Unless they are freshly made doughnuts(donuts w/e) with cinnamon on them...

/drool

How about some toast with jam?

Pancakes... can't go wrong with pancakes.

DO YOU LIKE WAFFLES!?!?! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XmE1DN4Qfk)

I'm very anti-breakfast :(

How about pizza?!

EDIT: Damnit Neg I was going to post that.

PIZZA BAGELS!!!!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVehO1CvqL8)

Holy shit Neg, those are up there with THE BEST.

She's gonna break your heart~ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HN1ru6_u8lY)

He was like "Yeah"
and I was like "No"
And he was like "Come on baby let's go"
And I said, "I don't think so"~

mmm... popcorn...

:popcorn:

And I'm goin'
I'm goin'
craazy

absoloutely fantastic!

Don't tell me he quit?! THE HELL?!

now this is my first fan fan fiction tell me what you think.


chapter I



One day there was a storm at Sephiroth's home and there was a knock at his door when he went to see who it was there was a baby in a basket in the door step he took in the baby and raised him as his own. He named the baby Sephiroth Jr. and as he grew he trained him as hard as he could and treated him as if he was his own son. 10yrs pass one day at the dinner table Sephiroth Jr. asks his father,"why do you fight for Shinra father?" Sephiroth takes another bite of his food then answers,"The reason i fight for Shinra is the people we fight against want to destroy Shinra. All Shinra wants to do is give people more comfortable lives, but they think Shinra is evil so we fight for them. you understand now?" SephirothII thinks it over for a couple of minutes and says,"I think i do. Now i want to be apart of SOLDIER just like you father!" He goes outside and picks up his training sword and practices very hard and to keep his spirits up Sephiroth helps him when he needed it the most and he says to him,"Someday you will be apart of SOLDIER."

Reading this is pretty much comparable to being immortal and hanging myself with barbed wire; the pain just doesn't stop but only worsens, yet I don't die.

Also, Zecht, thanks SO MUCH for reviving this. That was really necessary.

Don't tell me he quit?! THE HELL?!

I know man, it's sad.

Zecht you're a new member so I'll try to be polite...

Before posting a response in any thread, READ THE DATE OF THE LAST POST POSTED BEFORE POSTING A RESPONSE!!! The last post for this thread was in 2009, too long of a gap between postings to continue.

I'm actually a member for a while now, I just never posted, I JUST HAD TOO WHEN I SAW THAT HE STOPPED!!!

Bumping this thread for no reason

also

triple post

>.>; Sorry but this story... Doesn't seem to interested me.

I'm actually a member for a while now, I just never posted, I JUST HAD TOO WHEN I SAW THAT HE STOPPED!!!

I liked it better before you posted.

I DEMAND MOAR

MOAR!!!!

oops octuple post

I liked it better before you posted.

Understandable, I didn't like my own post either.

But still he really stopped...

Understandable, I didn't like my own post either.

But still he really stopped...

a.) Good. Maybe there is some hope for you after all.

b.) Also good. Considering it makes me gag just reading what his pebble brain concocted out of an already juvenile storyline, let's hope he never starts again.

It was just for laughs though, haha I don't think (I hope) no one took his "story" seriously.

I mean all he did was change Cloud with Sephiroth in the Advent Children storyline.

I wish Sephiroth killed Cloud. He annoys me to no end.

Sephiroth's son is Cait Sith.

^ X____X


That made my brain bleed.....

Lies, it's a moogle! kupo?!

Hey guys sorry that I haven't posted in a while but I will start a new chapter(eventually) and this story does end SPOILER! with Cloud getting killed by Sephiroth's son and much more will happen before that.

Alright thanks for the spoiler I no longer have anything to look forward to. :/

Hey guys sorry that I haven't posted in a while but I will start a new chapter(eventually) and this story does end SPOILER! with Cloud getting killed by Sephiroth's son and much more will happen before that.

That's as much as I needed to read, thanks. Good riddance Cloud.

Hey guys sorry that I haven't posted in a while but I will start a new chapter(eventually) and this story does end SPOILER! with Cloud getting killed by Sephiroth's son and much more will happen before that.

:D

YESSSSSSSS

I'd just like to point out that drugs are BAD for you, and you REALLY don't wanna be on them when you write stories.

FF7 should never die or stop. it needs more story!

FF7 should never die or stop. it needs more story!

HAHA! Good one :)

FF7 should never die or stop. it needs more story!

Well...

10/10