Tristan
01-09-2002, 01:23 AM
All of what is said and done,
Passes through Nature�s way,
Through history its course must run,
Rising before it the lanes of time lay.
Everything exists only to be weathered,
By this hand of change.
The eternal law to which all are tethered,
And none from this are estranged.
Through this path of innocent crime,
Exaggerations by and by,
They now are known as �shrouded in time�,
And even the greatest legends die.
No man can defy Time�s call,
And even the greatest mountains fall.


Yes it's a reposted poem. Alas for my attention cravings. :D

Amy
01-09-2002, 11:31 PM
Some words are a bit complex so it gives a bit away from a normal poem thats suposed to be more understanding and easy to read, but I think its realy good, keep it up ^_^;

WickerChairs
06-10-2011, 06:42 PM
The grammar is a bit odd, but meter, rhythm, and rhyme are excellent.

aleerpsoftware
12-07-2011, 04:47 AM
you can be a good poet.. nice poem..

SuperlativePunch
05-12-2012, 07:50 PM
The rhythm is good at parts, particularly "The eternal law to which all are tethered, /And none from this are estranged." but it's inconsistent in certain sections, especially the amount of syllables in each line. Also, the last two lines are too reminiscent of Tolkien's time riddle, which is "This thing all things devours: Birds, beasts, trees, flowers; Gnaws iron, bites steel; Grinds hard stones to meal; Slays king, ruins town,
And beats high mountain down." (the answer to the riddle is time) So, in my opinion, just try re-working those lines, but it's nice to see another soul writing poetry, keep it up!

sillyme
09-11-2012, 11:57 PM
You've got the rhyme bit okay, but the meter's not quite right. Sonnets are usually iambic pentameter, which is five metrical feet, each making the rhythm i-AM (de DUM). The first line is four feet with a missing first syllable: ALL/ is WHAT/ is SAID/ and DONE/, so tetrameter. Line 4 has 5 beats but isn't iambic, line 6 has only 3 (BY/this HAND/of CHANGE), so trimeter but again with a missing first syllable. Actually what you're doing with lines 5/6 and7/8 is what as known as balladic meter - a four stress followed by a three stress line.

Sorry, I'm a poetry nerd.