GravityMage
11-26-2008, 02:19 AM
Here's a poem I wrote about 4 years ago when I was in the 8th grade:
Revelation
The shadows are sneaking
up behind kids,
hiding in closets,
and under their beds.
Yet the adults keep on working,
destroying the light.
Feeding the darkness;
that isn't right.
The factories produce
a lot of pollution.
There is no end;
there is no solution.
But there are nice things
in this world,
like candies and parks
where ribbons are twirled.
Boys and girls
are going steady.
A revelation is coming,
so be ready.
You'll rise up high
past Heaven's gate
where there are no troubles,
there is no debate.
And if you are bad,
you will sink low
to the Reaper's dark hideout,
the black under the snow.
If you're not well known,
they'll leave the Reaper to slay you.
You will not be rescued,
Fate will betray you.
Okay, now here's one I spontaneously came up with today in my English class:
The Twilight is the Best of Times
Crystal shines
when daylight breaks
as rays of Sun
burst through the clouds
'Tis the light my crystal takes.
When night befalls my little town,
and the moon peers through the black,
and sends envoys of ghostly light
to shatter the stars at the speed of sound,
and take my crystal's shine back.
When twilight dawns on my little town,
surrounding buildings with orange and gold-
Both colors side by side,
and my crystal has the faintest glow,
a peaceful glow that puts my heart to rest.
It's only because that time of day
is when the Sun and the Moon coincide.
Oh how I wish my town to be twilight
with everyone gathered 'round,
on our way to Tranquility,
the people of the Sun and the people of the Moon
dancing across the ground-
Together.
But what's most important to me is my crystal,
and the twilight makes it the most glad,
and there is something about my crystal-
It's feelings are pervasive and spread
to those with pure mind and cleansed heart,
like me,
and I want them to feel joy, not dread.
So, which one do you think is better?? Which one is your favorite?? Did you like any of them? Why or why not? Take symbolism in account along with the fact that many things in poetry have double meanings. Constructive criticism will be taken into account, but utter distaste will be ignored.
Revelation
The shadows are sneaking
up behind kids,
hiding in closets,
and under their beds.
Yet the adults keep on working,
destroying the light.
Feeding the darkness;
that isn't right.
The factories produce
a lot of pollution.
There is no end;
there is no solution.
But there are nice things
in this world,
like candies and parks
where ribbons are twirled.
Boys and girls
are going steady.
A revelation is coming,
so be ready.
You'll rise up high
past Heaven's gate
where there are no troubles,
there is no debate.
And if you are bad,
you will sink low
to the Reaper's dark hideout,
the black under the snow.
If you're not well known,
they'll leave the Reaper to slay you.
You will not be rescued,
Fate will betray you.
Okay, now here's one I spontaneously came up with today in my English class:
The Twilight is the Best of Times
Crystal shines
when daylight breaks
as rays of Sun
burst through the clouds
'Tis the light my crystal takes.
When night befalls my little town,
and the moon peers through the black,
and sends envoys of ghostly light
to shatter the stars at the speed of sound,
and take my crystal's shine back.
When twilight dawns on my little town,
surrounding buildings with orange and gold-
Both colors side by side,
and my crystal has the faintest glow,
a peaceful glow that puts my heart to rest.
It's only because that time of day
is when the Sun and the Moon coincide.
Oh how I wish my town to be twilight
with everyone gathered 'round,
on our way to Tranquility,
the people of the Sun and the people of the Moon
dancing across the ground-
Together.
But what's most important to me is my crystal,
and the twilight makes it the most glad,
and there is something about my crystal-
It's feelings are pervasive and spread
to those with pure mind and cleansed heart,
like me,
and I want them to feel joy, not dread.
So, which one do you think is better?? Which one is your favorite?? Did you like any of them? Why or why not? Take symbolism in account along with the fact that many things in poetry have double meanings. Constructive criticism will be taken into account, but utter distaste will be ignored.