why should i go on?

why should i go on? why should i even open up my eyes?
why should i even listen to this world it just causes pain and my heart dies,

i know in my heart the darkness calls me. why should i go on?
why can't i just fall back and die? just suddenly be gone,

why can't i let darkness bring me my death?
just let it consume me and steal my breath,

why do my thoughts still linger?
why can't i let death pull the trigger with its icy finger?

how can i think about happiness and continue to live?
when all my love is gone and i gave all i could give,

can't i just accept it? let it finally end,
welcome my own death its self as my one and only friend,

when a man has lost his heart,
had his very core torn and ripped apart,

why can't l just say its done and over?
let those that would care cry and weep on anothers shoulder,

thank you for finally giving me the answer i so deperately seek,
thank you for showing my path and my direction. now let me sleep,

so i get ready for the inevitable and take my last meal,
surely death will take me now and my soul forever be sealed,

why should i go on? i think as i take my bread,
finally i succumb, a man lies here broken and dead,
copyright 2004 j.m.c

this wasn't just written down. this came to me in one of the worst times of my life so its very powerful to me. its my original work. i could use all the critique people can offer i have alot more i've written. poetry to me isn't just writing words down that rhyme. I put my heart, my soul, my frustration, my misery, grief, the mind's inner turmoil etc... into what i write. Poetry to me has been an outlet for me to put my feeling on paper helps me feel alot better. Sure beats putting a gun to my head and actually pulling the trigger. plz keep in mind there may be mistakes but i can't really get something published till its polished so to speak. i hope you enjoy it.

In other words, you write egocentric poetry that very few people will actually find any merit in.

This looks like a 3rd grader wrote it... and you rhymed 'heart and apart'. very creative... LoL

thanks for the critique. I didn't post this cause it was my best work i posted it cause it has meaning to me.

And that's exactly the problem. Poetry is either written for yourself or for others. Poetry written for yourself to express your own emotions is worthless to most others and generally should not be posted online, whereas poetry written specifically to evoke emotion in others is desirable.

thanks for the critique. I didn't post this cause it was my best work i posted it cause it has meaning to me.

It is good, other than you did type the stanzas wrong.

P.S Don't listen to Prak, he's been a dick for as long as i can remember.

but he's got a point....Lord Byron used poetry to get laid
poetry that's written for the sake of writing is pointless

Z, pay no mind to BS (very apt acronym). He's simply another in a long line of idiots who feel that challenging me in some way increases their standing here. It's a retarded idea, but so are they, so there's really no point in attacking them head-on. Taking little potshots at them is another matter entirely though.

EDIT: BS has also been known to post his own terrible poetry despite the fact that nearly everyone here pokes fun at him about it. It's just a stubborn protest against our common sense.

Absolutely is not. Writing and lit. should be a passion, and if you love writing, it is definite many people will write just for writings sake, or they're love of writing.

Absolutely is not. Writing and lit. should be a passion, and if you love writing, it is definite many people will write just for writings sake, or they're love of writing.

This mentality is exactly why there's so much terrible poetry on the internet.

This mentality is exactly why there's so much terrible poetry on the internet.

lol...i wouldn't call that junk poetry...ink blots make more sense than any "poetry" posted up on the internet

here's a pointer BS...if you really want your work to be read critically and even appreciated by other writers...try to get it published
publication establishments use other writers to filter what pieces are the most appropriate for their presses and will generally choose pieces that would be accepted by their target audiences

if you decided to skip all that...
posting "poetry" on the internet is pointless

lol...i wouldn't call that junk poetry...ink blots make more sense than any "poetry" posted up on the internet

here's a pointer BS...if you really want your work to be read critically and even appreciated by other writers...try to get it published
publication establishments use other writers to filter what pieces are the most appropriate for their presses and will generally choose pieces that would be accepted by their target audiences

if you decided to skip all that...
posting "poetry" on the internet is pointless

If Bizarro got any of the works he posted here published, I'll fly to the fucking moon and back.

If Bizarro got any of the works he posted here published, I'll fly to the fucking moon and back.

then let's hope someone doesn't publish them...that trip's expensive =P

I give you a C- for effort prak. However your delivery needs work. You're not gonna waste your time to write a masterpiece to prove you know anything about poetry. Since that is the case i'm not gonna waste my time and listen to your reply either. Have a good day. I've dealt with your type before and I know exactly what to do.

I give you a C- for effort prak. However your delivery needs work. Your not gonna waste your time to write a masterpiece to prove you know anything about poetry. Since that is the case i'm not gonna waste my time and listen to your reply either have a good day. I've dealt with your type before and I know exactly what to do.

use you're instead...it makes you look smarter

It was so emo, it made me want to slit your wrists.

I give you a C- for effort prak.

You don't warrant a real effort. You're too low on the food chain for me to care.


However your delivery needs work. You're not gonna waste your time to write a masterpiece to prove you know anything about poetry.

So I have to write a masterpiece to show that I know something about poetry? That's retarded. I guess I also have to make movies to know a good one from a bad one. On top of that, I'm clearly not qualified to say whether a game is good or bad since I don't make them. And who am I to say that the Mona Lisa is a good painting since I don't paint? I don't write music, so I obviously shouldn't say whether any of it is good or bad.

In case you haven't caught on, this was an entirely sarcastic exercise in proving that you're an absolute fuckwit.


Since that is the case i'm not gonna waste my time and listen to your reply either.

As if you can possibly resist.


Have a good day. I've dealt with your type before and I know exactly what to do.

My type? You mean your betters? If that's the case, you know wrong. You are supposed to kiss our asses and learn from our superior wisdom in hopes of one day coming close to my level.

Wow... you never do have a good thing to say for anyone Prak...

Well sniperwolf, i have to say that you're poem wasn't that bad as some say, but it shows that you are expressing a heart ache through writing and considering that it depicts such a sad time in your life, you felt that you should share it.

The thing is, that not many can relate to it and so they may deem the poem worthless. Hmm, there are just somethings in life that are personal and those thinks tend to be useless to others. And so what prak was originally saying before he got rude was that although you think it is a poem of merit. most others on this forum won't because they cannot relate to something only you have experienced.

I dunno *shruggs* so don't get angry and discouraged because had i known about your heartache i'm sure i could have related to your poem:-D

Before I got rude? Others were rude to me first, you self-righteous snot.

I give you a C- for effort prak. However your delivery needs work. You're not gonna waste your time to write a masterpiece to prove you know anything about poetry. Since that is the case i'm not gonna waste my time and listen to your reply either. Have a good day. I've dealt with your type before and I know exactly what to do.

Writing, pretty much any kind, is going to be poor if it's only about the author without containing anything to appeal to the readers interest. From reading your poem, I would suggest studying the subject properly and reading a range of published poems in order to get a better idea of how to go about it before writing anything else.

Without meaning this to sound offensive, unless you're willing to make the effort to recognise how your poetry can be improved and work on it, then you're in for a lot of disappointment if you're hoping to get your stuff published.

If Bizarro got any of the works he posted here published, I'll fly to the fucking moon and back.

Haha i am actually trying so, if it gets published..........

YOU CAN SUCK THE COCKS OF A MILLION CAMELS!

I don't mean to make one of my first few posts an atta--okay, fine, I do.

This looks like a preteen junior high student going through their depression phase of puberty wrote it. It needs work and needs to sound a little less...angsty.

prak i admit i was wrong about you. It was also a dumb idea to get online and vent due to sensory deprivation, mostly lack of sleep. I wanted to thank you all again for your opinions and i will continue writing. I do also understand now what it is i'm doing wrong. Poetry for awhile was my outlet for stay a sane person i know this my sound dumb to some. I'm gonna work to try and change that. This is not the best of what i am capable of. I would like to say however prak that your first attack on me was pretty rude and unprovoked. I did get to read some of your other replies and i now get that part about kicking newbies in the ass. I would recommend downgraded from a steel toed boot to a loafer though. That's gonna leave a mark. I'm gonna continue posting my work as i progress on here. If nothing else for the rest of the world to laugh at me. I could use a good laugh myself. Because if it wasn't for humor i would have died of boredom a long time ago. I would like to call a cease and desist prak. If you are going to tear apart my work at least tell me what i need to change okay? I don't suppose a few energon cubes would appease you lol.

Prak, ur a faggot. Why the hell cant you just not be a dumbass about everything and, if anything, uhh, help.

Prak, ur a faggot. Why the hell cant you just not be a dumbass about everything and, if anything, uhh, help.

being hard on someone can help at times

Prak, ur a faggot. Why the hell cant you just not be a dumbass about everything and, if anything, uhh, help.

You say that as if you're the pinnacle of heterosexuality, intelligence and helpfulness.

Before I got rude? Others were rude to me first, you self-righteous snot.

Lol... ROFL... yeah i guess that's true Prak but you jsut seem to be rude all the time anyway, so i just thought i'd let you know.

Self righeous snot lol, that's a good one, where do you people get names like that.

Hey Sniperwolf! You're not so bad.

Why to be people feel the need to be dishonest to feed people's egos when they write something? Honestly, anyone who actually finds the poem good, I have to question their intelligence. There is also a such thing as something being so bad that there isn't much you can do to help. This is such a case. That said...

I'm all about writing for yourself when it's needed, and it's always good to have that outlet. I respect that. What I don't respect is when people put those poems up to share with others, and then use the 'excuse' of "well, I wrote this for me, so I don't give a fuck what you think." WELL YOU POSTED IT SO OBVIOUSLY YOU GIVE A FUCK WHAT WE THINK. I'm glad your poem means a lot to you (and I use the word 'poem' loosely), but in the grand scheme of things, it's awful. The rhymes are frankly juvenile. It doesn't say anything to the reader at all other than worthless self-pity. There are no bursts of creativity. And frankly, like I said I think in the third or fourth post, it looks like a damn third-grader wrote it during their twenty-minute free-write period just after recess.

what can i say .. hmmm let me thing, for the first if that poem means something to you, you shouldnt post it here where prak can give you his great feedback ;)

for the second: it sucks

I am quite glad that this poem has rhymes. I mean for the ones that don't, they shouldn't even be called that, it's just random dribble. Not everyone will agree with me on this.

This one is okay I suppose, but the grammar isn't top notch. I guess it doesn't matter here.

Lol... ROFL... yeah i guess that's true Prak but you jsut seem to be rude all the time anyway, so i just thought i'd let you know.

Self righeous snot lol, that's a good one, where do you people get names like that.

Hey Sniperwolf! You're not so bad.

the same place as everyone else...education
if you don't have one, get a dictionary

Self righeous snot

Self-righteous.

I can forgive the omission of the "t" as a simple typo, but the hyphen is all-important.

the same place as everyone else...education
if you don't have one, get a dictionary

Oh and then some unimportant shriner comes along so that they can feel included as well.

Do me a favor and shut up being scarcastic about something that is obvious is stupid and shows that you have a lack of sense. It was obvious i was commenting on "self-righteous snot" as a whole.
STFU and bother someone else with your pointless existence.



Self-righteous.

I can forgive the omission of the "t" as a simple typo, but the hyphen is all-important.

Lol sorry Prak, i won't forget in the future :-D

Oh and then some unimportant shriner comes along so that they can feel included as well.

Do me a favor and shut up being scarcastic about something that is obvious is stupid and shows that you have a lack of sense. It was obvious i was commenting on "self-righteous snot" as a whole.
STFU and bother someone else with your pointless existence.


oooh...i'm shaking in my boots now...i got told to shut the fuck up by a pretentious fool
and who are you to judge someone and say that they're not important?
go fuck yourself bitch

oooh...i'm shaking in my boots now...i got told to shut the fuck up by a pretentious fool
and who are you to judge someone and say that they're not important?
go fuck yourself bitch

OH NOS INTARWEB VIOLENCE...

OH NOS INTARWEB VIOLENCE...


how was that violent?
i don't sit back and let people like Angel feel like they're high-and-mighty

yeah, i bet you put her RIGHT in her place... roffle.

Hmm the poem was alright. Overall I give you a C- for effort sniperwolf127.


Also:

It was so emo, it made me want to slit your wrists.

HAHAH! this deserves an A+

oooh...i'm shaking in my boots now...i got told to shut the fuck up by a pretentious fool
and who are you to judge someone and say that they're not important?
go fuck yourself bitch

Oh look and now you're angry because I told you to shut up.
Pretentious... that must be one of those big word you found while looking up "self-righteous snot" in your dictionary.

And first of all, on this forum how many people know you?
Exactly... you're not important here, however people like Sarah, Ktulu, T.K Sunglasses and (oh God) even Prak are important, and do you know why... because when people see these guys names they know who they are. Some people hat Prak and yet they know who he is...

Who
The
Fuck
Are
You?

The first time I ever heard of you was now in this thread when you decided to be scarcastic about something that was quite obvious. You my dear are the Fool, an Unimportant Pretentious Fool. So next time when your feeling as if you have to include your self in a discussion of literary works, make sure you have something worth while to say and not that "...dictionary..." bullshit that you thought was cool to post.

And BTW, everyone who knows me, knows that i am an argumentive Bitch, that's nothing knew so find some other word to try and insult me with.
*hint, hint* use you're dictionary

how was that violent?
i don't sit back and let people like Angel feel like they're high-and-mighty

High and Mighty! I'm quite sure i've never felt that way about myself when dealing with unimportant fools like you. But LOL "people like Angel" Bitch your funny, if thats the case you must get pissed evreytime someone tells you to Shut The Fuck Up.

Now before you grab your dictionary, find clever insulting words and begin to type up a wity reply to this post that you think will shut me up, let me tell you. You are not cool because you are in an argument with someone, you are not important now just because the few shriners that visit this thread know who you are. Your words will never amount to anything of worth to anyone here because all the dumb shit you say is all bullshit and you're replies do nothing to me but make me laugh.
So really don't waste your time replying but if you do... make it something interesting.

Oh look and now you're angry because I told you to shut up.
Pretentious... that must be one of those big word you found while looking up "self-righteous snot" in your dictionary.

And first of all, on this forum how many people know you?
Exactly... you're not important here, however people like Sarah, Ktulu, T.K Sunglasses and (oh God) even Prak are important, and do you know why... because when people see these guys names they know who they are. Some people hat Prak and yet they know who he is...

Who
The
Fuck
Are
You?

The first time I ever heard of you was now in this thread when you decided to be scarcastic about something that was quite obvious. You my dear are the Fool, an Unimportant Pretentious Fool. So next time when your feeling as if you have to include your self in a discussion of literary works, make sure you have something worth while to say and not that "...dictionary..." bullshit that you thought was cool to post.

And BTW, everyone who knows me, knows that i am an argumentive Bitch, that's nothing knew so find some other word to try and insult me with.
*hint, hint* use you're dictionary


High and Mighty! I'm quite sure i've never felt that way about myself when dealing with unimportant fools like you. But LOL "people like Angel" Bitch your funny, if thats the case you must get pissed evreytime someone tells you to Shut The Fuck Up.

Now before you grab your dictionary, find clever insulting words and begin to type up a wity reply to this post that you think will shut me up, let me tell you. You are not cool because you are in an argument with someone, you are not important now just because the few shriners that visit this thread know who you are. Your words will never amount to anything of worth to anyone here because all the dumb shit you say is all bullshit and you're replies do nothing to me but make me laugh.
So really don't waste your time replying but if you do... make it something interesting.

Ahh... the memories of when I was 14... two school girls having a slappy fest... *sigh*

lol Krelian! You are so slow:-D
But i love it!

Oh look and now you're angry because I told you to shut up.
Pretentious... that must be one of those big word you found while looking up "self-righteous snot" in your dictionary.

And first of all, on this forum how many people know you?
Exactly... you're not important here, however people like Sarah, Ktulu, T.K Sunglasses and (oh God) even Prak are important, and do you know why... because when people see these guys names they know who they are. Some people hat Prak and yet they know who he is...

Who
The
Fuck
Are
You?

The first time I ever heard of you was now in this thread when you decided to be scarcastic about something that was quite obvious. You my dear are the Fool, an Unimportant Pretentious Fool. So next time when your feeling as if you have to include your self in a discussion of literary works, make sure you have something worth while to say and not that "...dictionary..." bullshit that you thought was cool to post.

And BTW, everyone who knows me, knows that i am an argumentive Bitch, that's nothing knew so find some other word to try and insult me with.
*hint, hint* use you're dictionary


High and Mighty! I'm quite sure i've never felt that way about myself when dealing with unimportant fools like you. But LOL "people like Angel" Bitch your funny, if thats the case you must get pissed evreytime someone tells you to Shut The Fuck Up.

Now before you grab your dictionary, find clever insulting words and begin to type up a wity reply to this post that you think will shut me up, let me tell you. You are not cool because you are in an argument with someone, you are not important now just because the few shriners that visit this thread know who you are. Your words will never amount to anything of worth to anyone here because all the dumb shit you say is all bullshit and you're replies do nothing to me but make me laugh.
So really don't waste your time replying but if you do... make it something interesting.

same question: Who the fuck are you?

i never said i was "cool", nor did i say that i was important...you assumed that i said that

a couple more things about your post:
1) a thesaurus is a better source for synonyms
2) use the right "you're" and "your" *hint* use a dictionary

i find it funny how you say all this, and yet you are just as unimportant as i am


Ahh... the memories of when I was 14... two school girls having a slappy fest... *sigh*

i don't slap...i punch

You punch women... That's fucked up.

You punch women... That's fucked up.

only if they strike first
even then...i'd try to dislocate her shoulder or hip before knocking her lights out

*edit*i don't discern people based on gender...and if more women want to have equal rights, i'll treat them all in similar fashions

Lol, Angel's a silly wench with an attitude.

Also, I happen to like z.z

Lol, Angel's a pubescent wench with an attitude.

Fix'd. Of course, the fix explains the attitude. :smrt:

lollin' @ this thread.

only if they strike first
even then...i'd try to dislocate her shoulder or hip before knocking her lights out

*edit*i don't discern people based on gender...and if more women want to have equal rights, i'll treat them all in similar fashions

hmm.. Good point, carry on, LOL

same question: Who the fuck are you?

i never said i was "cool", nor did i say that i was important...you assumed that i said that

a couple more things about your post:
1) a thesaurus is a better source for synonyms
2) use the right "you're" and "your" *hint* use a dictionary

i find it funny how you say all this, and yet you are just as unimportant as i am

i don't slap...i punch

As you noticed, i never once said i was important here, i already knew this.
And you were the one that had the bitch fit when i told you that you were Not important , so i assumed that you thought you were.
You obviously thought that you were important enough to post back to me.
FYI you were the dumbass with the stupid comment to begin with so why are you angry that i told you about it.

Anyway the rest of you guys are funny and Twilight considering who you are, i really don't count your opinion very high in my book. People like me here too but that still doesn't mean i'm important, what was your point? But thats just me, many people hold your opinion high here*shrugs * but you don't bother me enough for me to really care.



only if they strike first
even then...i'd try to dislocate her shoulder or hip before knocking her lights out

*edit*i don't discern people based on gender...and if more women want to have equal rights, i'll treat them all in similar fashions

LOL Yeah... this is some scary shit...
I'm so afraid of you...
oh jeezuz
this one is sad

BTB thankyou for the lesson on literary guides, Where would i be without you?

Anyway the rest of you guys are funny

You know what's funny? Any by funny, I mean "mind-numbingly stupid?" You and BS jump all over Prak after the would-be poet took his advice.

You know what's funny? Any by funny, I mean "mind-numbingly stupid?" You and BS jump all over Prak after the would-be poet took his advice.

Thats where you're wrong Chunky...
I respect Prak and his opinions, i just tell him that he's rude because of a previous conversation we had a while ago.
It annoys him and thus humors me, i really didn't care that much about the thread.
I remember him saying that i was egotistical and then turn around and tell me that he was a higher being that was not to be bothered by a lower being like me.
Ever since then i make It a point to remind him not to be so rude.
So my comment to him wasn't meant as me "jumping all over him"
If you notice... from his earlier posts, his responces to stupidity are becoming nicer! He hasn't used the word "cunt" *that i've seen* in ages. I'm Proud of him! Lol

Silly Monkey:-D

It annoys ANYONE with a sense of dignity, intellect and self-respect. That's how mind-numbingly stupid you are, IrvyBabe.

Honestly, anyone who can tell me with a straight face that this shit wankfest you call a poem ia anything remotely resembling quality is a fucking moron and needs to be cunt-punted with steel-toed boots.

If you notice... from his earlier posts, his responces to stupidity are becoming nicer! He hasn't used the word "cunt" *that i've seen* in ages. I'm Proud of him! Lol

Then you obviously don't read many threads. You must really think pretty highly of yourself if you think you're changing how anybody does things.


Silly Monkey

:rolleyes:

Anyway the rest of you guys are funny and Twilight considering who you are, i really don't count your opinion very high in my book.



so, you discredit the opinions of others that are in contradiction to yours in an attempt to justify your own actions


[COLOR="LightBlue"]You obviously thought that you were important enough to post back to me.

the same goes for you



Then you obviously don't read many threads. You must really think pretty highly of yourself if you think you're changing how anybody does things.

x2