Dying In My Sleep Would Be Too Perfect

Tell me, is this punishment?
What were my sins, how do I repent?
Perhaps I�m doing that anyway
I want to run from this dank place
Leave my existence standing dazed
Bewildered and amazed.

Living in a lucid nightmare
How did I get trapped in vivid despair?
Sorrow�s the brighter contrast
Maybe bliss is monochrome
When you have sins to atone
Piling trash, and empty flasks, and flashbacks to a more attractive world�

Dying in my sleep would be too perfect�

I can picture myself at sixty
A cigarette and a fifth of whiskey
Staring at documented memories
I guess I�ve written my mindset
In a calligraphic format
Goals to strive, turn black and white, my life�s design, tarnished with turpentine.

Dying in my sleep would be too perfect�

dying in my sleep would be too perfect
even though the cold seems too hard
sleep nude brings laughter and joy
while my clothes dancing with glee
sometimes i keep thinking
how sexy my position while sleeping
wonder if someone staring
even if i'm still bothering
yet if i'm still sleeping
dying in nudity, of course i'm hoping

any particular reason why you're adding to this?

that's my poem...

what do you mean anyway?...

does this thread is about discussing your poem or anyone can post any poem related to your poem?...

i'm sorry if i'm wrong...

discussing my poem, ekinserge. Make separate threads for your own stuff.

allright...

What were my sins, how do I repent?
Perhaps I�m doing that anyway

does that means your sin?...

and can you elaborate more on my sins?...

Not really because I'm asking what they are? Meaning I don't know what they are... The third line is in reference of 'repenting'. Basically life sucks, and I'm not sure why, but I figure I deserve it for some unknown reason.

I thought that said driving iin my sleep for some reason.
:laugh:

Not really because I'm asking what they are? Meaning I don't know what they are... The third line is in reference of 'repenting'. Basically life sucks, and I'm not sure why, but I figure I deserve it for some unknown reason.

I can picture myself at sixty
A cigarette and a fifth of whiskey

so that phrase resemble what you're regretting...

maybe that has to do with fate...

That would be the perceived result of the regret if I was to let it fester.

Living in a lucid nightmare

Sorrow�s the brighter contrast

it shows that you really gave up your life to repentance...

but i love every words that you used...

it seems that every phrase has their connection...

That's how you're supposed to write poetry in lyrical form... or any type of writing... There should be no empty phrases or empty lines. It should all revolve around the central idea, and progress.

so that means my poem is totally worst...

haha, i should learn from you...

but why the title "Dying In My Sleep Would Be Too Perfect"?

It's the way we all want to die (well, most of us with stable brain waves). Happy, and in our sleep... It's taking the view point of being ultimately happy is a pipe dream... Thinking the end would be a tragic one... etc.