hello n00bz im da ff anserman. i no all bout da ff games n im gunna share my wisdem wit u. i h8 2 brake it 2 u but u dun no a ting next 2 me so u all ow me 1 4 helpin u.

It's that time of year again! So, in case you're not familiar with the concept, this is the thread where I mock stupid people who proclaim they know everything. You ask questions. I give answers. You learn the real truth behind the games you only thought you knew.

There's only one rule; only one question at a time. Post more at your own risk.

What causes Cloud's hair to stay like that throughout the entire game, never moving an inch?

It's because of a bizarre accident involving a bit of fairie dust, the wrong kind of happy thought, and a couple gallons of shoe polish. I'll be merciful and spare you the details.

Why does Tifa's tits change size throughout the game?

Prak you are hilarious at times! ROFL!

If Yuffie was a real person, would azn canadians b all over her?

Does the world of VII have bathrooms? And if so, where are they, and why are they so well hidden?

Can i actualee get sephi az a playabile charctor? omg, he iz teh bezt eva!!!!!!

Is rufus's coat really white or is it very very very very very light grey?

Why does Tifa's tits change size throughout the game?

There just has to be a deeper meaning behind everything, doesn't there? Haven't you ever considered that it might just be a programming flaw? That's all it is. Just a flaw in the programming. Yeah.

(Whew. That was close. I don't know what I would have done if she had pointed out the periodic gaseous emissions from the nipples. The world just isn't ready for the truth.)


If Yuffie was a real person, would azn canadians b all over her?

No, because Yuffie cannot exist in the same space/time continuum as Canadians. The world can only suffer so much retardation without exploding.


Does the world of VII have bathrooms? And if so, where are they, and why are they so well hidden?

There are no bathrooms in the world of FFVII. The reason for it is fairly simple. You see, in Japan, where FFVII was made, bathrooms are only there for men to rape women in so they can post videos of it on the internet. The polygon count on FFVII's characters is so low that males do not have penises, thus there is no point.


Can i actually get sephi az a playabile charcter? omg, he iz teh bezt eva!!!!!!

Of course you can! All you need to do is find Jenova's toenail. Once that's equipped to one of your characters, he will come running to you and do whatever the character wearing the toenail says. Beware though! He cries if you separate them.


Is rufus's coat really white or is it very very very very very light grey?

Neither. It is, in fact, an orange so dark that it defies the human spectrum of vision and shows up as a simple white color to our primitive eyes. However, if you look at it through the special glasses that sometimes come in cereal boxes, you can get a glimpse of its true magnificence.

Guy say to me i can get jeneva for batle. truth?

i finnk he is liar bastard

Does Tifa wear a push-out?

Is there a Red XII?

Whats the secret about Sephiroths hair?

I no all teh ansers n00bz cum to me!
prak is aweful we all h8 him, you hav no choice!

Why is it that a man sleeping in a cave knows so much about the party?

how do i played palmer ?_?

Also is it true that there is a sex scene between Tifa Yuffie Aries and Cloud and his hot player friend?
Pixels are so hot!!!
How do I see it?

Guy say to me i can get jeneva for batle. truth?

i finnk he is liar bastard

It is indeed a lie. Jenova is only there for teh hawt secks.


Does Tifa wear a push-out?

Of course not. It would be soiled immediately by the noxious gaseous emiss... er... Sure, she wears one.


Is there a Red XII?

No. They named the Reds backwards from 100 so they could sing as they experimented on them. They never had time to collect the last few.

"Take one down, pass its lungs around, 97 Red critters in the cage."


Whats the secret about Sephiroths hair?

Somewhere out there, a lot of old ladies are very bald thanks to him.


Why is it that a man sleeping in a cave knows so much about the party?

Because they killed his brother. Those dirty rats.


how do i played palmer ?_?

Some use a bow. Others prefer a pick. I'm partial to the xylophone method personally.

aint there some dood tht gives u the herpes in the pal verison cuz my pal alwayes give em to me ??? ??? ??!???? plmk @ digital_virulence thenx

My m8 tol me on intrrnational ther a guy and if u sing to him and connevct ur psp up with picturez of pr0n on he sez thanx 4 pron and gives u a dress and Cloud remmebrs it cuz it was his sster Jenova's, an then you become SEPHIROTHS' UNCLE!!

U also get "Sit On Knee" materia, which levels up to "Baby Pictures" and then "Reminisce about Chidhood." TRUE!??!

prak y wont u answer meeeee omfg omfg ofogfmsfdsfajkjomfg!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why didn't Jesus intervene before Spehiroth became a god?

Why did the chocobo cross the road?

Why did square add what I shall refer to as the "Orphanage Incident" (you all know what I mean) into FF8 and thus ruined the plot and the game?

Is it true Aeris is actually a man?

Why didn't Jesus intervene before Spehiroth became a god?

You call that a God? Mr. One-wing was a laughingstock among the lowliest angels. No one intervened because they thought it was just too damn funny.


Why did the chocobo cross the road?

Well Timmy, it's like this. You see, people hold these things called controllers in their hands...


Why did square add what I shall refer to as the "Orphanage Incident" (you all know what I mean) into FF8 and thus ruined the plot and the game?

Squaresoft was merely following the old adage, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it. If it is broke, break it more and say that's what makes it good." It worked for FFVII, after all.


Is it true Aeris is actually a man?

Not in the slightest. Ifalna, on the other hand...

is yuffie actually asian? y did they kill wedge...he was so chubby? and what happens wen u put barret, vincent cloud and marlene in a bed?

How many fanboys does it take to change FFVII discs?

Lol Cyan nice question. :P

Is it true that Barret is an android prototype?

is yuffie actually asian? y did they kill wedge...he was so chubby? and what happens wen u put barret, vincent cloud and marlene in a bed?

Hey, can't you read? Didn't you see what I said about asking more than one question? Go turn the blender off and pour your brain back into your head.


How many fanboys does it take to change FFVII discs?

Sorry. My expertise is limited to the games themselves. I cannot tell you why it takes four of them because I cannot verify it.


Is it true that Barret is an android prototype?

You are probably the first person to realize this startling truth! Indeed, he is an android, as is made perfectly evident by the fact that no one can possibly act in such a stereotypical manner without being programmed to. Of course, the truly scary part of it is his fuel supply, which you might be able to figure out from his origins as a gay sexbot.

Is it true Barret was born white?

Being you ignored me I'll ask again.
How do you get the scene where Cloud, Yuffie, Aries, Tifa and their hot player friend from school have sex?
I hears Cloud washes his sheets 10 times to get them clean. *gawk*
Pixels turn me on...................

Is Marlene really the illegitemate child of Tifa and Cloud?

How can Cloud fit in the houses as they are half his body?

Hey, can't you read? Didn't you see what I said about asking more than one question? Go turn the blender off and pour your brain back into your head.

srry didnt read it...doesnt mean u cant answer at least one of the questions...also that was pretty funny lol

how do you make cloud black?

Is it true Barret was born white?

I posted the secrets of Barret's origin right before you posted that. Go up a few lines to learn the shocking truth!


Is Marlene really the illegitemate child of Tifa and Cloud?

Of course not. Where would you get a ridiculous idea like that? She is, however, both Cid's half sister and great aunt.


How can Cloud fit in the houses as they are half his body?

Very painfully. And if you think that's a tight squeeze, imagine the results when he gets into a fight in someone's house and his character model changes to full size.


how do you make cloud black?

Ever seen 101 Dalmatians? Same concept.

Since Barret is an android, why didn't the director of the terminator cast him instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger? Didn't he know how many fanboys will flock to the stores to buy it?

Why did they create a scene in which cloud is able to have gender transplants which of course makes him hotter than the real women?

*semi-spoiler of FFIX* In the end of FFIX, you find out that the crystal is the origin of all life. My question: Did the crystal have sex with another crystal in a parallel universe, or did it go to a sperm bank?

I find it funny how every question so far has been based on FF7. And my next question will not buck that trend in the least!

Is it true Cid is infact the father of Yuffie?

Ya know why is it that supranove only slightly hurts the party when it destroys all the nooby planets

*just to buck the trend*

When does Rinoa become Ultimecia?

Since Barret is an android, why didn't the director of the terminator cast him instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger? Didn't he know how many fanboys will flock to the stores to buy it?

It probably had something to do with Terminator coming out long before Barrett was even conceived in some lousy writer's brain.


Why did they create a scene in which cloud is able to have gender transplants which of course makes him hotter than the real women?

The creators had just bought stock in a drag club and wanted to popularize the notion that men dressed as women are hotter than the real thing.


*semi-spoiler of FFIX* In the end of FFIX, you find out that the crystal is the origin of all life. My question: Did the crystal have sex with another crystal in a parallel universe, or did it go to a sperm bank?

Neither. I'll give you a hint. A rib was involved.


I find it funny how every question so far has been based on FF7. And my next question will not buck that trend in the least!

Is it true Cid is infact the father of Yuffie?

Mind. Gutter. Out.

That would make their relationship totally incestuous.


Ya know why is it that supranove only slightly hurts the party when it destroys all the nooby planets

Supranove lol. It's because the paper mache planets Sephy hung around the place don't have much explosive packed into them.

What? You didn't think those were real planets, did you?


*just to buck the trend*

When does Rinoa become Ultimecia?

When Squall dumps her for Irvine.

why did i spell supranova wrong? and also are the party a bunch of pussies if a paper mashe ball managed 9752 damage on my whole party

When Squall dumps her for Irvine.

But doesn't Irvine become that Griever thing?

Prak, answer this in one sentence:

What to do you think of Cloud?

why did i spell supranova wrong? and also are the party a bunch of pussies if a paper mashe ball managed 9752 damage on my whole party

Supernova.

Have you ever had a lump of paper mache thrown at you? That shit hurts!


But doesn't Irvine become that Griever thing?

Yes, but that doesn't happen until Squall leaves him for Cid.


Prak, answer this in one sentence:

What to do you think of Cloud?

His head would make one hell of a drill bit.

Is Final Fantasy 12 going to be on ps2 or ps3?

If sephiroth has the ability to kill someone with one stab throught the back why is it that every ff human boss doesn't have a mark after being burned shot slashed shocked ect.?

Is it true that Tidus is, infact Meg Ryan with a penis?

Who will whine more 'cause of a paper-cut: Locke, Cloud, Squall, Zidane, or Tidus? And Why? sexpot

Neither. I'll give you a hint. A rib was involved.
So the crystal went to Chili's, ordered a babyback rib, and then had sex with the waitress?

So the crystal went to Chili's, ordered a babyback rib, and then had sex with the waitress?

From what I've heard/seen at or about my local Chili's, that's not anything special...

Is Final Fantasy 12 going to be on ps2 or ps3?

Survey says: That's a pretty dumb question.


If sephiroth has the ability to kill someone with one stab throught the back why is it that every ff human boss doesn't have a mark after being burned shot slashed shocked ect.?

Because it's all just a play being put on by sock puppets. Cardboard swords and plastic lightning bolts don't leave much in the way of marks.


Is it true that Tidus is, infact Meg Ryan with a penis?

That's redundant.


Who will whine more 'cause of a paper-cut: Locke, Cloud, Squall, Zidane, or Tidus? And Why?

Cloud, because his primitive polygon count means that any visible wound would probably result in the loss of a limb.


So the crystal went to Chili's, ordered a babyback rib, and then had sex with the waitress?

I bow to your deductive skills.

Is it true that Squall and Zell were queer?

why rikku calling yuna as yunie?...

Survey says: That's a pretty dumb question.


Yeah, but i didnt really know where it was developed for. Anw i know now.

is it true that tidus just wanted to hook up with yuna to give her his multitude of STDs?

Why did Shinra started out as a weapons manufacturer instead of a cookie-factory?

Irvine or Vincent? Why?

Irvine or Vincent? Why?

what does that mean?...

is quina a he or she?...

is kuja a lesbian or gay?...

Will ekinserge be destroyed because he asked two questions in one post?
(Which is clearly in defiance of the one rule in this thread)

Why Cloud, Squal and Paine use huge swords when in the same time next to them there are Barret,Irvine and Yuna using guns????

Is it true that Squall and Zell were queer?

Yes, but they never got together because Zell didn't want to take Squall on the rebound after he got dumped by Cid.


why rikku calling yuna as yunie?...

You see, sometimes when people really like each other, they call each other by unusual names to show that they're friends. These are called nicknames.


is it true that tidus just wanted to hook up with yuna to give her his multitude of STDs?

No. He didn't have them until afterwards.


Why did Shinra started out as a weapons manufacturer instead of a cookie-factory?

Becasue the cookies they made were too awful to market as anything other than weapons.


Irvine or Vincent? Why?

Vincent, because the magical coin of preposterous pretentious faggotry said so.


Why Cloud, Squal and Paine use huge swords when in the same time next to them there are Barret,Irvine and Yuna using guns????

Because most fans of ther series seem to have an aversion to common sense. They want swords even when it seems silly to have them, so swords get put into the games.

Because most fans of ther series seem to have an aversion to common sense. They want swords even when it seems silly to have them, so swords get put into the games.

way to go prak...awesome...

but i want them to use giant fork instead of huge sword...

Because most fans of ther series seem to have an aversion to common sense. They want swords even when it seems silly to have them, so swords get put into the games.

Common since would put a sword in place of a gun since gun fights usually don't last long imo.

Because most fans of ther series seem to have an aversion to common sense. They want swords even when it seems silly to have them, so swords get put into the games.

Then why square put also guns as it fucks up the whole balance of the world? :s

it is simply to confuse our inferior minds

Common since would put a sword in place of a gun since gun fights usually don't last long imo.

Yeah. Takes more skill to use a sword. Anyone can pull a trigger.

Shut up. I have spoken and I am right. There is no discussion, n00bz.

Yeah. Takes more skill to use a sword. Anyone can pull a trigger.
yes but can anyone aim? anyone CAN pull a trigger but thay may end up blowing their own face off

If they are a complete retard and are holding the gun the wrong way around then yes it can happen.

Why should we ask you rather than jeeves?

Why was Viper banned?

Why were Rude and Reno the comical relief-duo in Advent Children?

How did a bangaa was created?

when will we get an answer?

yeah, and i'm planning to ask another question...

Why did kefka not have sex with an array of groupies after becoming a God?

why everyone likes sephiroth?....

Stop it. The thread is done. You're talking to air.

Stop it. The thread is done. You're talking to air.

You could have mentioned it. ;(

what?...

sniff...sniff...

i still have more to ask...

It was a funny thread. You do this every year prak?

Then state it was closed :'(

Ok, stop posting nothing in this thread. Just let it fade away, Prak ended it so stop reviving it.