Firstly: This is not advertising for my site. I just want some feedback and opinions on my story. Secondly, it's not very long. This is because it is merely a small prologue to the whole RP deal. I think it might be a little too soft and not very Harry Potterish, but it's also just the first try. Any sort of feedback will be appreciated.

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A drop of sweat ran slowly down Harry Potters neck.
�Finally,� he thought. He had spent the last year tracking down the horcruxes of the Dark Lord Voldemort, his hate for him growing threefold after the death of Ginny. Voldemort had killed her, because he had wanted to weaken Harry. Once again, Voldemort had underestimated the power of love. Harry looked up, into the snakelike, red eyes of the man he felt so much hate for. The man that had caused the death of his parents, his godfather, Albus Dumbledore and, now, the girl he loved. Voldemort raised his wand.
�Ava�� he started, but Harry, with a flick of his wand, blew Voldemorts wand out of his hand.
�You shut up,� Harry said.
�I am impressed,� said Voldemort, with a sick smile. �Your power has grown. But you are a fool to believe that I cannot kill you without a wand.�
�I � SAID � SHUT � UP!� Harry yelled, and pointed his wand directly to Voldemorts chest. The latter merely smiled, with a sort laugh.
�I suppose you want to tell me something before you kill me?� he said. Harry felt his spine shiver from the Dark Lords voice. He thought of a hundred different things he wanted to say to Voldemort. When he finally spoke, he merely said: �You won�t hurt anyone anymore, Tom Riddle.� Voldemort looked a little surprised, frowning from the mention of his name.
�Avada Kedav�� This time it was Harrys turn to get his wand blown out of his hand.
�Fool!� Voldemort said angrily. �You disappoint me, Harry. I thought you were clever, but what you are is a fool!� Harry did not answer, surprised by his own stupidity.
�But you are truly stronger than I expected. Therefore, I alone will not be able to kill you. Malfoy!� He spoke the last word with a certain tone, almost lovingly. At the mention of Malfoy�s name, Harry froze. Draco must have had grown in ranks quickly, for when he apparated to his masters side, the latter gave him a smile almost abnormal for a man like him.
�Malfoy,� Harry said, breathless. He would not have recognized him, hadn�t Voldemort said his name. The last time Harry had seen him, a year ago, at the end of his sixth and last year at Hogwarts, Malfoy had looked ill, but that was nothing compared to what he was like now. He was paler than ever, with a grey-purplish shade of skin. He was so thin, he looked as if he would blow away at the slightest gust of wind. His eyes were almost as red as his masters, only more normal looking. Harry almost felt pity for him; it did absolutely not look as if he was living a good life as a Death Eater.
�Malfoy,� said Voldemort, smiling sickening as ever. �Let us kill this boy together.� Malfoy looked over to where Harry was standing, his eyes widening. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but nothing seemed to come out.
�Ready?� Voldemort was looking hysterically glad to finally be able to fulfil the prophecy. Malfoy pulled himself together, aiming his wand at Harry too.
�After you,� said Voldemort, picking his wand up off the ground. And so, with a flick of his wand, Malfoy sent a beam of green light towards Harry, and a split second later, Voldemort almost whispered: �Avada Kedavra.� Harry prepared to die, though he knew that this would mean that Ginny, Dumbledore and his parents had all died in vain. The next two seconds were the longest Harry had ever experienced. Dracos spell stopped about an inch from Harry, where it grew into a giant, emerald shield. Lord Voldemorts unforgivable spell hit the shield, bouncing off it and blowing a giant hole in the ground in front of him. Neither Harry nor Voldemort were able to move for about half a minute.
�You!� Voldemort screamed. His face was filled with hate and anger, looking more dangerous than ever before. �You have betrayed me!� Draco almost looked as if he had surprised himself. Then he said:
�I won�t let you kill him, Voldemort!� He pointed his wand at the Dark Lord.
�What are you doing, boy?� Voldemort looked almost terrified. Harry was sure no other death eater had ever done what Draco just had. �Put the wand away,� Voldemort continued.
�I will not answer to you!� Draco looked just as furious as his master, and Harry stood as petrified, watching. Draco walked over to where Harry stood, picking up the Harry's wand on the way. When he got to Harry, he gave him his wand, and said: �I�m sorry, Harry. I don�t know if you will ever forgive me for what I�ve done. I will help you kill Voldemort, I will die to protect you. I�m not evil, Harry.� Harry did not know what to respond to this. After a second or so, he nodded.
�No!� Voldemort shouted. �Snap out of it, Malfoy! You cannot defeat me! You are only boys, you are�� And that is as far as he got, for Malfoy had turned towards him, mumbling an incarnation, making a complicated movement with his wand and sent another beam of green light, this time towards Lord Voldemort. The beam transformed into a giant hand, closing itself around Lord Voldemorts body. Malfoy followed this up with another incarnation and a flick of his wand, sending a red beam directly to Voldemorts chest. Voldemort screamed in pain, twitching and howling as if his insides burned. When he stopped, he looked weakened, tired, and pretty much defeated.
�Finish him off, Harry,� Draco said.
�I�� Harry hesitated. He looked into Draco's eyes, wondering if it was all a trick. Or would Draco take the Dark Lord's place? But as he found no answer in the eyes of Draco, he decided not to question it a second longer. He turned towards Lord Voldemort, and concentrated all his hate for the man in one incarnation: �Avada Kedavra!� He shouted the words with such power, with such hate and anger, he didn�t quite understand what he had done until he looked up at Voldemort. His eyes were wide open in surprise, looking more alive now than he had done ever before. Malfoys spell hand let go of the most evil man known in the wizarding world, and he fell on the ground, never to do evil anymore.

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I do not know if people around here even like Harry Potter, and if they don't they probably won't like a Harry Potter fanfic either. As I mentioned before, feedback of any kind is welcome.

This is a perfect example of why I despise fanfiction. The characters in this story behave in a way that wildly contradicts established continuity. The dialogue is stilted and simplistic. There's no defined setting at all.

And most unforgivably, you've tried to write an ending to a story that the original author has not yet ended. I find that rather disrespectful to Rowling. If you want to write HP fanfics, try writing side stories instead of stepping on the creator's toes.

This is a perfect example of why I despise fanfiction. The characters in this story behave in a way that wildly contradicts established continuity. The dialogue is stilted and simplistic. There's no defined setting at all.

And most unforgivably, you've tried to write an ending to a story that the original author has not yet ended. I find that rather disrespectful to Rowling. If you want to write HP fanfics, try writing side stories instead of stepping on the creator's toes.

Well yeah you're right, but I don't quite see how it's disrespectful. This does not in any way affect the way readers will see Rowlings telling of the story, and it's just about having fun, not trying to step on toes of any kind. I do realise why you dislike this story, and Harry Potter fanfictions in general. I dislike them myself. I am also aware that I cannot write anything that is near the quality of Rowling's work, and trying to do so will result in something that is just painful to read. To be perfectly honest, I do not think it is all that myself, but seeing as I have gotten a lot of good critique on it I thought I'd post it here and see if I got the same reactions. Believe me, Prak, I know what you mean.

EDIT: Though, I am not trying to end the Harry Potter story, I am merely forming a basis for a role play.

I don't like this because it is just horribly written. By that I mean that the grammer is bad. The tenses are awkward. The spelling is off. The characters are out of character. Voldemort terrified? Did you even read ANY of the books man? Tell me one point where Voldemort is terrified. Especially of DRACO?! And not only that, but Draco is a sniveling piece of crap. He won't stand up to Voldemort no matter what.

I personally think Harry Potter has become a poor excuse of what it originally was. The series has, in my opinion, degraded and the world of Harry Potter has just become a superficial universe that focuses on the actions of a boy whose future actions seem just as unbelievable as his past ones. Tell me, how can Harry Potter defeat Voldemort when Harry can't even beat his death eaters? Unless he does some gay Yu Gi Oh shit, I don't think he can. harry Potter sucks compared to the pieces of literature that shares its genre.