My song please input.I know I suck.But be nice.

Come back to me.


Chorus.

Please my baby,
Come back to me,
I can't stand it without you,
I have no reason to be,
I wan't us to stay together,
Stare at the sky by my side,
Lovin for ever and ever,
The stars never hide.

Verse 1

Lying down,
Staring at the sky,
Thoughts without you,
They make me cry,
Please don't go stand by my side,
If you go, I think I may die.

Chorus

Verse 2

True tales past
Of you and me,
You were my reason,
For me to be,
But now your gone,
Dunno what I can do,
Must I sit and wait for you?

Chorus

Verse 3

I sit up every night,
Staring at the sky,
Thinking of you,
But you'r not here so I cry,
I want you to come back,
Come back to me,
I really need you,
Or I shall not be.

Chorus

Chorus to fade.

Written By:Elizabeth
On:26/8/2005
(yes Elizabeth, thats me)

Heya

I think the lyrics are kinda sweet :D but then i can be a soppy ole romantic at times anyways, sorry i know this aint much input. I suppose i would have to hear it, but with me its a touch and go thing with ballads, some i hate and some i like lol I suppose it depends on the backing track and what mood im in.

Well I just wrote the song, did'nt write it with a melody like I normally would.So what do the rest of y'all think?

its not too bad, the lyrics remind me of Last Kiss by Pearl Jam

never heard it.

I wrote that just after I took a look at a song writing course

Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

We were out on a date in my daddy's car
We hadn't driven very far
There in the road, up straight ahead
A car was stalled, the engine was dead
I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right
I'll never forget the sound that night
The screamin' tires, the bustin' glass
The painful scream that I heard last.

Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

When I woke up, the rain was pourin' down
There were people standing all around
Something warm rollin' through my eyes
But somehow I found my baby that night
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said
"Hold me darling just a little while."
I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss
I found the love that I knew I would miss
But now she's gone, even though I hold her tight
I lost my love, my life that night.

Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
Oooh~ ooooh~

vaguely similar...

Just a little bit, both "babys" have been taken away.
Thats a christian song I asume by "the lord"

I never heard that before, I might download it.

I dunno but hell its good

Is it? My song or that other persons or both?

Both. other person is Eddie Vedder, quite legendary fellow

Thankies.

I kinda like that song, I do think its the best one I've written.

are you in a band?

Yeah, but its for school why? It sucks.

no, just wondering. that song last kiss is deadly, as is yours

Deadly?
How?

deadly? its just my way of saying stuffs good =) sorry if your unfamiliar with it

Ooooooooh okies lol you confused me there, has anyone else got input?

Sounds good. Better than i could do (belive me it is).
never heard of that song mossy said.

Goddammit that song is not by Pearl Jam you stooge.

It wasn't even a good cover. ; ;

i think your song is really sweet! :) anything i ever write always ends up being far too sad and/or angry and i am not a sad and/or angry person. ah well.

It wasn't even a good cover. ; ;

Really! Its a cover. Still I thought it was pretty good

Basically the problem is that the lyrics are too cliche, and there's nothing really interesting, clever, or thought provoking about them. Writing a song about how much you love somebody is still viable, but in order for the words to be good you have to have some kind of twist on it beyond just finding as many different ways to phrase the sentence "I love you" as you can and forcing them to rhyme. Writing good song lyrics is a lot like writing a research paper. If you do your paper on the subject of "Insects" there is going to be so much to cover that you won't be able to do a complete job of it without writing a whole book (and even then you wouldn't be able to really). So you narrow it down. You might choose to write just about moths, and then you might narrow it down further and choose to write about a specific type of moth, and then you might narrow it down even further and choose to write solely about the specific type of moth's unique way of protecting itself from predators.

Same concept in songwriting. If you want to write about loving someone, think about what it is that makes your affection for them unique, so you can have a very highly focused subject for the song. For example maybe a sweater that has the smell of the person you love, or something. Write the song about the sweater. It's a more interesting way to get the point across than just "I love you so much".

Good songs are also often based off of one really good phrase. Instead of deciding on a subject and just starting to write, try to focus all your thoughts on coming up with one really good line that totally sums it up, or is a great opener, or something. Usually the song will be better if you do that and then structure the rest around it, playing off of it, finding similar ways to express other ideas, etc.

Mostly just keep writing songs. And analyze the lyrics of the best lyricists you listen to, try to figure out what sorts of techniques they use. The best way to learn is to copy.

You tell em tk, you're a expert at singing. Anyways kat I think it's pretty good, and may be serene.

Basically the problem is that the lyrics are too cliche, and there's nothing really interesting, clever, or thought provoking about them. Writing a song about how much you love somebody is still viable, but in order for the words to be good you have to have some kind of twist on it beyond just finding as many different ways to phrase the sentence "I love you" as you can and forcing them to rhyme. Writing good song lyrics is a lot like writing a research paper. If you do your paper on the subject of "Insects" there is going to be so much to cover that you won't be able to do a complete job of it without writing a whole book (and even then you wouldn't be able to really). So you narrow it down. You might choose to write just about moths, and then you might narrow it down further and choose to write about a specific type of moth, and then you might narrow it down even further and choose to write solely about the specific type of moth's unique way of protecting itself from predators.

Same concept in songwriting. If you want to write about loving someone, think about what it is that makes your affection for them unique, so you can have a very highly focused subject for the song. For example maybe a sweater that has the smell of the person you love, or something. Write the song about the sweater. It's a more interesting way to get the point across than just "I love you so much".

Good songs are also often based off of one really good phrase. Instead of deciding on a subject and just starting to write, try to focus all your thoughts on coming up with one really good line that totally sums it up, or is a great opener, or something. Usually the song will be better if you do that and then structure the rest around it, playing off of it, finding similar ways to express other ideas, etc.

Mostly just keep writing songs. And analyze the lyrics of the best lyricists you listen to, try to figure out what sorts of techniques they use. The best way to learn is to copy.

Usually mentioning Nirvana in a positive sense here is punishible by death but anyway having read your post I think that Heart-Shaped Box is a good example

How would being an expert at singing make me know about songwriting

Also don't associate Nirvana with anything I say

But tk, your songs are pretty good. Okay you're just starting, but still you're doing pretty well.

Many thankies, Its actually, I was just listning to aa song and heard the line come back to me, it triggered me to write it, random things like that always do, it wasn't about anyone in particular or anyone I love, just a random song I felt like writing, all my others have been deppressing and about death and stuff...