There was pain and I was alone. There was nothing to live for. All I saw was darkness...I was alone and a burden.


�Why?� A deep voice asked.


�No one wants me.� I replied.


�Are you sure?� The voice asked.


�Yes.� I answered.


�What about her?� The voice replied.


I looked and saw a faint light in the distance and walked towards it slowly. It got brighter the closer I stepped towards it, eventually my eyes couldn�t take it anymore. I closed them and the light became softer through my eyelids. I opened them and I saw a school that was so familiar to me. I walked down the cement walkway that lead inside the school and into the school yard.


I saw little kids playing everywhere; some playing handball, others playing foursquares, and a few sitting in tables and talking with their friends. It all looked so familiar to me, somehow.


�Did you hear?�


I turned around and I saw two girls and a boy talking next to a water fountain; they couldn't be older then 8.


�Hear what?� The 2nd girl asked.


�About the new guy!� The boy exclaimed.


�Yeah,� the 1st girl said, �I heard he doesn't have a mom or dad!�


�That's so sad!� The 2nd girl said.


�That's not the sad part,� the boy replied, �I heard that they didn't want him, so they left him.�


�That's horrible!� The 2nd girl squealed.


�My mom told me that only bad kids don't have mom's or dad's because they make a lot of trouble,� the boy replied, �...Look! There he is!�


The boy pointed his finger at me. I was a bit confused and surprised, but I turned around to see if there was anyone else the kid was pointing to. I saw in the distance a boy with black and curly hair and light brown skin, around the other kids' age, sitting by himself on a red bench. He stared at the floor with a sad expression on his face and tears in his large brown eyes.


�Do you know who that child is?� The voice asked.


�That kid...is me,� I replied, �Everyone made fun of me, even if they never said it in front of me.�


�What about her?� The voice said.


I noticed a little girl sit next to my past self, with a smile on her face. She had long brown hair that reached her shoulder, with a white complexion, and green eyes filled with pity.


�She pitied me,� I replied, �She knew I didn't have friends...I was a charity case.�


�Is that what you think?� The voice said amusingly.


�Why do you care!� I screamed at the sky angrily, �Who do you think you are, making fun of me!?!?�


There was silence for the longest time. It was like the world just stopped. It started to get darker around me and the scene where me and the girl sat together started to move farther and farther away from me. It disappeared and I was in the dark, again. Then a faint light appeared, to my left(I think it's my left; it's hard to tell when you can't even see you own hand in front of your face), like before.


�There is still more to see.� The voice stated.


There was no other choice, but to walk towards the light. The light blinded me, again, and then I opened my eyes. I stood across the street from a house that was painted green with a flat roof. I saw my younger self again, walking towards the house. He was carrying his favorite black and red backpack; he must have come from school. The door to the house opened to reveal an older woman, around her 50's.


�Do you remember her?� The voice asked.


�She...she's my aunt.� I replied.


�Didn't she care for you, when there was no one else?� The voice inquired.


�Not because she loved me,� I retorted, �I was just the kid she got stuck with.�


I stare at my aunt as she embraces my past self lovingly and leads him inside.


�Welcome home, sweetie.� My aunt said.


�Are you certain?" The voice asked.


I wasn't so sure anymore as the scene faded to black. The darkness surrounded me, as it always does. A thought struck me.


�What is this place?�


�This is a place of contemplation,� The voice responded, �A place to reflect on one's life, the choices they have made, and the influences that shapes them.�


�Why am I here?�


"Your actions have led you here."


"What is that supposed to mean?"


�You still don't know?�


�No I don't!� I snapped at the voice.


�Oh, are going to cry to mommy? Oh wait, she doesn't care!�


This wasn't the voice that talked before, that voice was deep and a tiny bit menacing. This voice sounded like one of those bratty girls who wouldn't shut up about their looks.


�Your such a loner and a freak!�


Another voice mocked me, like one of those jocks who worship the sports they played. I couldn't take this.


�Shut up!� I yelled at them, barely holding back tears.


�Freak!�


�Worthless!�


�Go kill yourself!�


The voices wouldn't stop. I just fell and cried. No one wanted me and I didn't know why. The voices stopped as quickly as they appeared. I cried myself to sleep; I don't know for how long I was out, but it was dark when I woke up on my aunt's soft beige couch.


�I must of fell asleep,� I mentally yawned, �...strange dream though.�


All the lights were off, except for a dim light from the hallway that led to the dinning room. I tip-toed quietly towards the warm light, in my multi-colored socks, towards the end of the hall. I peeked into the doorway and saw a chocolate frosted cake, with invitingly warm candles, on the table. Chocolate was always my favorite! I stalked closer to the cake, but noticed there was writing written in red icing on it:


� 'Happy 16th Birthday Joshua' ?�


Then, all of a sudden, the lights turned on and a barrage of loud popping noises, followed by a rain of streamers and confetti overloaded my mind. That scared the living day-lights out of me; I could have had a heart-attack! I looked around and saw people with smiles on their faces, faces I recognized.


There was Aunt Mama, a nickname I called her ever since I was a kid.


Gabriel, the video game master.


Jasper, the crazy-stunt guy.


Stella, the rock and roll punk-girl.


Maria, my crush and my...first friend.


Everything stood still; for a moment my mind went blank. Something wasn't right.


�Hey! Voice! I know your out there!� I shook my fist at the ceiling.


�Do you realize now?� The voice revealed itself.


�Realize what?�


�...Are you so dense that you can't see what's right in front of you?�


�Yeah, my aunt and my friends threw me a surprise birthday party, so what?�


�And why would they do that?�


�Because we're like family and...they...�


I finally realized it. Am I really that stupid?


�Do you finally get it?�


�I've been such an idiot!�


�More than you know.�


�What do you mean?�


�The places I have shown you so far, were places in your past, but this isn't a memory. This never happened.�


�Then what is 'this'?�


�Something that could have been, but isn't.�


�I'm getting really tired of you not answering my questions!�


�...Simply watch.�


The dinning room dissolved and changed to the front porch. The sun was setting and there was a slight breeze. I saw a guy standing on the sidewalk, starring at the street. He was about my height(5ft), wore a long-sleeved beige sweater(like the color of the couch!), and jeans that were a mash-up of different jeans with highlighter stitching. The outfit seemed very familiar to me, it's like something I would wear. I didn't realize until now, but when I checked myself, I was wearing the exact same outfit!


�Is he...is that..me?�


�Yes.�

A feeling of dread shivered throughout my body, something bad was going to happen. A loud roar came from the end of the street, a car was moving quickly. I saw my other self walk into the street.


�Hey! Wait!�


I ran to him, maybe I can stop this? I wasn't really sure. As soon as I reached him, the car hit us. The pain, unbearable pain. It seem to last forever, until I couldn't feel anything anymore. I opened my eyes, but I only saw darkness, the same darkness from before. I got up, but now what do I do? I'm dead.


�I killed myself.� I whimpered.


�Yes.�


�I remember everything...every little thing that made me want to die...�


�You let curses, lies, and half-truths rule your thoughts and actions. You focused on the thoughts of those who wished you ill-will and ignored those who truly cared for your well being.�


�I've been a stupid idiot...this entire time,� I stammered, �But now it's too late...�


�It is never too late to change.�


�How can I change, if I'm dead?�


�Speaking to the dead is beyond even my power.�


For the first time in my life, I felt a pang of hope.


�Does that mean...I'm alive?�


�Barely. Machinations keep your body from fading away.�


�Then, how do I get back?�


�You must will yourself to awaken. Thinking about something that you miss or cherish, let your emotions guide you.�


I tried really hard to think of something, but all I got was static, like from those old tv's.


�I can't think of anything...� I replied sheepishly.


�Hmmmmm...what about your pants?�


I was caught off guard by the randomness of the question. A dim spotlight suddenly surrounded me.


�What about them?�


�They seem a bit...abstract.�


�Actually, Stella made them for me. She said it would make me look tough.�


�Why is that?�


�She knew that my aunt would kill us both if I got tattoos or piercings, so making the pants look as messed up as possible was a safer bet.�


I felt a tugging in my chest, it felt like it needed to go somewhere.


�Any other stories you wish to tell?�


�Well...my aunt got me this sweater. She knew I didn't like bright colors, so she got me this on my tenth birthday. It was way too big then, but it fits me perfectly now.�


I felt the tugging again; it was getting stronger!


�Oh, and there was that one time me and Gabriel tried to make a video game, but when we found out that it took forever to make one, we just went to the arcade and played some games instead.�


�One time, Jasper got his hands on some dry ice and he dared me to put some down my pants, but I said I wouldn't do it until he did it, hoping that he wasn't crazy enough to do it. And then he went ahead and did it with a stupid grin on his face...and...well, let's just say that we still have scars.�


The tugging felt intense, like it was about to burst out of my chest.


�What about your favorite memory?�


�Ummm...there is that one time, but that's private!�


�What kind of unspeakable thing did you do?�


I could of sworn the voice was snickering!


�I'm not telling!�


�Then I must presume...that it was a lover?�


My face got all hot and flustered.


�Wha...what! No! You don't know what your talking about!�


�It must be. Your face says it all.�


I couldn't get out of it now. Not with mister-nosy-voice practically 'demanding' me to spill my secrets!


�It was...*mumble**mumble*�


�I apologize, but I couldn't quite make out what you were saying.�


I swear, its doing this in spite of me!


�My first kiss...with MariAHHHHHH!�


The tugging turned into a strong pull, lifting me up into the air. It kept going higher and higher & faster and faster.


�WHAT'S HAPPENING!?!?�


�It is time for you to return.� It's voice returning to its hauntingly deep tone.


That actually made me sad, I was actually enjoying its company.


�But what will happen to you? Where will you go?�


�I must stay in this place; there are others who will need my guidance.�


�There are more people besides me?!?!�


�Sometimes, we need a push in the right direction to realize what's important to us. Remember this and live the life you were meant to live.�


Why did he care so much? I didn't even know him that long, but now I feel like we've been friends for a long time. It's hard to hold in the tears.


�Goodbye, Voice.�


�Goodbye, Joshua.�

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up to the sound of the beeping of a heart monitor and the light of the early morning sun. Then there was the pain! It was everywhere! I saw that my arms and legs were in casts and my chest was covered in bandages. A nurse came in and her eyes lit up in surprise.


�Your awake! Take it easy and rest, you were in a terrible accident!�


More of a mistake than an accident.


�You have visitors, if you'd like to see them.�


I nodded my head; my jaw shut in place by clamps.


�Alright, they'll be in shortly.� She said as she left the room.


I wondered what they thought of me. Were they angry? Sad? Relieved? Maybe even all three?!?!? Then I saw all of them, running into the room, smiling at me. My friends...my family! I was so happy, I let myself cry. Maria was here too! My life couldn't possibly get any better! Until she grabbed me by the shoulders and started to violently shake me.


�YOU JERK! WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING SO STUPID? I'D EXPECT IT FROM JASPER BUT NOT FROM YOU! YOU KNOW WHAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THE LAST COUPLE DAYS? IT WAS TORTURE, AGONIZING TORTURE! DON'T DO THAT AGAIN OR I SWEAR I'LL...ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME!�


She's beautiful when she's angry. It just means she cares. They all care about me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

�No longer shall the past weigh down your heart, child. Your burden has been lifted.�






-Re-posted from my Deviantart account.
-I wrote the original draft for this story in the 10th grade 7+ years ago; I was a creative, but angsty teen!