i never saw the chocobo trainer first time round, i just got control of the airship and walked all round the calm lands but can't find her for the life of me! is it too late?

The trainer is always there, although I can't remember exactly where. Somewhere on the west side, I think.

She is right in front of the Travel Agency.

It depends where you come in from. Since you have the airship now, she'll appear near wherever you enter the Calm Lands. If you enter from Macalania, she's in the south-east corner; just go right. From the save sphere, she's in front of the travel agency. If you enter from the north-west, she should be just to the left.

i ran all round the calm lands. the only people there are the weird guy talking about the 'scar', the lady in the al bhed shop, the two guys there and the family (man, woman, child) plus the guy who tells you to follow him if your lost, a few random chocobos and the guy in the arena quest!