Okay. So I was at the gym. I can't speak for the rest of the gyms in the world, but at my gym, we have tvs in front of the exercise equipment. If you want to listen to what's on the tv, you can plug headphones in and select the tv channel. If you don't especially care, they keep closed captions on.

I happen to be one of those people who doesn't especially care. The tv in front of my treadmill was showing music videos, and for entertainment purposes, I was reading the lyrics on the screen.

Some really crappy video was on, and I wasn't really playing attention, but I happened to glance up to see the words "Isn't it ironic how erotic it is to see her in a thong?".

I've been mulling over how silly those lyrics are all day since. So I figured I would create the thread wherein we post really horrible lyrics we happen to...happen across.

Brother Pele's in the back, sweet Zina's in the front
Cruisin' down the freeway in the hot, hot sun
Suddenly red-blue lights flash us from behind
Loud voice booming, "Please step out onto the line"
Pele preaches words of comfort, Zina just hides her eyes
Policeman taps his shades, "Is that a Chevy '69?"

How bizarre
How bizarre, how bizarre

Destination unknown, as we pull in for some gas
Freshly pasted poster reveals a smile from the past
Elephants and acrobats, lions snakes monkey
Pele speaks "righteous," Sister Zina says "funky"

How bizarre
How bizarre, how bizarre

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
It's making me crazy (It's making me crazy)
Everytime I look around
Everytime I look around (Everytime I look around)
Everytime I look around
It's in my face

Ring master steps out and says "the elephants left town"
People jump and jive, but the clowns have stuck around
TV news and camera, there's choppers in the sky
Marines, police, reporters ask where, for and why
Pele yells, "We're outta here," Zina says, "Right on"
We're making moves and starting grooves before they knew we were gone
Jumped into the Chevy and headed for big lights
Wanna know the rest? Hey, buy the rights...

How bizarre
How bizarre, how bizarre

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
It's making me crazy (It's making me crazy)
Everytime I look around
Everytime I look around (Everytime I look around)
Everytime I look around
It's in my face

You think you know me like yourself
But I fear
That you're only telling me what I wanna hear
Do you give a damn
Understand
That I can't not be what I am
I'm not the milk and cheerios in your spoon
Its not a simple here we go
Not so soon
I might've fallen for that when I was fourteen
And a little more green
But its amazing what a couple of years can mean

Brother Pele's in the back, sweet Zina's in the front
Cruisin' down the freeway in the hot, hot sun
Suddenly red-blue lights flash us from behind
Loud voice booming, "Please step out onto the line"
Pele preaches words of comfort, Zina just hides her eyes
Policeman taps his shades, "Is that a Chevy '69?"

How bizarre
How bizarre, how bizarre

Destination unknown, as we pull in for some gas
Freshly pasted poster reveals a smile from the past
Elephants and acrobats, lions snakes monkey
Pele speaks "righteous," Sister Zina says "funky"

How bizarre
How bizarre, how bizarre

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
It's making me crazy (It's making me crazy)
Everytime I look around
Everytime I look around (Everytime I look around)
Everytime I look around
It's in my face

Ring master steps out and says "the elephants left town"
People jump and jive, but the clowns have stuck around
TV news and camera, there's choppers in the sky
Marines, police, reporters ask where, for and why
Pele yells, "We're outta here," Zina says, "Right on"
We're making moves and starting grooves before they knew we were gone
Jumped into the Chevy and headed for big lights
Wanna know the rest? Hey, buy the rights...

How bizarre
How bizarre, how bizarre

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
It's making me crazy (It's making me crazy)
Everytime I look around
Everytime I look around (Everytime I look around)
Everytime I look around
It's in my face


This is going to make me sound really stupid, but!

When this song came out, I always thought he was singing about some bazaar somewhere or other. I never picked up on the fact that he was saying bizarre.

I continued to think this for years, although this song didn't really cross my mind much.

But anyhow, I never knew that he was actually saying "how bizarre" until sometime earlier this month, when they talked about this song on some one hit wonder special.

I didn't feel especially snazzy, to say the very least.

Kill Me

(Tattered and torn)
Something aches
(Tattered and torn)
Bad things slither
(Tattered and torn)
My floors are burning down
(Tattered and torn)
And I can't find a window

(Tattered and torn)
This is medieval
(Tattered and torn)
This is cerebral
(Tattered and torn)
Suffocated
(Tattered and torn)
Melodramatic

(Tattered and torn)
Driven to the verge of
(Tattered and torn)
I make you my enemy
(Tattered and torn)
The nerves you sever
(Tattered and torn)
Can serve you better

(Tattered and torn)
In the blink of an eye
(Tattered and torn)
In the space of a second
(Tattered and torn)
Open my wrists
(Tattered and torn)
Give me my lessons

(Tearing myself apart)
From the things that make me hurt

Can you feel it, see it, hear it today?
If you can't, then it doesn't matter anyway
You will never understand it cuz it happens too fast
And it feels so good, it's like walking on glass
It's so cool, it's so hip, it's so right
It's so groovy, it's outta sight
You can touch it, smell it, taste it so sweet
But it makes no difference cuz it knocks you off your feet
You want it all but you can't have it
It's cryin', bleedin', lying on the floor
So you lay down on it and you do it some more
You've got to share it, so you dare it
Then you bare it and you tear it
You want it all but you can't have it
It's in your face but you can't grab it
It's alive, afraid, a lie, a sin
It's magic, it's tragic, it's a loss, it's a win
It's dark, it's moist, it's a bitter pain
It's sad it happened and it's a shame
You want it all but you can't have it
It's in your face but you can't grab it
What is it?
It's it
What is it?
It's it
What is it?....

"Think of you with pipe and slippers
Think of her in bed
Laying there just watching telly
Then think of me instead

I'll never grow so old and flabby
That could never be
Don't marry her, fuck me

And your love light shines like cardboard
But your work shoes are glistening
She's a PhD in "I told you so"
You've a knighthood in "I'm not listening"

She'll grab your sweaty bollocks
Then slowly raise her knee
Don't marry her, fuck me

And the Sunday sun shines down on San Francisco bay
And you realise you can't make it anyway
You have to wash the car
Take the kiddies to the park
Don't marry her, fuck me

Those lovely Sunday mornings
With breakfast brought in bed
Those blackbirds look like knitting needles
Trying to peck your head."

Just about every song on popular mainstream radio stations have horrible lyrics....

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts"

"There they are standing in a row"

I tend to try not to figure out what the lyrics are to a song for precisely this reason, in fact songs in a foreign language tend to be my favourite so at least then you get the voice as an instrument but don't actually know what they are saying as this just distracts from the overall piece imo.

Either that or go for some David Bowie styling of random phrases from books/ magazines etc just thrown together into an amazing jumble of nonsence.

"BIG ONES, SMALL ONES, SOME AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD!"