Axel Alloy
02-12-2005, 10:07 PM
This is my lil 'Fan Novel'. ^_^ I'm sure some of you will remember Wacky Races... I just hope I managed to capture that spirit in this Fic.

I know some of you are fed up with the clich�d FF Fanfics, so I thought I'd post something different.

I HAVE posted this before, but something went a bit screwy with the post... so... Here it is again.

The only thing is, I haven't finished the 3 endings yet, but its all there up to them. ^^ I'll hopefully leave you hanging and wanting more lol. xD

Here it is: http://members.lycos.co.uk/axelshouse/wr2k4chapters.html

Please feel free to give C & C and PLEASE give me your ideas for the endings... It'd be nice to get some input from you guys, so its not just written 'for me'.

Don't forget to tell me who's ending you'd pick ;)

GreyMenace
02-15-2005, 04:21 AM
Do the Hebrews count as a wacky race? Because they are some pretty silly people, I mean, who doesn't like ham?

Axel Alloy
03-02-2005, 04:35 PM
Huh?! o_O Wtf!?

Anyway... I've finished the 1st chapter of Dick Dastardly's ending.

PLEASE READ THE WHOLE STORY BEFORE READING THIS, OR IT WILL MAKE NO SENSE.








Chapter 1
One Tragic Fight

Not wanting to be seen, Dick scurried to the small booth to the left of the door and tried to hide away.
He was keeping a beady eye on Max, as he could see him and Rachel from where he was sat.
The music stopped and then more started playing.
It was a little different to the happy jolly pop trash that had just been blaring out… it was still perfect for dancing though.
Max stood up and asked if Rachel wanted to go dance.
“Oh my gosh”, she blushed, “I don’t usually like dancing in front of people!”
Max smiled at her shyness and thought it was all very sweet.
Holding out a hand, he urged her to join him.
Eventually, she gave in and stumbled nervously onto the dance floor.
Dick, who was in the process of getting comfy in the seat he was sat in, didn’t notice them get up until the last minute and his head suddenly jerked upwards and his eyes widened.
Max and Rachel jigged around a bit and Peter and Penny watched whilst dancing their selves… Eavesdropping in a sense.
“Your really good at this”, said Max flailing his arms around, “I don’t know why you were so worried about joining in!”
Rachel spun around and then sighed.
“I don’t like people watching me at all.”
Max nodded and said he understood, and then continued flailing.
Dick was sweating.
He was getting angrier by the minute.
One of the regulars, a girl in her late 20’s with dark brown hair, had noticed Dick and thought he looked pretty down.
She approached him and sat down in the seat opposite.
Dick was too busy and far too angry to notice.
“Hey there!”, she yelled over the din of the music, as there was a speaker near by, “How you doin’ Hun? You are lookin’ awfully down tonight… lady troubles?”
Dick still didn’t notice her.
She raised an eyebrow whilst shuffling in her seat adjusting her mini skirt and her low cut top.
“Hey? Howdy? Hello in there?”
Waving a hand in front of his face, she sighed irritably.
Dick snapped out of it and frowned as he shook his head.
“Eh? Wh-wha’?”
“Ah! Finally with me now, eh sugar”, she giggled patting his shoulder and winking.
Dick’s frown grew more prominent as she began to flirt relentlessly.
“Look, Lady… who ever you are… Bugger off!”
The girl gaped at how nasty he was being, stood up rather hurriedly and stormed off back to her group of friends.
Dastardly didn’t give it a second thought.
He just went back to glowering at Max.
Pat Pending, who was still with Julie, had noticed Dick and was keeping a beady eye on him.
Ryan was busy talking to Rufus and also attempting, rather unsuccessfully, not to laugh at his flat top.
Luke was up at the bar ordering another round of drinks for everyone and being irritated by the foul speech coming from the regulars’ mouths.
He was trying not to listen, as he didn’t really like hearing cursing to that extent, but he couldn’t help it, since they were virtually deafening him.
All he could hear was a young brunette screaming and shouting about ‘some guy with a moustache over there’ telling her to bugger off… Along with plenty of F’s, C’s and S’s added in.
The people she was talking, well… screaming to was a group of her friends, so it seemed.
Another youngish girl with bleach blonde hair with black highlights, tied back in a high ponytail, wearing black eye makeup and lipstick and a ring on her lip.
A tall, skinny guy, wearing a long leather trench coat, with gingery spiky hair.
Also a big guy with a shaved head, huge muscles and tattooed to the eyeballs.
The brunette pointed to the guy she was ranting on about and Luke looked to where she was pointing, only to see Dick sat there with a menacing look on his face.
“Well I’ll be dangled…”, he muttered watching Dick start to virtually snarl and spit.
He grabbed the tray of drinks, wondered why there wasn’t a bar maid or someone carrying the tray for him, stumbled his way back to the guys and sat down.
“You’ll never guess who be here”, he said flipping his pipe about in his lips.
Everyone at the table, and those on the other tables who happened to hear, leaned forwards and asked, ‘who’.
Luke reclined and put his hands behind his head.
“Dastardly.”
Everyone gasped, said wow, or tilted their heads in puzzlement.
Luke pointed at Dick, and the racers, after seeing him, watched him warily.
Penny and Peter were still on the dance floor grooving and jiving, making everyone feel tired just watching.
“You dance divinely”, exclaimed the besotted Peter.
Penny just giggled and told him to stop making her blush.
Suddenly the music changed and the lights grew dimmer.
Rufus sighed and put his head in his hands.
“Nooo…”, he grumbled, “Not soppy crap!”
Pat seemed to like it.
He shot Julie a glance and twitched his eyebrows a bit.
“No!”, cringed poor Julie sinking into her seat.
Max, who was still on the dance floor with Rachel, stared at her and smiled, thanking the music for changing.
Rachel, a little unsure, giggled nervously, as Max offered his hand to her so the could get closer.
She didn’t know if she should or not, but before she could even begin to dispute it, Max had drawn her in towards his chest.
Some of the guys had noticed them, but the rest were, thankfully (for Rachel anyway), watching Penny and Peter.
Dick was fuming.
His eyes blazed with hatred.
The brunette was slowly walking back over to him, but she was not alone.
Her friends were with her and intended to give poor Dick a good pounding for what he had done.
Dick swigged his drink in an irritant manner and didn’t even notice the huge guy approaching him with his hands drawn up into fists.
“What did you say to our friend!?”, he boomed.
Dick wasn’t listening.
“OI! &#@% face! You deaf?”
Dick’s attention was finally diverted, but he didn’t want to make a big thing out of it since he had other things on his mind.
The big guy advanced on him.
“OI OI! You say your sorry now!”
“Look”, said Dick trying to brush him aside so he could see Max and Rachel again, as the big lump was in the way, “I really don’t need this right now I’m a little…”
Suddenly he was interrupted.
Rachel had lifted her head from off Max’s chest and was staring rather nervously (and uncomfortably) into his eyes.
Max grabbed her face and kissed her.
Rachel squeaked in shock and hastily pulled away.
Dick growled, breaking his glass in rage.
He vaulted out of his seat and pushed the people around him to the side.
“No N-n-no no!”, said Rachel shaking her head.
“No?”, asked Max, “Why no? I thought that…”
Rachel interrupted him.
“You thought wrong.”
Max swallowed the lump that was in his throat and stepped forwards again.
By now, everyone in the club was listening.
“No!”, shouted Rachel, “Don’t… come any closer… please!”
“Bu-but Rach… I…”, he stammered as his eyes began to swell with tears.
Rachel shook her head and put her hands out to make sure he knew not to go any closer to her.
“I’m sorry Max, but… but I don’t love you. I love...”
Max tilted his head, his eyes swelling with tears.
“Who?”
Rachel swallowed hard and looked nervously at her feet.
“Dick… I love Dick!”
Max’s eyes widened.
“DICK?!”
Everyone gasped.
Dick had heard this and was taken aback.
His heart nearly leaped out his mouth.
Penny and Peter, who had stopped dancing in all the commotion, giggled with happiness.
Ryan and Julie nearly puked.
Standing up, Pat piped up.
“You can’t love that stupid piece of trash!”
Rachel shot him a nasty look.
Peter, who was hugging Penny, frowned.
“And why can’t she?”
Pat sighed and looked at the ceiling.
“You poor, simple, ignorant fool Peter… you don’t even know that he has been seeing Penny behind your back.”
Peter gasped angrily, as he let go of Penny and stepped backwards.
Penny put her hands to her mouth in shock.
She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“OH GROW UP PAT!”, she hollered, “Why in Gracious Gods name would I want to do that?”
Dick, by this point was fuming over the accusations, but so badly wanted to tell Rachel that he loved her back.
He stepped forwards into the crowd, glancing at Peter, who was having to restrain himself from killing Dick.
“Ah… here is the ‘thing’ in question now… enjoying the attention are we?”, sneered Pat folding his arms and looking down his nose.
“And how, pray tell, can you even begin to THINK that me and Penny are seeing each other behind Peter’s back… PROFESSOR!?”, exclaimed Dick putting his hand on his hips and sarcastically tilting his head, “Please! Do tell! I’m sure we ALL want to know!”
Pat frowned viciously.
“I saw you earlier”, he said, “I saw you walk into Penny’s room!”
Everyone gasped.
Rachel was so upset that she ran out crying, Julie following close behind to comfort her.
“Oh! Now look what you’ve done you asshole!”, shouted Dick noticing Rachel’s quick and teary exit.
“Good”, said Pat putting his hands on his hips, “I hope she hates you!”
Dick growled and nearly lunged for him.
Penny was trying to make things right with Peter, but she wasn’t having much luck.
“Peter! I’d NEVER do that to you, sugar! EVER! Please believe me!”
Peter just stood there, arms folded, trying to restrain himself from, not just killing Dick, but even Penny now.
He pushed her away.
“NO!”, he screamed, “HOW COULD YOU!? HOW COULD YOU FUCKING DO THIS TO ME!”
Penny, not to mention the rest of the racers, was shocked to hear Peter use such language and even see him so angry.
His usually calm and loving exterior was broken by his anger.
Pat flicked a bit of lint from off his jacket and raised his eyebrows.
“She did do it, Peter. I saw it all…”
Penny swivelled round, now fuming herself.
“Who the HELL do you think you are? Dick did enter my room earlier! Yes! He did! But, he was only there because he need someone to TALK TO!!!”
“You lie SO well…”, sighed Pat shaking his head.
Penny had really had enough of it.
She snapped and lunged at Pat with a ferocity no one had ever seen come from her before.
Pat fell to the ground and Penny started to claw at his face.
“Why don’t you get it into your BIG FAT ol’ head that I am telling the TRUTH!?”
Pat had to defend himself, as his face was being scratched to pieces and she was getting too close to his eyes for comfort.
He pushed her backwards and she flew back onto a near by table knocking all the glasses off it and splitting it in two.
Penny sat up, shook the splinters from her hair and lunged for him again.
Her nails dug into his flesh.
Rufus ran towards the two and grabbed Penny by the hair and lifted her off of Pat.
Screaming, Penny stopped what she was doing and tried to make Rufus let go.
Peter was watching and, even though he was feeling hatred for Penny at that moment, he still loved her deep down and he didn’t like what was happening at all.
Penny kicked and screamed as Rufus let go of her hair, but picked her up and held her under his arm.
“LET GO OF ME NOW! LET…GO!!!”
She sunk her teeth into his arm and Rufus dropped her, grabbing his arm in pain.
She ran back towards Pat and swiped for him again.
This time Pat was ready for her and had a piece of the splintered table in his hand.
He swung it at her hitting her across the face and knocking her to the floor unconscious.
“NO!”, shouted Peter.
He ran as fast as he could towards Penny, took one look at her and then shot a vicious look at Pat.
“You bastard…”
Pat, mopping his scratched, bloody face with his handkerchief, frowned.
“Oh! That’s funny. I thought you hated her.”
Peter growled and turned his attention back to Penny.
“Oh my god, Penny”, he whispered putting his hand under her head and lifting it up to look at her face.
She had a deep cut to her forehead and had blood dripping from her mouth.
Dick didn’t know what to do for the best… He felt that if he went to help he’d get his head bitten off and/or killed, if he left it then everyone would hate him more and if he went to see Rachel then she wouldn’t listen and again, if he left it… Well, then She’d never forgive him.
Peter softly rubbed the blood from off Penny’s bruised cheek.
He was furious and was growling in between his tears.
Dick approached Peter slowly and kneeled down by Penny’s side.
Peter was inwardly seething, but knew he had to keep it together, not only for his sake, but for Penny’s also.
Rufus Ruffcut shot Pat a dirty look and sneered in his face as he walked to the bar.
The bartender leaned forwards.
“What do you need? Towels? Water?”
Rufus shook his head.
“All of that and more by the looks of it.”
The bartender nodded.
“Call an ambulance to be sure”, said Rufus scratching at his head.
Soaking a towel with water, the bartender reached for the phone.
The racers that had stayed behind were all standing around Penny, Peter and Dick in a worried circle.
Dastardly was checking Penny to see if she was breathing and/or not dead.
“Peter”, he said quietly, “We need to get her to the hospital..”
Peter was still seething and nodded.
The two stared at each other in silence for a few seconds, until Dick piped up.
“Look… I never went with Penny behind your back… I’m not that type. I was just getting advice. I love Rachel, not Penny.”
Peter listened carefully to what Dick had to say.
He believed him for the first time since he had known him and so his face and attitude began to change.
Rufus ran over clutching towels and water.
“I made sure the bartender called an ambulance”, he exclaimed tossing a wet towel to Dick, who then set about mopping Penny with it.
Peter thanked him and turned his attention back to Penny.
She started to regain consciousness as the icy towel touched her skin.
Her glazed eyes whirled around trying to get to grips with her surroundings.
Trying to speak and failing, she gurgled at sat out a lot of blood.
“PENNY”, shouted Peter trying to keep her still, “Don’t move!”
Pat had decided to make himself scarce at that point and had dashed out the back.
Max had seen his exit and had decided to follow. He didn’t plan on letting him get away with it.
Penny’s face screwed up at the excruciating pain that was coursing through her head.
She couldn’t speak and she couldn’t see all to well.
Groaning, she flailed one of her hands weakly around and latched on to the first thing she came into contact with… Dick’s hand.
Dick was surprised at first, but held onto it tightly in return.
Peter started welling up. He just couldn’t stand all the worry and stress.
Luke and Sarge took him to one side and made sure he was ok.
The ambulance men finally came and hooked Penny up to all kinds of monitors and drips.
She still had hold of Dick’s hand as they started to wheel her away, out to the Ambulance outside.
Peter ran up to the trolley and stared at Penny’s pale face as she attempted to focus on him.
Turning his attention to Dick, he smiled through his tears.
“Thank you Dick… I’ll take it from here…”
“Sure you can handle it?”
“I’ll be fine… really… Go patch things up with Rachel.”
Dick nodded, patted him on the shoulder and then dashed hastily to his car.
All the other racers couldn’t believe what was going on and were stood there in shock not knowing what to do.
One by one, they started to leave for the hotel, wondering if Penny was going to be ok and thinking about how good Dick had been to her and Peter… Very unusual.

mrmonkeyman
03-02-2005, 05:27 PM
A wacky races fanfic.
Now I've seen everything.

Bus Driver
03-03-2005, 03:55 AM
I guess there is a first time for everything.

Dragoncurry
03-20-2005, 05:59 AM
Well, there is a major problem with your piece that kept making me stop.

After every dialogue sentence you have...."blah blah" he frowned irritably . Or "blah blah" she giggled . Or "blah blah" she sighed.

All of that is absolutely unnecessary. You don't need it. The reader should be able to figure out the mood and the tone of the character from the context. Because of this problem, I did not feel good while reading your piece.

Axel Alloy
05-08-2005, 06:58 PM
Ah well nvm ^_^ Not gonna lose much sleep over the fact that one guy on a forum doesn't enjoy it...

There are plenty more people out there that DO enjoy it...

But, thanks for taking the time to actually read it! o.o

Same for all you other people. o_O (If you did, lol.)

lenneth
05-08-2005, 07:07 PM
I think he was just trying to give you constructive criticism to better your writing. You don't have to lose sleep, but you should probably take his advice into consideration.