For the Dream
By: StarTsubasa

For the dream!
Shout out and let us know you�re there.
Tears of the Heart!
Eternity isn�t all that long.
Jump for Joy!
Remember the smiles and blaze through the darkness!

If one lies in the depths of despair,
They miss out on the love and happiness that life can give.
Only you can make the decision to live,
To shout out and live in the moment and burn brightly in the night!

For the dream!
Call out and let the world know.
Tears of the Heart!
Forever isn�t long enough.
Jump for Joy!
Remember the tears of happiness and blaze through the darkness!

For the dream!
Shout out and let us know you�re there.
Tears of the Heart!
Eternity isn�t all that long.
Jump for Joy!
Remember the smiles and blaze through the darkness!


1/20/05
Dedicated to: Dane Jensen, Eddie Williams, Ishtar, and my mother, Charlene Long. Thank you all for your love and compassion. May you be blessed in life and all that you do. � S.K.

That was good!

Really? Thanks, BS.

That was really Good

!!!!

Really? Thanks, BS.
no problem. I'm nice to everyone. Unlike certain ones......

it's nice tsu-chan

no problem. I'm nice to everyone. Unlike certain ones......

Critiquing someone's work by just saying "ITS GREAT" isn't really critiquing. Its nice, but it might be lying as well. When you post here, you should take in constructive criticisms. Most of the people who post criticisms know what they are talking about, and are trying to help. If it comes across as "mean", its tough love. You post your work on here to find out how to get BETTER. If everyone was just "nice" and said it was great, when it really wasn't, then no one would ever get better.

That sounds like a mistranslated anim� theme. It has meaning, but it's so disconnected it doesn't really make sense. It also doesn't flow. At all.

It would flow better if you balanced your lines. For example restrict yourself to 'x' number of syllables per line. This is often called 'metre'. By doing this, you create rhythm and the poem is much more enjoyable to read. If you alternate between long and short lines, your reader will have to constantly change tempo, which can become frustrating. If you find that a line is too long, simply start a new one, and do not attempt to fit everything in.
Also try to avoid repetition in poetry as it is superfluous. If your intent is to emphasise a particular word or phrase, then by all means feel free to but remember that you are writing a poem and not a song with a chorus. Instead, try to accumulate your meaning. By rephrasing your message in different words, it is emphasised subtly and does not have the grinding drone often synonymous with straightforward repetition. Shakespeare did this often.

I thought it was great! Carry on writing these and you'll be huge!

Thank you all for you constructive criticism.