aerithluva69
01-05-2005, 02:35 PM
...and I did. These are a few poems I wrote. Be aware they ramble a bit at points and one was originally a song

Figure It Out

Blind my eyes,
To what's happening,
All around me people crying,
Nightmare screams,
Destructive dreams,
Damaging drugs,
That make you better,
Crimson blood,
Shed with each letter,
Kill the people,
That improve our lives,
We're moving backwards,
They're telling you lies,
Belief is kind,
But does you no good,
But no-one knows,
'Cause no-one could.

Dream away,
And every day,
Your lifestyles fade,
And your world degrades,
Can you figure it out?

Starved

All the time,
I think that I deserve,
You,
Is the time,
I think my mind is curved,
From you,
And I think that all I ever say,
Would be "hello" and "bye",
To you,
And I wonder if ever,
You should think of me,
And maybe you don't deserve,
What you've got,
Or what you had,
And nothin' you ever had,
Is worth my love,
And if you can't,
See what I can,
Then I think,
That I don't need you,
But in all,
There's nothing in this world,
That means what you do,
To me,
And I'm starved,
Of the love I need,
From you.

The House

The dark, dank rooms,
The high walls,
The feelings of gloom,
I feel as if I can't express,
What I want to,
What I want you to know,
The doors that won't open,
The floors,
Warped and broken,
I feel as if I want to cry,
What I want to do is,
I want to smile,
The broken window paynes,
The dusty furniture,
The musty smells,
There's no way I feel,
I can tell,
What I want to do,
The blood sweat and tears,
That went into building this house,
And look at it now,
I feel so sad,
I need to cry,
Need to feel,
Need to try,
The crumbling roof,
The creaking stairs,
The faded stained walls,
This used to be so beautiful,
Now it's Just,
My mind.

Feel

I want to steal the pain,
That hangs inside of you,
It should be my pain,
Dream of life without me,
Scream, you must scream,
I can help you with your dreams,
That you feel deep inside,
Dreams of nothingness,
Dreams you can't take,
Some call them nightmares.

Help me to help you,
Dream of something real,
Dream,
Of what you can't feel,
For me,
The love inside is real.

Bloody Rivers

Bloody rivers run,
Through forests of black,
The darkness in shades of beauty,
Lacks,
The light it needs,
To thrive,
To feed,
Nothin' is wrong that I can fix,
Nothin' is right,
When you're alone so long,
Bloody rivers run,
Filling fields with red,
The sun glistening down,
On millions dead,
Flax,
The fields so golden,
Love flowing out to hide in hate,
Of you,
And nothing glistens anymore,
It never rains but it really never pours,
Something is not right in my world,
Bloody rivers run,
Through Skies of blue,
Filling fluffy Clouds,
With the crimson colours,
Sinking the hearts,
Of our joy filled brothers,
Disgusting them with all they fear,
Surprising them with everything here.




Well there you go. All criticism welcome, be brutally honest. I appreciate any feedback. =)

mrmonkeyman
01-05-2005, 03:14 PM
Rhyme rhyme rhyme, rhyme rhyme rhyme, rhyme rhyme rhyme rhyme rhyme rhyme rhyme.

aerithluva69
01-05-2005, 07:35 PM
Aint nothin' wrong with rhymin' boy, in case you hadn't noticed alot of famous poets rhyme. I have poems that don't rhyme if that's what you want, or are you just out to find something to complain about?

StarTsubasa
01-05-2005, 11:42 PM
These are pretty good poems. Thank you for sharing them with us.

mrmonkeyman
01-06-2005, 03:18 AM
Aint nothin' wrong with rhymin' boy, in case you hadn't noticed alot of famous poets rhyme. I have poems that don't rhyme if that's what you want, or are you just out to find something to complain about?
Coincidentally, they do it well. As opposed to just fishing for rhymes with whatever word you've got that sounds okay.

aerithluva69
01-06-2005, 12:20 PM
My apologies mrmonkey man I may have said some bad things to you in other threads you just seem to say negative things alot.

Pat
01-06-2005, 05:06 PM
Well there you go. All criticism welcome, be brutally honest. I appreciate any feedback. =)
apparently this was not true!

Final_Fantasy_Freak88
01-07-2005, 11:29 AM
Those are pretty good!

aerithluva69
01-07-2005, 06:15 PM
It is true,I do appreciate criticism, I'd just seen alot of negative stuff in different places from MMM, I got a little ticked off but if you read the post I put after I APOLOGISED.

Lethe
01-11-2005, 11:16 AM
i like the one starved, well in general all those poems describe simple feelings in simple words, but it is good for a start, you just need to polish the words, that's all, the topics of the poem can't be changed because poetry is more like a description of our feelings, and that is unique in all of us, like the genetic code.

au revoir.