Bus Driver
12-20-2004, 04:11 AM
It all began as lovers and friends
We met at the time of the peak of my sins
When we met I never knew what it meant
I couldn't even begin to understand the complicated messages that you sent

I wish you could say what you mean and mean what you say
I'm at the point in my life where there's little time to play
I watched our relationship collapse firsthand
But in the end I walked away knowing what it takes to be a man

I thought it was over but you ended up back in my life
I wanted to be with you even if it wasn't right
But after it was all said and done you were there
After all the mess you were the only one left who would care

We had a misinterpretation and we both felt betrayed
Now we're hesistant to trust the words either of us say
But now that you're back you stay on my mind
I'm at the point I want to tell you my feelings and cross the line

So please tell me where do I go from here
I know we have our troubles but we can't run from fear
Please tell me that we have atleast one good reason
That we can move on and no longer have to feel treason

I wish I could pick you up from your problems but I don't have that ability
You know I would but in truth I lack the capability
All I know is when I hold you in my arms
I forget all my troubles and all of life's harms

I know you want to escape your dire situation
The things you need aren't met by you current occupation
But if we can face the truth my touch will be as light as a feather
If we can't be happy alone we might as well be miserable together

At times we didn't always see eye to eye
But remember I was there the only time you had to cry
So I beggin' you please tell me again
That this time it won't have to end

This time I know I can no longer avoid
In my darkest times you were the only one who could fill the void
After all I built collapsed and everyone walked away
You were the only who stayed

So this time I promise I won't let another one get away without knowing how I feel
And I'm ready to face the facts even if you steal
My lonely heart one more time
So I'm asking you to give some meaning to the rhyme

I even know you may read this and laugh in my face
But regardless of the outcome I'll remain in the same place
Every single thing about us might be a move in the wrong direction
But I have nowhere else to go and I'm looking for a blessing

So what I know and how I feel is no longer a factor of fear
And these thoughts and feelings is something you will know before the end of the year

grn apple tree
12-20-2004, 11:39 PM
Nice poem. Post some more if you'd like to.

mrmonkeyman
12-23-2004, 02:49 AM
Meant and sent? Feel and steal?
You are struggling to find rhymes. Why do you have to use them? Why even bother? Why not write another one of those prosaic things you were doing that weren't that bad?


I know you want to escape your dire situation
The things you need aren't met by you current occupation
But if we can face the truth my touch will be as light as a feather
If we can't be happy alone we might as well be miserable together
That's awful. I'm sorryt, but it just is. It's painful to read. You're making the meaning after the rhymes are down, so you're essentially creating a very hollow, boring poem.

I'm not being quite as mean, as you've shown promise in the past, but GOOD GOD.

Trajet
12-23-2004, 07:11 AM
I'll have to agree wit mrmonkeyman here.

Your blatant use of rhyme ruins this entire poem. It is painfully clear that you wanted only rhymes.

Here and Fear? Reason and Treason? Arms and Harms?

This poem is total chaos and it is filled with unneeded and unwanted rhyme. I haven't had the chance to read your other work, but I hope it is not like this one.

Bus Driver
12-24-2004, 03:30 AM
Yeah, I can admit to some of that. I was about half drunk when I wrote this and I had a problem (go figure) so I pretty much wrote what came to mind.

Although some of the rhymes do apply to the actual situation, I do like to tell it how it is, there is only so much you can make rhyme. You could say I'm still learning my style, so bear with me.

Final_Fantasy_Freak88
01-03-2005, 09:00 AM
That's a great poem.